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Thread: Busted this morning : (

  1. #1
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Busted this morning : (

    Good grief i can do the.dumbest of things sometimes when it comes to dressing. I have not been busted with any female clothing since around New Year?s Eve 2017. Anyhow being cooped up, I just had to keep pushing things to the edge and got busted this morning wearing pantyhose and very short white women?s shorts. Also had on breast forms and clinging grey shirt. She normally does not wake up until after 9 but I forgot she was going shopping early. There will be hell to pay for sure. She probably will not say a word to me for at least a week. Maybe longer this time. I don?t know. Maybe I wanted to get caught in a subliminal way to shut it down for a while. It is so frustrating for me as it feels like an addiction and it controls me more so than the other way around. Then after getting caught I go into a depressed state for a while. Sometimes purging things.

    I am not looking for any sympathy really, as this was my own stupidity. Try not to follow in my footsteps if you have a zero tolerance wife like I have.

    I feel like crying though for what I have done today.

    : (

    Sandi

  2. #2
    Reality Check
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    I'm assuming "she" is your wife?

    If you're living with someone in the same house and prancing around in women's clothes while that person is in the same house, there's little chance that you won't get caught at some point. Probably sooner, not later.

    Your wife knows that you like to wear women's clothes so it's time to sit down with her and talk about it. Come up with some sort of agreement and then stick to it.
    Krisi

  3. #3
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    So you aren't allowed to be happy and content or have a hobby?
    I'll bet your wife does whatever she wants to do so why can't you?
    Last edited by Di; 04-07-2020 at 02:46 PM.

  4. #4
    Member Read only MiniRock's Avatar
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    I tried that Tracii. And I haven't seen my children since 2008 as a result.

  5. #5
    Banned Read only Vicky_Scot's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that Mini X

  6. #6
    Junior Member Jacke's Avatar
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    Sandi - so sorry to hear about this. Strange how something can seem so reasonable to one partner yet be so unreasonable to another. Perhaps some day she will be a bit more compassionate and allow you to express yourself. I remember what keeping it in can do to you. I do not think you wanted to get caught, but as you said, you were pushing things. This lockdown has us all living on the edge. You are not alone.

  7. #7
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    First: Don't purge!

  8. #8
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Ouch it is going to be bad this time. She just got home from the grocery store and the only thing she said is ?get out of my way?. She looks really mad. After 35 years of marriage I understand her quite well. There is no discussion regarding dressing. I could try to force the situation and just do it anyhow, but I know it would land me in a divorce. I really do not want that either. So I just try to find some sort of balance and I just fell off and hit my head so to speak.

    I know some people have a hard time understanding why some of us tolerate getting beat up over it, but I connect well with her on other levels, and we have our kids who are grown now. Plus I do like her companionship - at least when she is not mad. It would be nice to have a tolerant spouse like some people have. I can only imagine.

    Sandi

  9. #9
    Banned Read only Vicky_Scot's Avatar
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    Sorry Sandi but if I was in your position I would have been gone long ago.

    You are only here once and to have lived 35 years living in a relationship where you are
    not allowed to do something you enjoy and basically being treated the way she treat you
    is not a relationship, its a dictatorship. X

  10. #10
    Carpe Diem Jackiefl's Avatar
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    Sounds like your wife gets to wear the pants, you should be able to wear the �� dresses.

  11. #11
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    I looked at your pictorial posting of your recent trips. You looked nice. Did your wife know of your exploits? Or was it well hidden? If you have been married for 35 years you probably know the tolerance level of your wife for your cross dressing. She may have seen your presentation as an affront to her non-acceptance. A sort of push it in her face attitude. I truly understand "why some of us tolerate being beat up over it." I will not disagree there may have been some element of wanting to get caught to start a conversation or at least clear the air. For those not in a hostile situation you may not understand sometimes a "conversation" may be welcomed in order to break the isolation. My wife and I have an understanding. She has no interest in my cross dressing. Her reaction way back in 1983 was she was not interested, but, if I wanted to join a support group, it was alright with her. Except for the fact she recently had a total knee replacement, because she does not drive, she takes public transportation. If she is out for the day she is in the habit of calling to let me know she is on the way home and is taking a particular bus. I think she does that to let me know, if I am engage in cross dressing activity, that I'll know when her key will hit the front door. She may think I use those opportunities to be en femme to some extent, but, with rare exception I am just doing other things. Most of the time I end up driving to the bus stop to pick her up. I read many times on this forum instances of almost needling a non-accepting wife by doing body modifications; shaving body hair, painting toenails, etc. I think that may be perceived by a wife to be a subtle way to violate DADT. If I were to ask your wife what goes through her mind in these situations I may get the response that she is walking around on egg shells. Can she freely move around the house without the prospect of encountering you somewhat en femme? In some respects a non-accepting spouse also becomes a prisoner of the husband's secret.

    Personally, I do not think I could endure the hostility. Being given the cold shoulder is hostility. When I was growing up, whenever my brother and I ran afoul of our mother, she went into the silent treatment for days on end. One reason I ended up hating her.

  12. #12
    Junior Member Meeshell's Avatar
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    Sandi,
    I'm so sad for you. I know very well how you feel. Oddly enough, my wife was somewhat accepting until I had "the talk" with her. Now things are much worse. I think she is a little more passive aggressive about it than your wife maybe, but the pain is so real, and the depression and urge to purge are so familiar. I, too, have a wonderful relationship, otherwise, with my wife and family that would be devastating to lose, so I live on hope that someday I can find balance between the desires and repercussions. I think we've made some progress, but sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back.

    I so wish I had someone to give me a hug at times like your going through. I wish I could be there to give a hug and maybe help you feel like your not so alone.

