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Thread: Questions from our GGs

  1. #51
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Apr 2019
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? I came out to my spouse before I started dressing. I wanted to be completely up front with her before I stared dressing.

    2) What regrets do you have if any? Suppressing my desire to dress my whole life. I wish I was upfront with myself earlier in life

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Dishonest

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? I don?t know

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? Not much has changed

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed? It sort of is. My wife is far from a girly girl

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Don?t reall care what others perceive.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? Doesn?t matter.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? IDK

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? It?s how they perceive femininity.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity? For me it?s the clothes, hair and makeup. I know there is an emotional aspect which I can?t relate to because I?m not a cis-woman. I over compensate with the visual aspect.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) Sometimes.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? Sometimes

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? IDK

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? Vanity. It?s all about me.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? She needs to spell it out. What is acceptable, what is not.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? I walk on eggshells.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Mornings when my wife is not home. Some evenings when she?s around but just jeans.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? It doesn?t

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I came out to her and she needed time to process it. I was always open to questions or conversation. She wasn?t willing to talk about it.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? No

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. I can?t truly feel feminine since I am not a real girl. I have this inner peace with myself when I am dressed. I feel good about myself.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  2. #52
    Aspiring Member Michelle Crossfire's Avatar
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? I never really did. I actually don't remember how i broke it to her.

    2) What regrets do you have if any? Marrying my first ex wife. Absolute disaster. CD'ing, maybe doing it more when i was younger

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? This question is too vague to answer.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? I can't answer that

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? N/A

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? We did this once for Halloween. It was fun, but not her cup of tea. When women CD, it is not really CDing, as they can wear almost anything.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? How is that possible?

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? I know it is my partner so probably

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? Personal preference, i suppose

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? I can't speak for anyone else.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray). I don't believe so.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? I don't understand this question

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? Aren't most women somewhat consumed by their image. If they weren't, they wouldn't dress the way they do.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? N/A

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? I guess that would be up to the individual CDer and partner

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? Again, that would be between the CDer and the partner

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Me, maybe 2-3 times a month

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? I only have my wife, and she is supportive. My social life as a CDer is limited to people i know who also do it. I have another social life that consists of people who do not know and more than likely, never will.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? no strategy, just gradual understanding over time.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? I am married, so no dating at my age, but it would not be the sole reason if i were. It would help though

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    That is a tough one to answer.
    [/B]
    [B][I]Call me Michelle:

  3. #53
    Tomi
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    My CDing started two yeras into our marriage and I told her right away.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    No but I'm not the regretting type of guy anyway.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    Yeah, there were a year when I thought it was only a passing fetish thing and I that can stop it for good. After I realized it's not I came clean to my wife and we set up some boundaries so we both get what we want.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    Lack of response could mean two things i believe. Either it's because of unacceptance and frustration or that she is accpeting/tolerating but not comfortable with the topic so she rather not talk about it. All I can do is ask which one and believe whatever the answere is. I hate mindgames so I ask 2 or 3 times at most (if I'm suspicious) but if the answere is the same I leave it at that.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    It's mutually accapteble always. If not we communicate and figure out how can it be acceptable again.

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    Probably the same as my wife. That's why I'm not pushing her to be more accepting than she can

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    Of course not, but I wouldn't wnt to be presented as a lesbain couple either.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    Probably not but maybe I gave it a try if it would be a really burning desire of her to act out with me.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    I don't get the "other time" part but I think CD is a little bit like cosplay, at least for me. Of course I want it to be fun and sexy, and not boring.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    I never thought that any dress or make up defines "Feminity", they are just symboles of feminity and I dress up to nurture my feminine side with theese symbols.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    My definition of Feminity has nothing to do with my dressing (see 10.) so I think it's irrelevant.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    No, I'm attracted to the woman, not her dress. But surely I like to dress the way which I find attracted on women, but I think it's evident

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    No.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    Beacuse CDing is largely a visual experience, you want to LOOK like a woman. For me it's just as much about the feeling of the fabric and the psychological aspect of it (feeling realxed, stress free etc.), so I'm nat particularry obsessed but I get it.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    Because in the real life most of the CDers have to hide and do this alone or with their SO at best. Here on the forum they can be themselves and that means they can talk freely and dress freely without feeling embarrased or ashamed, but in a forum dressing freely means posting pictures.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    It's not a CDing issue it's a general communication issue. For a CDer you don't have to spell out boundaries more then any other subject. If you talked about this and he still steps over the line then maybe you haven't talked it through enough or the pink fog got the better of him then maybe it's time for therapy or more talking. Or he doesn't care about boundaries, in that case you have bigger problems in your marriage then CDing.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    "Pushing too much" means he is in a situation which is not comfortable to him. He represses this side of him more then he can handle it. It doesn't mean you have to be more accepting or tolerating so he can live comfortably. It means you have to talk about it so he can understand your point of view. If he loves and respects you then the things you say puts things into another perspective which maybe alters his point of view (or he says something which alters yours). I think this is the only way to work out a balanced relationship. Otherwise it only ends up someone repressing feelings and frustration.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    30 minutes to 1 hour.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    It doesn't affect it, I dress alone.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    I never have strategy. I honestly tell how I feel and hope she understands me at the end which she always does (regardless of it is about CDing or any other subject), and it's the same way with her. It's a relationship I don't think I have to "own" anything. Everything based on mutual love and respect. I tell her everything and I trust her she tells me everythihng too. Of course if I think she is in pain (regarding CDing or anything) I ask her.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    No but since I would tell her in the beginning it would be a starting point for sure.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    In my daily life I feel I have to be 100% man (strong and responsible father, husband) which is stressful for me at times. I believe the reason for my stress is that I'm just about 80-90% of man and I can't get in touch with my feminine side that often and I'm balancing it with CDing which is about putting on feminine symbols to feel feminine. So my feeling of feminine is coming from the psychological effect of the symbol. I don't think I can feel feminine the way women feel feminine because I'm not a woman. On the other hand my CDing is partly fetishistic so sometimes I dress to feel submassive, sexy and confident which I know is fetishized feminity (hence the fetish) which comes from porn but I don't think I'm hurting anyone with it since it doesn't change my respect towards women.

