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Thread: Ask a GG - Three

  1. #76
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    1. It doesn't bother me. I don't really care to be called "girlfriends" when I'm with my husband of 40+ years. I don't mind it if other people think that but personally, he will never be my "girlfriend". I have girlfriends and I have a husband.

    2. Listening to CDers put on a falsetto voice that obviously sounds fake.

    3. Personally, I don't see CDing as anything other than what the CDer wants it to be. I have no control over what CDers want to think.

  2. #77
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    1) no bother

    2) nothing comes to mind in my relationship but Sherlyn ...that just was who she was.
    others we met and wanted to help them go out for the first time...many no shows, chickened out ...we tryed helping other CDs but gave up on that...waste of our time . So that probably happens with those in the closet the nerves kick in.

    3) not in my relationship it was who she was.
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  3. #78
    Accepting GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    1. No I dont care .

    2. I don't care for the fake voices either , you are better off just using the one you have . Sometimes those false voices even scare me a little .
    High drama , I do not like alot of drama with anyone and I see alot of Cd's engage in it and makes me wonder if they are prone to drama no matter how they present , its not cool .
    Thinking they pass better , or are more woman than cis women or that we are somehow jealous of them.

    3.It depends on the person . I dont see it as admiration though . My ex husband was a fetish dresser , my beloved Kat didnt like himself . Two totally different things . That was only in my world though , not applicable to everyone .
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  4. #79
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    1. Does seeing CDs referred to as "ladies" or "girls" bother you in any way?
    Not at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    2. Do you have any CD related pet peeves
    Not from my SO, but a few from others. I've seen crossdressers use mannerisms when dressed. It looks fake and mannerisms are by default exaggerated - GGs don't walk, talk, or act like that. Along the same vein, falsetto voices bother me because they're so fake. There's a way to soften the voice by speaking in subdued tones without needing to raise the pitch a few octaves. It also bothers me when crossdressers think they know GGs better than the GGs themselves. For example, members who say that GGs are jealous or envious, or they feel threatened by a crossdresser who is younger, slimmer, or has nicer clothes. These crossdressers must believe that GGs are inherently catty, and I find this insulting. None of the wives and girlfriends that I've met either here or in real life have been jealous or have felt threatened by crossdressers. There's nothing to be jealous of!

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    3. Do you see crossdressing as a form of parody, or, on the opposite side, do you see it as a form of admiration?
    I don't see it as a parody or as a form of admiration per se. I see it as a crossdresser's wish to feel good by appearing feminine, no matter to what degree: with just some articles of clothing, or full dress, with or without makeup, or forms, padding, etc. Each crossdresser has his own thing that makes him feel good, even when it starts out just with lingerie and the crossdressing levels increase over time.
    Reine

  5. #80
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    As always, thank you so much for the responses.

    1. Weird question - Something I have noticed in myself is that I feel pretty when I dress. That's a feeling I have never experienced as a man. Do you as a GG feel inherently pretty or attractive, or does it rely on other factors, or do you never really feel that way?

    2. I know you're not lesbians, but do you ever look at your SO in dress or other CDer and think they look attractive the way they present themselves?

    3. Is it embarressing to be with your SO in public when they are dressed?

  6. #81
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    1. Do you feel like crossdressing gives your SO better insight into female issues and struggles, or do you think it's more surface level fun?
    Not at all, didn't make him more capable at emotional labour or insightful in any way. Definitely only surface stuff.

    2. I know you ladies are all very supportive, but is it a turn off for you when your SO dresses?
    I wasn't supportive so not with him any more. It was a turn-off, yes.

    3. What do you enjoy most about your SO's crossdressing?
    N/A
    4. What do you enjoy least about your SO's crossdressing?
    The lies and the hiding. The fact that I am very visually motivated didn't help his cause.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    Hello,

    I have a few more questions I want to pose. Thank you again for the responses I have received in the past!
    1. Does seeing CDs referred to as "ladies" or "girls" bother you in any way?
    Nah, I don't care. Who am I to say what people want to call themselves and/or eachother?

    2. Do you have any CD related pet peeves you would feel comfortable sharing?
    The whole thing, lol!

    3. Do you see crossdressing as a form of parody, or, on the opposite side, do you see it as a form of admiration? Perhaps it's situational?
    Neither. I think it's fantasy land, mostly, and picking the bits that each considers green grass territory. The life of a GG is so vastly different that it might as well be in another planet.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    1. Weird question - Something I have noticed in myself is that I feel pretty when I dress. That's a feeling I have never experienced as a man. Do you as a GG feel inherently pretty or attractive, or does it rely on other factors, or do you never really feel that way?
    Inherenty pretty or attractive, or inherently ugly and unattractive. Depends on the day. Absolutely nothing to do with clothes. Self-esteem is vital, I have felt sexy in old joggers and unsexy in dresses. Can't stress enough that it has absolutely nothing to do with clothes.

