There are certain stages of development in the life of a crossdresser, most of which (though not all) get plenty of discussion here. To put them in a roughly chronological framework:
1.When and how we first take pleasure in putting on female clothes.
2. When and how we first realize this urge is not going to go away.
3. When and how we become comfortable with ourselves as a crossdresser, dismissing any needless guilt or shame.
4. What we've done (or are doing) in consequence of all that.
Obviously Items 1 and 4 are discussed here all the time, while Item 3 got some useful attention recently on this thread of Pixie's. But I haven't seen much discussion of Item 2, the one I highlighted.
While these stages may not always occur in the same order, it seems to me that Item 2 may for some be an essential prerequisite for Item 3. That's to say, if anyone suffers guilt or shame over crossdressing, they may not get over it unless they accept that the urge is permanent, forcing them to come to terms with it, which leads to a happier self-acceptance.
As far as it's relevant to myself, I was prompted to talk about this by an excellent post from Susan on another thread, which read in part:
Originally Posted by
Susan_onmydayoff
(Like when the pink fog hits?), some accept it indulge it and try to live and engage with it, some may reject it, purge and pretend it isnt there? Some may be troubled, guilty, ashamed of it and hope that with the love of a (new or) good woman that itll go away but most of us already know the outcome? Others may have a different view on it? Or for some, transition is the only outcome that fits for them?
Certainly I was one of those guilt-ridden purgers. I started crossdressing by putting on my mother's skirt at twelve or thirteen, and soon I was into everything I could find: panties and bra, girdle and nylons, slips, blouses and dresses. As a teen with limited cash, I bought some female clothing and underwear of my own when I could afford it. At the same time I felt incredibly awkward about this addiction, and when an erotic dressing session reached its natural conclusion I couldn't wait to get out of female clothes and back into innocent male mode. I wished I could give it up.
I know I purged at least once, possibly twice during my adolescent years and threw everything away. Yet the urge always came back, as it always does. Then I decided that if I couldn't give up the habit of dressing, it was more sensible to give up the habit of purging instead. So I did... for the time being!--and built up a fair wardrobe during my late teens and early 20s.
But I still hadn't given up the habit of hoping it would all go away some day. Eventually I moved in with a girlfriend in what I hoped at the time might be a lifelong relationship. Relevant to Susan's post, I hoped that now I was sleeping with a woman every night and having regular sex, the "need" to dress would finally go away.
Anyway I couldn't bring my female wardrobe with me. She would soon have discovered it, and I'm positive she would never have accepted my crossdressing. That's because I found she seemed to have a horror of anything she regarded as "unmasculine." Three examples will suffice:
A certain politician was thought to have become emotional enough to shed a tear during a public speech. For this he was regrettably ridiculed by some members of the public. Unfortunately my girlfriend agreed with them and thought he was a "wimp." ("Real men don't cry," right?)
On one occasion she criticized me simply for being "too chatty" with a male agent from whom we were renting a vehicle. (Real men are not only "strong," but "silent" and taciturn, right?)
On another occasion while lying in bed on my back, naked, I crossed my legs in a fashion that concealed certain parts of my anatomy, giving a "female appearance" down there. Where others might have giggled, she was horrified at this and told me not to do it.
Anyway I was sure that if she ever knew I crossdressed--let alone found me that way!--she would have gone screaming through the roof. So before we moved in together I undertook what I now call "the Great Purge." Seeing no alternative, I disposed of everything--a move I now greatly regret because I said goodbye to some irreplaceable items, including two dresses I'd made with my own hands.
Well, we all know what happened next. The urge did not go away. While I no longer had female clothes of my own to wear, an apartment full of her clothes was far too much to resist. In a matter of weeks, when I had an hour or two alone in the apartment, I was soon into her panties and bras, skirts, blouses and dresses. Needless to say, I still felt awkward about doing so.
As it happened, we split in less that a year--not over crossdressing, but other unrelated issues leaving us less compatible than I'd hoped. Which was just as well, because I found a wife who was much more accepting. But the "Great Purge" was also my last. I wish I'd left those clothes in my mother's house now and shipped them back to me when I moved to a new place.
More to the point, I finally realized this urge was never going to go away. Having realized that, I started another collection, and within a year or two, "magically" or otherwise, I found "guilt and shame" had disappeared. I was far more comfortable with the whole thing than I had ever been before, and able to explore and enjoy my "feminine side" more freely.
