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Thread: Lost my nerve.

  1. #1
    Member KymG's Avatar
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    Lost my nerve.

    From time to time I have gone for a short drive and perhaps posted a letter or had a quick walk in a car park.
    Twice now I found I just couldn't get out of the car, it didn't feel right. I wanted to but didn't, and this was at night!
    I've even walked down the road before, but now that seems terrifying.
    Part of me is thinking "you shouldnt be doing this" , even though i've done it before.
    What the hell..

    Anyone else experienced this?
    Last edited by KymG; 06-29-2020 at 06:32 PM.

  2. #2
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    Of course, more times than I'd like to admit. I've literally sat outside group meet ups in my vehicle for a half hour, before deciding to just leave and go for a drive alone. Did I regret it? Every time. But sometimes you're right, it just doesn't feel right.
    You'll get through it. You just need to push yourself a little harder next time.

  3. #3
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    Kym,
    Don't worry it happens . I remember my first drive out , I decided to go to my next town at night and was determined to go for a walk but chickened out and then started to get a panic attack as I was in my wife's car without any male clothing as a backup . To top it all I had to stop at a pedestrian crossing and people passed with in feet of my windscreen , one actually stopped to wave his thanks for stopping . When I arrived back home I was a little shaken but I knew there was going to be a next time , now I don't give any of that a second thought in fact I feel more awkward now in male mode , saying exactly as you did , " I shouldn't be doing this , it doesn't feel right !"

    Somedays we do lose that belief in ourselves but it does come back , I'm so glad it did .

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Kym

    Yes, many times. I understand completely. It is like I have had this inner struggle between the normal me and the one controlled by the pink fog. I wanted to get out, fear strikes when something disturbs the environment and there an abort. Then a little voice in me says do it Sandi, just do it. And off I would go. That was several years ago and I am over the fear now but not over the caution. The only thing that got me past it was going into lgbt bars and clubs. Once I became comfortable socializing with accepting people, it has made all the difference. I just can not do it often because of my unaccepting wife.

    Good luck to you. You can do it if you want to. It can be a lot of fun.

    Sandi

  5. #5
    Member KymG's Avatar
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    Thanks Ladies,

    Samm that sounds like me.

    Sandi that's exactly it, the struggle between normal me and the pink fog, spot on.
    I found it strange that I have been out of the car in broad daylight but couldn't do it in the dark.

    Theresa, i'm intrigued, back then did your wife know you had the car?

    Thing is, im sat here at 3am, uk time, not wanting to change back, yet I couldnt simply get out of the car.
    On the other hand, i've enjoyed the evening, tried several outfits, but as usual, ending in a lbd.

  6. #6
    Member Michelle_G's Avatar
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    I have had many times when I just couldn't bring myself to leave the safety of my car. I can come up with a bunch of reasons to justify to myself why it doesn't feel right this time. There are times however, when the moon and stars line up and I just feel the need to get out of the car and introduce Michelle to the world. Good luck Kym.

  7. #7
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
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    If going out at night doesn’t feel right anymore, maybe you’re ready to - gasp - go out during the day?

    I mean, why do you think they call it broad daylight?
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  8. #8
    Junior Member bobbi1957's Avatar
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    before lockdown i was good going out shopping and for drinks and dinner but after2 months of no dressing out, i got real scared again just going for walk in park...i still did it but was worried the whole time

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Well it's two things you need to get past.

    First is acceptance, To shed the guilt you need to adjust your self image.

    The next is experience to get rid of the butterflies. Not running around in the dark, but in broad daylight.

    It's not easy, but it does get easier after a while. Even to the point it all becomes normal.

    Just depends on you, your the one that sets the limits or bakes.

