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Thread: My thoughts of why I crossdress

  1. #26
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
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    I am not sure it is crossdress.
    For me I am drawn to have a female body and persona.
    I feel fine/good/natural when I am out in a female figure no matter what I am wearing.
    I am comfortable with who I am.
    I wish others were

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by GretchenM View Post
    The science on the matter of your case is pretty clear now. It is not an either/or matter with nature and nurture. It is both. You may have been born with a predisposition, but that would not have been triggered in the first year of your life. Maybe later in year two, but not year one. Children do not develop a clear sense of gender until about 3 years old except in a few instances where it shows up in the mid to late twos.

    However, you make mention of early memories being important. That could be significant in configuring your brain to lean a bit toward the feminine side. Due to brain plasticity, your brain often, even continuously, is reconfiguring itself as a result of experiences that your brain must deal with to remain consistent. The Halloween experiences were much more likely to influence gender expression.

    Defining gender preferences is a very complex neurological process involving a great deal of adaptation of your brain to stresses and less significant influences to create a sense of self that fits the data input to the brain. But whatever it creates it also changes as a result of new influences. Reinforcement of a particular configuration enhances that configuration which may explain why escalation of gender behaviors in a particular direction occurs in some, but not all, CDers and trans people.

    With regard to this aspect of our lives, we are all different and all unique and an ever changing blend of male and female behaviors consistent with the cultural environment. But the behaviors can also change the cultural environment, so there it is a continuous back and forth exchange of information that drives your brain to produce a behavior that fits a somewhat temporary specific state of being within a more generalized shell of generalized behavior defined by social expectations. Forget about male and female brains - they don't exist. There are only brains that are constantly changing within a personally defined zone of what is considered acceptable personally and socially. That zone is initially created by genetics and then constantly modified by experience.

    If you want to find out more, read Gina Ripon's book "Gender and Our Brains" (the heavyweight book) or Daphna Joel's "Gender Mosaic - Beyond the myth of the male and female brain" (the more lightweight book). Both authors are neuroscientists and have been studying gender in the context of brain configuration for at least three decades. Daphna's book is much easier reading. But you might want to read "Neuroscience for Dummies" first to gain a general understanding of neuroscience before tackling Gina's book. It is a very complex subject. I can lead you to some other references that are useful. PM me if you wish.
    Solid information Gretchen...I like your perspective and credible response.

    I distaste both extremes or sides of this fascinating debate, and seems yours considers both sides, which I appreciate. Thank you for sharing your view and the book recommendations.

    I think we need to celebrate the differences in men and women, but agree that the differences in the brain may be overplayed.

  3. #28
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    My experience is similar to many others. My mother wanted a girl when she gave birth to my older brother. With her second pregnancy she prayed for a daughter. I was born. When I was only 6 months old she was pregnant for a third time. Was the third time the charm? Yes, when my sister was born it was the happiest day of my mother's life. My sister became my mother's pampered princess. My mother would often repeat the story of our births, and I always ended up as her disappointment. I longed for my mother's love and attention. I was expected to play with my older brother, but he took pleasure in beating the hell out of me daily. Today the left side of my rib cage is deformed from the broken ribs I received from my older brother. I tried to escape the beatings from my older brother the best I could. I always thought that if I was just born a girl all my problems would be solved. By the age of 3 I was playing in my mother's closet and trying on her clothes. I recall telling her that I was just playing "mommie".

    As a small child I was not permitted to play with girl's things. I had had enough humiliation so tried to be a boy as best I could. Even though I stopped crossdressing I still fascinated about it. I grew up believing that girls had it better in life. Parents preferred girls because girls were better behaved, better looking, and smarter. I thought all boys secretly wanted to dress like girls. I couldn't image that males had any privileges. For me there was nothing good about being a boy. As I look back I realize that I grew up with three struggles - I struggled with gender dysphoria. I struggled with being an extreme introvert. I struggled with an inferiority complex.

