No Way ! Another 20 questions/ part 3

[DianeT]

Hi Di, I'm interested to know if these questions are coming from GGs only or CDers as well?

1) is there anything you could tell your younger cd self what would that be?
Tell your future wife.

2) What is your greatest cd goal you have reached?
Try on heels. How is that for a life achievement.

3)When you dream are you your male or female self?
My male self. I have had a few dreams where I would crossdress. But none where I would trade my Y chromosomes for X's.

4) How often a day or week do you think about crossdressing?
Usually no more than once a month, and probably less really. It comes more in waves (look, here's my pink fog after all). Since I came out to my wife, I'm introspecting my crossdressing several times a day, but not thinking about doing it.

5) What is your favorite hair removal?
Oh you mean hair, not hair (I was that close to answer ageing). My favorite removal tool is opaque pantyhose. Which is not comfortable in all seasons as we don't have air conditioning in our flat, so that makes me a hibernating crossdresser species. I just happen to hibernate in summer, so my crossdressing self doesn't meet bears very often (which is fine with me, I mean, pantyhose and claws, always complicated).

6)We have read some crossdressers say they dress to escape, what does that mean to you? Escape from what?
That is indeed something I tell my wife. When I do, she is offended. Because I say something like "Dressed as a female I don't think about my male problems" -> ergo: females are brainless and I would so much enjoy being in their shoes, thinking only about dresses and frilly things. How is that for offending. Fortunately that is not what I mean. Women have as much problems as males do. They too are pressured by social codes and expectations (be this, do that, biological clock is ticking, and Bob Loblaw). So, women should like to escape too, once in a while, after all.
Back to the drawing table, I asked myself the reason why I was alluding to "male problems". And I realized that the actual feeling would be more aptly described by saying "When I dress I forget about my problems", period. But because my crossdressing requires distancing from my usual self, and my usual self is male, if you ask me which kind of luggage I dropped when doing it, "male problems" will come to mind. I think it is just that: another way of saying that I forget about my problems for a while.
So, why do I forget about my problems? I identified three reasons:

1. Because being dressed as a woman sends me a long way from my usual self. I feel like an astronaut walking on the moon in my XX suit. I am walking and lounging in the same surroundings as usual, but all feelings and sensations are new or different, my female costume is subtly altering every interaction I have with the physical world, when I move, walk, cross legs, extend arms, it's always there, resisting, hugging, rubbing, clicking. If I look at myself, at my body, it's me, and yet a different version of me. It's a little out of body experiment to some extent, I am looking for example at legs that don't seem to be mine.
2. Because I concentrate on myself and the whole experience when I crossdress. I do so in private and this is a moment just for me. I take time to dress, to put on my make up. Then I spend time enjoying the feelings and sensations of being clad in a woman costume. These are both intense and peaceful moments.
3. Because I feel safe in that female costume, it somehow pampers me. It hugs me and I feel it around me, like a shell protecting me, or a thin armor (as I write these lines I realize it may sound like I am writing about a uterus). If you like disguises or have done some amateur theater you may know this feeling. The costume shelters you, behind its cover you become free and less inhibited, a more genuine version of yourself that drops the everyday act and gets ready for a new experience.

All of this makes for a moment of loneliness, peace and softness, of introspection too at times. I describe this to my wife as being my own private spa, a place and time where for a few hours I tend to forget my problems, where there are no conflicts and no stakes. That is my escapism. And what do I escape from? Well, anything that would worry a man or a woman. Work, providing, bad decisions, illness, death, and of course bad hair days (yes, we have these, too).

7) Do you have a place for your clothing ect or is it hidden?
I have a suitcase in the cellar. All my earthly female belongings fit there. My wife knows where it is.

8) What does crossdressing mean to you?
A moment to myself, where I can explore and linger in my fantasy, and be all around content.

9) Has it changed over time?
It changed two years ago as I finally could put together a small wardrobe of mine. It enhanced the experience, without substantially changing the nature of it.

10) If so how?
I can better fit the female presentation I had in mind for years. It allows me to identify more as a woman wearing these clothes (not as a woman per se), and when looking in a mirror I can better play this game of wondering how I could have looked like if my spermatozoid had tripped and another one had won the race. It made the sexual element of dressing recede substantially, although an erotic vibe is always present as I am much receptive to the female cues.

11) Is there someone you would like to spend the day dressed with?
No. I like to be alone when dressed. If my wife asked to, I probably would oblige. If she doesn't, thats fine with me.

12) For those that are in a DADT relationship/ how did that come about?
Not in DADT. More in DHDS (don't hide but don't show) as we are talking. I came out not long ago.

13) Do you revise it as needed?
My wife must restore her trust in me. For this to work she needs stability. Revisions will be complicated.

14) How often do you dress?
A couple times a year physically. A few more times in my imagination.

15) Do you wish for more time?
Possibly. It will be based on my wife's comfort zone.

16)Is there a difference in you dressed or not? Explain if there is a difference.
I am more quiet and peaceful than in my best moments of quietness and peacefulness in male mode, except maybe for scuba diving. I explained it at length in question 6. It is one of my motivations for dressing. And I watch Supergirl episodes, my guilty pleasure.

17) Starting out-or even now Is there something you had/ have trouble with getting your look you desire?
I had no wardrobe so it was a little amateur theatre there. Happy now.

18) Is there an article of clothing you pine for? Wedding gown, just an outfit you admired anything in Particular?
No. Happy with what I already have.

19) Do you have a hard time communicating with your partner about your cross dressing?
No. We talk a lot. We don't agree about everything, but have open discussions.

20) is there anything you would like me to ask in another post for next time?
For those in a relationship that's not completely DADT, have you tried to have your SO join the forum? Did it help your SO and yourself? How?