I cannot take credit for this question as it was posed to me in an email from my very close friend Carla.

Here is what she asked: I like the way you and I are way past the 'why' ponderance everyone else attaches to this activity. Here's a good question. When you're dressed, are you Danielle or just Dave enjoying yet another creative and fulfilling craft?

And here is my my rather lengthy reply.

The Danielle/Dave question is indeed an interesting one for me. I cannot truthfully say I am completely past the "why" dilemma but it is usually in the context of how difficult it is for my understanding and loving wife to deal with and try to comprehend. As for me I have come to terms with my need to become Danielle periodically to maintain my mental health. Not to say there are not times it can be stressful having this other personality inside my 99% male brain but being able to honestly communicate most things with my wife is very comforting.

I consider myself to be very much at the "just a crossdresser" end of the transgender spectrum. No thoughts at all that I should have been a girl, wanting to do this 24/7, or any permanent physical changes or hormones. That?s not to say I can be a bit obsessive compulsive about attempting to look and feel as feminine as possible with full body shaving, convincing tucking, glued on breastforms, painted toenails and long fake fingernails etc. I would like to experience being 24/7 for a few days at a crossdressing convention. I have on occasion when the wife was away gone to bed wearing lingerie, boobs, wig, long fingernails and painted toes. Waking up in the morning and sitting on the toilet looking at my painted toenails, fingernails, and boobs was a bit surreal.

The transformation process to Danielle is an integral part of my crossdressing and I truly enjoy it as Dave slowly disappears and Danielle comes to life. During the process I still see Dave overall until the wig goes on and then it is almost an out of body experience seeing a semi-attractive female staring back who looks so different from Dave. This is highlighted even more when I am posing in lingerie in my boudoir photos. So I guess I would have to say when I am fully transformed I am Danielle and Dave is way in the background. This is confirmed by the main reason my wife decided she was uncomfortable seeing Danielle in person was she was looking at a completely different personality than her husband. She claimed I even behaved differently...well it's not like I clomp around in high heels like a lumberjack... and says I even sound different. I don't put on a female voice, basically impossible with my deep bass voice, but she said I was quieter. I guess I should actually take it as a backhanded compliment that she finds my feminine presentation kind of disturbing and so much of a different personality living inside me.

I guess this question is mainly directed to those of you at a similar place to me in the transgender spectrum and not those on a transition timeline but all comments are certainly welcome.

xxx
Danielle