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Thread: How to find your spot on the spectrum

  1. #1
    Carisa carisa's Avatar
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    How to find your spot on the spectrum

    Hello Girls and Friends,

    I am struggling with where if fit in on this crazy spectrum of ours and wanted to see if this wonderful forum holds some wisdom. (Which I am actually sure it does ).

    So I have considered myself a cross dresser for many years, SO knows but have lately been entertaining thoughts of where all this will lead me. With the current situation and all that grief and loss, I have come to the conclusion that I owe it to myself and my loved ones to fully discover who I am and follow that path. So I am on that journey and excited about it!! I am just curious girls, did anyone have an experience where they did not 100% transition and knew that they have arrived at their spot on the great spectrum between male to female?

    Thanks for reading, replying and all the support this sites gives to us all!

    Carisa
    Happy Heels!

  2. #2
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Carisa, I'll think you'll find MOST of the members here r crossdressers who do NOT dress as women every day. Altho a number of the most verbal ones do? Most don't!

    And, even those haven't had transition surgeries. The fact is, most TS's that live as women r too busy living their lives to bother with us "wannabees"!

    U mention "following paths" wondering where they will lead? But, since dressing leads us to a myriad of roads u need to define which ones interest u? Drag? Female costuming/anime? T meet ups? Hanging out in T friendly clubs/bars dressed? Shopping at the mall and eating lunch at Dennys? Or, just expending/improving your fem look in your closet?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
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    Trying to figure out where you are on this "spectrum"may be something you will never figure out.
    Trying to figure it all out only causes more questions than answers.
    We are all different and have different reasons for doing things that we do so there is no 100% solid answer that fits across the board or spectrum.
    If you live as a male and dress in clothes of the opposite gender then you are a crossdresser.
    It doesn't have to lead to anything and to be honest many people enjoy life being a crossdresser.
    Just because you dress does not mean you are gay or that you will eventually transition.
    I think you may be having a pink fog moment or a fantasy about living as a woman and what it would be like.
    That is all well and good but best to remember its a fantasy and maybe best left as a fantasy.
    Your SO's thoughts on all of this are very important how does she feel about you wanting to live as a woman?
    She married a man right? You would be shattering her world possibly by transitioning.
    Its not all about you and what you want because you are a couple and in a relationship.
    Lots to think of and consider and possibly a lot more than you realize.

  4. #4
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    Also, for most the ?goal line? keeps moving. First it starts just wanting to slip on a pair of panties or hose and take things into your own hands! Then you want heels and bra, then a dress, the a wig, then makeup... I just want to dress for an hour, then two hours, then for a day, then overnight, then for a weekend... I?ll just dress at home, then I?ll just drive around in my car, then oh I?ll take a walk in the park or empty parking lot, then I?ll walk quickly through the mall... to i want to be dressed for days, go out shopping and out to dinner and dancing and ......

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Carisa,
    How do you find your spot on the spectrum is a very good question . You can only start to answer it when you've really found yourself , at some point you have to disregard if your wife/partner knows or not because what they think and say doesn't always help you find the answers , in fact it can make it hard and sometimes impossible . What label you consider youself may just box you in , I would suggest if you can't find the answers yourself maybe consider counselling . I feel I made the right decisions after getting guidance from counsellors , I admit they can't make the decisions for you but at least they help you see the choices and possibly help with making the painful ones .

    I dress full time which has given me the balance I was looking for , I don't see hormones or SRS would change my day to day life very much at all in fact going down that road could undo what I now have .

    The biggest hurdle I found was believing in myself , the biggest mindchange is deciding I can do this as an average woman and not as a guy , losing the guy opens your mind , I now feel totally normal as Teresa .
    The real me ,no going back.

  6. #6
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    I joined this group at a time when most of us didn't have a clue about all this and were simply happy to discover that there were, indeed, lots of people who were of the same persuasion re the wearing of women's clothing.

