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Thread: Talking to HR

  1. #1
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    Talking to HR

    I got up a few weeks ago on Monday & started getting ready for work and decided to do my hair and makeup and wear a skirt to work. Having gone to nearly fulltime crossdressing in my personal life, I have been gradually transitioning to presenting as a woman at the office: my hair is in a very cute and girly blonde bob, and I've been wearing makeup some days and my nails are polished most of the time. I've been wearing a lot of women's tops with cardigans plus ankle pants or leggings or capris, with flats. (There have been zero responses from co-workers, other than a couple of double-takes.) But I hadn't planned to make the full transition on that day, I just kind of woke up and said "I'm going to do it."
    Well, I ended up changing out of the skirt , but I did curl my hair and wear makeup, and I decided to call HR and have the conversation about transitioning. I work for a very large and very progressive global corporation and I knew slightly our HR rep. I was confident she would be helpful and professional.
    I emailed her and she replied quickly and we ended up talking the next day. This conversation was confidential.
    I explained my situation, letting her know that I was already wearing mostly women's clothes to the office, and I was thinking of moving to skirts and dresses. She was very kind and gracious and asked some really good questions ("What sorts of responses have you experienced in your personal life, dressing as a woman?" and "How would you like your colleagues to respond? What would be the ideal reaction, for you?")
    And, as I expected, she basically said "How can we support you through this transition?"
    We talked for a half-hour or so and she said "I will come up with a plan and get back to you." The plan consisted of speaking to my 2 immediate supervisors, plus the person who runs the small office where I work, plus our overall department head, just to let them know what was going to happen and where to go if they had questions. I came out of that conversation thinking "Yes! I'm ready to do this!"
    She sent me an email a few days later reviewing our conversation and laying out the plan. I took a couple of days to think about it, and I ended up deciding to hold off, for now.
    Partly this is because I am pretty happy with where I am, in terms of gender ID at the workplace. I've been shopping for some more business-casual women's wear and have found some really cute outfits that are clearly feminine without being dresses.
    And partly this is because the world has gone crazy since then. This was actually before the pandemic really struck, but oil prices had plummeted (we do energy research and analysis) and I am a manager of a small team, and we need all hands on deck. It didn't feel like the right time to raise my hand and say "I'm going to start wearing dresses to work!", if you see what I mean.
    Still, I'm very glad I had the conversation, & got the information, and I feel really good that 6 or 12 months down the line, if I decide to make that move, the option is there.
    Thanks for reading!

  2. #2
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    You?ve handled yourself well throughout. And given the volatility of the moment...are being prudent.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  3. #3
    Danielle cdinmd206's Avatar
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    Way to go girl. When the time comes I hope everyone will treat you with respect.

  4. #4
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    It's nice to hear that times have changed and there are corporations that have knowledgeable people in management that are willing to help people like you. All the best to you in the future.
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  5. #5
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    Smart move to put it off.

  6. #6
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    That is great, but remember conversations with your company's HR are NOT confidential. Jobs are also going to become very hard to find in the near future. Be careful.

  7. #7
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    You sound like you have a good understanding of your situation. Looks like the company is on board for whatever your plans are. Good luck

  8. #8
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    Great move on your part Tracy. Sounds like the company will support you. I think you'll have gain respect from them by holding off, showing that it's not all about you.

  9. #9
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Tracy,

    Good to hear your company is so accommodating and the HR rep is being thorough in her response. Just one thought, have you let her know, simply out of professional courtesy that you're delaying you move and the reasoning behind it?
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  10. #10
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    [QUOTE=Helen_Highwater;4437529]Tracy,

    Good to hear your company is so accommodating and the HR rep is being thorough in her response. Just one thought, have you let her know, simply out of professional courtesy that you're delaying you move and the reasoning behind it

    Yes -- I emailed her a few days later and told her thanks and I am holding off for now, and yes I explained my reasons. She replied saying "I am here whenever you want to restart this process."

    I forgot to mention that she also referred me to the company's LGBTQ resource group, which I've joined. and the company's confidential counseling service, "just if you want to talk this through with a counselor." I have a therapist so haven't followed up with the co. person.
    Last edited by TracyT; 03-28-2020 at 12:46 PM.

  11. #11
    Member Brenda Freeman's Avatar
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    Sounds like the company is there for you. That is wonderful Tracy. It is wonderful to read about positive experiences. I look forward to any updates you offer when you move forward. Oh to wear a skirt or dress to work and just be yourself. Love the thought. So happy for you.

  12. #12
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    Good for you, Tracy! I think your situation is being handled perfectly by everyone involved, including yourself. You don't have to jump into anything just because you've made the way clear to do so. But I know that everything feels better just knowing you have the freedom to exercise your choice whenever you decide. Best of luck going forward.

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