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Thread: Relationship with your wife or girlfriend

  1. #1
    New Member crobeson96's Avatar
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    Relationship with your wife or girlfriend

    I've just watched some lovely videos on youtube by a crossdresser who spoke of coming out to her wife. She reports that the wife was understanding and accepting which sounds wonderful. What she didn't share was how her relationship with her wife informs or enhances her dressing. She did share that they go out together shopping and have a great time together.
    My question to the forum is how do you feel your experience crossdressing is better because of your significant other?

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member
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    Welcome to the Mine Field!

    It's great that the video you referenced had a happy ending. However; it isn't always that easy or simple.

    There have been numerous threads on here covering just that topic.

    Do a search and see how they turned out. You'll have answers all over the spectrum and everything in between.

    Good Luck

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Every so often she will buy me something. My recent gifts have been panties, a top and a nightgown. She used to get a kick out of snapping my bra strap. Lots of little things to say I love you.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Crobeson,
    my wife accepts my dressing and trusts me not to embarrass her in public. I dress at home and often under-dress when I go out. My wife will occasionally comment on an outfit if she thinks it does not suit me - but generally lets me do as I please. The only limits are the ones I impose on myself.
    luv J

  5. #5
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Not having to dress in secret is big stress reliever and ensures I am stil! trusted - shopping together and dining out dressed are bonuses. An occasional compliment on an outfit is nice too.

  6. #6
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Better? Absolutely! In the early years, her help, talks, advice, demonstrations, comments, suggestions, etc. were so valuable. We both share a good sense of humor. She hates underwires...I love them. She hates hosiery...I love and wear hose. Our only frustration is going out. We live in a small, gossipy, nosey town. Being outed would be a social and economical disaster. I often dress underneath. We?ve gone out to nearby malls, restaurants and movies, but are not totally at ease. Yes, I realize how fortunate I am and treasure her.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I feel like I cannot say it is better or worse because of my wife. She has limits I would not have without her. But her tolerance / acceptance is so great.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Dressing up's Avatar
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    My marriage ended 7 years ago. I have had 2 GF since then. The first lasted 2 years the second lasted 2 1/2 years. Both were very accepting of my dressing, my only limits were self imposed, I did not dress in front of either of their kids. I am not very out either, just a few close friends.
    Anyway, my dressing certainly matured with their help. The first GF taught me a lot about skin care and eyeliner. I still do my eyes with the techniques she showed me. We did not go out much since she had 4 kids at home and I had 3 at home back then. She also got me into pajamas rather than nighties. Much better in the cold winter.
    The second was great at critiquing how to blend in. Not that I can really pass, but I do like to look like the other women in the venue we might go to. She also got me into higher end makeup like MAC, there is a reason it costs more than the drug store makeup. We often went out to restaurants, live music, movies. I really enjoyed that and it has made me much confident in incorporating a more feminine attire in general going forward. Unfortunately, both those relationships had significant problems unrelated to CD. Overall, I am better off by myself for at least a while, but I do miss having a GG to guide me. I would love to find a GG friend that would let me be me, they do have a significant head start in the "getting pretty" journey.

  9. #9
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    My cross dressing was a major contributing factor in the end of a sixteen year long marriage.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  10. #10
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I count myself as one of the lucky ones.
    When I came out to my wife there were many talks, lots of tears and weeks of unknowns. She eventually joined the forum in the women's area and from that and our messages here she learned a lot about this and about me. We found a support group and began going to meetings and met so many wonderful people who helped both of us. They helped me blossom and her to understand.
    She is fully accepting and we go out together everywhere.
    She provides critiques on clothing choices, hair styles and everything else. As a matter of fact since we are staying home yesterday was one of those days. I think I changed wigs 7 times and don't remember how many outfits. We talked about the looks and her advice, as always, was helpful and welcome.
    It's actually brought us much closer as now I share ALL of me with her where before this part was hidden from her and I would take time from her to dress. Time that I could have spent with her which is how it should be and now is.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member
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    My wife has been very supportive, and for that I am always very grateful towards her and her open mindedness.

    Before coming out to her, I had to dress in secret. It sucked because I could not dress to relax, I dressed because I wanted to but every little noise would make me paranoid that she was coming home. I was afraid of being caught, so I dressed bare minimum just in case I had to make a quick change.

    Being in the open, I can take my dressing to the next level. I don't have to hide Wendy's clothes, I don't have to fear about Wendy's clothes being found when I am not home. I can now hone my make up skills, and dress to relax, and make a whole day of it. I would say my experience has been very positive and supportive since coming out. If she is not at home, I don't have to be paranoid about little noises worrying about being caught.

  12. #12
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    I have a very good relationship with an accepting wife. We have agreed upon boundaries that I can comfortably live within. Having said that, I must say that I did go through pendulum swings in the early days which didn't help me. Now that I have found my equilibrium things are very good for the both of us. I don't go out outwardly dressed, wear make up, wig, or attempt to look like a woman. I do under dress always, wear skirts and hosiery a lot around the house. We have bought clothing together and she has helped on many occasions in my purchases.

