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Thread: When did you know the urge was permanent?

  1. #51
    Member Denice's Avatar
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    1.When and how we first take pleasure in putting on female clothes.

    I started when I was around 10 or 11.

    2. When and how we first realize this urge is not going to go away.

    When I started. It was an intense thrill, euphoric even.

    3. When and how we become comfortable with ourselves as a crossdresser, dismissing any needless guilt or shame.

    Probably the last 2 to 3 years. For the last 4 or 5 I under dressed, one day I was at my local Savers and saw a blue denim shirt, and I had to have it. Bought some jeans as well.

    4. What we've done (or are doing) in consequence of all that.

    I dress en femme exclusively. Nothing outrageous, I stick to simple shirts, pants, usually blue, black or green. I have a couple of dresses, skirts and heels, I haven't the courage to wear them outside of the house.
    I'm a man. I like being a man. I also love wearing women's clothing. It's my way to show honor, respect and solidarity with them.

  2. #52
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    I first knew how serious this was when I found it online. That took me a while but it still came very early in my career. Once I started reading about other people and the purging and regret I knew there was a cycle. I was a fortunate to take this information and learn from it and never Purge. There were periods where I did less but that was all. Here I am 20? Years later wondering why I haven't transitioned yet.

  3. #53
    Member Gizmo, Debbie's Avatar
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    I was somewhat naive as a kid so didn't totally understand what I was feeling until about half way through my teenage years. But I'd say I was nearer 20 by the time I understood myself enough as know it wasn't going to go away.

  4. #54
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I first stepped onto this path when I was 5 or 6.
    In my teens I had my first outfit and also my first purge. It was about Purge III:Return of the Pantyhose that I finally got that it was in me and not something I was just doing.
    Acceptance finally came about 15 years ago. I decided at last that I was not going to deny this and wanted to meet others, talk about it with them and hear their stories as well. I told my wife everything, we joined a Tri-Ess chapter and that was the start of allowing myself to be me. Now 15 years later and retired I dress daily, can't imagine my life without being able to express my femininity this way and am happier than I've ever been with myself.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  5. #55
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    I started when i was a kid as well, and since then i?ve been trying on and off, but always denying myself. I came to accept myself only recently, when the urge wasnt sustainable any longer.

  6. #56
    Aspiring Member Amanda22's Avatar
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    I thought my crossdressing would disappear when I fell in love and got married. I thought it was as though I was making my own female presence. I expected "her" to go away once I was in a relationship. But the opposite happened; it got stronger. Now that I'm divorced, I realize this is the life I want and enjoy.

  7. #57
    Feminine Fun Staci's Avatar
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    It was just before I told my girlfriend, who is now my wife, that I loved the feel of wearing nylon panties. I think I realized it and knew I had to break it to her. As you can see I was also feeling guilty about it. She accepted it and when she bought me a pair of panties for Valentines Day I knew she u derstood and I started to feel like it was OK.

  8. #58
    Aspiring Member fun4metoo2004's Avatar
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    For me, I recall the first time I put on an article of my mothers while she was at work. It was very sexually exciting as I was around 15. I very much enjoyed it and experimented with makeup (poorly), and as for when I knew this was not going away? Well I have under-dressed from that point on. I am now almost 60, and up until a couple years ago I had never ventured out of the house. I did so for the first time on Halloween a couple years ago, and have no problem doing it now. I still suck at makeup however so I need someone to help me with that. Mascara and basic eye liner are easy now. eye shadow, is a hot mess. I am currently experimenting with air brush makeup. I have the foundation down pretty well, and can do other aspects. just starting with eye shadow. So, yes, I will never go back. I love how I feel, and just wish to be in better shape.

  9. #59
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    fun 4metoo Keep at it, you will get better. You are not alone in the troubles with make-up.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  10. #60
    Member Cacique82's Avatar
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    Guess I didn?t know the urge was permanent at the time but I purged one time around 2000 then maybe six months/year later I started buying panties again.
    Looking back that must?ve been it as I haven?t purged since but I never had an exact moment.

  11. #61
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
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    After my second purge I did not dress for over a year. Then it all came roaring back. I knew then that I had been fooling myself all along and that this was a permanent facet of my personality.

  12. #62
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Interesting on how many of us talk about purging, at the time it absolutely seems like the thing to do but I have not heard anyone who does not regret it later.
    Crissy

  13. #63
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Since my teenage years,I knew some feminine side of me was trying to fit in. it started with underdressing .

