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Thread: Ask a GG - Three

  1. #176
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    Topical question, the simple answer is no. But then, I have rarely done. I am just not investing time or efford in things like that. That's my personal stance at least, which doesn't stop me smiling when I see kids dressed up and excited. My thing is Christmas!

  2. #177
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    Adult dating.

    At some point probably going to make an online dating profile. Looking for a serious relationship. Part of me wants to disclose that crossdressing is part of my life up front. The other part of me says "First things first" and the time will come to disclose that. In my 60's so the women interested are unlikely to be as familiar with TG life as younger people.

    Advice? Won't be doing it for a few months. Should I put that in my profile, or wait until we’ve started conversing? Never had an online dating profile before. And it won’t be for hookups.

    Thank you!
    Last edited by Blonde617; 11-06-2021 at 05:14 PM.

  3. #178
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    If CDing is important to you, which I assume it is, then disclose it. You say you are looking for a serious relationship, then be up front with who you are and what your interests are. Why waste your time and the potential date's time?

  4. #179
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    Thank you. Haven’t found a profile that mentions anything like this, but just started looking and not sure what sites are best for O60’s anyway. I’ll keep looking.

  5. #180
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    I knew from the beginning as we met here.
    I would be upfront if it is important to you like Char said.
    If you do wait to say tell till after you are dating, make sure you do.
    As you can see from the forum many chicken out and as the dressing becomes more important to you ( many think after marriage you will stop…..it will not for long ) and years, children, houses , jobs life making it much harder and more resentment on both sides.

    If you decide to wait, I feel that will be harder to do , and if you find someone you really click with you probably will be scared of losing her. You can see from the GGs here, the not telling is the problem they have getting over with more than the cding for most.
    What ever way you decide I am happy you are going to be showing the complete picture of you early on.
    I always say with me knowing it was an adventure for both of us and made for an intimate relationship.
    Best Wishes
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  6. #181
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    Thank you all. Appreciate everyone’s advice. Honesty is definitely the best policy.

    Told my [now ex] wife and other women I dated after we’d dated a while: before we got serious but not the first date. In fact recently started telling my immediate family members as this isn’t something I want to keep secret anymore.

    But don’t have any idea how the dating sites work and it seems like they take the place of a first date or more.

    After the holidays I’ll try to make a plan

  7. #182
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Blonde617, if I had first seen my SO through an online dating profile and if he had publicly disclosed the CDing, I likely would not have dated him. I am not biased against alternative expression, but I am all too familiar with the hassles that dating a CDer can potentially create. Questions pop up such as, should I tell my adult sons, will they respect him if I do or will it place us all in awkward situations when we get together for holidays and milestone celebrations. Will we be the topic of gossip among my family, friends, and acquaintances. Will some people choose to distance themselves from us, will some doors be closed to us, etc, or the alternative hassle of having to lie to others if the relationship decision is to keep things private. It has felt awkward to have to lie when my sons asked what we did when we went away for the weekend. Or constantly looking over our shoulders when we are out dressed, lest we run into someone we know or who works with my SO.

    The thing is, most people who don't already have a loved one or a good friend who crossdresses (which is the vast majority of people), do have at least an unformed or inchoate bias against it. They don't have any personal experience with CDers, they don't know that they are just regular folks. Many people in their 50s or 60s and older have very vague notions based on all the negative representations of CDers they have seen in the media most of their lives (think of the movie Silence of the Lambs, or news articles of men who CD for fetish and who are arrested for poor behavior). Granted, some people are more enlightened and believe in everyone's right to sexual and gender expression, but a lot of these people don't want to put up with the hassle when it comes to a potential long-term relationship. NIMBY comes to mind.

    And so I recommend that you do not put it out there publicly. Besides, you are not guaranteed to begin a relationship with everyone you will have a first date with. If things don't click after a date or two, then why should you tell them.

    But, if you should click with someone then do tell her, at least before you will have seen each other half a dozen times or so. She will by that time know a bit about you and the other facets of your personality, and she will presumably like you (else she would not have gone out with you several times), and so she may be more willing to work with the CDing than if she had just read about it, not having developed the beginnings of affection.

    But don't wait too long to tell - tell her at least within the first month, then she won't feel lied to or betrayed since you will both be at the very beginning of your relationship and will not yet have invested too much in it. If she rejects the CDing, then neither of you will have lost very much and you can part as friends.

