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Thread: Ask a GG - Three

  1. #51
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I've never really asked women in "my circle" of friends if they wear matching underwear. So, I have no idea how many (when you say "so many"). However, maybe matching underwear isn't a big deal to the women who wear neutral colors.

    Personally, I could not care less if my underwear matched.

    If that's all you get to enjoy, have fun with it.
    Last edited by char GG; 10-29-2020 at 06:33 AM.

  2. #52
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelli_cd View Post
    I wondered why is it that so many women only wear white, beige or black undergarments?
    Matching sets make me feel especially pretty. I want to believe GG's would feel pretty in this, too.
    Strong colors can show through some clothes, especially the thinner, lighter, summer clothes. I choose undergarments as close to my skin color as possible so as to not have them show through. And since my undergarments carry me through all seasons, I don't bother having different summer and winter undergarments. I own a total of 2 identical bras and about 10 panties in light beige, that I replace when they wear out.

    I also don't care if they match. And bras and panties don't make me feel pretty. They're strictly utilitarian. Honestly I forget I even have them on. I also don't care what other people wear under their clothes. I can't think of anything that would interest me less. I think that only crossdressers care about such things.

    That said, the few times in my life that I HAVE wanted my bras and panties to be especially matchy and sexy and lacey and all, was in my new relationships with men. I wanted my men to think me sexy in them. But after decades together, this type of thing loses importance.

    So just as you wonder why women don't feel the same about underwear as you do, I wonder why so many crossdressers (not just you) feel compelled to describe in great detail their bras and panties. I can't tell you how many members here have described their underthings when they describe an outfit they've worn. I really don't get it.
    Last edited by ReineD; 10-29-2020 at 02:44 AM.
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  3. #53
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    I probably have if it was a gift but most likely still did not wear together.
    For me I would rather consider what I am wearing on the top and bottom of my outfit and select the item that will work best underneath.

    I guess for you it is your little secret what you are wearing matching underneath ( and that is fine enjoy) I never till coming here in the forum read so much detail and maybe Obsession with under garments .
    Last edited by Di; 10-29-2020 at 07:00 AM.
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  4. #54
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    Lol....nah, I don't care. No woman I know cares. Got all colours and a few sets but dont care about the matching either, I got way too many important things in my life to bother with trivialities like these. Pretty or sexy or attractive is a state of mind. Doesn't depend on your clothes or, even less, on your underwear. As Reine said, totally utilitarian. I wish I could not wear any! That would be the dream!

  5. #55
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    My gal friends and I don't talk about undergarments at all , lingerie or anything . PLUS I have said this a few times on the forum, but I have not worn underwear( panties ) since 1981 when I was 18 because it feels very binding to me.
    Like I just cannot tolerate it at all .

    I think I have one white bikini pair for totally all out emergencies but that's it . I try as hard as possible not to wear a bra either but I have too sometimes . Like the ladies above me said its because the colors you mentioned really do go with everything .
    No they dont make me feel pretty , no more than putting on an old comfy t shirt .

    I am actually pretty aggravated that I cannot go without a bra and look good !

    I don't know what kind of bras I have at all , I never know what they are and are prone to getting them at the dollar store . I am not even sure what size I am lol . If it fits then fine .

    Edit : I understand that if all you can do is underdress than you may place alot more importance on it than if you were in another circumstance .
    Last edited by Dutchess; 10-29-2020 at 07:43 PM.
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  6. #56
    Junior Member Elizabeth1980's Avatar
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    I was wondering why many women like gay men, and enjoy their company, but dislike crossdressers. It is because of a lack of understanding of crossdressers? Compared to gay men, who women can understand more easily because they are both attracted to men?

  7. #57
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I like personalities. If gay men have a nice personality, then we can be friends. The same goes for crossdressers, if they have a nice personality, we can also be friends. The same is true for cis men and women. Who people are attracted to doesn't even cross my radar.

    I think your question maybe based on your own experiences which you did not elaborate on.
    Last edited by char GG; 10-30-2020 at 08:41 PM.

  8. #58
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth1980 View Post
    I was wondering why many women like gay men, and enjoy their company, but dislike crossdressers.
    Why do you think that women who like gay men dislike crossdressers?

    It’s been my experience that if a woman is not prejudiced against men who are same-sex attracted, she won’t dislike a crossdresser just because he’s a crossdresser. As to your theory that women understand gay men more easily than crossdressers because both women and gay men are attracted to men, I disagree. Women are attracted to hetero men and gay men are attracted to gay men - two vastly different types of men.

    I cannot understand same-sex attraction or a desire to crossdress because I’m straight and I don’t crossdress, but I can still be friends with gay men, gay women, crossdressers, transsexuals, or anyone else who is different than me … providing they don’t have negative character traits. And like Char, this applies to everyone whether they are gay, straight, crossdressers, or not.
    Reine

  9. #59
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Speaking of myself I can be friends and enjoy company of any like minded person.

