So I finally came out and told my wife about my crossdressing. I knew things were going to be bad and had been planning for some time. However it came to a head during an argument on something else. Not ideal but if I didn't tell her when I did I think I would never be able to do so.
It's been a hard few days with lots of tears on both sides and will continue for some time. I've essentially shattered her world and her long term view of our relationship. So many questions running through her head. But worst of all is the deceit from my lying and hiding things from her for the past few years.
I'm lucky in that my crossdressing is at the milder end of the spectrum and won?t progress. Had I dropped a larger bombshell I think that might have been it for us.
Given that she started from the perspective of disgust and horror, at least I now appear to be getting somewhere closer to being able to have a conversation.
Obviously there?s a number of posts with good advice (and a good sticky above). A few things that I thought would be useful to say whilst I'm in the middle of this all for anyone else:
- Be honest and don?t lie
- Admit the pain you have caused her
- Accept that whilst you have come to an understanding of how you feel (perhaps over some time) she has only just found out. It will take time
- Make sure you are clear in saying exactly what you like doing and how far you want to take everything. Unfortunately my wife didn't appreciate everything I said initially and so we had a second revelation which was like hitting her with a sledgehammer twice. Any changing of details or story will make her question your honesty
- Answer any questions you are asked even if it causes more pain - best to get it out in the open sooner rather than hold back thinking it will wait for another day
- Give her time and space when she asks for it
- Give her reassurance about how you feel about her
- Be positive that it will be ok in the end - I reached a real low point during this. It isn?t a fun place to be. I'm not saying I'm not going to go back there but at the moment, I'm much better than I was a few days ago
- Suggest websites or articles to read to understand
- Consider counseling either for you, her or both. We haven?t tried this yet but it may be helpful
I?m lucky to have the most supportive wife and know that this has rocked her to her core. I don't yet know if we're going to make it and perhaps the timing of doing it whilst in lockdown wasn?t the best idea. However, I knew that I was going to have to tell her at some point.