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Thread: All they need is a consent letter signed

  1. #1
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    All they need is a consent letter signed

    Well once I get the consent form and send it back I stay will send a script over to my local rite aid. To say I'm scared it's an understatement
    But there's a part of me that's excited. In these uncertain times maybe finally I can be true to myself. A bunch of people know I enjoy crossdressing but transitioning to become a woman full time I will be keeping an eye on the DL for a while till I decide to live full-time as a woman. I can't believe I'm about to do this
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    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 04-02-2020 at 05:39 AM. Reason: Dosages can not be discussed.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Hi, Denise! Are you seeing an endo or a counselor? If you are not then I would and am scared(for you!) Levels must be checked, Etc. You sound somewhat unsure but going ahead anyway! The counselor can help ask the right questions for this! Be SURE you are ready! If you are doing all of this then hang on for a wonderful ride! At least for me it is! LOL Just please do it right! Then enjoy to the max!! Elbow Bump Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  3. #3
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    way to go

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    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Congrads and please keep us up to date. I am 6-8 months behind you in a similar treatment.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  5. #5
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    You know I sit back and I'm thinking about what's to come. How my family and friends that I supposedly have will react when I start living full-time as a woman. I can't wait to start back up on electrolysis and laser. I have all kinds of emotions running inside me right now. Nobody said it was going to be easy but I hope a year from now I look back and say I did what I had to do and I have no regrets..

  6. #6
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    I remember being at that spot. Full of hopes, and doubts, and questions, and fears. So glad I was brave. For you, my wish is continued bravery to do what is coming. It is so worth it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    Nadine, thank you for the positive words and support. I guess time will tell. It's not like I'm going to start the hormones and start living as a woman full time. When I feel comfortable and everything goes well that's when I will go full time. I can't get my hopes up cuz maybe I will have health issues that'll stop me from staying on them so we'll wait and see.
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    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Denise, I start almost 2 years ago HRT (more exactly this April 30th will be 2 years). I didn't plan to go full time, I was dressing just when doctor appointments, some weekends when out with wife and some weekdays I could do shopping, for around 9 months. At the same time I start driving for Uber. One day, after the biweekly therapist appointment, I decide to keep driving for Uber the rest of the day dressed. It was an amazing experience. To be in touch with a lot of strangers, every day as I was meant to be was very liberating. More days keep passing with every day adventures, new experiences and gaining more confidence. That was a bit more than a year ago. Today I have no fears at all. All doubts have dissipated and my family is getting used to meet Devi anytime they need me I am there. I was worried about neighbors, people that knew me in male mode in the supermarket, Costco, etc. At the beginning I used to meet people and give explanations but one day a woman rider told me, Devi, you don't know going excusing yourself with everybody and explaining yourself.
    I cherish those days and I will keep them in my memory, tons of anecdotes, mostly nice and happy experiences. Today I see my life back and it sounds so nonsense that would be impossible to go back and live as a man.

    I didn't planned. I didn't wait things were all well and I could feel more comfortable. The only way to feel comfortable is stop doing what makes us feel uncomfortable.

    mho.

    Devi






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    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 04-03-2020 at 07:02 PM. Reason: Corrected an obvious typo that changed meaning.
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

  9. #9
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeniseNJ View Post
    When I feel comfortable and everything goes well that's when I will go full time. I can't get my hopes up cuz maybe I will have health issues that'll stop me from staying on them so we'll wait and see.
    For me it was the increasing discomfort of pretending I was a guy that made transition the only option for me. When it was too difficult to continue I transitioned, in one day, burned the ships, no going back. As Devi said, there is nothing so liberating. When it is right and necessary you will know.
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 04-03-2020 at 07:44 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    Thank you for your insight and viewpoints. YouTwo girls got it together. I hope to be as strong, brave and have the will as you two have . Yes what you say makes a lot of sense. I always question myself will I make a good woman, I want to be convincing before I do. Being Denise gets easier and easier for me. And she does calm me down. Thank you I guess I'll will know when I know.

  11. #11
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Denise, It is not so much about convincing others. It is everything about acknowledging yourself, the real you, whatever and whoever that is.

  12. #12
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    I say to myself, the better you pass the less hassle one will have living as a woman. I know I will fell better living as a woman. I just have to convince myself.maybe the meds will help me decide sooner than later. going to the post office first thing in the morning to see if the letter came in. I will sign it and send it back.