    I never purged, always adding to my wardrobe . Had to come to my wife after marriage, but it was fine.

    I was always closeted, in house and in the yard. Now all by myself is a lot more free time .
    Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.

    Rayleen

  14. #64
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    When I know that this wasn't going to change? When I was about 4 - 5 years old.

  15. #65
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    An interesting read Marianne. I started to dress when I was 8yo, I remember back then it made me feel nice and often because of home life, I found myself alone in the house and was able to indulge my newfound pleasure, I guess I knew back then it was a nice thing to do but had no concept really of what I was doing

    As I progressed through into my teens, the guilt and feeling bad about myself for being different come along, but didn't stop me, I used all the excuses in the book to try and explain it away to myself, made it sexual and it never really was

    I did a sense of purging, in that I packaged my clothes up and made them really difficult to get to in the hope it might stop me, of course it never did and the feelings grew stronger

    When did I accept me, not really sure exactly when that happened, I accepted I needed to dress and I needed it in my life, I probably stopped beating myself up fully somewhere in my later 30's and now in my 60's (just), it really is just a part of me and has been for a long time, I enjoy the pleasure with none of the pain, I really love being a cross dresser

  16. #66
    Junior Member DianaW's Avatar
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    For me my CD life started just over a month ago. There may have been a few hints leading up to my realization. But I just didn't see this coming.
    I joined this community and another one and from reading the posts I guess I'm realizing it's not likely to go away so I won't make the mistake of purging if the desire starts to abate.
    My wife is by and large accepting which is helping me accept. As for the rest I'll just see how this journey unfolds.
    I'm just starting on this new journey. I'm still figuring things out. Who knows where it will lead?

  17. #67
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    If it were not for sites like this I may have never accepted this part of me so I am very grateful to be here.
    Diana, never never purge, I do not know of anyone who later on still thought it was a good idea.
    Crissy

  18. #68
    Junior Member DianaW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crissy 107 View Post
    If it were not for sites like this I may have never accepted this part of me so I am very grateful to be here.
    Diana, never never purge, I do not know of anyone who later on still thought it was a good idea.
    Thank you, Crissy. I have seen people talk on here multiple times about regretting purging as it always came back stronger. So if the urge does fade at any time I'm going to keep my clothes.
    I'm just starting on this new journey. I'm still figuring things out. Who knows where it will lead?

  19. #69
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    The first time that I remember doing it, I was near eight or ten. I did it with my older sister as a game, but even though it was "a game", I still remember the excitement and the rush in my head. Then I did not do it for years, but when I was in my early twenties I started doing it again with my girlfriends underwear. She had some very sexy panties that I would wear in her apartment, when she was not around. I realized this urge is not going to go away maybe two years ago, and since then I have started to feel more comfortable with this, taking steps to be open about it with my SO.

  20. #70
    Member rian's Avatar
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    your story is our story ,,,we all live in the same circumstance ...in which we fight for our crossdressing cloths and hope ....I think you have noticed that our vision to happiness need to have our treasure ( cloths ) in order to live in calm senses .....so I also have the same story where The idea of a purge become our horror when things go bad
    Cross-dressing is a cross between woman's soul and man's heart.....

  21. #71
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    When did I know crossdressing was permanent? Honestly, until now that thought had never even occurred to me. It did take a long time for me to accept this as part of myself, but up to that time I thought I could just ignore it. It never occurred to me that it might go away. It's like asking when I realized that liking rare steak was permanent. I've always loved wearing female clothing. I never thought I'd stop loving it. But I thought I could put it out of my mind and not think about it.

    Obviously I couldn't do that either. What changed is accepting my love of female clothing as a good thing and not something to be ashamed of. Maybe that's when I accepted that it was permanent.

  22. #72
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    i back packed Western Europe in 1977 at the age of 22 trying to find myself. i woke up one morning in a youth hostile and realized it controlled me as it does to this day

  23. #73
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    No idea on a date, why would such an obvious evolution warrant a note. But you are certainly correct.

  24. #74
    Member rian's Avatar
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    I think the feeling of the urge not to go away was when I got married ,,, I thought I might get busy with the married life ...but then I knew that the urge was getting more powerful ,,,so I recruited my wife to the club ...and it got much better
    Cross-dressing is a cross between woman's soul and man's heart.....

  25. #75
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Probably sometime during my college years when I acquired some panties from girls at school. Finally, later on, when I actually bought my first pais of panties, I knew I was hooked. From there, I went on to collect additional lingerie and things kept on rolling.

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