Hi there everyone i have not posted on here for a very long time but i have been drawn to it again for advice.recently i have been getting bored with crossdressing when ever i dress it just feels like uhh i used to love it years ago and want to love it again my question to you all is this have you ever gone through this and how did you re spark the passion for dressing again
Thank you all so much in advance
I think most do, just go with your gut.who says it's required. If you need to, the drive will come back with big energy
It's pretty simple. If you need it, and can do it.... then do it.
If not, it will be there for you if/when you need it.
It's ok to not dress for a while. I once went an entire year. And I was single at the time, and could've done whatever I wanted.
Maybe try something new in regards to your dressing.
"Samm" Sammara Michaels
I also speak fluent sarcasm
At various times in my life the need to dress would go dormant for long stretches. I never did anything to re spark it, it always came back of it's own accord.
Never happen to me I still love being dress and alway will!
hello Megan,
Once a crossdresser, walways a crossdresser. Don't your mojo will will return.
perhaps you need some new clothes - it's a pity that the shops are closed.
luv J
I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been through that many times.
People like us are different in some ways than others. We often do not have a more or less fixed gender definition that is common in most people. Our self definition may span a wider zone of the gender spectrum than most people or it may be poorly developed or any number of other explanations. Its main characteristic is a variable sense of self. But because of that we can go through phases. The best advice is to play along with it; don't force it to be one way or the other, but allow the shifting to occur naturally. Believe me, if you go into a long spell of not dressing or hardly even thinking about it, there is nothing wrong with you. You are fine. In time it will change again. As SirDonna said, it is not a requirement. It will be back. Your membership card in the gender variant world cannot be revoked. Once a member you are a member for life, no matter whether you dress all the time, some of the time, or rarely.
Same here as with Elizabeth G. Just don't purge, keep you stuff, pack it away with the love and care it deserves and it will be there for you when your desire to dress comes back; it has for me every time after going dormant for as long as 20 years.
I am Me and Me is OK!
Shelby
Hey this happens all the time. I have times when I just want to constantly dress but there are others when I think I'll do that but then a few hours later can't be bothered. I usually go up to 4 or 5 months over summer when I don't dress and then when it gets a bit cooler and no daylight saving get right back into it. Just don't throw out all your stuff because it can come back with a vengeance and you have to start again. Very expensive.
I have had times like that up to and including purging. As strong as the urge to dress can be in some respects those occasional lulls in desire give me time to catch my breath before the next (stronger) urge hits me. Dressing, especially the way some of us more stealth dressers go about it, can be exhausting. The dressing in and of itself isn't exhausting but all the extra steps associated with hiding it can wear a girl out.
Its pretty normal to have stretches like that if its just a hobby for you.
I felt like that a few times many years ago.
That's when I would purge thinking this is over. Then of course I saw it wasn't and there I go again.
Well, about 20 years ago I came to the realization that this for me is for life. Now there are days when I don't want to dress, or I have something to do that requires "him" to do it and that's fine.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Enjoy your time not dressing. Maybe you will start dressing again. Maybe ur done. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
There have been many times when I had the opportunity to be en femme and had no motivation. Sometimes these lapses came when I had days and days of opportunity when my wife was away visiting family. There were years when I did not feel any drive to be en femme. If I ever really figured it all out, I'd be able to give you an answer. There is probably something in your life which prompts you do be en femme, and, that is absent right now. If you believe dressing is no more than a hobby, like any other hobby you may have gotten bored it with. My dressing is more than "just a hobby."
I used to tell my young daughters, "If you're bored it's because you're boring."
Thru out my life I've pushed ahead with projects I was passionate about. Eventually, moving on to something else that I became more passionate about.
I always assumed I would move on from dressing some day, too. But, after 25 years I've found there r still so many options and directions for me to go with women's dressing!