  4. #54
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    1) Yes, I wish I had told her before we married. I did not tell her until the start of this year. 6 years after we married.
    2) not telling her before we married and that I was definitely bi and more sexually adventurous than what she is(I think.)
    3)Yes
    4)I don't think lack of response means acceptance. I think it can mean they are trying to process their feelings and concerns. However, some CDs, like anybody else make assumptions which are often wrong.
    5)So far seems acceptable. However, I realize things could change. I am letting my wife take this out her speed not mine. In saying that I think at the moment she is moving faster in this area than I maybe.
    6)Great question. I would accept it. However, I would not find it sexy or exciting. I think man clothes suck, so the idea of her going to bed in my PJs or my boxer shorts, would do nothing for me at all. Would find it a turn off. I think it is important for me as a CDer to ALWAYS remember that. She married a man first, I need to remember that. Just like a married a woman first.
    7)If went out and were perceived as a male gay couple I would that find that a turn on probably. I am bi.
    8)Nope. But I am not into men with facial hair either.
    9)I think some of it maybe fetishism. The outfits I like depend i find exciting. However, for me that is usually contemporary clothing. As a CD I like being submissive. Perhaps other eras are seen as more submissive by some CDs IDK. Different strokes for differetn folks.
    10) Again different CDers find different things exciting. The woman I imagine myself to be maybe quite different from the GG working at the office.
    11) For me it's what I imagine. I will never know what it's like to be a GG. So outside of my dressing and makeup I don't even try to be a GG. I am very visual, so for me CDing is all about how I look.
    12) I am absolutely attracted to the woman I dress as. However, these woman I dress as do change. They have been small, breasted, large breasted, brunette, long haired blonde,short black hair, heavy makeup or light make up, military, office workers, clubbing, bikini on the beach, call girl etc. However, when I dress no matter what it is a very sexual thing for me.
    13)Sometimes. Just like she wants me to wear certain clothes sometimes. However, I don't pressure her. I wish she would not pressure me to dress like a yuppy
    14)For me I like to look as much like a woman as I can sometimes.
    15)I don't. Can't speak for others.
    16)Partner will have to spell out their needs, desires, concerns. The CDer will have to do the same. Removes ambiguity that way. Nobody is a mind reader.
    17) See above. Patience with all parties is vital. All need to also understand that their are always boundaries that the other may never want to cross.
    18) Hardly ever anymore. I will dress more if I lose some weight.
    19)Not much at the moment I would say. Still, there are lots of things I used to do that I no longer do. Same with my wife. That is just part of life. People change.
    20)I owned it and have let her know we can talk about anything she wants whenever she wants.
    21)No I would not. CDing is just a part of my life. Not all of it.
    22)I don't really say I feel feminine as to me that implies I know what its like to be a woman. I don't. When dressed I feel aroused. It is a sexual experience for me. Lastly, for me, no matter what, I will always just see myself as a man in a dress and I am okay with that
    Just another man in a dress

  5. #55
    Member Genni's Avatar
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    Jan 2016
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    N/A. I told her before we were engaged to be married.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    I don't have any.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    I don't think I was dishonest with myself, although I didn't always know myself very well.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    It's probably some wishful thinking.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    Yes. When I told her about my interest in feminine clothes she said it "didn't matter" and appeared to accept me as I was. That changed shortly after we married.

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    I would think that I would encourage and support her no matter how she chose to present.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    I would want to be perceived as a supportive, encouraging partner.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    That would be a difficult adjustment.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    Perhaps nostalgia?

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    I can't speak to over-done makeup. I seldom wear any makeup at all. I admit that some of my lingerie is over the top - a lacy teddy for example. I find such lingerie sexy on women and somehow project that sexy feeling onto myself when wearing it - despite knowing that few women would find that sexy on their male lover. Perhaps it is similar to people that like to wear their sports hero's jersey to identify with their success?

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    Strength, softness, caring, nurturing

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    I don't know that I try to portray any particular "kind" of woman. I'm just trying to be me, but dressed in women's clothing. I'm not very limited in the type of women that I'm attracted to.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    I want my partner to dress as she wishes.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    This probably doesn't apply to me. I don't think I'm obsessed with my image. I know I'm not pretty when dressed.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    I can't speak to this. I don't remember ever posting my picture there.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    I cannot read her mind. Indeed, I have learned that I cannot trust that spelled-out acceptance can be retracted.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    It is important to honor commitments - on both sides.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    A few hours, I would guess.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    Very little, if any.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    My strategy was simple. Tell her.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    That would be a big factor - but that cannot be the full basis for the relationship.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    It means feeling like I think a woman would feel. When I feel feminine, I feel happy :-)

  6. #56
    Member BrittanyB's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    Yes