  10. #10
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    Going out is a big step-literally if you are in heels! I certainly have had times when I would be nervous. The answer for me was to reach the stage where I felt everything looked right. I was fortunate enough to have support and advice from my wife,girls at beauty salon, and many others. Once they tell you that ?no one would know? you have confidence.This may involve toning down my look occasionally. My wife sometimes says I look too dolled up like I?m going to a wedding. Even though that can be disappointing I heed her words so I dress appropriately. I certainly wouldn?t now dare or even wish to go out looking tarty. Even moving up into bigger boob sizes takes some nerve. Feel confident in your look and your confidence will come back. Enjoy!

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Bobbi I felt the same. I had to dress and stay in the first time before venturing out again after lockdown.

  11. #11
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    I never did the going out alone thing at night. I literally bit the bullet, and went to the mall my first time. Was I nervous yes, and no. Once I got comfortable. I forgot I was even dressed. It helped the wife was with me.

    The first time I went out alone. I was a bit more nervous, but I still did it.

    I got more nervous. The frirst time I went to ulta, and the first time. I got my brows waxed by my current lady.

  12. #12
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Kim,

    Your post takes me back many years to my early days of night time drives looking for quiet country lanes to park and get out of the car. I used to find spots where I could see approaching headlights from a good way off but even then I was nervous as well walking even a few yards from the car. Doing it in an area where there might be walkers was a whole another stress level.

    So yes there were times I lost my nerve however stick with it it gets better and easier.

    Eventually I progressed to walks on quiet side streets but here's the quandary. Lone females out at night stand out. Pubs have been serving folks drinks so there's always the chance of a stray drink or more common dog Walker (they appear out of nowhere).

    As Patience says at some point consider broad daylight. You're much safer in the day than the evening.

    Fast forward: many years later I'm now sat in the car fully femme in a shopping centre car park in the middle of the day. I promised myself this would be the day I went shopping for the first time. Those same butterflies and little voices, those gremlins sitting on your shoulder saying you're going to die, all those came flooding back from those early days. A deep breath then out I stepped and have never regretted it one bit.

    Don't beat yourself up over having nerves. Stay with it, the rewards are worth every moment of them.

  13. #13
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    Kym,
    My wife would organise days out with girlfriends , my car was bigger so she took mine , on that particular occasion they stayed overnight . Driving in daylight just brings a differnt set of problems , lorry drivers can look down from their cabs . On one occasion I was overtaken by "White Van man !" and his passenger had a good look , he then slowed down so I overtook him again only for them to do the same thing again to take a second look after the third time I'd had enough and floored my old Volvo to leave him in the dust !

    The difference for me was making the decision to dress full time , I had to fight those thoughts but it soon passes , if you have a list of jobs to do around the town it leaves you no choice . The first day I had to register at my new GP's surgery , get some bits from B&Q , also from Halfords , buy fuel and do a shop in Sainsbury's , by the time I arrived back home I felt exhausted but also on cloud nine , I can't believe that was over two years ago . Now the roles are reversed I feel awkward and out of place in male mode .

    My avatar may stay for a while , if I have the odd bad days it reminds me a good friend took the picture with a room full of my painting friends .
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-30-2020 at 05:14 AM.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Princess29's Avatar
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    it's a constant battle for me even though I have gone out many time over many years. One of the issues that doesn't help is the main place to go while dressed (before the madness of this year) is in a bit of a rough area

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    I have experienced this many times despite going out on a regular basis over the years. When that happens I just push through and go out. Many times the expectation is worse than the reality.

  16. #16
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    More times then I can count,
    If I did manage the courage to go out dressed, I certainly never
    managed to get out of the truck.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  17. #17
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    Of course. This is an experience we have all known, a combination of breaking a taboo and experiencing stage fright. I suspect that once I start going out in public unmasked, post covid, those nerves will return for a while.