I think this may be a life long passion for me!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
When I am dressed I am in a place where I belong and feel normal and when I go out I sometimes forget my male side - I would not care if I ever cross-dressed back, but alas reality is a strong task master, and so shuck off feminine attire put on a straight face and continue...…………………………..……………………………..Debra
Bored of dressing? Then don't! Take a break for a while. Don't worry, one day it will hit you like a truck and you will NEED to dress again.
What do you DO when you’re dressed? I see this kind of ennui most often from crossdressers who view dressing an end, not a means to an end. That is, if you’re dressing just TO dress, and you get all cute then look around your house and say “well isn’t this nice?” of course boredom can set in. The most content dressers seem to be the ones who associate their dressing with an activity, like shopping, or going dancing or to shows. Just DO something. You’re only going to get that adrenaline rush from putting on the clothes for so long.
I'm in the same situation - I've started practicing abseiling from the tree in my back yard (I have 2 big trees that need a trim, so one day I'll be skilled enough to take a chainsaw)
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
Thank you everyone for responding to my question but I font want yo stop I just want to feel happy in myself I suffer badly with anxiety and depression and have no friends I think this may be a factor
Hi Megan,
I'm sorry you're feeling so bored. I have four comments, of which the last is the most important.
First, as so many of us here have said, the need to crossdress can fluctuate. It may be due to "gender fluidity," or the waxing and waning of libido, or some other natural cycle; who knows? Whatever it is, it's entirely normal. Just "go with the flow," dress when you feel like it--or not, as the case may be. If you don't, don't worry; the urge will come back later.
Second, as many like myself have also experienced, while crossdressing earlier in life can be sexually driven, later the urge can be more "gender driven," just for the pleasure of "feeling feminine." We may no longer get quite the same intensely sexual thrill as we slip into panties and a bra, or zip up a dress around us, that we used to have in our teens, for instance. I know this is true for me, and others have said the same. If so, that change is a normal part of life. Just enjoy crossdressing for whatever it means and feels like to you at any given time.
Third, I recall an article in the old TV/TS Tapestry magazine from over thirty years ago (I doubt whether it's around any more) titled "The Tired Transvestite." The author discussed how some crossdressers, as they get older, no longer feel motivated to put so much effort into perfecting their feminine appearance: shaving arms and legs, arranging a wig, putting on makeup, and all the rest of it, every time they dress. Instead of a pleasure, it had become a chore.
Well, why make a chore out of what used to be a joy? How many women take that much trouble over their appearance every day? Many would rather toss on some clothing, do a little minimal grooming, and enjoy the day.
Speaking for myself, I'm very much into "minimal" crossdressing. Lots of times I only toss on panties, a little half slip and a skirt to wear around the house because it "feels nice." And comfortable. Yes, and slip on a pair of women's sandals as well. Even though I like bare feet too. Oh, and a pair of earrings. And change to a feminine wristwatch. Whatever feels good.
I might get the urge to put on a bra, to feel more completely feminine. Then a blouse of course, so that I'm "fully dressed." But don't sweat it. Never let crossdressing be "spoiled" for you because it's become a chore. You're not "obliged" to put effort into "perfection." Just relax, and enjoy whatever aspects of crossdressing appeal to you.
But now I come to my fourth and final comment. You said:
Well, I absolutely agree! It IS, without doubt the most important factor!Originally Posted by Megan.
You see, many of us feel that the urge to crossdress is something that "intrudes" on our lives. We're "driven" by that urge. Most of us have wished at some time that it would "go away," that we wouldn't be so addicted to the lure of crossdressing, that without it we could live so-called "normal" lives! (Though we humans are so diverse that as a woman of my acquaintance once remarked: "'Normal' is just a setting on the dryer!'") Some of us can end up feeling that "crossdressing in itself IS our "problem"!
And many genetic males have discovered that they "feel more relaxed" when crossdressed. This doesn't necessarily mean they've "given up their maleness," which can have its pleasures also. But they recognize at times that it's relaxing to "lay down the burden"--or what feels like a "burden" to them--of "manhood," the duties and expectations that people (women and men alike) have of men in general--and revel in the joys and privileges of femininity instead, of being the "delicate," the "protected" sex. In other words, for some males crossdressing is a welcome part-time ESCAPE, a necessary break from some burdens of life they feel intolerable.