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    Not trusting her about this part of me and the stress I put her through when she discovered a small bag of clothes I had forgotten to hide. For 3 days she kept that to herself, thinking I had been having an affair, before confronting me,. I regret the pain that caused and the pain of my revelation that the clothes were really mine. Was I gay? Do I want to be a woman full time? All the doubts, insecurities, and unknowns this unplanned revelation created.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    Yes, and ashamed and disgusted and scared.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    Not sure why that is. Perhaps it?s another delusion?wanting/needing acceptance that is not there. God knows delusion is certainly a hazard in this ?hobby? or this condition.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    N/A

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    It would be challenging for me, but I *hope* that I would also seek to understand and maybe that allows us to find some balance of needs.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    No, I would not. If I came to understand the need, it?s possible that I would be ok going out with them, but strictly presenting as friends, not a couple.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    No.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    I?m assuming you mean, for example, from say the 1950?s or 1980?s? I suspect that the era/style has a deeper rooted connection, perhaps a relative dressed that way in a period where they first experimented with female clothes/items. Perhaps as a result of what was in their heads during early periods, it got reinforced and is now a trigger? I know I love the look of wool skirtsuits from the early 60?s (think JackieO) and my mother had a similar outfit that I vaguely remembered her wearing and ultimately tried on when digging through old stored clothes much later. Is the link? Maybe.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    Not sure?might have something to do with poor skills and not getting/having the feedback that would tell them that it looks gaudy. It may sound strange, but in many ways CD?s are not bound by ego and social pressures that would otherwise have them ?lock in? to ?acceptable? makeup and clothes.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    Hmm?softer, caring, empathetic, strength (more like water and less like Iron if that makes sense).

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    Not any moreso than other ?kinds?.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    Not really?I think she looks best in styles that I wouldn?t look as good as.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    I?m not sure?for me it is very much like a hobby and I?m a little OCD with most of my hobbies. I want to get better at finding clothes that hide my masculine shape and give the illusion of a more feminine shape. Same is true with makeup. Yes, I want to look as convincing/passable/blendable as possible sometimes. I also want to feel pretty?I don?t know why that is, but I do. Those two certainly fall more into the ?image? bucket than say wanting to ?feel good about myself? which may or may not involve ?image?.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    Not sure?I suppose it could be searching for affirmation? It could also be titillating or exciting to share a pic when they?ve spent their lives not telling anyone or sharing this with anyone. Finally, I guess it could also be fetishistic in some ways.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    This is a strange enough ?hobby? or condition for most spouses that it is very risky trying to anticipate the spouses? boundaries. I think that must be an ongoing dialogue.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    There needs to be some understanding of why a boundary exists to know whether pushing the boundary (through dialogue) is ok. If an explicit boundary is set as ?you can wear skirts but not dresses?, with the absence of why it is more likely to be pushed (without dialogue). If it appears arbitrary, it?s more likely to be pushed. That?s not saying it is correct?far better to communicate and understand and respect the boundary.
    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    Varies over time?lately 1-2 hours per week if there is a window of time alone (wife doesn?t want to see, but is accepting of this need of mine).

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    The one way I think it affects our social and family life is that in the absence of some time to dress, I will opt toward not joining her on say a hike or grocery shopping, etc so that I can squeeze in a little time to dress. Otherwise it hasn?t affected our lives really.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    As stated earlier she found some items?it was very difficult for a period of time. Other than the very initial moment she confronted me, I have always answered her questions honestly. My very initial response was ?I like the feel of the fabric??that obviously isn?t honest even though it is true. I also shared much more as the conversation went on, but she latched on to that first half truth and I didn?t realize that until a few weeks later.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    N/A since married, but hypothetically, no, I would not. So much more to what makes a successful relationship that should come first.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    For me, I guess it would involve a combination of things together: a certain confidence in how I look, the feeling of softer fabrics against my skin, smelling nice (a dab of perfume) and the state where my responsibilities and stresses recede into the background while the aforementioned are in place. I fully understand those may have nothing at all to do with femininity, but it is how I ?feel feminine?. It is in that state where my mind feels softer, more caring, more empathetic, and stronger, like water, rather than Iron.

  7. #57
    Member shellybme's Avatar
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    Jun 2016
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    219
    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? Yes initially but now knows

    2) What regrets do you have if any? Purging. Loss a lot of good things

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Yes most definitely

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Idk, I guess we all want some type of validation in our society

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? NA

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I think it would be difficult to accept something out of the norm but if you love that person then you love that person no matter what.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Would not bother me

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? I think that would be interesting

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? NA

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? Because it is the extreme of those qualities and for me as a CD i definitely lack it in normal everyday life.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity? NA

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) NO

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? I wish my spouse would wear some of my lingerie she has a great body and as men we are visual.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? Isn't everyone?

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? NA

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? Can anticipate from a mile away

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? I would be if I wanted the arrangement to stick.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? 0 very rarely maybe a couple of times a month or two

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? 0

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? No strategy just was sick and tired of hiding who i was.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? No

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. Being pretty and girly.
    "Girls of all kinds can be beautiful-from the thin, plus sized, short, very tall, ebony to porcelain-skinned; the quirky, clumsy, shy, outgoing and all in between. It's not easy though because many people still put beauty into a confining, narrow box...Think outside of the box...Pleadge that you will look in the mirror and find the unique beauty in you." Tyra Banks

  8. #58
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    Southern Ontario
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    Yes. Absolutely yes.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    well, not telling my wife. Feeling shame/guilt for too long. Not exploring my sexuality earlier in life.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    Not dishonest .... I misunderstood what this feeling and need was.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    No clue. Lack of response if I ever told my SO is one of my fears, actually. There'd be no way it meant acceptance, far from it.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    N/A

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    My wife dressing as a man? Fine. I have no problem.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    I don't care what people would think at this stage in my life.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    Sure. My SO is who she is regardless of appearance.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    Do we?