    Big Hugs
    Meeshell
    I'm not a woman trapped in a man's body.
    "not that there's anything wrong with that"-George Costanza
    I just feel pretty in pink

  13. #13
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Thanks all. It seems many of you have a really good understanding of my situation.

    For Stephanie. To answer your question. No she has never caught me in full attire with wig and makeup. It takes me 1 to 2 hours to fully dress up so I only do that when I am out of town for work. If she knew about how far I have gone with it, it would be a much worse situation. So I better keep my mouth shut. Sadly, now she is aware that I have gone back to dressing and may be suspicious about what I do when traveling. Not cool.

    Sandi

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Joni T's Avatar
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    Sandi,
    I'm glad you're not looking for sympathy--it saves me from having to tell you where it's found in the dictionary.
    Jon

  15. #15
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    I just wonder if you need to bring some professional help into this situation. Your marriage is important and you need to protect it. As anyone on this site will tell you (and you know yourself) your need to cross-dress will not go away. Are you able to talk to a trained counsellor together to help you find a way forward? I'm not sure what part of the world you are in, but be certain that the person you talk to together is a professionally trained and accredited and is themselves supervised.

    You are not stupid, you are trying to survive and you will. Life can be better.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hi JennyMay

    I had tried the counseling route the last time I was busted back in 2017. The counselor was nice. I liked her. She gave my wife a homework assignment to research crossdressing on the Internet before our next session. I wanted to laugh at the time but did not. She looked it up alright and said - everyone with this problem gets divorced so I am done and not going back. That ended therapy but not dressing. I went underground and in a big way. She would have been better off with my limited dressing. So therapy may work well for some, but it blew up in my face. My wife is completely locked in on zero tolerance, so I may as well accept it. I just hope I can dig myself out of this hole.

    Sandi

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Sandi, I hate to say this but you were bound to get caught again eventually. Maybe let the dust settle and try to get her to talk. You are not going to stop so you need to reach some sort of agreement other then a divorce
    Crissy

  18. #18
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Lockdown is a stressful situation.
    Perhaps you can explain to your wife that you were wearing 'women's clothes' because you needed to relax and calm down.
    Talk to her.
    Set boundaries.

    Good luck.

  19. #19
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    I am sorry you have to go thru all this and I do know what its like to have an abusive spouse.
    I have had two actually and I never got my way with anything and I took all I could take.
    No sense in playing the martyr and being unhappy because you don't deserve it.
    The last relationship I was in with a female I just got fed up with being told what to do so I decided to end it.
    We were not married so it wasn't hard.

  20. #20
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Why not look up crossdressing on the internet with your wife rather than her alone? When my wife looked up crossdressing she quickly landed on fetish and sissification pages and this wasn't my type of crossdressing. I had to steer her back to sites like the present one. Even here, she's read about so many different types of crossdressing that she got confused about the very meaning of it. If your wife tries to educate herself about the matter, you need to guide her. If she ever comes to this site (and this prospect alone should tell us to be careful about the comments here because she may be reading them some day), she will realize that not every marriage with a CD ends in a divorce.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Traci , I hear what you are saying. I almost would not mind separating, but she does need me. She has serious health problems and I am not one to duck out on my commitment easily.

    I sat on jury duty for a divorce case one time and it scared the pants off me. This guy was married to a school teacher and he lost almost everything to her. There were 1 million in assets and all he got was his tools and an old car he was restoring. That affected me a lot, and I do not want to end up like him. Living in the conservative south, they would roast me in a divorce when the evidence came out. Lucky for me she can not figure out how our security cams work.


    For Diane

    It is a taboo subject with her. Even to suggest that it could be ok would trigger a huge fight. The one thing I did not do this time is say that I am sorry. I am done apologizing. If she wants to come back around, it is all on her. I am just playing neutral on it. I know it does hurt her and for that I am sorry, but I am not sorry for dressing up any more. Still the isolation hurts both of us - it is so unnecessary.

    Sandi
    Last edited by Sandi Beech; 04-07-2020 at 04:47 PM.

  22. #22
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi Sandy,

    Best wishes for you.

    Sincerely,
    Brenda

  23. #23
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    But what if she doesn't come back around? This seems to be a typical deadlock situation where both parties are deeply hurt and feel that the other should do the first move. Do you know the reasons why she is so upset about it? You talk about health and money issues, but to me the important for your couple is, is there still love between you two? If there is, I can't believe any of you would want the other one miserable. If there is love there must be a way to talk about it, between you two or with the help of a middle person (counselor or other). If you want the knot to untie, I believe you have to come back to her. Why not tell her that you want to know how she feels about the incident, that you would like her to empty her bag and let her know that you won't interrupt her. Without justifying yourself or correcting the facts. Just listening until all the steam is out. See where it takes you. At some point she should return the favor.
    Good luck.

  24. #24
    Member Lux's Avatar
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    Saw your post today and wanted to reach out and say ‘hang in there’.

    Not sure how it will turn out but hope you have the strength to ride the storm out. If you want to stay in your relationship, I hope you have that happen.

    Having said that, I was dating a girl when I was in my 20’s. She was great; beautiful, smart, funny but...not accepting of LGBT people. So one day she found some pictures of me dressed up and assumed that I was having a relationship with this ‘new’ girl. I took a deep breath and made the decision to tell the truth . She immediately broke up with me. Looking back on it, I realize that I was like an animal with its leg caught in a trap. I truly believe I actually wanted her to find my stuff to “release me” if that makes sense.

    Wherever you end up, I hope you’re happy and okay with the decision. Big hug!

  25. #25
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    I can understand where you are right now. Hang in there. I know about the dark clouds that are over you right now. Been there.

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