The female brain

[Julie Martin]

So, hopefully all are being safe in this difficult pandemic.I haven't been dressing for about a year( another story you can check out in previous posts if you're interested), but with much more time at home, I've spent some time pondering the place of CD-ing in my life. Like many here, the sexual nature of it faded over time, and in some ways it's more a character study ,like temporarily inhabiting a non-existent fantasy character. In examining this, I've spent a little time in some chat rooms, experimenting with playing a female character. Totally anonymous, nothing sexual...but applying what I've learned from my wonderful wife in interacting with guys, while playing a female role. I do think this part of me has given me at least a willingness to try to understand women a little better, and to try to see certain things from their perspective..not always successfully. The short summary of case studies from this experiment...most guys are incredibly clueless about talking to women. Apart from the large percentage who steer almost any conversation toward sex in a pretty crude way, the condescension, "mansplaining", and just general lack of understanding and respect is amazing. No wonder so many women have had it with men..we're a pretty bad lot on average!
Do any of you feel that your CD-ing has given you a bit more capacity to at least try to empathize with women?

[Crissy 107]

Julie, I feel us as a group are more empathetic towards women then any others. I know for myself I love talking with women and I enjoy it more then talking with men any day.

[Alice Torn]

Sad but true, Way too many men are brutish, unmannered, , but many are also real kind gentlemen, also! The same can be said for women these days. Bad character comes in both sides , and good character in both. We Cders do tend to be more sensitive overall. I know i am a highly sensitive, need to have a thicker skin, though and not let everything overwhelm me emotionally and mentally. I know women are still far more intuitive and sensitive though. Even CDers do not come very close to truly understanding women. Where i live in a small midwest town area. I have found almost all the women here are very masculine , and may of the men brutish. Very sad to me.

[CynthiaD]

I’ve had the opposite problem most my life. When interacting with men I had a hard time figuring out what to do. I’d watch the men and try to act like them, but I often over-did it and turned everyone off. There are good men out there. It’s just that the jerks are so much more memorable.

[Jennifer Slater]

Sad but true, Way too many men are brutish, unmannered, , but many are also real kind gentlemen, also! The same can be said for women these days. Bad character comes in both sides , and good character in both. We Cders do tend to be more sensitive overall. I know i am a highly sensitive, need to have a thicker skin, though and not let everything overwhelm me emotionally and mentally. I know women are still far more intuitive and sensitive though. Even CDers do not come very close to truly understanding women.

Well said. Alice!

[MichaelM]

I don't know if CDing has made any difference. I suspect that I've always been more empathetic to women (partly growing up in a female orientated house) and one way that it has shown is by me wanting to see what's it's like wearing female clothes.

I've always got on well with girls and been a good listener I haven't always CD'd.

[Vikky]

Hi Julie
Interesting thoughts and in general I agree with your assessment of how men relate to women.
I only dress at home in a DADT situation but when I am in a social gathering (not many of those recently!) I often gravitate to the girls for a chat and pass the time of day with them. The girls seem to enjoy my company and I theirs. And I like to think I learn from what they say and how they react to situations.
Part of this is seeing the guys a lot on our own when we are involved in charity work or when we play golf (2 x weekly).
Vikky

[MonicaPVD]

One thing that I have come to appreciate from observation and from spending time out and about in the real world (and online) in fem mode, is how crude men can be. You are on point. It only takes a couple of minutes for many conversations to devolve into sexual banter. Also, the condescending attitude and/or mansplaining is endless. A real eye opener for sure.

[SaraLin]

Do any of you feel that your CD-ing has given you a bit more capacity to at least try to empathize with women?

I'm not sure. I think that for me, it was sort of the other way around. I started young, and I feel that my empathy with girls led me to wanting to dress like them.