    By the time puberty started I was back to crossdressing. It was my deepest, darkest, secret. I was convinced that it was terribly wrong, but I couldn't stop. I now consider myself a survivor. I have done pretty well in life. I am happily married. I've accomplished so much. However the marks from my childhood are always with me. I still crossdress, but I keep it limited. When I crossdress I realize how my brain is hardwired to release a host of feel-good neurotransmitters. Crossdressing releases stress, brings joy, a sense of accomplishment, and my world is made right.

  4. #29
    Member Tania's Avatar
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    I have dressed for as long as I can remember. I have no idea what sparked this interest, but my mother was/is an attractive woman. She was a majorette back in the day, and always exercised when a leotard and tights were in vogue, which may explain a few things. Our house was short on closet space, so mom?s overflow clothing ended up in the closet in my room. So, opportunity presented itself at a young age. Dad remodeled the house when I was about 10-12, and the opportunities were a bit harder to come by after that.

  5. #30
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    I lean strongly toward Nature myself. Which is not to deny that "nurture" can play a role too, but I believe Nature predominates.

    What's the evidence? First, there are plenty of people like me, whether we're "T" or not, who started dressing from a quite spontaneous urge, without being encouraged in any way. That sounds like our inner Nature at work.

    Second, lots of people have experienced a continuing compulsion to dress in spite of being outright discouraged, ridiculed, or being given to believe that it was "wrong" or "shameful." Clearly their Nature has been riding roughshod over their "nurture"!

    Third, yes, there are others who were encouraged or even "forced" to dress in childhood, and may attribute their continuing compulsion to these aspects of their "nurture." But hold it for a moment. There's a missing, fourth piece to this little foursquare diagram (if you can visualize it that way).

    Specifically, it's not just what we learn, or are told, that forms our understanding, beliefs, and opinions. It's often what we never learn that's just as influential. Incidentally it's the way our appallingly biased so-called "news" media distort people's opinions. They don't necessarily tell us outright lies, not most of the time. Remember the oath we swear when giving evidence in a courtroom: "to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." The media often tell us only half the truth, not the whole truth. They leave out the "other side of the picture," which we never learn about, and might have formed a quite opposite opinion if we had.

    It's that fourth piece that's missing on a specialized site like this one. What about all the other people who were encouraged, or even "forced," to crossdress at some time in childhood, whether on one occasion or persistently? These people may have dismissed it as "just a bit of fun." Or they may have felt embarrassed or humiliated by it, hated the experience, and resolved never to let it happen again! Either way, it never influenced them to became crossdressers; sometimes the reverse; so they're not here to give evidence on a site like this! They're not here to say "Phooey! They dressed me up as a girl, but so what? I never kept dressing up as a girl!" They're "out there" anyway; and their nurture never did overcome their (very ordinary) Nature.

    In summary, for those inclined to attribute their crossdressing to some childhood incident or influence from outside themselves, I'd say possibly yes, it may have been a factor that helped to shape us. But it would never have done so if crossdressing had not been in our Nature in the first place!

    There's something I like about this too. Namely, that if anyone felt that the compulsion to crossdress, or to "be the other sex," has somehow spoiled their life because of what their parents or someone else inflicted on them, that's not a contented state of mind to be in. Not if it's ruined by futile and corrosive blame and hatred about "what 'they' did to me"--which may be totally false with regard to the real causes. To realize on the other hand that "this is just Me, this is my Nature, this is the way I was born to be"--that's a liberating truth that leads to healthy and happy self acceptance.

  6. #31
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    I have wanted to dress from my earliest memories. It came in waves sometimes years apart. I was never dressed by my family, if anything I was nudged always nudged towards masculine.

  7. #32
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    I think most would agree that there’s a mix of nature and nurture. I think there are clear examples of when it seems that nature is the primary driver of behavior or feelings...but even in those cases most people really do not have vivid memories or those memories are not nearly as accurate as they think.

    Those moments that may have influenced me are vague, but they are there...some stronger than others. And the fear of my feelings being known since I was a young young child validate my views/suspicions.

