I have a wonderful wife and count myself as very, very blessed, so I can dress exactly as I wish to, when I wish to. There are restrictions I do place on myself, like if I go out dressed, it will be deliberately understated and designed to blend in so people don't look too closely at what I have on, for example women's jeans without any fancy adornments or embroidery. I won't wear skirts, dresses or obviously female clothing outdoors as I don't want the attention.
Shelby,
By social restrictions do you mean work or pleasure or both ? I've never had to think about pressures from work as I was self employed before I retired . Otherwise pressures from society soon prove to be non-existent it's all in the mind . Some say they would get bored with it I guess it depends on what drives the need , to me just being normal isn't boring when I think about the alternative . Yeesterday for instance I was planting my flower pots and ran short of plants , I was wearing jeans and a Tshirt which I found too hot so changed into a cotton skirt with a thin loose top with wedges and headed off to the garden centre . I was just treated like any lady shopper , I wasn't looking for reactions and didn't notice any , the sales lady was lovely and we chatted for a few moments , no restrictions and no pressure .
hello Teresa,
if there were no restrictions (and in reality the only restriction in the UK is the social taboo) it would be great, but my style might well change to something more age appropriate and I think I would mix men's and women's clothing more.
stay healthy,
luv J
I know what you mean, Jacques. Given our fairly healthy LGBT community in the U.K. I am constantly surprised by just how seldom I see someone else out dressed.
Teresa,
Personal and social seemed like such a good word choice when I wrote my response to your post.
Let me try to clarify-
What I was intending to differentiate was those choices that impacted only me; dressing at home and going places where no one will recognize me fit in this category, and those that would adversely impact people I care about, my two sons specifically. Were I to go public, it could/would negatively impact my boys, age 16 and 20, and that is a choice I choose not to make. Additionally, I have an ex-wife that I still have to deal with that suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder; her reaction impacts my sons, so I take it onto consideration.
Perhaps, i reversed the two words because there really are no social restrictions because, as you have, I have discovered that people in general don't care. It is the personal ramifications that I concern myself with and that keep me from moving forward.
And as for work, it appears to be a non-issue as I just received an email about LGBTQ activities including Drag 101 hosted by the companies own drag queen. Just have to deal with the clients and their requirements.
Last edited by ShelbyDawn; 05-31-2020 at 11:20 AM.
I am Me and Me is OK!
Shelby
Jacques,
I've found there really is no social tabboo once you've made that committment , I wonder if mixing male and female might give you problems , I've never tried it and now don't feel there's any point .
FairyCDer,
In that case we must be getting very good at it .
Shelby ,
Thanks for that so it's close family that is the main obstacle . I'm not going to say that part is easy , it depends how much we care and I beleive most of us care almost too much . In that respect my wife holds all the ace cards and she knows it as I found out recently in another heated phone call .
I think you could be surprised even by people that do know you will still have to spell it out before the penny drops .
In some respects I am fairly lucky my daughter and her family totally accept me , I've been out several time with her . My son is partly trying to avoid the issue but he's more affected by my wife but then I have my two young grandsons to consider , I'm just biding my time with that situation .
No idea, to be honest. I'm the kind of person who rather stays away from it or that used to look for a "cure".
TBF, any question of there being a social taboo evaporated in my case a long time ago when I was ?outed? while still at school.
I hope your theory about us being good at it holds true, though - Heather does try very hard when she takes over.
I wish I had FEWER restrictions now, so I could dress more often and go out again. But before I moved in with my SO, I lived alone and when I was single, I still only dressed up once every month or so. Granted, I was dealing with other restrictions then, namely a lack of self-acceptance, but ironically, I've dealt with that pretty well with my therapist, so if I had an accepting SO and/or found myself single, I wonder how much my dressing would increase. I don't think I'd find myself transitioning, but I might be tempted to remain mostly smooth from the neck down, and I would probably be more open and try to have more cd girlfriends (platonic) and be less concerned about 'how it might look' to others. All to say that my self-imposed restrictions are probably more of an obstacle than anything else.
I ended up reading right over your first question earlier and answered the second.
"If you didn't have the restrictions and challenges of your " Dress up " time would you still want or need to to do it ?"
I'm retired. My wife is mostly accepting. And, we are at home most of the time. At home, there are very few restrictions as long as we're not expecting company. I am VERY inclined to dress pretty, pretty much every day.
To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. ~ Timothy Keller
FairyCDer,
OK I'll go over my trip out today , first stop was a garden centre where I got a very polite " Madam " from a sales guy . Next Matalan have re-opened so I popped in on the way back home , I was holding a skirt up against myself ( no fitting rooms at the moment )when a lady shopper glanced over so I asked what she thought , she repied ," You've got great knees and legs so why not . " we then chatted for a few minutes she said she wished she had better legs like mine and a smaller bust more like mine . We then got onto talking about children and grandchildren , I could tell she's totally accepted me as female by her questions about the grandchildren , she didn't have any and regreted it . As I exited the shop I thanked the guy controlling the flow of customers , as I did so a lady with daughter told me she loved my skirt /Tshirt combination and had I bought it in the store , I told her the skirt was a charity shop find , a lovely navy spotted by Planet .
No theory just everyday and very normal .
