I figured I'd change somewhat during the Covid-19 isolation, just not quite this much. About 45 days ago I stopped pretending I wasn't going to transition, although I didn't recognize it at the time. The fear of being seen by family, particularly grandkids or by service providers I've come to recognize, all seemed to melt away. Over the last 10 days I've been sending out messages to friends and family letting them know I'm transgender, I've been open with family and they've mostly seen and spoken with me. I've visited, at a safe coronavirus distance, from my oldest friends and I've been going to doctor appointments as myself. I even have a new Primary Care Physician who has only seen Sarah. I have yet to receive a single outright negative comment or response. However, I've been saving the message for those folks until I know I have lots of support. That base of support is pretty much there now, so it could move before long.
I guess it all just built up on the girl side of things and tipped over. It's not what I planned. I'd hoped to make it to October for Coming Out day, but it will be more likely to be general knowledge by the middle of summer. How the hell did that happen? I know we often say you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube after it's been squeezed. But it just may have been something other than toothpaste, maybe a pigment that can be used to paint a new image now that I see it as a resource instead of a liability. Regardless, it's pretty damn odd when I look back to the days of "I'd never do that." to "Now I've done it, what next?" That tipping point was unexpected, no doubt but I guess I was ready for it because it hasn't knocked me down yet.
For those farther down this road, did you plan it down to the day, did it arrive once you had a belly-full of waiting or did it surprise even you when the tipping point was reached? Or something else?
