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Thread: I think I feel a bit foreign to this forum

  1. #1
    Sort of a n00b Pixie_94's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Costa Rica

    I think I feel a bit foreign to this forum

    Hello everyone! I hope you had or will have a nice day.

    Why the title? Don't worry, this won't get dramatic or defeatist (unless you want it to). However, I recently feel foreign to almost everything, including this forum.

    Yes, I have been to therapy, two sessions, but I haven't been able to keep going yet. My self-esteem isn't terrible anymore (even though, I guess I'm still in the process of at least accepting myself), but at the same time, trying to accept the part of me that brought me here in the first place hasn't had any improvements.

    I haven't purged anymore, but at the same time I feel like "So, now what?", especially since during the last time I talked to my psychologist, she said that my CDing isn't a dysfunctional habit, the only not so functional thing being my social enviroment. However, I have no idea of how to proceed.

    I know some of you say that the urges may come and go every once in a while, but I'm trying to ignore mine, I don't want any potential trouble or embarrassing situations. I stopped looking for a "cure", yet sometimes I'd simply like not to have anything to hide.

    Before anyone suggests me to join local LGBT communities or the like, I would feel even more foreign there and the ones I have heard about are a bit too sexual.

    I'll be waiting for any comments, as I don't have much to do recently.

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    The group I went to was part of an LGBT group was not sexual at all.
    I thought it was going to be like that but it wasn't.
    Maybe thats what you think it will be like and not (what you heard) be honest OK.
    You should know better than to play the blame game when you actually don't really know.
    Sounds like you making an excuse for not going to a group. I know it was an excuse I made too.
    I feel foreign to this site myself sometimes and I have been here 12 years.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 04-12-2020 at 09:15 PM.

  3. #3
    New Member sally rebecca's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    I'd give it a go. I'm UK based but most of the groups I've been to are supportive and welcoming. There is a sexual element if you want it but not usually in the support groups it's not what they're for. Well not in my limited experience anyway.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    Pixie, what is stopping you from more therapy? If you have the means, consider returning to that work. And work it is. Two sessions is just getting started. A support group, as has been suggested is also a good idea, but check with your therapist first. She may have other ideas WRT timing and such. In the mean time...

    You are certainly welcome here. If you have questions or concerns that you'd like to share, you will have no shortage of answers and opinions. Many may be divergent, but virtually all will be well meaning and born of experience. Yes, most of us have been right where you are. That does not make us a fount of therapeutic wisdom, but it does make us sympathetic.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

  5. #5
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Of course you do and of course you are. You're half the median age of the folks here and you live in a different country. I don't think there's a way around it.

    You're luckier than some of us - you have the benefit of many sources of information through the internet. before that, this CDing business and everything that has to do with it caused a lot of people a lot of guilt and shame they could never overcome because they felt alone. You may be apart, you may be remote, but at least you're not really alone, well, not completely.

    If you can't fit in and you can't find a solution right away, the best thing you can do is to keep taking things a day at a time. Sometimes, the only way to solve a problem is to outlive it. It's done more often than you think.

    Sorry I can't be more cheery. Do with this what you will.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  6. #6
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    The therapist can only help you if you reveal all the details and his/her suggestions are only guide lines to find ways of moving forward . I feel the driving force in all of us is varying levels of dysphoria , for some it comes and goes and for some like myself it's 24/7 . The question of denying yourself possibly comes from guilt and shame , why does a guy need to do this ? The big hurdle to jump is accepting you do need to do it , don't worry too much about the "why" but long term denial is very destructive . Believe me you can build a normal life around these needs once you have come to terms with them , if you're not happy with your current therapist maybe find another . To me they hold the key , all you have to do is find the right one to unlock your thoughts and needs . I will also add the right social group can help in this process , forget the sexual element , ignore the ones that need it , you need to find yourself and build confidence, being with a group is a great way of doing it .
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-13-2020 at 05:32 AM.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    The big hurdle to jump is accepting you do need to do it , don't worry too much about the "why" but long term denial is very destructive ..
    The think the more important question is does he need to do this or want to do it. There are many on this site who want to do it but don't need to do it, myself Included. To some extent, understanding the why is important. If a therapist isn't looking into the why, I think they are doing you a disservice

  8. #8
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    I can only think I know why I want to do it but my therapist couldn't agree or disagree with me , each one of us will give a different answer , I'm almost certain I was born like it but how does that explain late starters ?

