Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: A members request

  1. #1
    F.A.B Forum Moderators FAB Forum Mods's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    444

    A members request

    We had a member request to ask the GGs about when we found out about our partners .
    We are doing it without revealing identitys so our newest members feel free / safe to join in.
    This is only meant to help and promote understanding.

    GG1


    1)When did you find out your partner is a crossdresser?
    A little over a year ago

    2)How did you find out?
    We were talking on the phone, getting to know eachother- I told him some personal lifestyle choices of my own and he told me his. A few days after that we went on our first date.

    3)How do you feel about how you found out?
    Happy and rather honored that he trusted me enough to tell me... It's not easy to take that chance, it made me respect him even more in all honesty.

    4)What should have been differently?
    Nothing... I'm glad he told me before we'd even gone on our first date.

    5)Is there anything you would like to tell cders that have this hidden life?
    Seeing as I'm fairly new to it all myself, I'm not sure... except that I think hiding it from those you love/could potentially love.. is a mistake. Even if you end up in a DADT relationship.. at least they know who you are.

    6) Do you wish this was not part of your life?
    No. I love my SO, what he wears... makes no difference to me. I'm quite open minded about most peoples lifestyles.

    7) How do you make this work ?
    Well currently it's easy since we don't live together- not yet anyways soo he can dress however he pleases. Occasionally he dresses around me, we'll cuddle up and watch a movie.

    8) What struggles do you have?
    I do worry about how it may impact our relationship when we live under the same roof- if our dynamic will change much. He's told me he has no desire to transition but it still sits in the back of my mind, just a blob of worry that I'll lose Him. I also struggle with how we'll explain things to the kiddos if they find out.

    9) Anything that bothers you about this being in your life?
    It's crossed my mind a couple times that maybe he will end up transitioning, which if he chooses to do so I'll be supportive, however I'm not sure I'd be able to stay with him.. I would love to say I'm confident in my decision that I'd stay by his side no matter what, but I am only human. Other then that... I can't think of anything.

    10) What would you like to tell cders to help them see how we feel?
    I can't speak for other women, but I tend to be run by my emotions. If things had been different and my SO hadn't told me when he did... and say if he told me yesterday- over a year into our relationship... I would be hurt- SO hurt- That he didn't trust me enough to tell me about this part of him, as confusing as it may be to him I feel like it'd be even more confusing for myself.. It'd be so surprising and.. I would feel genuinely lost if he had told me now. So if you're telling your spouse, don't expect her to take the information like a champ. She'll probably be all kinds of emotional/upset and confused, and that's okay. Just like you, GGs are only human... so be patient please. Its hard for you to tell us, but it's not easy for us to have our world flipped either.
    Last edited by Di; 04-27-2020 at 06:18 PM.
    F.A.B. Forum Moderators


  2. #2
    F.A.B Forum Moderators FAB Forum Mods's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    444
    GG2

    1)When did you find out your partner is a crossdresser?

    Before our first date, but we had known each other for awhile.

    2)How did you find out.

    He sent me an email.

    3)How do you feel about how you found out?

    At first I was shocked and I didn't know how I felt. I didn't expect anything like this. I thought that by telling me about the CDing, he was telling me that a relationship between us could never happen. I thought he was telling me that he had attractions elsewhere. But we did clear this up the next time we talked. I very much wanted to start a relationship with him and so I determined to give it a go, despite the negative views about the CDing that I knew existed most everywhere.

    4)What should have been differently?

    Nothing. My SO has always been honest with me.

    5)Is there anything you would like to tell cders that have this hidden life?

    Please stop trying to control your wife or girlfriend by not telling her. This gives you all the choices, and her, none. She has the right to decide for herself how to proceed in a relationship with a CDer, no matter which way it goes.

    6) Do you wish this was not part of your life?

    We did go through a period when I thought the crossdressing and everything related took precedence over our relationship. I knew that it was very much a part of my SO's life and no "wishing" would make it go away, so I was prepared to step away from the relationship. I was beginning to distance myself. But then things turned around and everything came back into balance. We are happy now.

