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Thread: Starting down this exciting path!

  1. #1
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    Starting down this exciting path!

    I've decided to come out as trans at the young age of 66. I've known I was in the wrong type of body since I was 11, but back then I didn't know what was wrong and my family were experts in shame and guilt. By the time society was becoming open about trans people I was in a relationship with a woman I passionately loved and didn't want to lose. The last several years she came to understand where I was mentally and emotionally. I would frequently get questions from her about did I want to vacation somewhere that I could spend a month crossdressed? Hell yeah! We didn't get the chance though.
    Well she passed away last month. It's been hard, but I've decided I'm not blowing any more time having the wrong plumbing or hormones.I came out to the VA (my medical team) and a few close friends. I have endocrinology blood tests in July (because the damned covid-19 is slowing things up) and after that, I'll start to come out to more friends and family.
    I'm living in a SMALL town (pop. 20) so it's not going to take long for word to get around. I'm not really friends with any of them so I'm not worried about opinions or gossip.
    I can't believe how long it takes to change your name and all the other documentation in North Dakota. Basically, it looks like they are saying I can't change anything until I've fully transitioned, surgery and all. That doesn't make sense.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member
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    If you have retired, can you relocate to a more LGBTQ friendly state?

  3. #3
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    I could, but I've lived here for 12 years and have a really nice house that's paid for, and a Japanese garden that I've been working on for over 20 years. Plus my wife , Sandra, is in the back yard.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Kevyn, I feel for you! I am/was much like you but so naive and with a wife who said said she would absolutely not let me wear women's clothes! That was the start of a 34 year and 5 month marriage! So, she passed away 4 years ago in March! By June, I had bought a pack of panties and it grew from there! I am on hormones now for 15 months! My name change is in progress but held up by the virus also! I am in NC and actually have had very few negative encounters and no violence! Best wishes on going forward! Patience for now! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Kevyn,
    It's so good to see you back on the forum , I'm really sorry for your recent loss , I'm sure it's especially hard as she was so supportive .

    Maybe don't look at the obstacles as a downer but treat them as thinking time , I've been separated now for two years and went full time , I made the decision at my age to live with the balance I've found now , personally I don't feel hormones and sugery will change my everyday life that much , I'm not suggesting what is right or wrong for you . All I know is I'm happy with what I have now after so many years of being unhappy . I now use Terri for my everyday life although I haven't made an official name change but most accept my status without question .

    I wish you all the best , please PM me if you want to catch up more .
    The real me ,no going back.

  6. #6
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    Theresa, I remember when you were posting about moving out. I'm trying to think about this as goals, not obstacles. This virus has slowed everything down. The VA is going to handle my HRT, therapy, a new wig and voice training. The only hassle about all that is Fargo is 3 hours away, so I have to plan and hopefully gang up appointments.
    On the other hand, I came out to friends on Facebook. The local people I know haven't said boo. The people I went to high school with 49 years ago are all gung ho, great to have you move on and be happy with your life!. It's such a relief to have people in your corner backing you up. I have a feeling that the most some of my girl friends most negative comments are going to be, Are you sure you want to wear that?

  7. #7
    Member Dorit's Avatar
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    Hi there dear! I hope I can encourage you. First, I want to express my sympathy for the loss of your wife. I can tell that you were very attached to her, I am to mine. She is ten years older than I and has dementia, I am slowly loosing her.

    I too began my "coming out" at about your age and began living outwardly as female, including medical transition at 70. You can do it, and you seem to me to be ready and determined. You have to be brave, it is not easy, but living in North Dakota you must be already very brave!

  8. #8
    MtF Transgender
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    Welcome to this side of the forum! I'm less than 2 months from 62. I've been married to the love of my life for 32 years. Unfortunately she's not accepting so once the COVID-19 confinement is over, we'll like split. It won't be friendly alas, but at least it won't be acrimonious either and we hope to accomplish it without the help of lawyers. Right now everything is on hold due to the pandemic for me as well. However I got lucky, I was on a waiting list to see the endo and on Feb. 27th they had a cancellation and I grabbed it. Which means that this Monday I will have been two months on HRT and already the effects are starting to be noticeable. But more importantly I feel so much better with testosterone out of my body. I am almost thinking testosterone was a toxin or allergen for me. I had horrible digestive problems for almost all my life (basically irritable bowel syndrome). Since two months, zip, nada, nothing. No cramps, everything works normally. My quality of life increased by leaps and bounds. I would never go back to a testosterone-laden life. I also managed to have my ears pierced on March 4th, another eagerly desired milestone that I sneaked in just under the wire before everything shut down.

