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Thread: Hanging up the heels maybe...

  1. #1
    Junior Member Lara A's Avatar
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    Hanging up the heels maybe...

    I was not feeling too great after the New year, and had already had a nasty illness around Xmas that left me 30 lbs lighter. That was OK by me, I could afford to lose something! But, I wasn't putting weight back, and I was not dieting by any stretch. I had a CT scan of my lower abdomen to see if anything was going on, and was horrified to hear they found something on my liver.
    Fast forward six weeks, a myriad tests and scans, and it appears I have advanced liver cancer. I'm in the process of getting a final diagnosis since my surgeon oncologist is not too sure that's all that is going on. I do know it has not spread outside the liver, and possibly bile ducts, so treatment options are there, but scant and possibly massively invasive.
    The upshot of all this is that I am debating with myself whether to hang up my heels for good or not. Maybe one last fling, or maybe keep it all and hope to be able to come back later if all works out and I am still around for a while. My wife has said she'd love for me to do whatever makes me happy, but frankly, my heart is not in it! It's hard to describe what I am feeling, and I am not even sure myself... I do like to go out when I am dressed, but of course right now that is not possible, so not much is left really. It's all a bit depressing!

    Has anyone else found themselves in similar situations?

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
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    Just put dressing on hold until you know more.
    Sorry you are having to go thru this and I wish you all the best .

  3. #3
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your health issues, Lara.
    Dress or don't dress, do what you feel is best for you.
    Best wishes to you.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your illness. I wish you all the best.
    If your wife knows about your crossdessing, keep the clothes and hope for the best regarding to your health. That's what matters now. She can donate or throw away your clothes later, if the worst happens. No need to do it right now. If you don't feel like dressing, just don't do it, but leave your clothes in the closet to wait for better days.
    If she wouldn't know about your crossdressing, you might want to purge your closet when you know for sure what is the prognoses for future regarding to your illness. But before you get final results, I would just wait, if I were you.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    My wife was in a similar situation. She gave away most of her stuff. Just after she passed, a co-worker had a fire and lost everything. She was just the right size for the clothes I gave her.

    Marion

  6. #6
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    Lara, the good news, so far, is that the cancer has not spread, so there is a good chance it can be successfully treated. Today's cancer knowledge and treatment has progressed dramatically, so, GOOD LUCK in your treatments. Secondly, do NOT purge. The pink fog never really goes away.

  7. #7
    Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Hi Lara, never been there. You should probably listen to your wife and do whatever makes you feel good. I hope you keep your spirit up and start treatment soon. Best wishes to you.

  8. #8
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    Sorry to hear that.

    Step 1. Take care of yourself
    Step 2. Take care of wife.

    All else is irrelevant

  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I have cancer. But, at present, it's NOT debilitating. My choice is to live the way I want until I no longer can.

    I agree with your SO. U should do whatever u feel like doing!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Lara sorry to hear about your health. Best wishes for a complete recovery. In the mean time you need to follow your heart and do whatever your heart tells you is in your best interest.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Lara, Damn, I feel so bad for you. The good news is that it has not spread so hopefully the treatment is successful, I agree there have been great strides in cancer treatment.
    Great you have such a wonderful supportive wife. Dress or not dress just get this treatment behind you right now.
    Crissy

  12. #12
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Lara, sorry to hear about your health and wishing you speedy recovery. Treatment is the priority, just put the rest aside till you are ready.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry,

    I'm with Sherry.

    I think it would be good for you to continue on with what makes you happy.

    I know went I'm feeling depressed , like I have for the last couple months I don't feel like getting dressed up.

    Sounds like you have a supportive wife. I suggest a nice candle light dinner followed by a movie. You both get dressed and have fun.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Lara, this is so sad but you have to be positve, as Crissy said there have been huge advances in cancer treatment try to look at a full and happy future, you have a very supportive wife and that is the main thing.
    I wish you all of the very best and am rooting for you.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  15. #15
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Lara,

    As others have rightly said, cancer treatments have come on hugely. It seems you had a fairly early diagnosis and that always works in your favour.

    An ex of my daughter was given a year to live at best. His friends all chipped in to give him the holiday of a lifetime. That was 8-10 years ago and he's still going strong, working full time.

    So I'd say try to live as normal a life as you can. Don't purge. If hopefully the outcome is good then you'll have something to look forward to during your convalescence.

    The ex BTW didn't pay his friends back. That's partly why he's the ex.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Kay J's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear this about you my prayers will goes out to you!!!