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    It's an aspect of yourself you are trying to bring out ir explore, but not really sure. It's like asking why someone CDs in the first place to me.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    Oh, good one. Less toxic, more intuitive, more engaged with one's feelings.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    I am attracted to the person's intelligence and curiosity first and foremost. How they present is of only secondary consideration.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    Yes and no, I guess. Can't really explain. More no. I don't want to impose my style on anyone else.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    No sure.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    N/A

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    Depends on the person. Mine would need to be spelled out firmly.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    N/A

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    0 hours these days. Wife and university-aged son home all the time. Closeted. Equal 0 time. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    Dressing? Except for the fact that this is hidden, it doesn't. I can't add to my wardrobe due to space considerations. Since no one knows, they are not affected by it.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    N/A

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    That would be a factor in the decision to date someone, but far from the only one.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    less tense, less angry, less stressed, less wound up. Calmer. Happier. Simpler.
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  9. #59
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    293
    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    >>> We talked within a couple of months of the new development. We were in our mid 50?s and had been married 35 years or so. So, no.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    >>> remains to be seen

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    >>> Not really. I have had to be very introspective since the inclination first developed, but not dishonest.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    >>> No idea. I think I?m more the opposite in that I feel hyper-vigilant to her acceptance or non-acceptance. I?m always leery of hitting a ?gag reflex? point and having her back away.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    >>> acceptance has grown.

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    >>> I?ve been fairly adaptable in our marriage. More so than her. I?m sure it would depend on the exact point of reversal.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    >>> No, but being a man-in-a-dress type I don?t want to go out as a lesbian couple.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    >>> I don?t think so, but this particular question has the equivalent of ?Would you (a GG) want to have sex with a man who shaves his facial hair?? There are other/better comparative questions, in my opinion. Armpit hair might be a better comparison. And, if it made her feel good about herself, I think I could get used to her with armpit hair and maybe even find it to be sexy. My thought is that, the sexier she felt, the sexier I?d find it to be.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    >>> That one has to be as varied as crossdressers are and even as women are.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    >>> I?m not in this group but my guess would be that ?typical? understated makeup would not push the individual to the point that overcomes the masculine that has to be overcome to ?feel? like the person desired.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    >>> from the standpoint of clothing/style, to me Femininity=Indulgence

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    >>> I think that most heterosexual men find all sorts of women to be attractive. And, as a man ages, the more generous his scale of attractiveness becomes. But, finding a woman to be attractive and being ?attracted? to (as in wanting to be in an intimate relationship) are two different things. Being heterosexual and intrinsically monogamous, I am only attracted to my wife in that respect.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    >>> My wife has always been both stylish and varied in her wardrobe. I will point out favorites, but other than that she has never changed her style to suit me.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    >>> Everyone wants to be seen and appreciated for who they perceive themselves to be.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    >>> Selfies of any kind are statement of identity as well as an ask for affirmation. Photos here may be the only point of affirmation many will get. If photos are injected into another?s post, that post becomes more of a dialog than a monologue. There is obviously a point where it could cross a line, but back-and-forth is how humans relate.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    >>> Whether CD or not, boundaries are an issue in any relationship.
    >>> My wife seems to have a sort of ?gag reflex? to certain things that are well within my range of taste. I try to respect that. That?s her unwritten boundary. But...
    >>> If her boundaries fall too far short of my range of taste, I have sort of a ?resentment reflex? that often comes out as passive-aggressive behavior that neither of us likes. That?s my unwritten boundary.
    >>> We?ve been pretty good at staying in between the ?gag reflex? and ?resentment reflex?...


    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    >>> See 16

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    >>> Most of the time if we?re not out or having company. I never present as a woman. I wear a beard. But, I find the comfortable indulgence of wearing a simple dress or skirt around the house to be totally logical. If I?m working in my back yard, I tend to wear jeans or shorts.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    >>> We?re both homebodies and I?m private about my tastes so I dress appropriately to go out or if we?re expecting company. I have some strategically placed cover up clothes around the house for any surprise visitors.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    >>> I had no preconceived idea of what was ahead so we both struggled through it together. It wasn?t one-sided.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    >>> If I were single and wanting to date anyone, I definitely might go out on A DATE with an obviously accepting GG. But, to continue to date ?solely? on the basis of her acceptance despite other lack of compatibilities seems extremely unlikely.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    >>> I actually never feel feminine. I am jealous of the clothes that women get to freely choose, but not otherwise jealous of women. I appreciate the differences between my wife and myself as well as the common things.


    23) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.

    >>> I wouldn?t know. See above.
    Last edited by Bea_; 05-18-2020 at 10:21 PM.

  10. #60
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Location
    Central California
    Posts
    784
    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? I told her. She is not thrilled.

    2) What regrets do you have if any? I should have been bolder younger.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Not really. I always knew I liked this stuff.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? What? Cold shoulder means yes in whose world.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? NA

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? What, she wears men's clothes? What women does not?

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? not really no. I always said I was a lesbian because I love women.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? What kind of sex?

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? I give up, why?

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? It is mostly a fun thing to do. Remember I am in this for the fun, not a statement like I am woman hear me roar.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity? Soft, sweet, cute and sexy.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) I could be but also I like all types of women, sorry for being vague.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? No, but she does dress cute all the time.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? Good question, ask a Psychologist.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? I did not notice. But it is fun to go back and see how you have improved the look.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? I am dumb as a rock, spell it out. Afterall I am still a guy underneath all this stuff. I need help.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? The wise is very careful not to push it.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? 4 hours.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Don't

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? Come out as what? Gay? I am not gay, I am a lesbian remember. A crossdresser does not mean trans in my book. My plan was to tell her the truth. She kind of knew that I liked womens clothes, she has seen me in bra and panties for 20 years. I am just pushing the envelope now. Too fast? 20 years later...