I dress 3 or 4 times a week, changing about 2.00 pm until bedtime. My wife is fully accepting but I don't want to push my luck. I have plenty of fem clothes I wear in drab, jeans etc & always underdress. Some days I can't be bothered dressing, too cold/hot to change or just don't feel like it. I would love to dress all day but only do that if my wife is out early which isn't happening during lockdown. I'm happy with the balance I have, which is the main thing & my wife is happy as well.
I can answer this question and not be hypothetical. Having removed the restrictions of dress up time and dressing when I wanted led to me wanting more. Now I am pretty much full time and seriously thinking transitioning. So if there were no restrictions yes I would still do it and then do it some more.
I have often thought that most of the problems surrounding crossdressing are sociological. So removing any restrictions on it are removing my personal hang ups about it as much as anything else.
With absolutely no restrictions I think my all day everyday presentation would be non binary/femme on a masculine body. I.e: A man in a dress, but a ladylike one.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
April,
I would guess most people's hang ups are based on social pressures .
Hmmmm... if I had no restrictions. I would probably dress most days for at least part of the day depending on what errands and chores I had lined up. I enjoy cleaning and cooking while enfemme.. just feels right for some reason. I would underdress as much as possible when out and about. I would spend a lot more time practicing makeup in hopes that I would get good enough, that with a wig and some shaping, I would pass in public and venture out.
With the pandemic, I've really had almost zero dress up time as my wife won't venture out much.. so far I've managed but I have days I wish she could go out shopping and stuff for half a day.
I already commented on this thread once but was looking through the replies and thought more about it. I'm in a dadt and I can underdress but I keep myself shaved smooth along with subtle grooming touches like eyebrows and nails. Looking at the times I am alone for a few days I tend to like to work in drab, usually shorts and t-shirt this time of year, and maintain all of my yard equipment and have done my own remodeling. If I could dress anytime I wanted I'd probably continue to do that as I don't want to have to attempt to protect good clothes from paint and grease. I'm kind of a country bumpkin who is not fashionable in drab and I don't see being able to dress openly changing my personality or making me a fashionable dresser en femme. In other words if our more fashionable sisters were looking for someone to dance the night away with they wouldn't pick me. My style is more like under a blanket on the couch watching a movie partially dressed and fashion is never given much consideration.
If there were no restrictions, such as familiar consequences (being ridiculed and/or exiled), no consequences on income ability etcetera, and I would be like starting a new life with all new friends and identity, never to return to the past life, then lets just say I would go a lot further. This is a kind of fantasy type thinking where one controls all the variables, so its fun to do as an exercise in thought.
For starters, I know I would get a total, professional make-over. The kind that makes almost any male passable-looking. And, I would learn to do these make-overs on myself. I would do my nails, toes, get my ear's pierced, and grow my hair long and have it styled fem. I would wear sexy, but not over the top types of outfits.
Extrapolating, and guessing/predicting a bit I would say that once I was presenting as stated above, I could see a whole mind-shift could start to happen. I might want to do HRT, breast enhancement and so forth, and I wouldn't be surprised if other aspects of my behavior changed. For some, and it's scary to think that maybe for me, once you go far enough down a certain road, a type of obsession could set in. Call it addiction. Or, call it just ones true self coming out? It's hard do know where the line is. It could be you would just adapt to a new, but different normal lifestyle.
This was an interesting, scary, and fun question posted by the OP. I will now go back and read what others have written.
Laura,
At one time I considered it an exercise in thought , it could never happen for me , lesson learned , "Never say never !"
Never had a professional makeover all I needed to do was get my skin colour checked and let the SA/beautician show me how to apply it all , very interesting experience when sitting in the chair in drab with customers passing by , scary but helped build confidence .
Obsession or an addiction ? Really true self coming into being and being honest with yourself , eventually you have to adapt so it does become normal but that doesn't mean boring . I guess it all depends what your needs are , the highs don't go away they just change , it just feels good to be out in the RW without those feelings of ridicule . As you can see from my avatar enjoying my art at my painting group .
I do understand the restrictions and I know what it's like to overcome them , I have to say it's worth it .
Last edited by Teresa; 06-09-2020 at 01:46 PM.
If I had no restrictions I would certainly go as near as full time as possible for a certain period of time. Then no doubt over time it would taper off to a level which I feel is comfortable.
With no restrictions? I would increase my wardrobe, maybe spend a couple of times a week dressed up.
Would look at getting a wig and some boots
Jessie,
Do you expect it to stop at twice a week , go get the wig and boots just to be ready .
Don't know, possibly see how it goes. Would prefer to get my own place first before expanding my wardrobe.
I'd dress up more and stay dressed longer if I had the chance. One summer I had a few days alone and dressed but lasted until about 4-5 pm before I was "ok,..that's enough". It wasn't the heels or anything it was just boredom and it being nice out that made me change. Shaving the face is the PITA for me i tend to stay scruffy when I don't have to work and shaving the face sucks. I do love showering, shaving and then getting dressed up completely as a woman with the application of perfume the final piece with that look in the mirror.
Well since my teen years there has always been an element of dare about crossdressing that often adds to the fun but also the stress. However as with most it started much younger and was a very natural thing. So in answer to your question, it would likely just make my life less complicated. It would most certainly not stop me crossdressing.
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