If I get an inch will I take a mile?

[Star01]

Don't worry, I take no offense over anything anyone could possibly say to me in a forum post. It's impossible to convey every issue and how they intersect without going further than is allowed on here due to the subject matter of one of the major issues that affects my life and relationship with adult children.

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I have a good relationship with my oldest daughter but I wouldn't think of putting her in that position. Obviously I'm certain she would be accepting and likely relieved to no longer be the focus of family attention. She left a twenty year marriage when she came out and it got pretty messy with extended family but everyone in the immediate family except one religious daughter were fine with it.

[Di]

To those that gave their opinions no more back and forth ....you had your say.
Thank you Star for explaining about the religious aspect without saying much because- rules.
We all give advice from our life experience/ what we have gone through.
We want to help and Star I am glad you get that’s where the advice comes from and take no offense.
Everyone else you made your point drop it and let others join in.

[Star01]

Thank you Di. My past religious experiences are a huge part of my life and directly affected my crossdressing over the years. I felt like I was coming across wrong without at least being able to acknowledge that as it had such a profound effect. I'm glad that I was able to broach the subject without going too far and getting myself in trouble. I take no offense and know that everyone means well so no worries.

[MichaelM]

Star

Lots of good advice here.

My thoughts: if you are not sure where this will end up, you have two choices. Either come clean and have "the talk" again but tell her that you are not sure where it's going to end up but you need time to explore and you will let her know as soon as you can. Or take the time with your therapist to work out what you want and where this is going to go and then tell her.

Neither is ideal.

I wouldn't worry about "taking a mile" if given a inch. If you have a latent desire to progress the CDing then there's nothing you can do to supress it. It will only make you unhappy. Unfortunately whilst DADT may have worked for a number of years, taking things further may well put a strain on your relationship with your wife that becomes unsurmountable.

Whatever you do, good luck!

[Star01]

Your first paragraph pretty much sums things up. I only dress fully when she or I am spending the night somewhere as that is the only time I can be certain nobody will walk in on me. Under normal circumstances that can be as often as a couple times a month but this lockdown brought those opportunities to a screeching halt. I think that has caused me to go kind of stir crazy and yearning for more freedom. The freedom to shop online and take deliveries is another thing I long for. Hasty thrift store shopping while worrying about being seen in the store by someone I know and not being able to size or inspect items closely leads to a lot of wasted time and money. My experience reminds me of the scene in the movie called Normal where the lead character would nervously grab things in thrift stores only to find they were stained or didn't fit properly after he got them home. The setting of the movie was a small Midwestern town where everyone knew each other by name and that resonated with me. I underdress, paint my nails and dress a little late at night but that isn't a substitute for dressing fully with wig and makeup and my wardrobe is feeble so the combination of those things is causing a lot of frustration. I am tired of hiding and am getting depressed by those circumstances and my post reflects that frustration.

I'm working towards the goal of opening up and getting myself some wiggle room so I don't feel so trapped in a hopeless situation. My therapist is helping but the whole thing really boils down to me overcoming my fears and making it happen. I think my wife and I are both in a different place now and with sex off the table I think that changes the dynamics of the "I married a man" narrative. At this point in our lives I think she would appreciate a garage sale partner who can admire pretty things more than the stud women want when they're younger. That is my feeling knowing her as well as I do and our current situation. It really comes down to me as I see us being able to work something out. We have both grown a lot as people since this first came up years ago. My biggest problem is that I'm too meek to say what's on my mind and I'm not going to get any results positive or negative until I work up the courage to open up.