    One thing I have learned is to not look better in something than she would. Women fret over every little thing. I have nicer looking legs than her, and it can bug her sometimes. It can annoy her that heels don't bother me and way they can bother her feet, so she never wears heels. So, now you can see why it may be easier to steer clear of somethings, in my case make up, jewelry, and wigs. If compromise keeps the peace, then keep the peace.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  13. #13
    Junior Member Jennifer Slater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    My cross dressing was a major contributing factor in the end of a sixteen year long marriage.
    I am very sorry to read this

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Michelle Crossfire's Avatar
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    I have mentioned a few times on here. My wife is supportive and somewhat participatory. She is my fashion advisor and consultant. She compliments me when I put a nice outfit together. We talk about it from time to time, have even gone out with others. She still wants her husband most of the time, which is the only real "boundary" that exists other than she won't go out with me local. Her input is invaluable. I think it makes our relationship better as there is no secrecy. She seems to understand why I do it. I am a lucky one, no doubt.
    Call me Michelle

  15. #15
    Member Lea's Avatar
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    My wife was supportive for 15 years. Then all of a sudden she does not want to see it.
    All other factors remained the same so I do not know why the change.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    I feel that, even though minuscule, I can relate more when I feel I?m a few( or more ) pounds over my desired weight. Or my makeup sucks, or my hair is not just right, or I can?t choose an out fit, or just have the unexplainable blues. You see, it?s only part time for me, and it?s been a lifetime for her. It seems women are so harsh on themselves because they think the world is always judging. ( it is isn?t it). I do tend to have a bit of natural fashion sense at times and she asks my my opinions of clothes online often. I go with my gut and decide on a dime. She?s tried helping with a skin routine and she understands that although to most it may seem I?m checking other women out, it?s really there clothes...or their mannerisms or shape.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  17. #17
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    While my wife is accepting and supportive, although I'm beginning to have my doubts, she is certainly not encouraging nor does she contribute to my cause. Needless to say my crossdressing is the elephant in the room and I walk on eggshells about it around her.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  18. #18
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    My wife was very under standing, but we had some rules.
    No dressing out of the house, as to embarrass her. I am very well known in the area.
    I could even wear a bra around the house, under dress was OK.
    She has passed away some 7 years ago, but I still honer her wishes.
    I dress all the time when I am at home.
    Rader

  19. #19
    Member Kiwi Primrose's Avatar
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    I didn't need to come out to my wife. She has been beside me since we met at school. She helped me find underwear when I said I hated male jockeys and boxers. I helped her by modelling when she was dressmaking.
    Nothing has changed in over 60 years of marriage.

  20. #20
    New Member Cacique82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiwi Primrose View Post
    Nothing has changed in over 60 years of marriage.
    That?s fantastic, congrats!!

    Married nearly 11 years only coming out three years ago, she has been very supportive. When I told her it was something I have to do because it feels right I knew that was a huge thing for her to take. She fully accepted and even downplayed it ?wear what you want?- I think she already kinda knew. I couldn?t believe what I was hearing. It?s been wonderful. Surprisingly we haven?t been shopping together, this is still something I would like to do.

  21. #21
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    My wife and I traveled the crossdresser typical path of, I have this secret desire and I believe I can keep it hid, to she may suspect, to she finds out, to we talk, DADT for several years with no discussing "IT" to having the real "BIG TALK" which was very hard and emotional to land where we are now which is having my desire to dress very much more out in the open between is, my cloths in the house.

    My wife and I shop together we discuss fashion and share ideas about what we like. My wife buys me panties and bras if she thinks she has found a great find and will take me to look at other Teri finds. I consider myself very lucky and I take nothing for granted in our relationship.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  22. #22
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    My wife has known about my dressing since before we moved in together. She has been supportive and has bought me clothes and jewelry. Over the years she has borrowed some of my things. She goes shopping with me and goes out when I'm dressed.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  23. #23
    Member DianeT's Avatar
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    I came out to my wife a few months ago after a lifetime in the closet.
    The fact that my wife knows may require me to adjust my CDing to what she's comfortable with. This may translate in stopping wearing specific items. She's not asking for anything like that because she loves me and doesn't want to frustrate me or make me unhappy, but it doesn't sound fair that she should be the only one adjusting to a situation that is of my own making, and finding a comfort zone that is compatible with my needs seems to be the only way to make the best of this new situation and possibly find happiness again together.
    Last edited by DianeT; 04-01-2020 at 07:45 AM. Reason: Early send

  24. #24
    Crossdresser-At-Large BillieAnneJean's Avatar
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    EVERYTHING in my life is better because of my SO. She is my favorite person in the whole world.

    But I prefer to separate CDing from couple time. I really enjoy being with her and I would rather be able to hold her hand when in public. It would be too weird for me to do that dressed. I enjoy the traditional couple relationship. We are really close.

    She has gone out with me a few times. There has never been a problem. But then I am dressed as a woman and when I see her I want to hug her and hold her hand and miss that.

    Kept separate has worked for us.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crobeson96 View Post
    My question to the forum is how do you feel your experience crossdressing is better because of your significant other?
    My wife knows that I CD, and she doesn't like it at. She doesn't want to see me dressed, see pictures of me dressed or see Steffi's clothes. As you can expect, we don't shop together for Steffi.

    But that's almost the best part; I can shop and pick out clothes that I like, not what she likes or what she would like on me.

    She also moved herself into the spare bedroom about 8 years ago. Since I sleep alone, I often wear a bra and forms to bed. It's wonderful waking up with breasts.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

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