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Thread: Why come out to friends??

  1. #26
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    Hi Patience

    Basically, my parents had caught me trying on my sister?s skirts and dresses on a few occasions and were not really sure what to do. I admitted myself at that stage that I didn?t really think I could stop (I had tried resisting it but was always drawn back in (usually taking greater risks) within a couple of weeks.

    Anyway, I was taken to see this counsellor to try and ?cure? me of my problem. The counsellor theorised that if I had to dress in girl?s clothes full time that the novelty would wear of and I would no longer feel the compulsion to dress.

    Consequently, I spent the next few years dressing in girl?s clothes including at school (being in the U.K., this involved a school uniform). Obviously, my old friends wanted nothing to do with the ?trans kid? so I very quickly learned to adapt.

    In the space of just a couple of weeks I went from being a boy in a shirt and trousers playing football to essentially a girl in skirts and blouses practising my makeup techniques with my new mates.

    In my case at least, I have come to learn that that isn?t how my dressing works. While dressing more regularly gives we a greater degree of flexibility, I have come to accept that there is no cure and any extended period of abstinence brings my Heather side back to the surface.

  2. #27
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience View Post
    The counselor advised your parents to out you? What were they hoping to achieve?
    That counselor should lose their license. Outing someone against their will is an act of violence against the LGBTQ+ community.

  3. #28
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    If you never go out and don't have the desire to do so there is no need.
    I wear women's clothes full time. Over the years many people have seen me and talked to me while I was dressed. In only a few occasions did anyone say anything about my choice of attire. While I don't wear dresses very often, I do go out to get the paper and talked to neighbors while it was obvious I was wearing a nightgown and robe. If you are happy with your state of crossdressing you don't need to tell anyone, wear what you want Let friends ask questions if they need to.

  4. #29
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny22 View Post
    I can understand the want/need to come out to family, but WHY, for what reasons, do many of us want to come out to friends? What's the deep reasoning? What do you have to gain? I'm only out to forum sisters and a blood sister.
    Uhhh, to let our friends know the true us?

    Speaking as a transwoman, I want my family and friends to know who I really am, despite their preconceptions.

    I would presume that a Crossdresser , who cared for their friends, would want to include them in their life. It is also a sure measure of determining who one's true friends are.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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  5. #30
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Well for me. My wife told me to "Dummy up" and not reveal myself. Last night I had a perfect opportunity to do so. We had a 38 year old beautiful female friend over for supper. She started talking about a new TV show called, POSE.
    The show was described to us about cross dressing and trans in 1980. She was shocked and never heard of this before, (sheltered). It could have been my signal to pipe up about my hobby. Actually I wish I did. She is very accepting and I am 99% sure I could present myself to her. She would help me look better and we can go out as girl friends. WooWoo.

  6. #31
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I want to dress at least partially most days. Can't do that if my friends and family didn't know.

  7. #32
    I NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    I also wanted to add something else..... I think that GG's whom we are friends or family members with, (although I'll NEVER come out as a CD'er even to the women in my family), are more accepting and supportive of it than men are and I'm considering telling more of my GG friends.
    My YouTube channel: Kimberly A.

  8. #33
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    A very good question with some great answers. I have reasons not to come out to friends but I know doing so would unlock my real personality and increase my feeling of freedom. It's sad that we can't just be ourselves. It's all about fear that's been ingrained since childhood isn't it?
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    That counselor should lose their license. Outing someone against their will is an act of violence against the LGBTQ+ community.
    Violence? Really? Inappropriate, perhaps but there's no violence there. Unless they've changed the meaning of the word.
    Krisi

  10. #35
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    That counselor should lose their license. Outing someone against their will is an act of violence against the LGBTQ+ community.
    I have a feeling, Micki, that this happened quite a long time ago, when the LGBT Community was not understood as it is today. To make things more complicated, we're talking about the UK, where they had anti-LGBT laws as far back as the fourteenth century and some of those ancient laws stayed in the books until modern times. Consensual homosexual acts weren't legal in the UK until the 1960s.

    FairyCrossdresser, I'l very sorry that happened to you. I attended middle school in the UK for a while so I know how brutal it could be to be different. I think your experiences would make a very interesting book.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member josie_S's Avatar
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    I'm like Ressie...however good or bad they might seem to others, I have reasons to not come out to friends (or anyone else that isn't my therapist) but also miss the freedom I've never had because I stay in the closet. I think the answer to the question is highly personal, meaning lots of context is required to begin to understand why someone might not want to come out and vice versa. But one thing I've finally come to understand is that, no matter the decision, the only thing wrong is people's intolerance, and not that I happen to be a crossdresser.

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member Violetgray's Avatar
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    In the original post and some thereafter, I sense fear. Why come clean to friends? So that you can be open with your friends. It's really that simple. Now each person has to weight the risks of harming your friendships with people you like but would not be understanding. It's up to you to decide how much those friendships mean to you.

    But as to "why" it's not some great mystery.

  13. #38
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
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    I never felt the need to tell friends about Doreen.
    The weird thing is, I made a few friends while out en femme, it turned out that one of them told me shortly after we met, she couldn't accept Doreen - that was more than strange. It appeared that this attractive woman was a borderline personality disordered individual and very toxic.

    Whenever I'm out en femme, I try not to make any close friendships, a few women have disappinted me, that didn't neccessarily had anything to do with my dressing. For some weird reason, most women I meet and talk to seem to have some kind of personality or psychological problem.
    My new flickr account has pictures to look at:

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  14. #39
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    Thank you, Patience

    This was quite some time ago and whilst not illegal, it was still very much misunderstood; certainly the approach was much closer to what is commonplace for a transsexual process today than anything that might be reasonable to inflict on a crossdresser.

    Relevant to this discussion though, it meant that coming out was never an issue and is probably the reason why later in life, I feel no reason to hide it. Because everyone came to think of me as one of the girls back then, I have largely assumed ever since that everyone already knows (even though in real terms, the number of people who have come to know me in Heather mode will have increased quite considerably).
    Last edited by FairyCrossdresser; 06-18-2020 at 12:32 PM.

  15. #40
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    I don't have any plans to crossdress in front of my friends so there is no need for them to know. That may change in the future, but for now, it is better left unsaid.

  16. #41
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    I simply love being female and want to walk through all of societies venues as Jacqueline with friends and family and everyone else. I would love to have joyful experiences with all of them; although' I am sure that I would lose some friends and family if I were out and free. Unfortunately, I made the decision long ago to stay undercover to friends and family. It was a compromised but correct position. I go out a lot and meet many very good and interesting people, but they do not know me.

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