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? I she really nice, fun, good looking, rich, lets me share in her wardrobe, live on the beach? Yes.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.


    .[/QUOTE]
    Last edited by Natalie5004; 05-18-2020 at 11:07 PM.

  11. #61
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    UK - The Midlands
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    210
    Late to the party but I will join in:

    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    I told her before marriage, but I regret it took me 5 years.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    Never living on my own and being free to understand myself through experimentation.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    Yes, if i was I might have understood what I wanted earlier.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    I treat it as the opposite.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    Yes when it was only underwear in the bedroom, as long as it wasnt too oftrn

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    I would hope given my situation I would be very supportive.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    I wouldnt want to, doesnt mean I wouldnt.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    Try anything once but no wouldnt want to.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    Because they look fun to wear

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    Over compensating because male features show through, or because they want to.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    Na

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    I am attracted to many kind of woman, as long as they are gorgeous and dress well.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    I want her to dress how she pleases, that is all anyone wants on here.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    Because we are shallow and want to be accepted for who we are. I love it when people say I am attractive, who wouldnt?

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    NA

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    100% need them spelled out, a written list would be ideal.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    Yes of course

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    2-3 hours :-(

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    I would chose a day out shopping on my own than spending a day with family, but only because I would have already spent more days out with my family. Its a balance.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    I refused to prepose until I told her but I didnt plan how tell her until she cornered me and I broke down in tears and told her.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    No

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    Cant describe it

  12. #62
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    5,985
    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    We were both in our teens when we started dating. At one point I told her I liked the feel of hose. Young girls being young girls (16?ish) she told her best friend and of course, little remarks and giggles followed. So that sort of put me off coming out and expanding my desires further.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    That it took me so long to find the confidence to go out in public. The early years were however devoid of internet access so it was a lonely existence. Only as the web expanded did my knowledge and access to clothing expand.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    No.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    Can?t answer other that I suppose that if your SO doesn?t explode like a firework there has to be at least tolerance if not true acceptance.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    N/A

    6) How would you feel if the situation was reversed?
    If going out and the situation was my SO was looking for relationships then that puts a strain on the trust side of the relationship. As when I go out looking for a relationship is off the table entirely if she were to be only meeting similar people for social encounters then I hope I could live with that.

    7) Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    No, that would be disturbing for my SO to be thought of as male.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    No but in the same way my SO doesn?t like men with facial hair.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    Not sure what is meant by this.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    We weren?t taught from an early age how to dress and no-one critiques those who often dress in isolation. The mirror is a fickle friend.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    Femininity for me often manifests itself as the ability to empathise and to communicate, a caring persona. Of course there are times when ?glamour? plays it?s part. The ability to maximise their looks and to show off those attribute nature gives both sexes as a way of attracting a mate to put it bluntly. It?s a self-awareness linked to self-confidence.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    Mainly but not exclusively. I can?t see me being attracted to a hard drinking, foul mouthed, unkempt female but I wouldn?t want a male like that as a friend either.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    No, she has to have her style.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    To be able to look as feminine as they can and not like a man in a dress. If I?m obsessed with my image when going out it?s so I can look like women of my age so as to not stand out. I want to be Mrs Average. Not overdressed but as someone who dresses for that time and place. Denim for the supermarket, tailored skirt of going clothes shopping.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    N/A

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    That I feel will vary from couple to couple.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    If they?ve got any sense!

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    20 hours

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    It doesn?t, it?s worked into the time left available.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    N/A

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    No

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    Relaxed, comfortable in my own skin. Dressing is part of who I am and not a sexual thing. I can stop playing the manly role, put the testosterone back in it?s bottle. A GG isn?t going to put on heels and their best dress and then go and wash the car. Do you (GG?s) not act somewhat differently when you dress for an occasion? Well for us just putting on a plain skirt and tee along with forms and a wig is an occasion. It signals a change one where something in our DNA is allowed to show itself and we get to feel that release.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  13. #63
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    California
    Posts
    161
    Quote Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater View Post
    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    We were both in our teens when we started dating. At one point I told her I liked the feel of hose. Young girls being young girls (16?ish) she told her best friend and of course, little remarks and giggles followed. So that sort of put me off coming out and expanding my desires further.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    That it took me so long to find the confidence to go out in public. The early years were however devoid of internet access so it was a lonely existence. Only as the web expanded did my knowledge and access to clothing expand.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    No.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    Can?t answer other that I suppose that if your SO doesn?t explode like a firework there has to be at least tolerance if not true acceptance.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    N/A

    6) How would you feel if the situation was reversed?
    If going out and the situation was my SO was looking for relationships then that puts a strain on the trust side of the relationship. As when I go out looking for a relationship is off the table entirely if she were to be only meeting similar people for social encounters then I hope I could live with that.

