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Thread: Ask a GG - Three

  1. #101
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Hi Bea ,
    I will say first what Char did in that I am sure there are some ladies who will see things different from me, I am also not attracted to women .

    I think this has some to do with how male folk see things too . I prefer androgynous/ sort of femme males but its not the clothes for me . Its THEM - , like I already know at a base level that I have to have things that alot of people here find very scandalous and racy - long natural hair , wears makeup in public regardless , nail polish and probably a good bit of ink like me - everyday , out in public ,unafraid <<< that confidence/fearlessness is VERY sexy .. Pierced ears are basic . Clothing is secondary .

    My TG companion was totally out , but the sexiest thing for me about him was the patent s/he held in the winery business and that s/he had sailed around the world on his own .
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  2. #102
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    To Echo what Dutchess said it is not the clothes IT IS THEM.....that’s how I felt too.
    Did not care what Sher had on ....guy clothing, female clothing or nothing at all.
    So sexy for me has nothing to do with material things but the connection mentally and emotionally.
    She felt sexy in female clothing and that was important but it was the person not anything material for me.
    Last edited by Di; 12-25-2020 at 11:24 AM.
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  3. #103
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    Char, Dutchess, Di,

    Thanks for your feedback. It is very nice that the three of you are generous with your thoughtful, truthful and diplomatic opinions on such a wide variety of the subjects covered here on the forum. It is appreciated.

    I'm thinking my question gave an inaccurate image of the thought behind it, so, I feel inclined to clarify the motivations behind it. I got up yesterday (Christmas) morning and put on some nice textured leggings with a really nice , fitted, rust colored, mock turtleneck top and added a set of faux pearls. That's how I spent my morning for the couple of hours before my wife began stirring and the first hour or so after she woke. I had to quickly change when my son facetimed me with the grandkids.

    I didn't feel feminine. I looked in the mirror and saw this bearded, long gray haired, androgynous looking guy and think that I look good... even sexy. But, I know that, even with the "obviously male" look that the leggings reveal, it doesn't give enough of the "man cues" that most women, including my wife respond to favorably. I don't do forms and I like my male body. We both prefer me with a beard and my long hair pulled back into a ponytail.

    Your answers gave the impression that you imagined that sexy for me would be a short, tight skirt with fishnets. I might even enjoy that look (haven't tried it), but it's not the look that I'd expect my wife to find attractive at all. Humorous maybe, but not sexy.
    Last edited by Bea_; 12-26-2020 at 07:52 AM.

  4. #104
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Ladies, one question I have for you, will make you go back and reminisce.... back to the days of your youth.
    I am hoping you are of the age of Aquarius or before, when all of the girls wore dresses, to school, church, or even play.
    I also hope you were an only daughter or did you have older sisters?
    My question is....
    Did your Mother or older sisters, take the time to talk to you about being ladylike, how to sit in a dress, curtsy when formally introduced, how to be on a train or bus in public, how to keep your manicure presentable, using make-up, how to be careful around boys? Maybe a specific event in your youth you care to share?
    Those things a young girls experiences and then asks questions about.
    Not to go into my whole history but.....
    I ask because my Mom took the time to talk to me how ladies should act whenever I asked her if I could play dress up.
    She showed me if I was to play dress up, I needed to regularly take a Calgon bath, clean my teeth, brush my hair, and smell nice.
    No playing on my knees on dirty floors, sit up straight, no shouting, no eating, no fidgeting, listen to your elders, and keep clean!
    She showed me how to properly wear accessory garments and how to act while wearing a dress.
    Mom showed me how she did her make up many times and help me do mine. I had girl attributes from a illness as a baby.

    Anyway, I was coddled and pampered as a ill underdeveloped oops! baby and became the daughter my Mom could never have do to her age.
    Thanks for your replies in advance!!!
    Last edited by char GG; 12-26-2020 at 10:26 PM. Reason: This topic is not allowed
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  5. #105
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Candy,
    My experience was that I was adopted as a baby by older parents. By the time that I was 10 years old, my parents were well into their 40's. I was the oldest, no sisters, one younger adopted brother who pretty much kept them on their toes more than I did. My mother did not do any of the things your mother did with you other than want me to wear dresses to family functions. Our school required the girls to wear dresses until I was a senior in high school. I rebelled against dresses by the time I was 8 years old when I learned that I couldn't play on the monkey bars or the swings or run around with my cousins on the grandparents farm without my underwear showing. That's when I started wearing shorts under my dresses at school and jeans at home. I also rebelled against wearing "fashion" gloves to go shopping or wearing a hat to church. I was a teen in the 60's and many of the fashion ideas that my mother had were very old fashioned to me. My friends and I experimented with makeup very little when I was in middle school. Most of the things that I learned about being ladylike were from magazines. I've never curtsied (that may be a regional thing because I never saw anyone curtsy to anyone), and never had a professional manicure.