    Down the years I have read many posts from a wide range of members. Some resonated with me; yes, that sounds like me! Others made little or no sense to me; no, I don't fall into that category! Slowly, I was able to find my niche somewhere along a very broad spectrum.

    Along with many others who have been fortunate to find this website and grace it with their musings and experiences, I have meandered down this path on this journey. it has been a very long path from ignorance and self-loathing to knowledge and self-acceptance.

    I am a crossdresser plain and simple. Heterosexual male with no desire to transition. I lost my wife due to ignorance. My latest SO was told upfront and, though very anti- to begin with, accepted the challenge and reached a level of comfort which allowed both of us to accommodate the needs and wants of the other. We could not have managed this without the wisdom and support of others on this forum.

    Take your time, carisa. Think a lot. Think about everything you've got. There's plenty of time during lockdown and beyond. Read a lot and decide which member's posts accord with your feelings, your aspirations. Learn from these. Engage with your SO, as she already knows you like to crossdress. Take baby steps, let her lead and set boundaries. If, at some point, she expresses extreme aversion to your crossdressing, you may have to decide whether your relationship can continue.

    There's a lot to be gained, and a lot to lose. I sincerely hope that you and she will be able to stay the course and stay together. It's going to be a rough ride. Best of luck.
    Gale

  7. #7
    Accepting GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Although Tracii and I do not always see things the same , I have to agree 100% with her post .
    Like every word and as a loved one I would like to know why or how you figure we are owed this ?
    It could turn out very badly FOR your loved ones .
    You are you
    Whatever you do , please wait until this is over to do anything more . Everyone is under so much stress right now that it would be unfair to burden your family with this revelation .
    FB : https://www.facebook.com/lderuijsscher
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  8. #8
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Carisa,
    my advice - take it slowly and you will find your happy place; rush and you could go too far!
    luv J

  9. #9
    Carisa carisa's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your thoughtful replies!

    I am for sure taking it slow and keep my loved ones in the loop. It is sometimes easy to not think about my loved ones when the pink fogs comes around strong. Thank you very much for that reminder!

    I guess we are all fluid all the time when I think about it, if you crossdress or not.

    Also thanks for the point to wait with anything until this mess we are all in is cleared up.
    Happy Heels!

  10. #10
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Rather than trying to look down the road too much, with all the different twists, turns and diverging paths, why not ask yourself what you want from this now, and how that fits into your present life?

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  11. #11
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Not ALL of us Crossdress because we identify as women. that is just ONE of many reasons for Crossdressing that can ALSO be stuff like "Humiliation S/M" "tripping taboos", "Escapisim", and MORE.----So a general "spectrum" May be meaningless. Sound and Light waves, for example, have Different spectrums and are entirely different in nature---But they both are waves. There are many diverse REASONS for Crossdressing, but they all only share Dressing up.
    Last edited by MarinaTwelve200; 04-12-2020 at 03:43 PM.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by carisa View Post
    I am just curious girls, did anyone have an experience where they did not 100% transition and knew that they have arrived at their spot on the great spectrum between male to female?
    Carisa
    I'm there. I love to dress, I love lingerie, kinky clothing, all kinds of frilly clothing, high heels, but I will never go past the point I am at now. I will always be a guy that likes to dress. I like to have my play time and dress up. I wear woman's boots regularly in public, boots that are higher block heels, but not noticeably female. As far as going farther, it won't happen, it just doesn't fit with my lifestyle and job and I am fine with it. I don't see trying to pass, no interest in going public, too much hassle. I have considered buying a wig, shaving and having my wife do what she can for make up, but it is not high on my list.

  13. #13
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    I agree with pumped. I am where I want to be. I don't see myself going much farther.

  14. #14
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    We here have all seen people come here really confused and some jump too far too fast and end up ruining their marriage and sometimes their lives and the lives of their wife and kids.
    Some even end up in legal trouble only to really sit down and think about it they realize later they went head long into it with out knowing themselves first.