    2. I know you're not lesbians, but do you ever look at your SO in dress or other CDer and think they look attractive the way they present themselves?
    Ehm, no. As I said in my previous answer, I am visually motivated. By the male form. If I was even remotely attracted to the female, I would be bi. But I am not.

    3. Is it embarressing to be with your SO in public when they are dressed?
    Never done that so I can't answer.

    Phew, that's what I get for not checking the forum more often!

  7. #82
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    Thanks for taking the time to respond, Cathreen! I really appreciate your perspective. You said you weren't supportive of your SO's dressing, but you're a part of this community. I think that's very cool of you. Your experience might not have been a good one, what with the lying and secrets of your SO, but your presence here makes me feel like you're more supportive than you might give yourself credit for.

    Thanks again!

  8. #83
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Gwen,

    Answers to your most recent questions:

    1. Weird question - Something I have noticed in myself is that I feel pretty when I dress. That's a feeling I have never experienced as a man. Do you as a GG feel inherently pretty or attractive, or does it rely on other factors, or do you never really feel that way?

    I have pretty dresses. That doesn't necessarily mean that I "feel" pretty in a dress. There are so many factors such as: am I excited about the venue that I'm going to - I don't necessarily feel pretty going to a baby shower but maybe I feel pretty for a night out dancing. Also, do I feel "fat" in the dress? does my hair behave? are my clothes fitting right? stuff like that. Any old dress does not make me feel pretty.

    2. I know you're not lesbians, but do you ever look at your SO in dress or other CDer and think they look attractive the way they present themselves?

    My SO presents himself very nicely, is well put together, and classy. If that's how he wants to go out in public, that's fine, he is free to do that and I don't mind. However, I am not personally "attracted" to his image dressed as a woman. When he goes out, it's about him, not me.

    3. Is it embarressing to be with your SO in public when they are dressed?

    I am not embarrassed. He likes his picture taken and if I'm with him, I am the photographer. I don't mind, but sometimes enough is enough. He is very considerate though and cuts off the photo sessions if he thinks that I'm getting bored.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-27-2020 at 02:44 PM.

  9. #84
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    I just feel like me and I am a confident woman . Clothing has nothing to do with me feeling pretty.....but like Char said I might be excited about an event or an outfit but I still feel like myself.

    Well I met Sherlyn as Sher and Di .....did not meet the guy side for months when I came up for a week.....we lived in different countries and met half way and spent our first few months dating on the weekends as two women. So ours is a different beginning as most couples. I did not think in terms as lesbian just two people in love .

    No not embarrassing just our life together....just natural.
    Last edited by Di; 11-27-2020 at 05:15 PM.
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  10. #85
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    Do you as a GG feel inherently pretty or attractive [when nicely dressed], or does it rely on other factors, or do you never really feel that way?
    Feeling attractive has more to do with who else is in the room (i.e. men ) than the clothes. It's impossible for me to feel pretty if I'm either alone or in a room with only women and I'm not sensing that tension (for lack of a better word) that exists between a male and female who find one another attractive.

    So no. Nothing to do with clothes. Or makeup. Or jewelry.

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    do you ever look at your SO in dress or other CDer and think they look attractive the way they present themselves?
    Some outfits look better on my SO than others, but I am not attracted to him while he is dressed in the same way that I am not attracted to a female even if she is extraordinarily beautiful and is dressed exquisitely. Also, I do think that my SO looks better as a male, but that's just because of my personal preference. I know that many crossdressers here believe they look better as females.

    And last, there is a difference between being attracted to someone, and having an aesthetic appreciation for something beautiful. I can think that a painting, a piece of furniture, a particular landscape, a woven rug, a designer desert, etc, is beautiful. I can think that a certain fabric is exquisite, or the cut of an item of clothing is particularly well made. And I can think that a certain item of clothing is well suited to the physical form of the body that wears it (some clothes are ill-fitting, and others are not). But being able to discern between something that is well done or well made and something that is not, is different than feeling an attraction to the person who wears that thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    Is it embarressing to be with your SO in public when they are dressed?
    Only if we see someone we know. I don't relish the thought of being fodder for gossip and we do not want the knowledge of my SO's crossdressing to somehow get back to family members. I do notice some strangers stare or do a double-take occasionally (when they read my SO), and it doesn't bother me in the least as long as we don't know them.
    Reine

  11. #86
    Accepting GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    My answers are going to be sort of a mashup of the ones above me today where it applies .
    NO question is weird ,, you don't learn if you don't ask I have been made aware that quite a few folks read these so if we help anyone then all the better .