    Others I think are indifferent and the ones that might not like crossdressers just do not understand it because they are not exposed to it. For many crossdressers are closeted and a private thing and just not out there. Most gays I known are proud and out there.
    And reading here many cders are private , some ashamed and many secretive.
    So generally GGs are not exposed to cders so it feels like something odd or scary.
    Last edited by Di; 11-03-2020 at 06:35 AM. Reason: Make clear
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  10. #60
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    Although this is not a discussion thread, I will ask the OP to define the word "like". What do you mean by "many women like gay men but dislike crossdressers"? What does the word "like" mean in this context?

  11. #61
    Junior Member Elizabeth1980's Avatar
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    Thanks for your responses to my question, I enjoyed reading them all.

    CharGG – yes, my question is based on my own experiences, which are different from other peoples’ experiences and so may not be an accurate reflection on society as a whole. I will elaborate more on my experiences below.

    Confused Cathreen - When I say ‘like’ I mean tolerate/accept, invite into their social group etc.

    Reine Dwhy do I think women dislike crossdressers? I think that some women see crossdressing as sick and abnormal, and objectifies women by trying to emulate their attraction to women onto their own body (a form of narcissism, or self-love). I think women see it as self-indulgent behaviour (my Mum once called crossdressing self- indulgent, and an ‘affliction’). But maybe I am wrong, the GGs on this forum are more accepting of crossdressing.


    I work in a place where there are many gay men and they seem to get along really well with women. Even the gay men who have some negative character traits seem to be thought well of by the women there. But in the years I have worked there, there has only been one crossdresser who came to work dressed, and he did not have that same level of acceptance that the gay men have. He was treated by women more as an oddity than as one of the group, I think.

    Similarly, when I have seen other crossdressers out on their own in the shops, I’ve seen women say things like ‘oh my god’ in shock, etc. Or just stare at the crossdresser, then say negative things about them with they have gone away. I have personally had the experience of being stared down by women while out shopping for fem clothes, and one woman said to another once when I was nearby ‘there are a lot of perverts around today.’ This is just my individual experience, but I don’t think gay men would have such negative experiences as do crossdressers.

  12. #62
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth1980 View Post
    I work in a place where there are many gay men and they seem to get along really well with women. Even the gay men who have some negative character traits seem to be thought well of by the women there. But in the years I have worked there, there has only been one crossdresser who came to work dressed, and he did not have that same level of acceptance that the gay men have. He was treated by women more as an oddity than as one of the group, I think.

    Maybe it has more to do with your own feelings of inadequacy or lack of confidence, or your friend’s personality (if he was the type that didn’t make friends easily) than you think. It’s hard to imagine a guy getting along with GGs at work when he is not crossdressed, and then suddenly being ostracized when he is.

    IMO if a GG thinks that the crossdressing is sick and abnormal, then she will also extend that judgement to gay men. In fact, most GGs who haven’t been exposed to gay men or crossdressers haven’t spent any time thinking deeply about the differences between the two; many GGs initially assume that crossdressers are gay anyway! One of the first question that wives ask their husbands when they first find out is, "Are you attracted to men". I don’t know how many uninitiated GGs even take the time to consider that crossdressers objectify women or they indulge in self-love. I’m guessing that most would have neutral feelings about crossdressers and gay men, unless they grew up with rigid conservative values against both gay and crossdressing men. Does this make any sense?


    Also you need to consider visual cues. Generally there are no visual cues that men are gay, at least not among the gay men that I know … unless they have flamboyant mannerisms like Jack on Will & Grace, which I consider is a caricature (stereotype) more than real life gay behaviors. There are similarly no (or very few) visual cues that a crossdresser in male mode is a crossdresser. But if you put an average gay man in the same room as a crossdressed man, there is a huge visual difference, which may account for an uninitiated GG thinking "WTF" when she first enters the room. But again, if she doesn’t have rigid conservative values, then IMO her initial surprise at seeing her coworker crossdressed will soon give way to the same neutral view she will have after she finds out another coworker is gay.

    As to being stared at in a negative way by GGs when you are out shopping, I’m guessing that not all GGs react that way. Those that do have rigid conservative values and they would also stare if they saw two men holding hands or kissing.
    Reine

  13. #63
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    Personally, and anyone I know and socialise with, have only one requirement to add you to our social circle: do you fit in with our way of thinking? Racists, sexist, anti-vexxers, climate deniers, bigots and all their lot need not apply. We don't go out actively seeking out the gay men or the lesbian women to add "diversity" to our group. I have met gay men that I considered too "catty" for my liking so they didn't make the cut either. Crossdressers just didnt happen to come along in my life. But I like my relationships uncomplicated so men are welcome when it is clear that there is no danger of them using the friendship group to hit on women. That's where gay men have an advantage: I don't have to worry about that as they would have no interest in me or my other female friends. We want to be able to chill and be ourselves without having to justify our thinking or fend off unwanted attention. A straight crossdresser would have to pass the same "tests" as the straight non-dresser. What you wear is no concern of mine.
    When it comes to a romantic relationship, it is a concern of mine though and I don't want that. That's the only scenario where crossdressers need not apply.