    I used to manipulate or try to get girlfriends to do my hair or make up, but I had to be so sly about it, so they wouldn’t suspect. I could probably write story after story about this, and sadly, almost none came to fruition, because I was so scared...I still remember going to sleep w/a hat on my head so that my mom wouldn’t see my braids (as if the hat wouldn’t have been a give away!).

    Anyway...I think it’s a combo most cases.

  8. #33
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I learned that my dad , rest him, did not want sons, after the y had my sister. He had three sons after her, and he kind of resented me. I think this does have a lot to do with my dressing.

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    Confucious, That must have been a living hell, being beaten so savagely by your brother. I can relate some, as i was the baby of the family. My sister was first born, and spoiled rotten. My dad did not want boys, but got my older twin brother, then four yrs later me. My brothers beat me up as ababy a lot, and ridiculed my all my life. I wet the bed till almost 20, and was ridiculed terribly by them. I am almost 66 noow, and they still ridicule me at times. I was bullied and picked on in schools and some early jobs, also, I have always been a Highly Sensitive, too. I snuck into my sisters, and mom's things about 13yo. Felt so fun, but so guilty too. Stopped dressing until much later on in life. Never had a steady girlfriend, was scared of girls, but envied them. Being a boy, then man was so depressing and non fun, and i loathed myself as a male, felt very inferior to girls and women. I have worked hard to value myself as a male, even though it still is such a downer, being an old low income, considered a no count loser man. I did date some in my 30s and 40s, but was never very confident and had low income, in spite of always working super hard, going the extra mile. The Alpha males always got the girls and women. I have religious values, too, and dressing has been a big conflict in me, hence the name, Alice TORN. Torn apart as a bit tall man who fantasizes about being the woman with a man, when all dolled up. I have met four admirers over the years,but stopped short of penetration sex, for health reasons and morals. I purged 99% of allmy lady things a few yrs back, but have 8 dresses now. I do not dress up near as often now, but have thousands of pics and a number of videos of Alice, that get me aroused some. I am trying to be more accepting of my maleness, as i get older,. and i have made some progress accepting being a man. I am too tired or lazy to dress much. But when i do, its for several hours, and lots of photos and videos. I stopped going out in public a few years ago. It is a lifetime pull.

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    Gretchen, I have heard a lot about how the female brains gave a wider corpus collosum, that joins right and left spheres of their brains. Men have a narrower one. It is one reason women can do multi-tasking better than men. Of course,women have more estrogen too, and men, more T.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 04-30-2020 at 06:37 PM.

  9. #34
    Senior Member christine55's Avatar
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    Mine was negative. I was often derided as young boy and it. Seemed to me that being a girl would be better

  10. #35
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    My early desire to CD started with it being eroctic. Now that I am older, I do it to feel feminine.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    Nature. The first time I remember dressing was at 12 years old when I found a couple boxes of my late step mother's clothes in the attic. I have no idea why.

  12. #37
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    I vote for nature over nurture.

    I had only a few times where it was OK for me to dress up (halloween once, overnight at grandparents', one cub scouts play). Other than that, I was always made aware of the "wrongness" of it. So nurture was definitely on the be-a-boy side.

    I asked, and my mother didn't have a wish for a girl baby when I was born. She was happy with whoever came along. I realize now that at least PART of the problems I had with my father was that I wasn't the chip-off-the-block all-male boy he wanted to follow in his footsteps. He thought I was too much of a sissy (and yes, my sister has reported that he actually said that). So - no nurture toward femininity from family.

    My mom wasn't a beautiful or sexy woman, so I wasn't admiring her 'frillies'. If she wasn't in a frumpy house dress, she was in frumpy slacks. Fashion was a foreign word in our home.

    My two brothers, who grew up in the same household are happy with their male-ness.

    But I've always been drawn to the feminine. Why? Because it's who I am, I guess.

  13. #38
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    Hi Marcie , I have been in this program for 73 years , It is just who I am and it is just what I DO.

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