[Connie D50]

Julie
Wow great post, I feel 100% "CD-ing has given you a bit more capacity to at least try to empathize with women" I like some other comments would find myself at Parties on the women's side of the room, where I found a even stronger draw to in fact cross-dress. Listening to ladies talk and interact is what I try to achieve while dressed. Connie

[Sandi Beech]

Julie,
I can relate to your post and a lot of comments on this thread. Last summer I had a lengthy discussion with 3 young pretty women in a bar on this very topic. I said that when I was their age I would have had difficulty talking to such pretty women, that my tongue would trip over anything I would try to say. One of them said she did not know how to talk to boys either. Apparently it works both ways and we talked about it for a good while.

I had the personality of the polite nice guy back in my dating days and I can say it is frustrating that as a dating strategy, I failed miserably back then.

Back to to point though, I do not believe I have improved that much, maybe some. What changed? Dressed as a women, they seem to open up in a way I have never experienced before and I love it. I do not bring up sex, but they will very often, but it is not in the same way as guys like to. It is all about relationships.

I spent about 3 hours talking with a couple of women. One was married with grown kids and recently divorced, and now she is in a lesbian relationship with the other woman in the bar. No one in her family knew so wow did she ever tell me a lot. If I were dressed as a man, I doubt she would have told me so much. Of course we talked about a lot of other things as well. Still I am fascinated by what I consider to be my social experiment of how communication with women is so much easier dressed as a woman.

Stay safe,

Sandi

[Mermaiden]

I joined a few local running clubs this past year and find I end up running with women far more often than men. Partly it?s just I?m too old and slow for the young guys, also there seem to be more women running these days than guys. I?ve become good friends with some of the women and really try to avoid the male conversation traits noted in these posts. It takes just a little effort but feels good to fit in with them.

[GretchenM]

Much of what you have all said about the way men behave sometimes, especially toward women, is true. But some men, and actually a lot, are not that way. I used to be that way myself until I came to grips with the frequent episodes when I switched to a mode of behavior more like my learned image of a female than a male. Over time I began to understand that somehow I was a blend of behaviors that were characteristic of each of the sexes. This were contrary to the dictates of the society and what I was taught with regard to the way men and women are supposed to behave according to what was explained as being the nature of men and women.

And now in the last couple of years along comes a highly revised version of the nature of gender called the Gender Mosaic. Over the last 25 years some neuroscientists have explored this in depth and found that what goes on in the brain is nothing like what we thought and most still think.

There is no such thing as a male brain or a female brain. In fact, they are more alike than they are different. The view that gender and sex are highly connected and control the operation of the brain is wrong, wrong, wrong. To make a very long and very complex story short, all humans have brains with hundreds of different structures that all work together, but each structure at a particular time is configured in a way that may be similar to what is usually found in a male's brain or in a female's brain. In other words everybody's brain is a blend of structures that are male-like and female-like in configuration and function. It is that way because of all the influences that have developed your particular blend of configurations. The big influence comes from environment and that is reflected in the different posts you have each made. What a beautiful picture that is.

The special part of it all is that wonderful ability of the brain to alter itself through brain plasticity, a process that can quickly reconfigure your brain after being influenced by some external factor you have a need to adapt to. Thus the particular blend of male-like and female-like configurations are always changing as you adapt to that which makes you most comfortable. As a result most of us (about 94% according to the results of many studies) are a changing and evolving blend of configurations. We are all unique when it comes to gender and therefore we are all equal. Some configurations can be more stereotypically male or female, but most of us are non-stereotypic if we are honest with ourselves and use the gender binary sparingly. Some males have a lot of female-like structure configurations and the same goes for women. Most, what we sometimes call cisgender, are more of an equal blend or a slightly biased blend in one direction or the other. But the big take away is that we are all unique and constantly changing this way and that. There is no binary gender - that is an illusion produced by over simplification of what is actually incredibly complex and only looking at the differences between males and females - in other words, allowing the genitals to define who you are rather than allowing the brain to define who you are. So, why not accept the uniqueness of each person and act accordingly in a non-stereotypical fashion? In short, recognize you are a blend of gender traits and characteristics that is unique and you should live according to that rather than a fixed traditional, stereotypical assembly of inflexible dictates.