    I'm sorry to hear about your wife, you were one of the lucky ones as far as acceptance goes.

    As far as coming out, the only problem areas for me have been my wife, and one of my three kids but he was already having serious issues before. My oldest son (and my youngest child, my daughter who is also trans) have been wonderful, as have all my friends and my church community. As I read another trans woman say "it's usually worse in your head that it turns out in reality". For the most part that has rung true for me. I guess I must have picked great friends.

    Good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly. There will be some bumps no doubt and I expect them; when the hit, maybe they're a signal to ease up a bit and absorb the changes that already happened. I agree with Teresa take this pandemic pause for reflection. I've actually enjoyed the downtime (I'm retired but had an active social and volunteer life), I'm living almost a monastic existence which is great for me as I'm a great fan of monasticism; it was on a month-long retreat that I made the decision to transition this past winter. It's a time to absorb the changes happening to me, reflect on them, and prepare myself for the next step. Which was meant to be my first laser facial hair removal session on March 30. You can guess the rest... delayed indefinitely. I'm very insecure about my beard shadow, but had a lightning flash of an idea about what to do until I can start laser: face masks are becoming popular here! So I ordered three cotton reusable ones. I plan to resume going out once I receive them. Apart from worrying about my son (I have no hopes about my wife), I've been quite serene with the confinement, even though I can't dress overtly in front of my wife (except jeans and fairly unisex women's shirts).

    It's too bad about name changes in your neck of the woods. I live in Quebec and it is as simple as deciding when you're ready and sending in the application with a sponsor and notarized signatures. But that's on hold too. Because I was born in another province, I have to get my birth record moved to Quebec. I sent in the application for that, got an acknowledgement back that it was received and was being processed, then bang, confinement hit. Otherwise I'm fortunate that Quebec is probably one of the most trans-friendly places in North America.

  9. #9
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    So it's been 10 days since I came out to you gals. Here's the update. Everybody is so accepting! I came out to my friends and relatives on Facebook. Not one single negative comment. I had one art friend of mine said he was getting me confused with a Kevin that he knew. I had to explain to him, I am that Kevin. Only different. He got it immediately. My brother has anon binary daughter, so he's onboard right away. The people I am truly surprised about are my old friends and acquaintances from high school. I graduated almost 50 years ago and they're all ,"Go for it! Be happy!"

    I've sent in my name change announcement to the newspaper. They get it too. On Wednesday It''l come out that I am changing to Kevyn Michelle. Then in a month I can apply to the court to legally change it. Then on to the driver's license bureau!

    The VA has a LGBT coordinator in Fargo to help with HRT, voice training, wigs and therapy.mI've been to Grand Forks (the nearest largish town) and only been "ma'amed" and a couple of "let her go first." I've been shopping in the women's section of a couple of stores with no weird stares (that I've seen). It's just feeling comfortable for the first time. When I would "crossdress" I felt worried that I was going to be "made." Don't really give a shit now, and it seems to have changed something. It's like if I don't care, they don't either. At least that's what I'm running with now. And the wait staff that I've encountered (ND isn't locked down as tight as most of the country) have been very nice to me. Nicer than before. That's it!!!
    Last edited by Kevyn53; 04-27-2020 at 09:25 PM.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Kevyn,
    My take on that is if you don't look over your shoulder for a reaction you won't get one , a good person is a good person no matter how they dress , my art group have been wonderful .
    The real me ,no going back.

  11. #11
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I hope things go well for you. Many laws and rules don't seem to make sense to us as individuals, but they must have made sense to someone at one time. We just have to work with them or work around them.

    Best of luck.
    Krisi

  12. #12
    Member Kevyn53's Avatar
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    So I've come out to pretty much everybody that I can think of. Not some of our clients yet, but Sandra and I only connect with them a couple of times a year at most and then generally through email. Absolutely everyone has said they only want me to be happy. I know I've had a few patrons of box stores in the big city look at me sideways, but all in all, it's going ok. This covid crap has slowed up any and all appointments for name change, endocrinology, voice training, any of it. BUT I waited 55 years to get to this point, what's another couple of months? BUT DAMN, I WANT TO GET MOVING!!!!

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