    7) Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    No, that would be disturbing for my SO to be thought of as male.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    No but in the same way my SO doesn?t like men with facial hair.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    Not sure what is meant by this.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    We weren?t taught from an early age how to dress and no-one critiques those who often dress in isolation. The mirror is a fickle friend.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    Femininity for me often manifests itself as the ability to empathise and to communicate, a caring persona. Of course there are times when ?glamour? plays it?s part. The ability to maximise their looks and to show off those attribute nature gives both sexes as a way of attracting a mate to put it bluntly. It?s a self-awareness linked to self-confidence.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    Mainly but not exclusively. I can?t see me being attracted to a hard drinking, foul mouthed, unkempt female but I wouldn?t want a male like that as a friend either.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    No, she has to have her style.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    To be able to look as feminine as they can and not like a man in a dress. If I?m obsessed with my image when going out it?s so I can look like women of my age so as to not stand out. I want to be Mrs Average. Not overdressed but as someone who dresses for that time and place. Denim for the supermarket, tailored skirt of going clothes shopping.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    N/A

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    That I feel will vary from couple to couple.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    If they?ve got any sense!

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    20 hours

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    It doesn?t, it?s worked into the time left available.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    N/A

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    No

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    Relaxed, comfortable in my own skin. Dressing is part of who I am and not a sexual thing. I can stop playing the manly role, put the testosterone back in it?s bottle. A GG isn?t going to put on heels and their best dress and then go and wash the car. Do you (GG?s) not act somewhat differently when you dress for an occasion? Well for us just putting on a plain skirt and tee along with forms and a wig is an occasion. It signals a change one where something in our DNA is allowed to show itself and we get to feel that release.
    Well done Ms. Highwater

  14. #64
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,173
    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? I was asymptomatic for 8 years before we got married and 5 years after. This was 1968-69. What was there to tell? I figured it had gone away. Back then you didn't tell people about such things if you knew what was good for you. My wife kept some secrets from me as well. People do that.

    2) What regrets do you have if any? I somewhat regret telling her after the behavior came back, but I left plenty of behavioral patterns about that she could have noticed but apparently didn't. I take this as evidence for the power of the gender binary - when gender is thought to be defined by sex hints are ignored because the sex remains the same.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? In retrospect I obviously thought that because I was riddled with shame and self disgust over this inexplicable behavior. That also kept me from revealing the truth until I was 67 (2012) when the tension over a powerful return of the pattern forced me to divulge the truth. Fortunately, the world had changed "a bit" since 1968 and it was much safer to come out from the point of view of backlash which so often results in trans people committing suicide (I thought about it several times in the past).

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Because they desire acceptance - everybody desires acceptance of whoever they are. Any signs of acceptance are often exaggerated because of the mind set of the person who desires acceptance. It is the way humans are; we tend to cherry pick from the total that which fits our expectation. Perfectly normal, but nevertheless wrong. It persists because it works.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? N/A