  14. #64
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    Thank you so much in advance!

    1. Do you feel like crossdressing gives your SO better insight into female issues and struggles, or do you think it's more surface level fun?

    2. I know you ladies are all very supportive, but is it a turn off for you when your SO dresses?

    3. What do you enjoy most about your SO's crossdressing?

    4. What do you enjoy least about your SO's crossdressing?

  15. #65
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I'll go first. Just to be clear, my SO didn't start CDing until late in life.

    1. No, my SO only knows more about women's clothes. He is empathetic to most issues and struggles of all people (not specifically female or male) but that wasn't because of CDing, that's just the way always was.
    2. It's not a turn off but it's not a turn on either. He is the same person no matter what he wears. The biggest turn off for me is if he wears perfume.
    3. He likes it, it does nothing for me.
    4. It's very time consuming. If he is going to go out for the day, he spends five hours getting ready because he only dresses to go OUT. It's his time, if he enjoys spending that much time, then that's fine. It doesn't effect me (unless I'm waiting for him).
    Last edited by char GG; 11-18-2020 at 05:23 PM.

  16. #66
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    1. Do you feel like crossdressing gives your SO better insight into female issues and struggles, or do you think it's more surface level fun?

    1)Not surface fun as it was who Sherlyn was and yes somewhat

    2. I know you ladies are all very supportive, but is it a turn off for you when your SO dresses?

    2)Never, we met as Sher and Di and fell madly in love.

    3. What do you enjoy most about your SO's crossdressing?

    3)We just did everything together, when she was newly divorced and went from closet to out and free. We took the journey together over the years. We Enjoyed our life being free.


    4. What do you enjoy least about your SO's crossdressing?[
    4) Sher made the decision to work as a male, so sometimes the depression she felt changing back.That was hard for both of us.
    Last edited by Di; 11-19-2020 at 05:56 AM.
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  17. #67
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    I know this question has a few variables such as the length of the marriage and if children are involved or not but if you CDing partner does transition what would you miss the most from the man you first married ?

    From my personal perspective after 45 years I feel my (ex) wife has just lost her unpaid handyman , sadly now she's now started telling me how much she loved me .
    The real me , no going back.

  18. #68
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    Hi Gwen
    You are newish here so I will say that Kat my companion passed and I have had time and counseling to look back over our relationship - what I think now had changed a little over the 3 years s/he has been gone .

    1. Do you feel like crossdressing gives your SO better insight into female issues and struggles, or do you think it's more surface level fun?

    No , Kat thought it did but I could still see s/he looked at it through a males eye . Sometimes it was subtle , but I can look back now and see that .

    2. I know you ladies are all very supportive, but is it a turn off for you when your SO dresses?

    No , we met after she was out and we had so many other interests together that clothes were just clothes. Sometimes s/he would wear very androgynous things too , plus I prefer VERY androgynous gender bending males so it wasnt too far a leap . I loved her make up and she just wore her natural nails painted all the time. Her hair was natural down to her waist so most of her WAS her not a costume .

    3. What do you enjoy most about your SO's crossdressing?
    This is kind of different but I loved her couture sewing and how she dressed me like a beautiful barbie doll . She adored me and enjoyed dressing ME so that was a benefit , we liked the same designers , we met talking about a designer we both loved .

    4. What do you enjoy least about your SO's crossdressing?

    Well she wanted to transition but I understand now that she had some very serious problems that I think needed to be addressed and she would not . Dressing and HRT/surgery was not a cure for the issues she had . I wished she would have sought help , real help .

    Ill get to you Teresa ...
    Last edited by Dutchess; 11-18-2020 at 10:01 PM.
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  19. #69
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    I know this question has a few variables such as the length of the marriage and if children are involved or not but if you CDing partner does transition what would you miss the most from the man you first married ?

    From my personal perspective after 45 years I feel my (ex) wife has just lost her unpaid handyman , sadly now she's now started telling me how much she loved me .
    I will answer your question with a non answer lol.
    I do not see why anyone would miss anything as they are the same person. Sher was a exceptional musician and that never changed .I cannot see how anything would change .
    The couples I know in RL nothing they did before really changed after transition, the love and respect remain and if one partner is more the organizer, or cook or whatever I do not really see in couples I know anything changing in the example you gave (handyman)

    That Being divorced, I guess your wife misses you not being in the home fixing things but you still fix things in your home.