    The thing to remember is we all know how difficult it can be and we have all been in the situation you are in right now.
    Some of us are in the "tough love" camp and some like to coddle you and say it will be alright so you will get all kinds of answers but please we all want the best for you even if it seems we are calling you down on things sometimes.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 04-12-2020 at 05:09 PM.

  15. #15
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    I think there is a lot of great advice that can help you piece together the puzzle you are working on. I probably am not the best at giving advice but the best advice I could give is try not to over-think any of it. If you let it get to your head too much you are likely to be blinded to what is already in front of you. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to figure out labels, something I can be guilty of.

  16. #16
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    How to find your spot on the spectrum? I suggest finding a good therapist familiar with gender issues. If you plan to go further down the gender spectrum, beware it is not a DIY project. You will *need* a therapist, especially if you're contemplating any physical changes, be it HRT or surgeries. It took me two years with my therapist (and a second opinion of one of her colleagues) to start me down the transition road, and I am taking it one step at a time. First step HRT. I've consolidated that step after 7 weeks on HRT, and have concluded it was absolutely the correct move as my well-being has improved enormously because of it. The next step will be going full-time when the lock-down ends. That will be a crucial step.

  17. #17
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Why be on a "spectrum"? Can't you just consider yourself an individual with a unique set of characteristics? Besides, I don't think this "thing" is a one dimensional spectrum. It's a 17 dimensional vector space.*



    *after one of my former math professors who wrote his thesis on 17 dimensional vector spaces. Why not 16 or 33? I have no idea.

  18. #18
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    It sounds as if you're looking for a specific point on a spectrum which is where you are between two extreme ends. Personally, I think of this as a moving focal point along a scale. Sort of when you're on the internet and you're dragging the cursor along a line. Internal and external stimuli are going to push the cursor back and forth. For some the cursor will forever travel from left to right. For others the cursor may move back and forth. There also may be more than one spectrum along whatever journey you feel is awaiting you; sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression. I found it somewhat interesting that my state law lists under protected classes those three elements separately and does not lump them all together. Most scholars of the state law place cross dressing in the class of gender expression.

  19. #19
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    Why do you feel you have to find where you are on the scale ?
    Just be yourself and remember you don't have to fit in a box or category.

  20. #20
    Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Just to be clear. I am a newbe at talking out loud about this CD subject. And I would like to see if others feel like me.
    It is very likely that I am a lesbian. I love women and their smell, clothes, make up, and hair. To the point I want to feel the same way. I do not want sex from any man. I am 100% sure of that. And I have had sex with a women while dressed in lingerie (me and them). I loved that too.

    Long winded question.... Can a man be a lesbian?

    Leslie
    Last edited by Natalie5004; 04-13-2020 at 05:32 PM. Reason: clarity

  21. #21
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    No a genetic male cannot be a lesbian.
    Just because as a man you had sex with a woman in lingerie does not mean anything of the sort.

  22. #22
    Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Actually that was really a rhetorical question. I guess what I am really stating here is that as a CDer, I do not see myself as a possible transition or gay. There are many different points along the spectrum and I do not think that time will move you in any direction that you do not want to go. Is that helpful? Or should I stop talking now?

  23. #23
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    I'm in my 70s I'm a crossdresser and will stay on this path for the rest of my time here. I have no need to go enemy other way.
    Angie

  24. #24
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Yes, take it slow. More precisely, tread carefully. Don't take any action that you can avoid until you are dead certain that it is something you must do. Can't un-ring a bell, and all that. Consider counseling, as in just do it. It is their job to help us sort out things like this. They won't do it for you, but if you are willing, they can ask questions that, if answered truthfully and fearlessly, will eventually give you the insight you are looking for.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  25. #25
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie5004 View Post
    Actually that was really a rhetorical question. I guess what I am really stating here is that as a CDer, I do not see myself as a possible transition or gay. There are many different points along the spectrum and I do not think that time will move you in any direction that you do not want to go. Is that helpful? Or should I stop talking now?
    Altho I agree with Tracii, many T's call themselves "transbians", thinking that justifies/explains their thinking, Natalie!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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