  18. #18
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    This is how I deal with it, first wearing makeup and womens clothes isnt a crime in the uk, so you cant get introuble with the law, second, if you saw a man dressed as a woman walking towards you , would you stop them and say something ?, would she shout something at them ?, or would you just think, welll that might be a man dressed as a woman and walk on, yes you would, third, if you watch other people as your walking, 99% of them are not concerned with you, they have more serious matters going on in there head. Nobody is going to bother about you, some may think something when they look at you, but they certainly aint going to stop you and point out that oyuve got a dress on. Just try to be confident and remember what Ive just said, also avoid the obvious, groups of teenagers, or a group of people drinking. I dont care anymore now, and guess what I dont think anybody else does. I get the odd look, but thats it. Dress sensible if going shopping or walking around the shops, dress how the hell you like when clubbing, lol, I do, especially when I go to Blackpool where there are plenty of safe havens to go to. Good luck

  19. #19
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Going out dressed as a woman at night is not safe. Go out in the daytime.

    You have to just make up your mind that you're going to do it and then just do it.
    Krisi

  20. #20
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    I think everyone has experienced this at one time or another. There have been times when I could have hopped into my car and gone for a totally safe drive or evening stroll. On the evening stroll issue, I do NOT go to dark secluded areas. I stroll in a pleasant safe residential neighborhood. I looked back at your posts. You have a dynamite figure. I am six foot and 200 pounds. I realize, if I do attract attention, it is going to be because of my height and size. For a man I am decent. As a womanly figure I am out of the normal range of women. So be it. However, it does give rise to the angst of meeting someone who is not appreciative of my presentation. That's why I go out more when there is a gently falling rain than a clear evening. Love umbrellas that obscure my height to some extent. You? Wow! If I saw you walking down my neighborhood street you would definitely attract my attention, especially in one of the form fitting short dresses you wear. That may feed into your apprehension of going out. I am sure a GG with that figure and attire will feel the same apprehension if she was returning from a grocery store.

    One should stay within their comfort zone. There may be places to go that are within an expanded comfort zone if there are like minded individuals in attendance.

  21. #21
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    A lot of very helpful replies which will be helpful to me. Debs is correct very few if any will notice you or me. I do not wear anything that stands out, I wear comfortable shoes women's shoes and usually no make up. However I don't feel as though I am being fully "out" and I am planning on going out more noticeably dressed as a woman this weekend. It is an event where most people will know me - but not as Robbie. I don't "pass" so it is walking through the streets getting to the event which is the most daunting.
    Cheers
    Robbie

  22. #22
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    As long as you take a few sensible precautions, then what’s the worst that will happen? Maybe a few unkind words? People of color, disabled people, and gay people deal with that possibility every day of their lives. You can either live in fear that people will think negatively of you (which someone somewhere already does anyway), or you can live your life.

  23. #23
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Kym, As society is becoming more and more unraveled in these crazy uncertain times, and more and more tension, and people desperate and on extreme edge, YES, it is ok, to feel that way. Things are scary now more than several months ago!! I also am more timid about ever going out again dressed, as i see more and more instability and hate in the air. Be ye careful!

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Like Stephanie 47, I am way too tall and big to comfortably go out now, around people much. I am six foot eleven, 264 pounds, in my heels, and more with my wig, over seven feet, with size 16 womens pumps. I have no flats, unless i wear my male shoes,in lady mode. I am too large and too tall not to attract a ton of attention and looks, some not well meaning.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Kym,
    it happens to lots of us (I think) in all sorts of situations.
    I am not "out" (except at home) and for some reason I have not been dressing for a couple of weeks... the longer it goes on the tougher it gets.
    stay safe; stay healthy
    luv J

  25. #25
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi Kym, Yes I have and know exactly what you are feeling, a lot of us get that same feeling. Just hold your head high, don't act like a victim, and keep your elbows in. You look great you shouldn't fear not passing. One more thing, don't go out at night, especially alone! If you must, stay alert, keep your eyes open, stay near your car, and carry some mace in your hand. No cop would blame you for that. Be strong and have fun, the adrenaline rush is amazing! Take care and be safe.

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