  13. #13
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    I hear that one needs at least a YEAR of psychological counseling before even thinking about transitioning. Lotsa various reasons. Is it really TS or simply a strong CD drive that may be confused with TS?, or other psychological identity or escapist issues?, etc. etc. Lots of transitioned people are prone to suicide---especially if they find out TOO LATE that they were not really TS at all. ---just saying "play it safe", The mind can play tricks on us in ways we may have never considered.

  14. #14
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    Marina, it's nice here in another viewpoint. I already started laser and electrolysis but it's on hold right now. I'll be 62 soon so I need to start somewhere. My life sucks as it is and my divorce is going nowhere. Yes I want to continue with counseling. I'm sure that helps..

  15. #15
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeniseNJ View Post
    It's not like I'm going to start the hormones and start living as a woman full time.
    I had no intentions whatsoever of transitioning. I thought I would just try to change my hormones. My hope was that it would make me feel okay inside and I would not have to change anything else in my life. That was my hope. I never realized that changing my hormones would put me into a position where I would actually want to transition. A year or so after I had changed my hormones I legally changed my name and gender and chose to fully transition because I wanted to by that point, not because I had to.



    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTwelve200 View Post
    Lots of transitioned people are prone to suicide---especially if they find out TOO LATE that they were not really TS at all. ---
    I'd like some evidence for this statement, because to me it sounds inaccurate. Here is what I have found, in terms of being transgender and suicide. That transgender people (which includes the entire gamut of identities - TS, CD, TV, AFAB, AMAB, etc) the lifetime attempted suicide rates run from 42% to 58%. The higher end is for AFAB humans. About half of all trans people will actually attempt suicide in their lifetimes, not just think about it, but actually try and follow through with it. The only things that reduce the rate of suicide among trans people are 1. transitioning and 2. acceptance from those in the trans person's life. Transitioning helps tremendously but the really important factor is the acceptance from others. That is the factor that makes the biggest difference and can normalize the suicide rate to that of societal average of around 4%.

    Personally the only place I have ever heard that people need to be careful to NOT transition are these boards. Despite the accepting nature of these boards there is often lots of fears that are tossed around here. With the biggest fear being, don't transition unless you absolutely have to. To the point that some here have said don't transition until you are at the point of actually trying to kill yourself. The really sad thing about that is that when some people try to kill themselves they might actually succeed. Those numbers 42%-58% include people who were successful in their attempts. We need a society that helps transgender people and not a culture that encourages people to be suicidal before they take action.
    Last edited by Nadine Spirit; 04-04-2020 at 07:17 PM.

  16. #16
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    This is why I posted this to get a little discussion going. Everybody is going to have different opinions and views . It's up to the person reading them to weigh them out. I do appreciate people taking time to put their opinions on this post. As for me enjoying crossdressing I never wanted to admit to myself that I was transgender, it sounded better saying I was just having fun. My fun led to me being calm and happy. Everyday I add a little bit more femininity to myself. Deep down inside I kind of know where the path is going to end, I'm just scared.

  17. #17
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    Oh boy I just signed a letter about an hour ago and mailed it back. I meant to say oh girl. I don't know but seems like my Friday I might be taking my first pills and I will Mark that day on the counter as Denise's birthday.I'm filled with anxiety and have Goosebumps just thinking about what's going to happen in the next few months..

  18. #18
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Congratulations Denise. It is a big decision. You will probably start getting some sensations in a couple of weeks in your breasts. Actual breast growth may take a while depending on how your body reacts. I am on transdermal patches because they put less wear and tear on the liver. Good luck and enjoy the ride!

    PS: Remember the date. I put on my first patch on my Birthday!

  19. #19
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Im super happy for you.

    My simple advice. Let it all play out and take it as it comes.

    It's probably true that AS OF RIGHT THIS MINUTE, you may want to transition, or expect to transition, or think you need to...

    but you really have no idea how you will feel, what you will learn etc etc etc in the next couple months or year.

    If your resolves fades, or you feel confusion doubt or stress, thats expected and part of growing into whatever this is gonna be for you.
    thats not a reflection on you.. the goal is to feel good about your life.