    Yard work such as lawn mowing, raking, weeding, shoveling snow were all my responsibility, none of which I would have ever dreamed to do in a dress.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-26-2020 at 11:18 PM.

  6. #106
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    My upbringing was "Southern Gothic " ...
    I was born and raised on a ranch in Texas in the fall of 1962 where my family raised Thoroughbred horses ( which I still have ) milo, hay and cotton for generations , my moms side were oilfield financier's - so I faced a life of ALOT of expectations . NOBODY was raised as the opposite of their assigned gender. My mom was a very wild avant garde artist that studied in Paris and had unusual friends ( probably why I have had unusual friends ) She was NOT Traditional at all and was shunned alot . She as well as I, my sisters my cousins - were raised by ladies of color from the day we were born and by black family's in general . SO - I spent alot of my life with my nanny , her family and alot of horses and cattle in jeans, fishing , hunting, horse shows most weekends. Very outdoors, competitive lifestyle . In my teens I was readied to be a 3 time debutante, you could not get out of this and I really did not like this . You all can see how well my debutante years went - most of the proper young men were afraid of me - I was already very different . I do know how to do the Texas dip and none of that means absolutely anything in this life and I dont know why they do it .

    Like Char I did not like dresses either. My mom did not care what I wore but my nanny did - she taught me self respect and how to cook and get my own job also. She was pretty strict but was trying to keep us safe through life . I wasn't even allowed to watch Helen Reddy on TV one night sing because she didnt have a bra on !! I did have to wear a hat and gloves to church until the mid 70-s - from the mid 70-s on I copied Stevie Nicks and still do .

    I ran away from all that in 1980 & I have had a better life in the EU and now on the west coast , I just wasn't like them . My younger sister lives in SF - NEVER wears /wore dresses of any kind .
    I mainly wear high end sheaths today or gypsy chic , I rarely wear pants unless I am on the horse or jogging
    Last edited by Dutchess; 12-27-2020 at 10:12 AM.
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  7. #107
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Candy,
    I never had any of what you were taught but my mother died when I was young .I lied about my age and went to work early and put myself through school when I got older working two jobs plus school. The things I remember my mother teaching me , never to lie, share, think of others especially those that have less, stick up for those being bullied, stick up for yourself, no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone. I used to say my mom did a great job instilling in me things because .....really I had no structure or guidance after she passed and things could have ended up really bad for me and my younger sister.

    So none of what you described and do not remember my friends getting that instruction either.I have read here on the forum from cders their mom taught their sisters such things, maybe I am from a different time.

    Clothing wise
    I do wear skirts and dresses more that pants mostly because I like them and lean towards Gypsy skirts.
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  8. #108
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Oh gosh, very cool stories ladies! ...Thanks for sharing!
    All your clothing options today seem cute, but comfy.
    I reasoned as much (from what I got when I asked my friends I had in high school and college) that most girls back then were a little rebellious because times were a changing.
    That rebellious trait maybe a reason you ladies are accepting of the forum context today?
    My situation was a bit different as influences were few and far between, television, Mom, and cousins.
    I had girls cousins and neighbors I played with, an older cousin Susie attended "Wendy Ward Charm school" through Montgomery Ward department stores and my Mother adored Susie.
    I suppose it was why I got the "charm school" advice from Mom. She moved to Hollywood worked at Capital records, and married an actor. She is retired now.
    Interesting take on all your stories...wondering if those were ordinary lives most girls lead back in the day, as a whole...is another thing.
    I bet if your growing years were different, you wouldn't be a member of this forum today!
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  9. #109
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    This was your question:

    Quote Originally Posted by candykowal View Post
    Did your Mother or older sisters, take the time to talk to you about being ladylike, how to sit in a dress, curtsy when formally introduced, how to be on a train or bus in public, how to keep your manicure presentable, using make-up, how to be careful around boys?
    No. Like most kids I strove to be my own self rather than follow my parents’ styles. By the time I was a teenager, girls no longer wore dresses and skirts, unless they went to a school that was behind the times. (sorry Char ) It was mostly blue jeans. As to how to be careful around boys, my dad was the one who was strict because he knew what boys were like. lol

    But then you drew this conclusion after reading that most of us didn’t follow the path of your fantasy:

