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Thread: Outed?

  1. #1
    Member RylieCD's Avatar
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    Outed?

    I think I outed myself, In a recent Company newsletter they were promoting PRIDE and had an area that said the company had resources for transgender before and after transition. So I was curious and emailed the contact provided, heck she is HR and part of the LGBT group, safe right? Well after a few days I hadn?t heard anything so I resent the email and copied the LGBT group lead. This had a response from the original person so I replied to all but used the ?my friend? bit, another couple of days I hadnt heard anything again, and I was going through my email and noticed that it was not the LGBT lead I copied but another person by a similar name in my department. So after a day of panic I have come to accept that I may have outed myself. This individual has not contacted me and since we now work from home we do not see each other. But I am waiting for the call from my management.?

  2. #2
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
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    As the saying goes, looks like the horse is out of the barn.

    Not much we can do but wish you luck and keep us updated.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  3. #3
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    From your confusing description of events? I think everyone there may be too confused to pursue u even or take any action.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Well, as a matter of company email practice, it seems you goofed and probably sent an unintended message to that other person with a similar name.

    Doesn?t seem like it will have much adverse consequence in terms of the company?s attitudes and support.

  5. #5
    Junior Member vplshowoff's Avatar
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    You can recall the email. If you are lucky, then the message will be deleted from their inbox as an unread email.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Your company promotes PRIDE and has resources available for transgender, both before and after transition, I don't think you need to worry about the response from your company. It sounds like they, as most companies these days, are fully aware of the issues surrounding the LGBTQ community.

    As for your coworker, who knows, they may have wanted to ask the exact same question, don't make it an issue before it becomes one.
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

  7. #7
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    Rylie,
    I'm inclined to agree with Shelby , if your company is fully supportive of PRIDE , they can hardly pick up for any indiscretion , it was an honest mistake on you behalf . Besides someone has to take a lead even if your Email wasn't what you intended to do . It's called PRIDE so have pride in your actions .

    The only point I have also been caught out on is ticking the " Send to all box " by mistake , I did it with my painting group , the great thing was I received some lovely replies , sometimes people are looking for an opening to make that contact .

  8. #8
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    I do not think I would be too worried about it, deal with it if and when something is brought up. The longer this goes with nothing said the better chance it will just blow over.
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 06-30-2020 at 02:43 PM.
    Crissy

  9. #9
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    I don't quite understand what happened, but I hope it all goes well. At least with the latest SCOTUS ruling you are safe from being directly fired.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Hopefully the person you sent this email too is smart enough to know if it was not for them.

    They should then deleted it.

    I would expect them to keep quiet given the personal nature of the email if they have any decency at all.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  11. #11
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    I agree with Shelly. If I had received an email like that I would have sen't it back to you and asked if I was the intended person. Or I would just delete it. Good luck. Hopefully you can get the cat back in the bag, or the horse back in the barn.

  12. #12
    Junior Member Brandi17's Avatar
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    Oh wow well hopecully everything works out. Sounds like the company supports LGTBQ community, so surely nothing bad like you getting fired will happen (if it does then they are hipocrits). Who knows maybe this mistake will lead to you being able to transition openly, never know.
    -Brandi

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  13. #13
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    Call me cynical but... lots of companies are "all in" on the pride thing. Much of it is either pandering to try and get the "pink dollar", virtue signaling or just going along with what is popular. All the big corporations and many smaller companies do it. Tread carefully regardless.

    Remember, the HR department is not your friend. They work for the company and the company's interest. What you tell them is not confidential.

    If the OP lives in an "at will" state, they can be fired, because in those states you can be fired for almost anything or even no reason at all, making the SCOTUS decision meaningless there.

  14. #14
    Junior Member Brandi17's Avatar
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    That is true Vickie, however, if they worked for the company for years and have no issues and then all the sudden come out trans and bam their fired, I think there could still be grounds to sue for discrimination regardless of whatever reason the company gives since that is awful suscipious timing.
    -Brandi

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  15. #15
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    It's a funny story.
    I'd like to read the original text that you sent.

