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Thread: Workplace drama

  1. #26
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    We're all just playing dress up, in one way or another. The coat and tie is a much more burdensome disguise.
    I can't help thinking that response indicates there is more to it than just cross dressing.

    On another note, I worked for a company for 24 years without ever feeling I was a valued employee who wasn't one misstep away from being out the door. You are fortunate to be in a situation where your contribution is respcted.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  2. #27
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    Wow. That is one scary story. In the UK you would probably be protected by law. I had something related a couple of years ago. I was fully dressed at a function and one of the organisers introduced me (as Susan) to one of my colleagues. Amazingly she did not recognise me but it was a stressful weekend.

    As I am not trans and dress for fun, one of the difficulties for me would be my right-on management perceiving this is me wanting to become a woman and insisting on helping me. I don't. Nor would I want to dress every day for work - the hassle of putting on make-up daily is a dreadful thought. I see no reason for consistency here - there is a banker who comes to work dressed as a woman some days and as a male on other days and I see nothing wrong with that. On dressed up days you could use a woman's name for people who meet you and your own name on the phone so no confusion involved. There are issues like what voice you use and what toilet you use but you can come to your own arrangement. In a fantasy world I would quite like to go to work some days in a full outfit just for the feedback from women colleagues but in reality I do my job as a vocation and I want to be recognised for this contribution - not as the guy in the dress so it is never going to happen. It is still a big issue or more people would be doing it and the widespread belief that only transgender people do this does not help. Most people in the UK now could understand the transsexual thing and would be sympathetic. Society still doesn't have a slot for guys (and I am ALWAYS a guy) who do this for fun and people would not know how to react.

    Good luck with your situation. I hope it works out for you.

  3. #28
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Monica, I manage 8 people. I can tell you my response to work situations is completely different from my personal feelings. So your boss did the right thing as any professional would have.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    It's definitely best scenario in bad situation, sort of speak. I guess your boss is ok with that, so why not using this as an advantage and come out. If you don't want to do that, just talk to him and ask him to keep that as a secret and you won't come to the office crossdressed again.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Hi Monica,

    It sounds like you're boss handled the situation very professionally. He also left the door open should you decide to transition. No harm, no foul.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  6. #31
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Monica Like many my heart stopped just reading your post. You have to give your boss major credit the way he handled it. I feel that you can still go in any direction you want. This doesn't mean you have to start your transition any sooner if you opted not to. Based on how your boss handled it should make you feel a little better if you do. Good luck in what ever decision you make and of course keep us posted. Connie

  7. #32
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
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    Monica, both you and your boss handled it well. I suspect that after seeing you he wisely made a quick,call to,the HR director for advice.

    Now, why the coat and tie now? So long as the office remains empty, go to the office en femme. Own it, babe. You have cover from the boss in case someone else wanders in. If they ridicule you, they are the one guilty of harassment and could find themself in deep hot water.
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  8. #33
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    In the New England area, it would likely be illegal to discriminate based on gender presentation and managers are given HR training to be sensitive to that.
    He likely needed that first sight to get his head around it, possibly even check HR policies, then returned prepared.
    He could leak the situation, but open himself to discrimination lawsuit. I would consider a meeting to go over your plans to transition (as you wrote "wasn't ready to publicly transition just yet"), or not do it publicly, and that will also give you his personal response to the situation. But keep your productivity up so there is no excuse to let you go.

    With all the work from home and video conferencing, I did imagine one could dress and claim it was the newest filter and you were playing with it to see how unusual you could make it, other than being a potato.
    I did a video conf, but put on white shirt, red bowtie, and sparkly jacket, with jeans and slippers, so I was only one not in sweats/casual. Made for some smiles.

    Hugs, Ellen

  9. #34
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    Monica, let me suggest that you see that boss in private and thank him sincerely for handling the situation as he did. Then, if it's your desire to do so again when the office is closed, ask him for his advice on that matter.

  10. #35
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Wow! Great boss and good advice! I can't imagine the terror and adrenaline rush you must have felt. I can't imagine a better outcome to your situation. Congratulations! Talk about two birds and one stone. I love the pink-fog part, with this lockdown I am waiting for it to hit me and hopefully I won?t have a similar event.

  11. #36
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    At various times in my career, I have been a boss. I've had all the training, both as a boss and a regular engineer. Once, a woman who worked for me came to me with a complaint of sexual harassment by a man who also worked for me. And, she had irrefutable evidence. The "dunce" left a threatening voice mail for her, which she played for me. I took this directly to HR. It was way above my pay grade. HR knows how to handle these things without getting into a lawsuit.

    I don't know how I would have reacted, even today, if I had been your boss.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 04-23-2020 at 06:03 AM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    Good for uot to the boss. I think you will be fine when things get back to normal.
    Angie

  13. #38
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    Well, if anything, perhaps now would be the perfect time to start incorporating a more-feminine look to your professional presentation?

    Not saying going *all* out... But to start (increasingly?) wearing things which would help get you to where you'd want to be.


    Not sure what your dress code is, but could a women's suit (w/slacks, not skirt), for example, do the trick?

    No wig, no make-up (or maybe very lightly so), no fake boobs, nothing "hardcore" like that. But dressing a bit more femmy, if you wish, might not be such an awful idea, really.


    Honestly, why the heck not. Nothing wrong with blending the masculine with the feminine, if done tastefully & aesthetically-pleasing.


    Best wishes to you!

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Monica,
    The world is a different place than it used to be, companies have plans in place to deal with this and executives have been trained ton how to deal with it, several of the companies I have worked for over the past ten years even have inclusion training in their required annual HR courses for all employees.

    Perhaps the best thing I can share is a quick story about a young man I'll call Joe, we started as contractors on the same day several years back. Joe was a mess, distracted, couldn't focus but very capable. Toward the end of our contract, a simple email came out from HR letting us all know that we should now call Joe, Mary. A few years later, at a new company expanded, Mary was hired, she was a dynamic, driven super successful team lead.

    My point is, the world is recognizing we are normal, maybe not withing 2 standard deviations of the mean, but normal and businesses are more and more accepting every day, both out of practicality and necessity.

    Besides, it sounds like your boss recognizes your value to the organization and that is more important to him than the color of your eye shadow.
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

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