    Quote Originally Posted by candykowal View Post
    I bet if your growing years were different, you wouldn't be a member of this forum today!
    That’s not true. Fashion choices and/or degree of "femininity" (according to your personal definition of femininity) have absolutely nothing to do with a GG’s acceptance or non-acceptance of crossdressers. Acceptance has more to do with having conservative vs liberal values. I think it’s safe to say that most GGs who were teenagers after the cultural revolution of the 1960s have a fairly tolerant attitude towards LGBTQ. Most of us do have acquaintances and/or friends who are gay or lesbian. There are, however, fewer crossdressers than gay people or rather, most crossdressers are in the closet and so most of us haven’t met any until our husbands/boyfriends came out to us. And even though we may be quite tolerant of alternate sexual preferences and/or identity and we don’t think that members of the LGBTQ community are ill or perverted (as they did prior to the 1960s), most hetero GGs do prefer to be married to men who enjoy being men. That’s what hetero means: attracted to the opposite sex. But, if their relationships are good, there are many wives/girlfriends who learn to live with it. Or they just go with the flow. And so that’s why we are members of this forum - not because our mothers taught us how to be "feminine".

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Bea_ View Post
    My experience has been that there's an inverse relationship between how 'sexy' I feel and how sexy my wife sees me to be.
    What do you mean by feeling 'sexy'. Do you mean feeling aroused when your wife is not?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bea_ View Post
    I'm just curious if there is anything that the crossdressing SO wears that the GG's on this site see as sexy?
    No. I love my SO and I know that he enjoys presenting as a woman, and so I am supportive. But I am much more attracted to him as a man. To clarify, I am hetero, which means that I am attracted to the opposite sex, and so there is nothing about feminine items that I find sexually attractive.

    If you find yourself feeling sexy or sexual when you are dressed and your wife does not reciprocate, it could be that you have become sexually incompatible?
    Reine

  10. #110
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    As I'm now fulltime I'd like to ask this question from a female perspective .

    When finally taking the steps it is a learning curve on finding what suits and what doesn't both in style and colour . When I buy something now it's with the thought of when am I likely to wear it . I like to think I have something suitable for most occasions hanging in my wardrobe but there is always a BUT ! Why did I buy that ?

    So my question is do you have days when you don't feel right or have the confidence to wear something hanging in your wardrobe ? It maybe too bright or too long or short or of course when you feel you've put a few pounds on so " Does your bumb look big in it ?"

    I haven't checked previous questions so I hope I haven't duplicated one .
    The real me , no going back.

  11. #111
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I recently retired and no longer need the number of business clothes that I had. I got rid of many black skirts, dresses that were too long, out of style, duplicates, jeans that weren't exactly right, etc. I tend to gravitate toward certain colors. When I try to branch out and buy a color that I don't normally have in my closet, I find that I don't wear that item. Some colors (like gray) seem to make my skin tone gray, so why did I have that many gray clothes? Sometimes I would get caught up in the moment and buy something just because I had to buy something only to realize later that I really didn't like that particular purchase.

    It's not that I don't have confidence to wear something, it's usually because I really didn't like the particular item that much in the first place. Going through my closet is something that I usually do every season.

    However, I love my sequin dresses. I did take some to a consignment shop but kept my favorites. Someday I will have a place to wear them again.
    Last edited by char GG; 01-11-2021 at 11:09 AM.

  12. #112
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    I have the basic staples that can make numerous outfits ( dressing it up or down) and I also like Char am retired so do not need the same clothing. I kept my favorites but did get rid of a lot .
    But like you said I still do the same ..... BUT why did I buy that .....because I sometimes I See things ( online. Since pandemic) that might not be practical but I LOVE it so I buy it because it brings me joy. Yes it might not be worn a lot .....buy hey .....I will find somewhere someday to wear it.
    So lol long story short I try to be practical now days but sometimes I just buy whatever I please.
    Shopping online turns out to be fun ....who knew .
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  13. #113
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Char,
    Lets face it Char sequins bring sparkle to our lives , I love mine . I admit I appear to be stuck on navy blue for everyday , so for me it's gaining confidence with bright colours .

    Di,
    It's only fun if the size you ordered fits , I know my shape hasn't changed so it must be sized wrong ! ( Well that's my excuse ).
    The real me , no going back.

  14. #114
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    So my question is do you have days when you don't feel right or have the confidence to wear something hanging in your wardrobe ? It maybe too bright or too long or short or of course when you feel you've put a few pounds on so " Does your bumb look big in it ?"
    I don't buy things that I don't have the confidence to wear, or things that make any part of my body look bad. I really do take a long, critical look in the mirror before I commit to a purchase and I buy things that not only suit my body, but that will go nicely with accessories I already have.

    So no, I don't consider if something is too bright or too short, because I wouldn't buy the item if it was. And I do dress according to the situation. Casual clothes for casual outings which is 95% of the time, fancier clothes for fancier outings, and beach-wear for the beach.

