Hitting the brakes

[Davina2833]

Crissy,

Double for my wife, you said it all.Communication is so important. BTW wife's can change their mind....I know mine has...

Davina

[Rileyaz]

They are always supportive at first.

My last girlfriend does not know my old name (yes I live this full time), had seen only "Erin" for a while, and were fine for a couple months. Eventually she was trying to get me to live as a man.

The pattern is always the same for TG - their GG lover is accepting at first but that never lasts.
I will send a PM with further details about how that goes. Nothing X rated by any means, just not something I can talk about in the open.

Nicole, send me a PM please. I am interested.

[Brenda Freeman]

It has been said Talk about it! My wife told me she likes how I like in panties so that is all I wear. She also is supportive of me dressing because she knows it makes me happy but would rather not see me dressed so good to know. We also agree that family and friends need not know. So it has been working well, We can even talk about fashion etc., she will buy somethings for me and I know my limits.

[josie_S]

I think you're making a lot of sense, kate. I know I am so used to feeling shame around my cding that anything else makes me suspicious...and when it seems as if it's too good to be true, then it must be. that's how i interpreted what you said anyway. It does sound like talking to her would be a good idea, but I also think finding and talking to a good therapist that is familiar if not specializing in gender/lgbtq issues would also help. my shame is mine to deal with. it sounds like your SO has given you a lot of support and latitude and that great! but id' be weary of piling too much onto her if i were you. just my .02

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate , Follow her lead and don't overwhelm her with Kate, >Orchid ..++..

[cdkateinboston]

Again, I greatly appreciate everyone's input, I truly do. I need to speak out over a couple unsolicited PMs I received that were rather upsetting. I understand that they were sent with correct intent but they were over a boundary in my view, and I'm not upset I just want to say my piece so that I'm able to know I established boundaries.

I asked for advice on how to work with my dressing and my significant other. I received PMs that suggested that my fiance would change her mind about my dressing and about me and that I should reconsider my impending nuptials. I didn't ask for this kind of input as no one here knows our relationship. I found this kind of unsolicited advice to be out of bounds. That said, those shares came from personal experiences, and for whatever it is worth to the people that sent the PMs, I am so so sorry that you have had to deal with those things in your life. Its not fair and I understand that the comments came from a place where you don't want another to experience your experience. I get that.

But I'm newly engaged, I dearly love my partner and she is a gift in my life. I very much appreciate the advice that's been given here and I want you all to know, those who sent those PMs included, that I adore ALL of you. I just felt a bit perturbed by the directed messages that were unsolicited and needed to say my piece about it. I hope everyone understands. And again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for some random crossdresser that none of you know in person. The love and support here are incredible. <3

[TracyT]

Kate, I just want to say that this was a very gracious and well-put response to some obviously upsetting PMs. Nicely done, thank you.

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Sharing my personal experience: I've been in a relationship with a wonderful, 100% supportive woman for a year. She loves me in a dress but she's more attracted to me in guy clothes. I want to be attractive to her. Recently she expressed that she has rarely seen me over the last couple of months in male mode. So I gave her a promise that we're calling the "2-out-of-3 rule": 2 out 3 times she sees me I will be in (more or less) male mode. I say "more or less" because even then I'm fairly androgynous. I don't think this is unreasonable or undesirable; she's not "refusing me permission" to dress as I choose; a really good therapist once told me "It's always okay to make a request in a relationship." I choose to dress in a way that she finds attractive, and I'm happy to do it.
I have also told her that if she decides she can't handle being with me at all in girl mode, then we're going to have problems going forward. She is perfectly fine with that, and she reiterated that she loves me in a dress, too, but she appreciates me wanting to please her.
Also, I have requested that she wear more girly stuff and that she cut her bangs. Negotiations are ongoing.

[alwayshave]

Kate, I put more pressure on myself about being the man in the relationship even though my wife is fully supportive. So I have talked to her about it and it has relieved some of my anxiety.

[DTelia]

Friend, the only sound advice is that you must go with your instinct. Your spider sense is tingling for a reason. Slow down a little and reassess.

I?d say slow down a lot.

My advice is to pull yourself away when you aren?t tempted or feel the pink fog so strongly. Consider your gift (her) and whether she?s worth it...or whether your feelings and needs are greater.

My experience has been (after more than 20 years of marriage) that going slllllllooooooowwww and putting her first in everything means a lot more reward in the end.

Good luck...and again...

Go slow. Be her man...and when you show that selflessness and pure love for her, she?ll help you be the woman from time to time. Remember we are often quite selfish in these needs.

That?s my experience anyway.