  17. #17
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    Not even remotely within my experience. All you can do is take life a day at a time. Right now, it makes sense that your thoughts are focused on your health and future. Perhaps, once you?ve had time to digest the diagnosis and your medical team has settled on a course of treatment, you?ll find some renewed interests.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  18. #18
    Senior Member Frannie7's Avatar
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    Lara, I am not in your situation or anything similar, but i do send my best wishes and hope for a recovery.

  19. #19
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Sorry about your health issues and I wish you the best.

    I see no reason to give up crossdressing unless you don't feel like it. It's not like you are living full time as a woman and have to keep it up. Do what makes you happy.
    Krisi

  20. #20
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    I hope that you can find a treatment that works and that you can keep your spirits up during this difficult time.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Yes, Lara, I can relate very well. Last year I battled prostate cancer and diabetes at the same time. I know those are not as bad as liver cancer, but as many of us cancer victims say, "Cancer is cancer, no matter what type." It is a disheartening diagnosis and always frightening. People say you should stay positive. They are right, but the fact and the truth is it is not that easy, especially if you start thinking of the possible losses and the like. Most of those things just need to be put on hold an you need to get a firm grip on the fundamental YOU. I can feel your concern and it doesn't necessarily go away after treatment because the recovery seemingly takes for ever. I ended treatment on November 8 and I am still battling the side effects. I can have as many 15 hot flashes a day, my strength is still not what it was but getting better, endurance is low and some of the fatigue is still there. All this sounds discouraging and my intent is not to be discouraging - just truthful. It is still one day at a time and most of those days are richer than they were before going through the grinder.

    On the plus side, even though it is still difficult, life is good even with a deadly virus roaming around. Treatment pretty much put an end to my dressing - very rare now due to hormonal changes. Knowing what the hormonal changes would be, at least in general, was very discouraging. But I found that inside me the identity that supported the dressing is still there and a joy in my life. Dressing is not important anymore- being the real me is important. Having cancer taught me that.

    Many things I loved are slowly coming back; some will never come back and I don't miss them. During treatment there were days that were just horrible. But in retrospect now I am grateful I went through it all even though it was sometimes terrifying. So, identify the things in your life that are important to your identity; the things that are critical to making you, you. Keep those things going no matter how terrible you feel.

    You are a beautiful person with a unique and wonderful identity that helps keep you a gentle person with a special and uncommon perspective on life and what is important. That may change a little bit while aspects of your body may change a lot. Keep your favorite clothes and other things because they can provide you with some badly needed relief and a return to a more fundamental reality that keeps you going when things get tough and they will. At the end they will be there if you need them or you may find they are no longer necessary. Keep your head on straight and don't get into the line of thinking that all this gender stuff is just imaginary. It is not!!!!

    It defines an important part of you. You have an understanding wife who wants you to be as happy as you can be under the circumstances. Listen to her; she loves you and feeling loved at this time is more important than anything. It gives you strength. Recognize that some things will necessarily change and may never come back; but other things and most of those are the important things that form the foundation of your self identity will not go away and will continue through it all. A cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence. They are very good at fixing things up these days. It will be rough for awhile but then it will get better although probably different in a lot of ways. But the fundamentals of YOU will remain; the important parts of YOU will remain and if you have faith in those fundamentals they will carry you through.

    My heart goes out to you. I know what you are feeling even though I don't know the particulars of what you are feeling. You are where I was a year ago - facing the possibility of dying way too early even though I was 74 and had lived a full life. I had more to live, but during the treatment I just took it one day at a time and kept a tight grip on who I am at the most fundamental level.

    The male part and the female part joined into a single identity that supported me and kept me going. Today, I am a different person than I was 18 months ago, a more complete person without the gender fracturing I had before. Am I a man or am I a woman? That question no longer matters. I am ME and I am a better person because of my experience of having battled cancer that ultimately kills 30% of everyone who gets prostate cancer. You grow up in this battle and after you come out, the world is more beautiful and whole than it ever was before. You can do this! It is hard, perhaps the hardest thing you will ever do, but you can do it - one day at a time.

  22. #22
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    Hope your treatments works out well for you. The liver is the only organ that regenerates itself. It is possible to receive a part of a liver from a live donor. If the cancer has not spread you may be in a fortunate position. I am only an observer to my wife having breast cancer and surviving. It's a tough ride for you and your wife. God watch over you and your wife.

  23. #23
    Soccer Mom in Training MsEva's Avatar
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    Oh Honey, take care of yourself first. Everything else will follow. I will keep you in my prayers.

  24. #24
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    I, too, am sorry that you have cancer. I suggest that you not make any decisions re: your "heels" at this time. Wait and see how you feel each day. It is great that your wife supports you!
    Hugs, Carole

  25. #25
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Lara, I am so sorry to hear of your health issues. I would put off any decisions until you have resolved your health issues.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

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