    During Covid, it's mostly really, really, really comfy clothes at home. lol. Surely during Covid you're only wearing things for walking the dog or doing groceries? I've been remodeling, and on most days lately it's a paint-stained shirt and torn jeans. But it's OK. My SO loves me anyway.
    Reine

  15. #115
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
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    Hi Ladys i have a question im a big crossdresser i cant seem to find a bra that wont ride up on me .Do you all have this same problem if not how do i solve this.Thanks

  16. #116
    Member Miel GG's Avatar
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    Big or not big... maybe you picked the wrong size or the wrong model for your shape ? Cheap materials (cheap bras) could be the problem too. And did you try underwired bras also ?

    I am confident you will find a well-fitted bras for you if you try one from a brand specialized in big size.

  17. #117
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    You didn't say whether or not you were wearing forms with your bra. Maybe the weight of forms would hold it in place. Without some weight in the cups, I can just imagine that it would ride up. You might also try a tighter band size. Or try a sports bra. As Miel says, it may have to do with the material, size, or wrong model.
    Last edited by char GG; 02-14-2021 at 09:59 PM.

  18. #118
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Question Time for all our wonderful & lovely GG's!


    If your present-day self could somehow travel back in time & say just one thing to your past-self on the day you were (perhaps unexpectedly) "introduced" to the world of crossdressing on a personal firsthand level (i.e., learning that your SO is a CD'er)... What would it be?


    Thanks!

  19. #119
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I didn't know CDing even existed other than on comedy shows. So, other than being surprised that he even started at his late age, and wanted to continue...., I was kind of speechless.

  20. #120
    Member Miel GG's Avatar
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    It's a difficult one ! As the Talk is still recent in my life, I think it could be ' Don't panic, you are not alone, you will find a lot of support from other GGs facing the same difficulties'. Being a member of the FAB forum is priceless

  21. #121
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    I came from a very open minded family . 2 cousins are 40+ year drag queens ,plus other extremely colorful characters in my wild way out there family so this was not new to me . I like androgynous men very well but this was different and it did throw me and I went in a direction I shoudn't have gone .

    I think I would've told myself not to indulge. I tell new GG's that now every time . By that I mean don't pity , coddle ,over protect , shield , act like they are sick or have a medical condition . I would have told my self to carry on as normal and if he cannot keep up in everyday life - stay at work , keep life moving at its basic level , then that was HIS problem not mine . I am not a bad person if I cannot hang with all that .
    I made it MY problem to overcome when it really was not .
    He knew this and really took advantage of the situation and as so many here saw it just really deteriorated , sometimes I think if Id just stayed me and went on with life that things would have been different , I dont know .
    Last edited by Dutchess; 02-16-2021 at 08:08 PM.
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  22. #122
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krissy View Post
    i cant seem to find a bra that wont ride up on me .Do you all have this same problem
    No, I don't have this problem. It sounds as if your bra straps are too short. You need to adjust them.

    Quote Originally Posted by ellbee View Post
    If your present-day self could somehow travel back in time & say just one thing to your past-self on the day you were (perhaps unexpectedly) "introduced" to the world of crossdressing on a personal firsthand level (i.e., learning that your SO is a CD'er)... What would it be?
    My reaction would be exactly the same as it was all those years ago, which was that I loved him and was prepared to support him in all his endeavors.
    Reine

  23. #123
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    My question is about the FAB forum. My wife is supportive even though she doesn't understand my inclinations any more than I do. I'm considering suggesting that she visit the FAB forum but wonder how often that might work against the CD'er rather than for him. I'm not wanting specifics but rather an honest view of how conversations go there. I could see that certain individual SO's could be triggered rather than helped by visiting. Is that common? Any input would be appreciated.

  24. #124
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Since I've been a member here, the FAB forum has been a wonderful source for GG's to ask questions that they often don't feel comfortable asking on the main forum. Most of us are supportive SO's to a CDer/trans, others are trying to learn more about an SO that has recently revealed CDing to his GG wife/friend. No one really tells anyone else what they should think but share information so that a GG can make her own decisions. For many GG's, it's the only place they can talk about their CDer SO. Your wife would have to join the main forum, get 10 posts, read the rules for/ then apply for the FAB.
    Last edited by char GG; 03-02-2021 at 01:44 PM.

  25. #125
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bea_ View Post
    I'm considering suggesting that she visit the FAB forum but wonder how often that might work against the CD'er rather than for him.
    If your wife needs help coping with the crossdressing, I should think you would rather she join FAB as a support for herself rather than as a way to support you?

    That said, the GGs who join this forum generally do so because they want to stay in the marriage and understand the crossdressing ... which is a challenge, because not many crossdressers seem to understand it themselves.
    Reine

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