    Add answering having to do with our life. Sher lived her life with me as a female except for work ( her choice) There was no difference and I wish it would have been her choice to not continue to work in guy mode/ that caused her depression but it was her decision.
    Last edited by Di; 11-19-2020 at 01:08 PM. Reason: Explain
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  20. #70
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    Thank you all for the replies, and Dutchess, thank you for sharing a bit of your story. I'm very sorry for your loss.

  21. #71
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    If my SO would truly transition, I would miss the manly features that I enjoy. Such as beard stubble, chest hair, the way he looks in his men's skinny jeans, muscular arms, mostly visual things. He could and would still be able to fix and build things because those are some of his gifts. I doubt that he would stop doing things he liked to do as a man just because of a transition.

  22. #72
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    Teresa ,

    In all the years you've talked about your situation , I never thought your wife ever stopped loving you . Alot of times people act out when they are afraid or even sad and the feel ike their lives are out of control .
    My ex husband used to talk similarly about me to his trans group he secretly belonged too , when I saw the things he said about me I was heartsick , they didnt know the whole story , just what he put out there .

    When he came out he turned into someone I didn't know . At all . He became a caricature of a female impersonator . It was like the man I married vanished . I am sure she misses the man she married and the father of her kids. You all were together a very long time .
    Even though you are still you things HAVE changed .

    Even if it is best for both of you , she cannot help but wish things hadnt gone the way they did . Youve said in the past that sex had been a big issue and I wish you all could have had some serious talks about it to see if it could've been worked out in some way .
    In my case I missed the intimacy and who he was in general - that person was gone . I had no idea until after we were married and he was literally carried away by the pink fog and yes , I see and I KNOW people who go the whole way in transition carried by the fog .

    I knew a mtf couple ,no surgery , been together years , YEARS. One finally completed surgical transition and of all things became a nun ! Her longtime tg gf was just crushed,blindsided and stayed heartbroken a really long time .

    It completely depends on the people and the relationship but I know she sees you as far more than a handyman .
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  23. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    1. Do you feel like crossdressing gives your SO better insight into female issues and struggles, or do you think it's more surface level fun?
    I’m trying to figure out what you think are female issues and struggles, because I’ve never felt limited because of my sex. I’ve gone as far as my education would allow professionally; I’ve never been told I could not do this or that because I am female; I’ve not been preyed upon sexually by men, etc. But in answer to your question, no. Wearing women’s clothing does not change my SO’s background, personality, or his attitudes and opinions about any subject you can think of.

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    2. I know you ladies are all very supportive, but is it a turn off for you when your SO dresses?
    No. And it’s not a turn-on. I support the crossdressing because I know that my SO enjoys the crossdressing.

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    3. What do you enjoy most about your SO's crossdressing?
    I’m neutral. There is no "enjoying most", or "enjoying least" for that matter. Again, I support my SO because I love him, but if he was not a crossdresser I would not love him more nor would I love him less. The crossdressing is his thing, not mine.

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    4. What do you enjoy least about your SO's crossdressing?
    There is no "enjoying least" about the crossdressing in itself. But, I don’t enjoy the need for secrecy. Nor would I enjoy the fallout if we hadn’t made the decision to keep this private. This applies to the crossdressing just as much as anything else we wouldn't want to broadcast to the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    if you CDing partner does transition what would you miss the most from the man you first married ?
    Nothing, unless my SO transitioned physically with hormones, breast augmentation, and SRS. Breasts and vaginas are a complete turn-off for me. But if your definition of transition is simply presenting as a female most of the time, then this is just surface stuff. Packaging. My SO’s character, personality traits, talents, opinions, attitudes, etc, do not change according to how he is dressed (nor would they change if he had a physical transition), just as mine don’t change whether I wear a dress or blue jeans and a flannel shirt.

    As to your wife, I’m sure that she did love you, having been married to you for 45 years, but she didn't want to live with the stigma of having a husband who dresses. And even if you had no desire to present female, she would still miss your ability to fix things around the house … which I’m sure hasn't disappeared. You are still able to fix things in your new house? Hopefully you wife will discover youtube, which is a treasure trove for learning how to do general household repairs.
    Reine

  24. #74
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    There are points I would like to reply to but I must stick to the rules of this section and just thank you all for your thoughts from your personal situation .
    The real me , no going back.

  25. #75
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    Hello,

    I have a few more questions I want to pose. Thank you again for the responses I have received in the past!

    1. Does seeing CDs referred to as "ladies" or "girls" bother you in any way?

    2. Do you have any CD related pet peeves you would feel comfortable sharing?

    3. Do you see crossdressing as a form of parody, or, on the opposite side, do you see it as a form of admiration? Perhaps it's situational?

    Thanks again!

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