    An advice, whenever you do things related with your cding or trans activity, double read and proof reading.

    I'd like to hear more about what were you looking when sending a letter to an LGBTW group? For me that means an action looking to out....
    Instagram @devisanm, Facebook Devi San Martin
    HRT 04302018 Full time 03/2019
    Electrolysis on face started 08/2019, down there for SRS 06/2021
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    Legal name and gender marker changed 10/26/2020

  16. #16
    Member RylieCD's Avatar
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    Thanks Everyone, Living two lives can be difficult to manage. I would like to merge the two, but on my terms. So trying to gather the info without outing oneself is difficult. I had my couple of days of panic, but also came to the same conclusion is that 1.) the actual sending of emails was last week (Wednesday) so said individual had already seen the info, and hasn’t said anything and 2.) if anything is said ill deal with it then, do I want to deny it is about me or own up to it, I don’t know?

  17. #17
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RylieCD View Post
    Thanks Everyone, Living two lives can be difficult to manage. I would like to merge the two, but on my terms.
    "It isn't a big deal unless you make it one." Honestly,if you have future plans to "own your gender issues" in your work world,you need to realize "outing" for what it is. It is a test of the person you reveal your true self to,not a test of you.The "average person does not question their gender so most don't really have the time or interest to dig into yours...Work on growing some gumption....
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  18. #18
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vplshowoff View Post
    You can recall the email. If you are lucky, then the message will be deleted from their inbox as an unread email.
    I have never heard of being able to recall an email. Once you put anything (including an email) on the Internet, you lose control of it. It can be read, printed, copied and forwarded to other people.
    Krisi

  19. #19
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Who cares these days, if saw your neighbour going out in a dress, what would you do, call the police ?, run round with a banner ?. No you would just shrug it off , just as seeing lesbians or gays kissing, its no big deal in todays world. Plenty of peeps must have seen me over the last 30 years even though i think im discrete about it, but you havent comitted a crime or hurt anyone, so maybe something good will come of your email.

  20. #20
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    You have nothing to worry about. Your company is obviously one that trumpets their policy but has no intention of committing resources to it. Their public pronouncements are just public political lubricant. They have already ignored you twice. If you want them to ignore you henceforth, just keep your mouth shut. Time is your friend here. So is political correctness. Without a reminder, this issue with your company is already dead and buried and forgotten. If you bring it up again, they will mess with you for being a pest, not for your trans status.

    HR is never your friend. If you ever take leave of your senses and start to think they are your friend, read my immediately previous sentence again and again until your senses return to you. Before communicating with HR, always read this statement to yourself, ?Anything you say can be used against you.? That prevents a lot of problems. I am trained as an HR professional, so take it from an insider.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I had a similar experience. Wanted to start dressing at work and sent an email to our LGBT coordinator (and specific questions I had about an informal partially sexist dress policy sent by email at my local site). After two weeks no response I talked to my manager about it and he said if I had any issues he would directly deal with it. I have no had any issues with this at work. My company even sells merchandise with the company logo as a rainbow for pride and I have a t-shirt and pin of those.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/...8-6c0729a723a0

    With message recall, a message that you sent is retrieved from the mailboxes of the recipients who haven’t yet opened it. You can also substitute a replacement message. For example, if you forgot to include an attachment, you can try to retract the message, and then send a replacement message that has the attachment.

    Message recall is available after you click Send and is available only if both you and the recipient have a Microsoft 365 or Microsoft Exchange email account in the same organization.

    I've used it with inter-office emails.

    Marion
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 07-01-2020 at 12:47 PM.

  23. #23
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    Rylie, unless your memo expressly stated Trans, if you are asked more, say it was related only to being Bi-curious. You should then be safe.

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