    1. Weird question - Something I have noticed in myself is that I feel pretty when I dress. That's a feeling I have never experienced as a man. Do you as a GG feel inherently pretty or attractive, or does it rely on other factors, or do you never really feel that way?

    No I do not feel inherently pretty , I actually dont see myself as attractive at all and I have to fight with that . I like well fitting quality clothing but clothes dont do that for me . I have had men make me feel VERY pretty in their actions and words towards me whether they were my SO or not .
    Very recently I saw a cd'er here on the forum state that we ( cis women ) walked around in a state of arousal all day long due to hormones or clothes or both I cant remember but NO . I was pretty shocked and insulted that any male born person would think this . That is absolutely not true whatsoever .


    2. I know you're not lesbians, but do you ever look at your SO in dress or other CDer and think they look attractive the way they present themselves?

    Straight out of the gate - I prefer very androgynous males that have alot of hair , wear a little make up , nail polish on short nails , at LEAST pierced ears and some ink somewhere . Thats just how its always been for me since the mid 70s . Period , I dont understand the people who think piercing ears /growing hair is salacious and wild , I lived a different life . SO I start there - beyond that no , Kat was a beautiful androgynous male ,he looked better in androgynous clothing. But love is a funny thing and I loved him no matter what he wore , that was my Kat , with pink roses in his hair or in a t shirt and jeans ( usually mine ). I knew about Kat from the start so I knew what he looked like however he always dressed to blend , always. I am not attracted to fetish dressers ( except my curiosity with Docs picto-stories) 50-60s dressers ,sexual dressers . At all .

    3. Is it embarressing to be with your SO in public when they are dressed?
    Oh no like I said I adored my Kat and s/he , me . We would have major PDA's everywhere all the time . LOL He always started them so I could see he was VERY confident and wanted people to see us together , that actually DID make me feel pretty and loved too . It was my pleasure , not an embarrassment . One day he had on a gypsy skirt , cami and those rose bud clips in his hair ( he had just massive carpet hair down to his waist ) and he started kissing me at a crosswalk in the day and people were honking and clapping and we were both just laughing and really happy .

    Ah well ,, back to my regularly scheduled life :/
    Last edited by Dutchess; 11-27-2020 at 08:15 PM.
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  12. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    As always, thank you so much for the responses.

    1. Weird question - Something I have noticed in myself is that I feel pretty when I dress. That's a feeling I have never experienced as a man. Do you as a GG feel inherently pretty or attractive, or does it rely on other factors, or do you never really feel that way?

    2. I know you're not lesbians, but do you ever look at your SO in dress or other CDer and think they look attractive the way they present themselves?

    3. Is it embarressing to be with your SO in public when they are dressed?
    1. That's not a weird question in my opinion Speaking for myself, it feels good to get dolled up sometimes. Feminine styles catch my eyes and I get this desire to wear them. It's a personal preference.

    2. It depends on the person. I could be attracted to a CDer, but I won't be attracted to one *just* because they are a CDer. I acknowledge that CDing may be an important part of one's identity but, ultimately, I tend to be attracted to an individual as a whole and who they are as a full person - CDing just happens to be an aspect of them.

  13. #88
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    Holiday themed questions as I am feeling the spirit of the season!

    1. Do you/have you bought gifts for your SO's CD/TG side?

    2. Do you/have you celebrated holidays with you SO while they were dressed?

    3. Would you trust your SO to buy you an outfit as a gift?

    4. Would you/have you posed for holiday pictures with your SO while they were dressed?

    5. Would you/have you attended a holiday party with your SO while they were dressed?

  14. #89
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    1. Do you/have you bought gifts for your SO's CD/TG side?
    Yes always/ guy gifts really did not excite her

    2. Do you/have you celebrated holidays with you SO while they were dressed?
    Yes always

    3. Would you trust your SO to buy you an outfit as a gift?
    Absolutely

    4. Would you/have you posed for holiday pictures with your SO while they were dressed?
    Yes and I am sure there are a ton on site here

    5. Would you/have you attended a holiday party with your SO while they were dressed?
    5)
    Sher worked in guy mode and the guys had a Xmas lunch with just the guys no party . All free time was Sher time and holiday parties
    Last edited by Di; 12-03-2020 at 01:10 PM.
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  15. #90
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    1. Do you/have you bought gifts for your SO's CD/TG side?