    My SO told me shortly after our very first kiss and in my view, this was the ideal time to disclose it. I had developed enough feelings toward him to want to continue the relationship, yet I didn't feel lied to or manipulated.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by ReineD; 11-08-2021 at 07:19 AM. Reason: fixed question marks and added last sentence to first paragraph
    Reine

  8. #183
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    ReineD, thank you so much! That sounds workable. It will be part of any relationship but not the only part!

  9. #184
    Member jessicabf's Avatar
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    Looking for advise. (Background, my SO is fully supportive of my CDing, so much that I would say she has been the instigator more than I have.) She spent a weekend with her sister and niece and really enjoyed ?girls night out?.

    Any advice on activities and ways that will help bring this to the evenings when she and I ?go out? (even when I am guy-mode)?

    I realize I could ?just ask her?, but kinda wanted to bring things that she may not be expecting. A pleasant surprise. 😁

  10. #185
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Not sure where in the midwest you live but a few suggestions are: concerts, plays, movies, ballet, dancing (if she likes that), casinos, if she is interested in sports - some type of game (football, basketball, hockey), trendy breweries or pubs. Weekend at some hotel with amenities such as pool, hot tub, nice restaurants. One of the larger towns near us has hay rides in the country and in town - horse drawn carriage rides in town.

    You say you live in the midwest, if you are near a large town (Chicago??/Milwaukee??/Denver??) then take a few days and see the sights. This time of year, there are usually cider tours and wine tasting near us.

    Depending on how adventurous you are, book a plane flight to someplace fun that she may like to go (San Francisco? Key West? Telluride, Boston) Even further, look into a cruise or all inclusive resort.

    Or, you could stick to your original plan and ask her.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-08-2021 at 04:03 PM.

  11. #186
    Member jessicabf's Avatar
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    Thanks for the reply, Char.

    We actually move back out west. A bit rural. We have to drive a few hours to get into any real cities. Need to update my profile. :-)
    Jessica BF

  12. #187
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Ahhh, well, walking through parks and bike riding is always fun.

  13. #188
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessicabf View Post

    Any advice on activities and ways that will help bring this to the evenings when she and I ?go out? (even when I am guy-mode)?

    I realize I could ?just ask her?, but kinda wanted to bring things that she may not be expecting. A pleasant surprise. 😁
    That really would depend on what your wife likes.
    Sherlyn and I were really into the music scene and we went to concerts, plus local places for live music.
    I liked getting pedicures so we did that together a few times. We also lives in a rural village so drove in to enjoy the things we liked to do.
    Hope you find something fun.
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  14. #189
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Jessica, when hanging out I do the same things with my female friends as I do with my SO. Going out for dinner and/or a movie, or having coffee in a bookstore/cafe, or going out for a drink. If there is a good concert in town, that is always fun too, or art galleries are wonderful if you enjoy art. I’m lucky that both my SO and my female friends love art. I’ve also gone for short hikes out in nature with both female friends and my SO.

    The only thing I don’t do with friends or my SO is shop. I hate shopping with people because I like to go at my own pace and I don’t like spending any more time in stores than I have to. lol

    So like the other ladies said, just do whatever you both like to do.

    And last, there is one thing that makes the difference between a girl’s night out and going out with my SO (no matter how my SO is dressed), and that is the person I am out with more than what we do. When I’m with a female friend we talk about our SOs (lol), which is something I can’t very well do with my SO. Conversely, I can talk to my SO about my female friends, which is something that I can’t really do with them.
    Last edited by ReineD; 11-09-2021 at 03:30 PM.
    Reine

  15. #190
    Member jessicabf's Avatar
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    Thanks for the thoughts! We do regular dates, to keep our relationship at the forefront of priorities. (work, kids? try to stoke our original flame as much as we can.)

    It just hit me when she talked about her enjoyment with being with her girlfriends. Trying to decide if I would bring something else to out time to kindle the same enjoyment.

    I suppose it just may always be different, like you say.

    🤔

  16. #191
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessicabf View Post
    It just hit me when she talked about her enjoyment with being with her girlfriends.
    I think that has more to do with the type of relationship she has with them, as opposed to the type of relationship she has with you. It doesn't really matter what is the activity when we go out with friends. It's the conversations we have with them, and I don't mean talking about shopping, grooming, or clothes.
    Reine

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