    Whether Pixie needs or wants to do it she obviously can't answer so she did the right thing by asking a therapist . My counsellor tried to stop me living on assumptions because you only go round in circles in your mind . I see Pixie going round in circles at the moment because she's living on assumptions , she questions whether she's foreign here , the answer is she is no different she just has to find the right answers to her questions .

  9. #9
    Senior Member Allison Chaynes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Knoxvegas, TN
    Pixie, most of us feel like outsiders, even here in "our" own community. There is a form of groupthink that some feel must be adhered to. Ultimately, you are YOU and don't let that be dictated by anyone else.
    Life is too short to be boring.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Please try to make your way back to therapy, in person or Skype if your professional can accommodate you. The questions you ask and the feelings you express are best resolved by talking with a professional. He or She can help you work on clarifying your needs, interests and priorities, and help you resolve unhelpful emotions.
    Have you the belief that the road ahead
    Ascends off into some lights

  11. #11
    Member foxy bartender's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Nashville, TN
    Hey Pixie,
    You’ll find lots of good information on this forum, some will help, some will serve to confuse you more, but it’s up to you to figure out what’s most helpful. Therapy will likely help you but it’s got to be with the right therapist. Someone you feel comfortable opening up and being honest with. I think everyone will agree that having someone to talk to about how you feel, will help you find your truth. Everyone here is different, and on a different journey. Don’t try to compare yourself to others, or you’ll end up running in circles. If you need someone you can be honest with, with no consequences, feel free to message me. I know how hard it can be to have no one to talk to.
    Just my opinion
    Your mileage may vary

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    I don't think you're going to find a "cure" even if you wanted. I think this issue, a "cure," has been mulled over by everyone in your situation. It's the "why" question. Therapy may give you insight to "why" issue. Therapy may give you the tools to enable you to accept yourself, and, how to deal with those around you. None of us live in a vacuum. I personally have no idea of the social structure in Costa Rica. I have read in some countries and cultures gender identity and gender expression variances are not socially acceptable and sometimes are met with sanctioned violence. I can under not wanting to be an object of violence or losing employment opportunities or losing friendships. In my mind hiding from oneself is totally different than not putting yourself out there to others for legitimate reasons.

  13. #13
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    Pixie, while I don't how T's r in Costa Rica? I have been to countless T events in the USA, met a few T's in Asia, and 100's, maybe a 1000 T's in the USA.

    The number of times I've been propositioned I could count on the fingers of one hand. And, that was by T's I knew at least for a short time.
    They were all direct, polite, and showed no displeasure when I told them I was "straight".

    When I went out and met T's for the first time after dressing for 12 years in the closet? It opened up a whole new world of possibilities I never even imagined!
    And, u think you feel odd and out of place? Try wearing a mask to T events!

    I strongly recommend u try a T meeting at least ONCE!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 04-13-2020 at 08:32 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Hi Pixie. I think I understand what you are saying and experiencing. You have reached a point where you feel you need to find a reconciliation with yourself and better understand what is going on. That is a very difficult time and some never find a suitable answer. Although continued therapy would be useful perhaps you need some additional basic information about the "Why?" questions. Depending on your grasp of a different set of concepts, you might not need therapy.

    There is a book out there now that has been of immense help to me to understand that "why" question. It has changed my whole perspective on the whole subject of gender and gender variance and how it all gets started and its foundations in your brain. The book is "Gender Mosaic" by Daphna Joel, a professor of neuroscience and psychology at Tel Aviv University. She and her team have been studying the gender phenomenon for decades, mostly from a neuroscience point of view and how the brain functions. It is an easy book to read; you don't need a neuroscience background to understand it. I think you might find it helpful in understanding the fundamental question of "What is gender and how does it work?"

    The concepts she presents turn the traditional views on its head and pretty much destroys what we have thought for so long what gender is and how wrong we have been about how it works. It is no conversion therapy type of book; in fact it provides the greatest amount of support for people like us as being just a part of the normal diversity of humans. We are not weird, we are not sick, we are not just a bunch of mixed up kids - we are all being who we are in an ever changing world inside us and outside us. And those changes are an integral part of how the brain functions. I suggest you read the book - you will likely understand the why of you a whole lot better. If you want more information first, PM me and I can fill you in on what this new approach to understanding gender and its origin and function acts to make acceptance of yourself for who you are so much easier and so much more supportive of the gender variant person you are. As your therapist said, it is OK to be that way or any other way with regard to your gender identity.

  15. #15
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Members of this group vary widely from males who wear panties to bed to males who are living as females and consider themselves to be females. If this group helps you, stick around. If not, don't.

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