    Yes, If I see something I think he will like. We don't exchange holiday gifts though.

    2. Do you/have you celebrated holidays with you SO while they were dressed?

    My SO only dresses to go out. So typically it's Halloween.

    3. Would you trust your SO to buy you an outfit as a gift?

    Yes, but he has never done it.

    4. Would you/have you posed for holiday pictures with your SO while they were dressed?

    Halloween pictures. However, he doesn't want people to know who he is so the pictures are for us only. He doesn't post pictures with me in them.

    5. Would you/have you attended a holiday party with your SO while they were dressed?


    Halloween only.

  16. #91
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    1. Do you/have you bought gifts for your SO's CD/TG side?
    Yes and I still do ! Even though Kat is no longer on this plane I make sure I decorate where s/he rests with her favorite roses on Birthday and Valentines . Christmas , Easter all our special days. In this life Kat could not wait to get gifts on birthdays , Valentines and Christmas , Anniversaries , you name it . It was a total joy for me to do it . Flowers , jewelry , glass peacocks , all kinds of things ,

    2. Do you/have you celebrated holidays with you SO while they were dressed?
    Absolutely .

    3. Would you trust your SO to buy you an outfit as a gift?
    I wore one to the Dr yesterday - who wouldnt want Chanel cashmere ....

    4. Would you/have you posed for holiday pictures with your SO while they were dressed?
    Yes I have ! At Christmas and Thanksgiving and other holidays too .

    5. Would you/have you attended a holiday party with your SO while they were dressed?
    Of course .
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  17. #92
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    1. How did you first get involved with this site, and what made you want to be a mod or admin (if you are)?

    2. Would you still want to be a part of this community if your SO decided he was done with crossdressing?

    3. Do you have any dealbreakers related to this side of your SO?

    4. If your SO wanted to marry/remarry you, but wanted to wear a wedding dress, would you be game?

  18. #93
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    1. How did you first get involved with this site, and what made you want to be a mod or admin (if you are)?

    My hubby started CDing late in life. He joined a Date a Crossdresser site but that was not what he was looking for. Then he found this one. I joined because I knew literally nothing about CDing. Part 2: I was asked; it's an interesting volunteer job.

    2. Would you still want to be a part of this community if your SO decided he was done with crossdressing?

    Most likely, I think there are a lot of things that CDers question and if I can, in some small way be helpful, I would continue.

    3. Do you have any dealbreakers related to this side of your SO?

    Yes - permanent modifications.
    (Edit: Also - same as Di's answer - no lies or omissions.)

    4. If your SO wanted to marry/remarry you, but wanted to wear a wedding dress, would you be game?

    I would be ok with two weddings: a traditional one and one where he could also wear a dress.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-16-2020 at 01:01 PM.

  19. #94
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    1) I first joined because a good friend confided in me about being a cd. I had no idea what that meant he often would comment on my makeup and clothing...especially makeup....I had no idea just thought he liked makeup.....he was married and I scolded him when he said his wife did not know and he told me. I felt telling a coworker and not the wife was WRONG so I found this place to find answers on how to tell his wife. THEN I met Sherlyn here.....talked online for along time ...met and sparks flew. Sher was a mod here and they asked me to help so all these years later here I am.

    2) In Sher it was who she was so was not going to be done.
    And after she passed I am still here. I especially like talking to the new GGs in FAB

    3) My deal breaker is always the same even with my children no lies, no lies by admission.

    4) We married at niagara Falls Chapel one was with Shers daughters ( as they did not want to see ) the next day we both wore wedding dresses and did it again....we played music that meant something to us ...it was beautiful and the chapel was very helpful in making it our day . I Am sure there are pictures on here from then.
    Last edited by Di; 12-16-2020 at 01:14 PM.
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  20. #95
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    Question

    What advice or suggestions would you give to such a significant other (A GG) in managing and coping with a husband or boyfriend?

    What advice or suggestions would you give to their SO (Boyfriend ~ Husband)?

    Not so much acceptance? Nor tolerance? Not just a DADT. But, reaching a mutually acceptable agreement, but based upon RESPECT for one another, communication, and putting the needs of one another?

    Thank you for your tine and response.
    Last edited by Di; 12-16-2020 at 05:37 PM. Reason: Per the rules no religion

  21. #96
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Dana,
    Advice to a GG
    Love each other take this journey together, mutual respect and about you both.
    If it a GG that was kept in the dark
    Figure out what is acceptable to you, make limits you can Live with , talk , read and be open and truthful in everything. It usually is a part of them and not going away( maybe temp it can but thats it) keep in the loop , Say to them no more lies or hiding =deal breaker. And realize it is the same person you love you just know both sides of them, it does not have to be the end of your world as you both can make it work,AND they did not keep it from you to hurt you but because they were afraid.