But what you're telling us is different again, Megan. And I don't think anyone else here has remarked on it; at any rate, not in aI thIf suiably sympathetic fashion. (If they have, I apologize for missing it.) I think you've made it obvious that crossdressing has functioned as an escape for you too. Though not necessarily from the "burdens of manhood."Instead, it was from the burdens of ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION! THOSE are your "priority" problems! Crossdressing is only bothering you so much because you're finding less pleasure in it, so it "isn't working" for you as it used to be as an escape from those other, primary problems.
I can only urge you to seek therapy, or support of any kind, for the problems that are truly plaguing your life. Anxiety. Depression. And very likely, an utterly unjustified lack of self esteem, of self confidence, or of encouragement and optimism that life can be better in the future. I don't know, but you might have been born with a systemic tendency toward anxiety and depression, which could well benefit from clinical help. You don't have to suffer.
Or did you have had shitty parents, or other so-called "care"-givers, who were abusive, neglectful, or otherwise dysfunctional, and left you with these negative beliefs and feelings about yourself? Many people are messed up by the way they were raised, and left with distorted beliefs about Life--or about themselves--that they never discarded, because they never knew those beliefs were false in the first place.
I was lucky, for which I've forever grateful. Those at least were things I never had to struggle with; though it's normal for any of us to feel "thoroughly insecure" at times in our lives. Only the crossdressing, that's all!--which I came to terms with by the time I was thirty. As for the rest, I wish the same joy in life, the same freedom from worry and despondency, the same optimism for the future, as I enjoyed myself.
So do your best to deal with those problems first: of anxiety, of depression, of needless fears, of having no friends (and how to make friends), of thinking far less of yourself that you deserve, of underestimating the good things others are most likely thinking of you. You can get help doing this.
What's the use of crossdressing, if the rest of your life isn't in place and functioning healthily? Take care of those problems, and crossdressing will fall naturally into its place. It doesn't have to be an "escape" from misery and negativity. It can rather be what it ought to be: an added joy in a healthy life.
Good luck doing that,
Marianne
The advantage of being "just" a crossdresser is that you can dress or not dress and it doesn't make a difference to anybody. If you were a male living as a female, you wouldn't have that choice.
Maybe buying some new clothes would spark your desire again.
Krisi
Megan,
The motivations do seem to vary between individuals. For me, what Micki said hits close to home. I have a low desire to get fully dolled up to sit around the house. Ever since I began socializing with others while dressed, I can not get enough. I met some amazing people who I would never have met otherwise. It does not matter if I am at a drag show, dancing, or just sitting at the bar. It is rare that I do not have at a minimum a rewarding conversation with someone. The only trouble, I am hooked on it : )
Sandi
Very unusual. Most people either want to dress or don't. I am not sure why some one would pick crossdressing if they aren't motivated toward it. It's not like a hobby or avocation that has many tangible benefits. For example woodworking, singing, or writing, where sometimes you push yourself to keep in practice or use the output for social or financial benefit. And frankly many people find crossdressing to cause enough social isolation that they would welcome loosing interest.
But something in you still has some desire, otherwise it wouldn't make sense to even post this question. I think Micki is on to something there, and I would add that sharing with others is a really effective motivator. Get out, and meet people, socialize. Sure easier said than done especially with the current situation.
Micki in effect asked what I was going to, what form does your dressing take? A stay at home gal? Out and about, shopping and socialising?
If it's the first then I can understand why you've fallen out of love with dressing. Many feel the same that getting dressed has no purpose other than getting dressed for the sake of it. Years ago I knew I had to get out into the wider world in order to experience what it was truly like to wear the clothes in the environment they were meant to be worn in. The rest as they say is history.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
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