A question I?m going to pose to my wife...

[Paulie Birmingham]

I wish my wife had the gene to wear pantyhose more often.

[VS Fan]

Paulie - haha yes my wife hates them and like many GGs can’t wait to take off her bra... she did joke with me once saying “yeah I can’t wait to take it off and you can’t wait to put one on!”

All - believe me I do appreciate the level of acceptance that I have with my wife - I know many here don’t even have that to the level that I do... it is at least something we can joke about at times

[Devi SM]

Kelly,
Before to give you my answer I'll tell.you in few words who I am:
41 years happily married transwoman. Came out to my wife around 5 years ago with a mor conflicting confession "I'm a bisexual crossdresser" that wa three days of crying and not eating for her.
Today, I'm living full time as who I mean to be, last week I had orchiectomy, I'd been almost a year on electrolysis.
Before just answer here I read some of your started threads thru the years and I arrive that you're crying to be accepted , as many here say about fears with wife, don't want to lose her and she let them do something or nothing at all (something I don't understand, both are adults and free why one part of the equation would allow or prohibit to the other tomdo anything?)

Answering your question, for me MIAD, is horrible, as some said, will give your wife reasons to completely reject your dressing. You had been in DADT, had that changed? If not I see you're talking about it.
I would prefer, even the humid heat in Florida go wholentonthe nines with wig and make up. Please dont think your wife could think you're someone else, another woman, don't be naive, your wife would recognize you whatever dress or make up you wear and will still seeing and missing her male husband.
Women are emotional not stupid but emotional.
I was a man a rational man, nownin hormones im a woman. My world is upside down, now emotions govern my life and I completely understand my wife andnother women.
If your wife loves you will do sacrifices but you will have to keep doing sacrifices as you had been doing.
In some thread you mention seeing a therapist, inrecommend you look for a gender or trans experienced therapist. I'm lucky now my therapist is a transgender as well. I saw a family therapist for a year before and helped me a lot creating and implementing strategies to slowly push on my wife but without making her feel she was being violating her needs or desires.
My therapist now helped me more to develop my own personality as a woman and kive I then world without fears and more freedom.

Mho.

Pm if you need.

Devi

[Teresa]

Rader,
Comments like yours often come up on the forum , you do what pleases your wife even to the point of not having the free choice about your body hair . Turning the tables for a moment how much do you dictate to your wife on how she looks ? It might also be interesting what her reply could be if you tried it .

Steffi,
It was good to learn that explanation sometime ago , it made so much sense , without it I couldn't have comfortably make the steps I have . It's also important to remember it also affects women , they may have women's body parts but the brain is telling them something different .

[Devi SM]

I agree with Teresa but didn't want to be too aggressive.
Teresa you already went thru a divorce and have more freesom and as I said once, you already passed thatrubicon, the world looks different beyond it so don't expect others can imagine what is about it, I didn't want to pass it soni don't know how is it.
You say all the time what is for you to live as a woman and live full time as one and think you're happy as you're now and don't need to get in hormones, how can you know how that feels if you haven't passed that Rubicon?

[Teresa]

Devi,
There are several reasons but basically at my age I feel I've now missed the boat , I have many TG and TS friends, when I compare my life with theirs there is little or no difference in our day to day lives . To me the important point is if I'm happy with my life does it really matter without hormones and how much happier would I be on them ?

I agree I have more freedom but it has come at a price , the World is now different because I made it happen . I appreciate some are desparate to hold on to their marriages but long term it was never going to work out , at some point both partners must be honest with themsleves and face the facts .

[Devi SM]

Teresa, it's impossible to compare our live with other's live. It's a very subjective analysis, how many transgender woman friends?? How oldnthey were when got into, how old are you? I got in HRT at 58 and if I would norn 1000 times ill do it again but as you say, if you're happy without knowing if this would really better for you is OK.
I think that there are another reasons but is up to you to share them or move forward.

So are you predicting my marriage will finally end because im a transwoman. I think that again you are being very subjective not knowing the details of other's live.

Mho.

Devi

[Teresa]

Devi,
No I'm not suggesting it will end anyone's marriage I was referring to my own . The comparison is important to me , in my group of friends hormones are creating new problems in some of their lives , I'm not dodging the issue , if I seriously don't feel I need hormones does it really matter to anyone else . If I may ask is your life that much happier than mine on a daily basis , are hormones really solving all your problems ? You're suggesting I'm not being totally open may I ask you the same question about hormones ?

[Devi SM]

Teresa, I'm open to any question and I don't need to go to private messages because once I got out of the closet to my wife, that still supporting me, I had no more to hide yo anybody, so I don't have problems to show my identity online.
If I'm happier on hormones? Omg! That's the reason I still in this web yo help others like me that feel older to.move forward, to many that think are going to destroy their marriage, are afraid of side-effects, etc you can complete the list. My life changed from hell to heaven, there are so many aspects and I'm a firm believer that the brain of a crossdresser is needing some female hormones that are missing g so it tries desperately to fill a femenine image focus on dresssing and others on sex with men but when in hormones, it's the testimony of many, those things pass to a very relegated place, the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle is completed but you, when i say you is you Teresa, can't know or even imaging it without living it, so did my life change? I was a dreamer full of frustration that I didn't know where there, for me life was ok, I was happy but as you it wasn't enough and dressing I could calm the beast hidden inside but all that was a fake life a bad counterfeit of a real life.
I tried so many times my wife could get a membership in this web so she can talk by herself but she doesn't speak English, after years struggling to earn it, because of speech problem, sonjt would be me translating for her and that would completely kill the transparency and freedom of the concept.
Just then other day one of my daughter in law, the only thT gave us a grandchild, told me to think of me so brave and better person now.
Life is never easy, im facing now the start of a new business in a male enviroment, i knownit will be hard but you know, inorefer to die trying that just kill myself as I tried twice before hormones.
Now I ask you, do you think that it was OK for me?
I still not listening for.you the real reasons, pm if you need.
I'm here just yo help and no bragging others about my "achievements....

Devi

[Ozark]

I like to dress androgynously, I call it my 'Iowa farmwife' look and I mean that in a most loving way possible. You know, Chic elastic waist jeans, sensible shoes, vanity fair underdressed, nice button up shirt/blouse, sports bra and forms I bought at Salvation Army for $15 a pair. The forms are pushing it so I limit those to evening after she has retired for the evening.

I have no desire to wear make-up. With the coronavirus my hair is long and if I blow dry it after I shower, it looks good to me, well, except for that bald spot. (The other night I showed and blow-dried my hair and part of it 'just didn't look right' (years ago, in an Ann Landers column, a reader asked if it was alright he shaved his legs because the hair 'just didn't look right') so I went into her bathroom and grabber her hand held mirror and, for the first time in my life that I remember, I looked at the back of my head. I got a bald spot back there! A pretty big bald spot, like a monk! Why, I never realized that. LOL. I am enjoying be more comfortable in dressing in comfortable clothes. I'm 71 and we're just hanging out at home. I do like my vanity fair pajamas! This photo is at our lake cabin June 19, 2015. I feel comfortable. No make up, no wig for me.
06-19-2015 002.jpg