    7) How do you make this work ?

    Balance. True balance, not pretend balance. lol

    8) What struggles do you have?

    None.

    9) Anything that bothers you about this being in your life?

    Not any more. But I did struggle a lot in the early years over several things:

    - I felt my place as the woman in our hetero relationship had been usurped with all the shopping, grooming, picture taking, etc, on my SO's side. It felt as if my SO only had eyes for his femme self and it almost seemed as if she was his girlfriend and not me.

    - I didn't like it when I perceived that my SO dressed in order to attract men. I know now this wasn't his motive, but it felt as if it was at the time. It just took years and years to realize that my SO's motive for dressing in a certain way was not the same as my and other GG's motives for dressing the same way.

    - In the beginning of our relationship we didn't live together so of course each one of us was perfectly free to do whatever we wanted in our time apart. But despite this, it bothered me when my SO would dress to go to a drag club or go out and meet people without telling me. It felt as if he wanted to flirt or start clandestine relationships with other people, even though I now understand this was not his motive. Had he always told me that he planned on going out to the club alone, or meeting this person or that one alone, I wouldn't have felt as if he was wanting to find someone else or flirt behind my back. Again, it took me years to understand my SO's motives.

    10) What would you like to tell cders to help them see how we feel.?

    Crossdressers need to learn that it can take years for their wives to develop an understanding of their husband's motive to dress sexy, which is different from non-crossdressing men (when they want to make themselves attractive to GGs) and different from GG's (when they want to make themselves attractive for men). So for a wife, it's like learning a new secret language. "Wanting to feel feminine" just doesn't cut it as an explanation, because as GGs, we know that we do not need to show off our figures in order to feel feminine.
    F.A.B. Forum Moderators


  3. #3
    F.A.B Forum Moderators FAB Forum Mods's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    444
    GG3

    1)When did you find out your partner is a crossdresser? I found out 9 years ago, about 20 years into our marriage.

    2)How did you find out. My spouse told me that she (he at the time) was experimenting a bit with lipstick and cross dressing, and wanted to do "further exploration".

    3)How do you feel about how you found out? I was aware of my spouse's enjoyment of occasional lingerie and lipstick as "spice" to our relationship, so I assumed it was just a desire to do this more often, and didn't really follow up on the conversation. This was a mistake on my part--I should have taken it seriously at the time, but I knew virtually nothing about the subject and was probably a bit in my own denial.

    4)What should have been differently? My spouse early on accused me of being merely "tolerant" as opposed to "accepting". This hurt quite a bit, as the entire situation had been presented to me in a non-serious way--the concept was one of "experimentation and investigation", which I didn't think was a big deal. I was upset that I hadn't been given a chance to really process what was happening. Once I verbalized this, and also acknowledged that this was more than wearing nightgowns, everything was much better. My spouse was being defensive and assuming the worst about me without giving me a chance.

    5)Is there anything you would like to tell cders that have this hidden life? Keeping it hidden is a recipe for disaster. I was lucky in that I found out very early in the process. I don't know how I would have reacted to finding out that there was an entire stash of clothes, wigs, and an entire other life. Tell about it early on.

    6) Do you wish this was not part of your life? In the beginning, yes, but not now. It's enriched our lives.

    7) How do you make this work ? I understand this is part of who my spouse is, and what gives her happiness. She never really understood the concept of happiness or belonging before she transitioned, and now she feels authentic. How can I deny that to the person I love? She also strives to be a better spouse than she was before, and often expresses her gratitude to me for understanding and supporting her.

    8) What struggles do you have? I struggle with going out and being perceived as part of a same-sex couple. I don't have the history of being lesbian in my life, so I feel like I'm being something that I'm not. It's also hard talking about my kids--I always feel like the unspoken question of how we had them is hanging in the air, or it risks making my spouse's TG status a topic of conversation.