In short, be who you really are and consciously embrace the changeable nature of that person - respond positively to the effects of brain plasticity rather than trying to toe the line on synthetic expectations that have no foundation in the reality of how our brains operate. Move away from the habit of only looking at the differences in people but also look at the vast amount of similarity between people as well. Much of what we have been taught about gender is based on the differences, but when you add to that the similarities gender looks very different and individual equality is the only real result that can occur. Each of us is unique and therefore we are all equal.

[Teresa]

Julie,
If only it was a simple as that , there are feminine minded guys and masculine minded GGs , not every GG wants to talk girly stuff.

I agree many guys are possibly not so good on femme talk, are members of the TG community any better ? The answer is not that much , even with some members of my social groups .

It's a little easier for me as my art group is a fairly level playing field , it's also made easier for me to integrate into the mix of men and women , I must admit I chat far more to women , they are obviously comfortable with that situation otherwise they wouldn't do it but we do have a common interest OK girl talk does come from that . It's also worth remembering women do not talk about clothes and makeup all the time , they usually have far more on their plate often it's more domestic chat or swapping ideas on gardening , which I'm perfectly OK with .

[NancySue]

For sure. I?ve read several books on feminine psychology, the best one was ?Men are from Mars, Women from Venus?..highly recommend. I?ve found as my dressing has increased, so has my way of thinking. My wife and I have great dialogue.

[Julie Martin]

Very interesting perspectives, thanks all. For me, I've always been a guy's guy, which is still my comfort zone. My efforts to understand female thought patterns are centered on my relationship with my wife. It takes a real effort for me to learn to empathize and process what (I imagine) things must look and feel like from her perspective, and we communicate a lot about this to our mutual benefit and marital harmony. But at a party, I'm in the guy's corner talking sports, construction, whatever, and am not necessarily comfortable talking with women if I have a choice..I'm making an effort to improve on that. But I do feel like inhabiting this fantasy character (what Julie is to me) occasionally, and learning the various aspects necessary to pull off the illusion in public, has had the side affect of making me think more about what life might actually be like for women..to the extent that's possible for a man. Even though I think I'm not a bad guy, as guys go..I wish I'd started to catch on to some of this years ago. The women in my life deserved better! But better late than never I guess..anyway..thanks for all your thoughts.

[sally rebecca]

As has been mentioned by others I also find it easier to talk to women and I think the identification with the feminine led me to crossdress rather than the other way round.

BUT I also find it easier to talk to other crossdressers than men I think that when dressed we are exposing ourselves as vulnerable and non threatening and this leads to a more open honest conversation both with each other and women. And there is no assumption that I'm interested in sport or cars, which I'm not.

Sally

PS I think some of the books about differences between the genders are based on sexists tropes. We have personalities influences by our upbringing and environment but IMHO not gender.

[Pixie_94]

No idea if any of this has helped, but I know I have insecurities that come from it.

[LilSissyStevie]

Crossdressing gives me as much perspective into being a woman as flapping my arms gives me into being a bird. On the other hand, the sexes aren't all that different. Any differences there are "on average" don't mean anything at the individual level. I know that when CDs start with the "men are beast" trope, it all seems like a desperate attempt to identify with women. Most women I know like typical men better than they like crossdressers.

[carhill2mn]

I agree that most men are clueless when to comes to talking with women. Too often in male life I was bored by men who only wanted to talk about fishing or sports. I do like many sports but I do not need to talk about them all of the time.

CDing itself was not a big help in my trying to better understand women, at least not early on. When I started to present as a woman more often and had a great ciswoman as a
mentor is when I began to get a better understanding of how women want to be treated and most of all, listened to. I paid much more attention to how they talked and interacted.

As I got older many of my best friends were women.

[Alice Torn]

Yes, LSS, sadly most women go for brutish guys, i find. I always was nice guy, gentleman, and they did not go for me.

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Me too Pixie.