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? That is always an excellent exercise to perform no matter what the issue. Turn the tables. It is also honestly impossible to answer because you can't know what it would be like. So any "empathic" feelings are nothing more than suppositions based on expectations. But I would hope that I would be at least somewhat understanding and accepting. Psychologically, this also goes to the issue of whether the love you have for your mate is unconditional or conditional. Most people work in a conditional framework but think they operate in an unconditional framework.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? That would not bother me. I accept and know a lot of gay, lesbian, and bi people because I live in a neighborhood where there are a lot present. It's no big deal. And it is obviously not a big deal for my wife.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? That is another one of those suppositional matters that cannot be truthfully answered until you have experienced that. So any answer without experience is little more than a supposition. Whether you adhere to the ancient gender binary that has no real foundation or one of the more modern concepts of gender where sex is disconnected from gender, the answer depends upon the mind set of the person answering. If the person is attracted to people with facial hair then it is OK. For example, if a female is attracted to masculinity and she associates masculinity with facial hair, facial hair might well be a turn on. But if that female is attracted to masculinity but does not associate facial hair with masculinity then facial hair might well be a turn off. You can't generalize this stuff. Everybody is different. That is the problem with the gender binary concept. It is based upon generalized assumptions that have never been verified because they can't be verified. Our brains, gender behaviors, and sex do not work the way the gender binary thinks they do. Generalization leads to stereotyping which leads to gender hierarchies which has produced the mind set of men being dominant and women being subordinate. Unfortunately, all of that is caused by cherry picking the differences between males and females and ignoring the vast number of similarities which leads to a more accurate view of the differences and a realization that, when it comes to gender behaviors, there really is only a fraction of the difference that we think there is. That leads to everyone being different which leads to difficulty forming hierarchical social structures which leads to a conclusion that males and females are equal. Mind set and gender concept and model should be based on how those processes actually work in our bodies and minds. That way, we keep the relationships true to the biological functions rather than impose artificial classifications and structures based on ideologies, wishful thinking, and power structures. So concepts like the gender spectrum, continuum, or mosaic naturally tend to align with the neurological functioning of the brain from which all behavior originates.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? Basically because that is the stereotype we have been taught. The structure of the question kind of answers itself. But why does that exist? If you examine the long history of the development of the gender binary concept which goes back to about the time agriculture was invented and we moved away from the more egalitarian hunter-gatherer cultures, the social structure of the agricultural life style became implanted into the thinking about male and female differences and started the cherry picking of the rather few traits and characteristics that are more or less unique to males and females while ignoring the vast array of traits and characteristics that are the same in both sexes. That lead to hierarchical thinking which permeated other social elements such as religious beliefs and eventually psychology, psychiatry and medicine. Attempts were made to verify these assumptions but until fMRI technology came along in the last 20 years or so there was no way to verify the accuracy of the old gender concepts. Now we know the brain doesn't work that way and yet we still cling to the ancient and erroneous gender binary concepts. Tradition is strong in social animals.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? See the answer to question 9 and think about it. It is the stereotype.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity? As a gender mosaican I reject the concepts of femininity and masculinity because the truth is there really isn't much difference between males and females when the whole package is considered. Yet feminine and masculine expression in form of clothing and self decoration is an industry to goes back to long before Homo sapiens came into existence - it is the oldest industry we humans have. Males and females decorated themselves differently because of fundamental beliefs. It is custom based in our high consciousness which leads to producing concepts of a sense of self or what neuroscience calls Theory of Mind which forms our personal identities. The pattern of decoration, although usually different, may not be depending upon the individualized sense of self each person has. Thus, if a male identifies more with the female roles then it was proper for him to include female decorations. In many hunter-gatherer cultures today that is still a way members of the culture tell each other what their orientation is. It represents an acceptance in those cultures that a person's sex is not necessarily parallel with their sense of self.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) Like I portray? Yes. Like the stereotype? Not really, but I do admire such women much as I admire Monet paintings or Ansel Adams photographs. They are beautiful but they tell you few of the intimate details of the artist's life. Just their concept of beauty.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? Absolutely not. They should express who they are rather than some synthetic, stereotypical expression based on the configuration of their genitals. I can tell the difference between a male and a female without high fashion being used, but if high fashion is their style then go for it.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? Because that is the focus of the gender binary rules that most people adhere to. The social pressure to conform to stereotypical beliefs is incredibly strong because we are social animals and we need to feel like we are a part of the social community.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? Because that is the way they express themselves as an individual with a Theory of Mind and a self identity that is unique to them. That is the biologically based diversity in sense of self that we all have. It is the rigidity of social standards that results in frowning on certain forms of expression thereby denying some people's sense of self in order to force compliance with an ideology that has no verifiable basis for existing within the workings of our brains.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? It is both. It is a function of communication between creatures that are unbelievably complex and, presumably, intelligent.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? Expressing yourself and your Theory of Mind is one thing that is completely proper because we are all different and therefore we are all equal and we need to be ourselves, warts and all. But forcing another to comply with standards that are not a part of that person's Theory of Mind, no matter which direction that forcing goes, is contrary to the biological reality in contrast to a more contrived social ideology that demands compliance with a core belief that males and females are different. It even leads to the false belief that men and women have different brains. They aren't. They are certainly not interchangeable, but at birth they are amazingly similar and it is the exposure to the environment that generates some differences in a few structures and that happens because our brains are always rewiring themselves to produce the best fit with experience. It is called Brain Plasticity is a core concept in neuroscience. You are not born hardwired for being anything other than a human provided with some fundamental tools. You don't even form a gender identity until you are about three years old, sometimes about two. Prior to that the brain is just gathering information and does not have the ability to recognize gender differences and turn them into a Theory of Mind that includes gender differences. So, what ever is fed to a child regarding gender becomes expressed later when the gender identity forms. The brain requires the information before it can do anything with that information when more rationality develops as the brain matures over roughly the first 16 years of life.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Very little if any. For me, dressing is an enjoyable behavior where I single out a particular portion of my Theory of Mind (sense of self) and express that all the while knowing that the expression is only a small part of who I am in total. I accept that I am a blend of male-like, female-like, and intermediate brain structures and configurations that create a similarly structured sense of self that I can work with in any way that is appropriate for the moment. (Studies show that 94% of us are built that way.) That is why in the presence of females I can relate to them on a similar level - I turn to my more female-like brain configurations to engage in that association. But if I then turn to a group of men my brain senses the difference and reduces the activity of female-like parts and raises the volume on the male-like configurations. Not special. We all do it. It is the way the brain functions. But, in me, I believe I have a preponderance of female-like configurations which allows me to be more performatively proficient with females than males. Why? Because after 75 years that is the way my brain is configured as a result of lifetime of experiences that have all had an influence on my personal Theory of Mind as produced through brain plasticity. In other words my gender identity is almost totally internalized and therefore, for me, expression in dress is not important.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? It really doesn't, but my internal sense of gender affects it a lot. I tend to be a little strange but very likable to many people, unless they are so fixated on stereotypical behaviors that it creates conceptual conflicts. That is their problem; not mine.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? We both struggled with it and both went to therapy. She is very traditional about gender and she revolves around concepts of gender stereotype. As you can tell, I am the opposite. Yet it still works - we recently had our 51st anniversary and we still love and support each other very much. It is just configured a little differently when it comes to fundamental concepts of what should be and what should maybe not be the case. That is actually healthy because it leaves room for growth.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? That would be a benefit, but is not a requirement.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. As I said before, I don't accept the concepts of feminine and masculine. But when I am in a state where my female-like traits are active I feel more emotionally connected to people in the way of stronger empathy, sympathy, and compassion. Those traits also create a greater appreciation for beauty, design, and pattern which are all emotion based concepts with a high degree of expression in females irrespective of the cultural environment. It is a sense of more connection to the environment as it is rather than as it could be with modification which tends to be a stronger force in male behaviors. But none of those are unique to either sex because our brains are configured as a blend of male-like, female-like, and intermediate configurations that produce the associated behaviors that form gender identity and functional expression. The blend may vary, but the fundamental fact that there is a blend remains a constant in all but about 6% of humans who tend to be more purely configured in one way and only one way, at least until their brain plasticity decides some other pattern will work better.

    Sorry about this being so long, but they were good questions. Hope you learned something.

  15. #65
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Gretchen, What an absolutely wonderful post, Thanks!
    Crissy

  16. #66
    Sort of a n00b Pixie_94's Avatar
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    Aug 2017
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    I don't know how I didn't notice this one before.

    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?

    I have no spouse, I'm single.

    2) What regrets do you have if any?

    No spouse, so I guess this one doesn't apply.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?

    Same as before.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?

    Either a strong lack of communication or I don't know what it is, but that's surely fuel for a mess.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?