    Take care of your health like you are doing and with HRT . Kudos!
    I am real

  20. #20
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    . I'm excited but also scared at the same .time.. I'd like the advice let it play out. Hey if after a couple months or so I say I guess I'm not going to transition I could just stop. But I feel so much better as a woman.and for me it comes easy to look female from the opinions I get. And if I see mental changes and some physical changes for the better I might continue. There's a possibility I might start hormones by Friday.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeri Ann View Post
    For me it was the increasing discomfort of pretending I was a guy that made transition the only option for me.
    I had always made up a tally of pros and cons with respect to transition (financial, family losses, rejection, etc.). And of course the cons always out-tallied the pros. Then I had a revelation similar to yours while on retreat at a monastery. Being trans isn't an accounting exercise. It's a matter of respecting the truth, respecting YOURSELF and what you are. Not transitioning was denying who I was, and essentially, rejecting myself. I firmly believe you have to love yourself to be able to love others in a healthy manner. So I took the plunge and one day soon after I got home from the monastery, I blurted out to my wife that I was going to transition. Within less than two weeks I was on HRT. I had obtained my letter a few months previously and was on a waiting list for the endocrinologist, and by coincidence, exactly one week after coming out to my wife, the endo clinic called to say they had a cancellation. I jumped on it!

    Then the most amazing thing happened. All those cons on my accounting list melted away one-by-one, except for losing my wife. My eldest son... complete acceptance and support. My middle son... a bit more reserved but we still talk. My transitioning daughter... goes without saying. *All* my friends, male and female... all accepting and supporting. My very conservative faith community: acceptance from three key clergymen.

    So my list wasn't even accurate to begin with. While at the abbey I read a story from my favourite news source about a woman my age who transitioned: "it's always worse in your head than in reality".

    Denise you said "I say to myself, the better you pass the less hassle one will have living as a woman." I consoled myself with this by observing "nature". I'm your age. I noticed that the line between an ugly 61 y.o. man and an ugly 61 y.o. woman, is pretty blurry. I'll never be a beauty queen, but suffices that I blend and that I can do.

    That said, I do believe in the WPATH approach. If you look at their stats the satisfaction rate from transition is pretty high. I'm also meditative by nature and appreciate having the time to absorb and assimilate each change down the transition path. I'm in fact starting to appreciate this COVID confinement because of the time for reflection that it affords. So far it is confirming my need to push ahead, but now I do so with more assurance.

  22. #22
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    Denise,

    Your concerns resonate with me. The desire to know this is the right thing, the best choice, the single path that will make everything better is a wonderful dream. But you know, regardless of what we do it's still us living and sharing life and life is unpredictable. What choices you make should be somethings that make you stronger, happier and more stable. All of that will make it more likely you will accept the positive and handle the negative. All that being said, it's times like this that I feel like a total fraud, offering this advice and then comparing it to where I am at this moment.

    I've been very deliberate in this process, following each option to the end, doing my research and partly because of that extended effort I started my transition a few months after I turned 69. I looked to each six-month appointment with the endo as a chance to come to a full stop if things (i.e., my mind) weren't working out. I'm just past the 18 month mark and I'm not yet living full time as a woman. I'm out to the vast majority of my family and closest core of friends and both medical systems that provide most of my treatment. So far everyone is either on my side or disguising concerns extremely well. And this isn't based on how I look but on their desire to see me happy and fulfilled and honest at long last. Currently, this forced isolation has done more to increase my sense of need to finish the job than almost anything else I've done so far. At the same time it's managed to close down several of my options medically and legally. For instance I can't even get fingerprints for the background check to start a name and gender change. So the same kind of frustration I felt when I was totally in the closet has returned, reminding me of how much I hated that complex of feelings.

    Given my age, the times we are in and the resources that need to go to fight the coronavirus pandemic and the time before a vaccine is available, I may never see a surgeon. Like JeanTG, it's giving me a chance to put things in perspective. I just need to remember the major change isn't with cut and fill and re-purpose or in the adjustments of hormones, although they have really, really made a difference, but it needs to happen between our ears and in our heart. Good luck.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  23. #23
    Senior Member missjoann49's Avatar
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    Congrats and take one step at a time
    Everything takes time, follow your Dr's advice and turn to your friends and family
    Best wishes to you on your journey

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