    9) Anything that bothers you about this being in your life? See above. I'm getting more comfortable with it as people meet us and accept us as a couple, but things like anniversaries (30 years now) are difficult because I know same-sex marriage wasn't legal 30 years ago. It just complicates my personal history.

    10) What would you like to tell cders to help them see how we feel.? Not only are we dealing with the way people view our spouse, we are dealing with the way people view us as well. That is difficult, especially if we want to support our spouse, but need to find a way to navigate the public perspective of being in a same-sex relationship or being in a relationship with a TG spouse. We're dealing with the loss of the spouse we thought we married, but we're also dealing with the loss of who we thought we were when we got married. Transition is not limited to the person going through it. It affects everybody. As for the people who enjoy cross-dressing once in a while and have no intention of transitioning--don't tell them that you are more feminine than they are, or prettier than the average woman, or know more about fashion and being a woman than they do. Try to explain your enjoyment of dressing up, but without any competitiveness in terms of what you think a "real woman" should look like. Be honest about what it means to you, whether you view it as a "hobby" or it satisfies a deep psychological need for you. And don't say that you'll stop, but then continue to sneak it.
    F.A.B. Forum Moderators


  4. #4
    F.A.B Forum Moderators FAB Forum Mods's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    444
    GG4



    1)When did you find out your partner is a crossdresser? In his 60's

    2)How did you find out. He told me before he started CDing

    3)How do you feel about how you found out? Confused, not sure what was going on. Never heard of CDing other than in the comedy media.

    4)What should have been differently? The "telling" the way he did it, worked out well. We could learn together

    5)Is there anything you would like to tell cders that have this hidden life? Don't get married if you intend to keep part of your life hidden. Particularly, if after she finds out, she doesn't accept it and you decide that CDing is more important than your marriage.

    6) Do you wish this was not part of your life? At first, due to outside influences, I wished it had never been part of my life. Now it's ok.

    7) How do you make this work ? He does his own thing, doesn't need me to accommodate or approve of his clothing choices.

    8) What struggles do you have? Some poor judgments early on.

    9) Anything that bothers you about this being in your life? The way other CDers & men hit on my SO because he's dressed as a woman.

    10) What would you like to tell cders to help them see how we feel.? Be honest, and considerate. Don't hide things. Don't make your SO sorry she ever met you.
    F.A.B. Forum Moderators


  5. #5
    F.A.B Forum Moderators FAB Forum Mods's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    444
    GG5

    1)When did you find out your partner is a crossdresser? Before we met

    2)How did you find out. Talking online

    3)How do you feel about how you found out?
    Happy I was trusted to know

    4)What should have been differently?
    Nothing

    5)Is there anything you would like to tell cders that have this hidden life?
    Please do not be ashamed.

    6) Do you wish this was not part of your life?
    Only once in a while when it takes over our life.

    7) How do you make this work ?
    Making sure it does not take over our life.
    8) What struggles do you have?
    None for the most part.
    9) Anything that bothers you about this being in your life?
    Just coming to agreement and understanding in the beginning.
    10) What would you like to tell cders to help them see how we feel.?
    Please be honest.
    Make the relationship top priority.
    Last edited by Di; 04-27-2020 at 06:20 PM.
    F.A.B. Forum Moderators


  6. #6
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Di,
    I'm not sure if we are invited to comment or not .

    The one point made was there was enough love in the relationship to deal with it and work it out , the sad part is taking the tough decision to come out and finding that level of love isn't there and never was .

    I still feel the hardest part is making that decision to come out because the World does change for that person , there really isn't a right time to admit what you feel inside and what it truly means at that moment . To be honest with others means you have to be honest with yourself first and BOY is that scary for some of us !

  7. #7
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Posts
    16,149
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Di,
    . To be honest with others means you have to be honest with yourself first and BOY is that scary for some of us !
    That really says it.
    Thank You Teresa!
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


    Administrator

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State