    I have no partner and I'm afraid of having one.

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?

    If you meant "How would you feel...", no idea, it still doesn't doesn't apply to me.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?

    No, simply not.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?

    No. Why did this take the gay way?

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?

    Apparently there's usually an impact related to a TV show, a theatre play or even something they saw in magazines, deeply imprinted, if that's the correct word.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?

    Apparently too much content of what I mentioned in the previous answer or that they want to do a bit as drag queens do.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?

    I don't know how, but this almost gave me a headache. I don't know how to define it with words.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)

    What? Did I miss anything?

    13) Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?

    Not if that means always over the top and not exactly in a graceful way.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?

    The pink fog, I guess.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?

    I don't know. I use this website on my phone. It doesn't show pics, do I don't know what you mean.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?

    Not exactly. There's been some real disasters of a case.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?

    Most of the time they aren't.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?

    None, since months ago.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?

    Stress in general.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?

    I have no S.O.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?

    I don't understand dating

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.

    You want me to get a migraine, right?

  17. #67
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? I regret having taken so long to do so.

    2) What regrets do you have if any? I took so long (almost 50 years) to accept who I am.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Of course, we all are for at least some period of time.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? It's not what they think, it's what they hope for.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? NA

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I am ashamed to say, I would be completely unaccepting.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? NA

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? No.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? I have no earthly idea.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? Dressing appropriately is, shall we say, lacking in our community.

    11) What is your definition of Femininity? Wish I knew.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) Yes, and I don't "portray", it's who I am.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? No.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? I am not obsessed, but given how long it took me to be me, I am pleased and always interested.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? It's the easiest way for us to gain some level of acceptance.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? Spell them out, but you should know your partner on some level.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? NA

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? At least a good portion of three days each week.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Given that I waited for the nest to be empty and that my wife is completely accepting, it has zero affect.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? It took a while, but I 100% owned it.

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? NA

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. Don't really have an ability to articulate my feeling feminine, but when completely dressed, I feel completely feminine.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!

    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  18. #68
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    1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
    - Yes, I waited 20 years too long, but refer to Question #3

    2) What regrets do you have if any?
    - Not coming out as a CD sooner.

    3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
    - YES, but not intentionally. I was always attracted to stereotypical feminine women - dresses, skirts, hose, heels. I thought it was more of a kink and that I?d grow out of it when I got a girlfriend... when I graduated college... when I got married... but it never went away. Suppressing it took a huge toll on me.

    4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
    - No idea, for me getting a lack of response means stern disapproval. When she?s quiet and not talking, it?s because she?s angry. My CD side is very insecure so not getting a response from her is horrible.

    5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
    - Kinda... she once went out with me and we had a great time (Vegas), but now she?s not into it. She hasn?t seen me dressed in over a year.

    6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
    - I ask myself that and honestly think I could understand. I?d try to have fun with it.

    7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
    - No, my sexual identity is straight/attracted to women.

    8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
    - No, not attracted to masculine things.

    9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
    - My theory is that we have a warped sense of femininity! I don?t know - this could be a long discussion. When I was young, women wanted to be feminine and pretty. Now, all the TV ads are abut women being powerful, strong, decisive, and taking on male characteristics. I worked in a macho man career for most of my adult life, and I grew to resent that environment and CDing was an escape for me.

    10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
    - I don?t like the drag queen look, but I do like makeup and pretty clothing. In that sense, I?m ?over the top? compared to most Americans who wear yoga pants, t shirts, or PJs in public. But I?m not full glam Ru Paul?s Drag Race ?over the top.?

    11) What is your definition of Femininity?
    - Reserved/hidden power. Dresses, heels, and pantyhose are somewhat fragile and delicate, but they contain a certain magical power hidden within.

    12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
    - I wouldn?t say ?only,? but I do find this type of woman attractive. Definitely attracted to feminine women.

    13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
    - Not really - I have my style and my wife has hers.

    14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
    - Not sure that I?m obsessed with my image, but I have experienced the ?pink fog? and understand how emotionally powerfull CDing can be.

    15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
    - No clue, I don?t post many pictures.

    16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
    - Spell it out - PLEASE! And I also realize that much like my own gender identity that SO acceptance is also on a spectrum. Some days she might be willing to see me dressed, other days she might not want to even think about the idea. I understand all of that, but it would help for me to know where she stands. It?s funny because the male side of me really doesn?t like to talk much about what?s on my mind, but the female part of me needs constant communication. I think it drives my wife nuts some times, so the male side of me just wins out and stops talking about the female side of me. Ugh.

    17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
    - YES, always worried about pushing too much.

    18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
    - There?s no such thing as a typical week. In all honesty it?s always on my mind to some degree. But with kids at home, opportunities to dress are hard to find. I?d absolutely LOVE to spend 2-3 days per month dressed but that?ll never happen.

    19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
    - Outwardly it doesn?t because it?s well hidden. Inwardly I?m a mess because hiding this part of me takes an emotional toll.

    20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
    - I read a lot of books, suggested counseling, and eventually went to counseling with her. And like I said, acceptance is a spectrum. I don?t think you ever wake up one day and say ?Eureka! We have achieved acceptance and all is well now!?

    21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
    - Not really, but it seems that most GGs would refuse to knowingly date a CD. So along those lines if I was in the dating scene (I?m not), finding a GG who accepts CDs would definitely open the door to at least going out on a date.

    22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
    - Pink fog. Feeling pretty. Looking in the mirror and enjoying the face looking back at me. Not worrying about male social norms. Being myself. Relaxing. Feeling sexy and desirable.

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