    Advice to a CD that was not forthcoming - Please no drip drip drip of little things and thinking your clues add up to you being a CD, NO hiding anymore, TALK, LISTEN, give them time ....might be years ...it took you years to figure this out yourself , talk and be open in your relationship , make it about both of you . Be honest with yourself and stop with the shame. This is 2020 not back in the day with no resources to see this is fairly common and does not have to be a big deal.
    Make sure she knows how much you love her!
    For the CD that was open from the beginning. You told be becoming committed , grow together Make it about both of you, it can make for a strong intimate relationship .Just love each other.
    Last edited by Di; 12-17-2020 at 03:09 AM.
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  22. #97
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Dana,

    Your question really isn't easy to answer because there are so many variables. One idea that I can think of is: At what point did the CD tell the SO about their CDing? When the SO was told, was everything laid out or was part of it kept secret? For instance; did the CD tell their SO they just wanted to wear ladies underwear when they really wanted to go out dressed as a woman and/or transition? Did the SO go along with the CDing but have unresolved reservations?

    Assuming everyone was truthful and forthcoming in the beginning, and both parties still wanted to continue the relationship, it should be maintained that it can't be all about one or the other person. Such as; the CD shouldn't spend 100% of the spare time CDed if the wife wants "her man" sometimes. There has to be a mutually understood balance or one party becomes the doormat and the other gets their way all of the time (this goes both ways). Love, respect, truthfulness, with no omissions has to be maintained. It's not just about CDing but all aspects of the relationship.

    Of course, I'm speaking of extremes here because I can't really give you a generic (one size fits all) answer.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-16-2020 at 10:53 PM.

  23. #98
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    Dana3:

    To the GG:
    I know how easy it is to become obsessed with the crossdressing as you try to figure out how far it will go, what your husband’s priorities have become, if you are still his priority, if he is subconsciously attracted to men, etc. But, don’t make the crossdressing your priority or your responsibility. It’s your husband’s thing, not yours. Take things as they are, i.e. don’t project into the future, don’t try to find hints of your husband’s crossdressing activities online, etc. If your husband tells you that he still loves you, that he does not want to be a woman, and that he is not attracted to men, believe him. Try to negotiate an acceptable compromise in terms of who should find out and how often your husband should dress. Chances are you and your husband wont be too far apart on this. If you cannot take seeing him dressed in women’s clothing, try to negotiate times when your husband can dress when you will not be involved … because it will not go away and the last thing you want is for your husband to dress behind your back. This drives wedges in relationships that can only get worse.


    To the CD:
    No more lies or omissions. Determine what is your ideal crossdressing scenario and share this with your wife, even if you are not there yet. Do you want to pierce your ears? Do you want to body shave? Do you want to grow your fingernails? Do you want to perfect your femme appearance in order to go out in public and not stand out too much? Negotiate boundaries with your wife. This means negotiate. You each will give and take a little. And do not drip out your crossdressing wishes bit by bit, for example telling your wife you only want to wear panties, and in a few months a skirt, and a few months after that makeup, when in fact it is your secret desire to do all it takes to present a complete femme appearance. This will make it difficult for your wife to believe you when you say that you don’t want to be a woman. And give your wife lots of time to realize that the crossdressing does not change your feelings for her and that your wife is still your priority. You have had a lifetime of knowing this about yourself and having come to accept it. Your wife also needs lots and LOTS of time.
    Reine

  24. #99
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    241
    I am a late starter at crossdressing, starting in my mid-fifties and lasting the last ten years so far... My experience has been that there's an inverse relationship between how 'sexy' I feel and how sexy my wife sees me to be. I don't have any dysphoria and enjoy being the male in the relationship, but i also find that I feel totally sexy in things that are usually restricted to women. My wife will very occasionally respond to a particular item, but it's very much the exception. I'm just curious if there is anything that the crossdressing SO wears that the GG's on this site see as sexy?

  25. #100
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    2,192
    Bea,

    I'm sure that every women whose SO CD's sees things differently. Sexy is an individual preference that occurs in the eye of the beholder. Some women may find their CDing SO sexy when dressed as a woman.

    Personally I think my SO has good taste in women's clothes and wears them well but not "sexy" (to me). I'm not attracted to the female form. I find my husband "sexy" when he's dressed as a man. Particularly when wearing a beautifully tailored suit (tie not required) - with the hint of a beard stubble.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-25-2020 at 10:14 AM.

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