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Thread: When did you know the urge was permanent?

  1. #26
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    #1,2..from the beginning age 8. #3 in my 20?s #4. No consequences.

  2. #27
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    A few yrs ago at age 64. I had quit and purges 99% of my lovely things. And meant to never CD again, but the desire seems to never go away and gets stronger it seems. I would lioke to have never been born with this proclivity. I have been isolated and single and alone enough, with out this makingme even more isolated. It conflicts with my religion too. I have just had to , like a gay person, admit and accept i have this as part of me, and occasionally dress to cope with life as an older lower income single man at age 66, with no women friends in my region. I work yet, though.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Gretchen. Once in a while we disagree on few points, but you hit a home run inthis post.

  3. #28
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    There isn?t an easy an answer to this for me as my crossdressing progression was somewhat interrupted by having to dress full time as a girl on the advice of a counsellor.

    Certainly the fact that this urge was still there when I was granted my agency back though made it obvious that it was going to be with me long term (so somewhere between 14 & 17). Prior to the intervention I was still very much confused about what I was feeling.

    And whilst I can switch off from it while working, still to this day when I get the urge, I am good for no one until I?m glammed up. During lockdown I have managed to be productive most days but on several days only because I?ve given in to wearing skirts and heels - I know from bitter experience if I had tried to stay in trousers and slippers I would have spent most of the day trying to pretend my ?Heather? clothes didn?t exist.

  4. #29
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    I am at 2. When and how we first realize this urge is not going to go away. After my second purge, and realizing I had just purchased another dress.

  5. #30
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    1.When and how we first take pleasure in putting on female clothes.

    There was something about the tactile, sensual feel of nylon lingerie on my skin that brought much pleasure. I was dressing mainly in my mothers lingerie, enjoying myself for quite awhile, and then my first orgasm happened. Combining everything, created a new pleasure that quickly grew into a much sought after event. Dressing, quickly became a very sexual pastime.

    2. When and how we first realize this urge is not going to go away.

    I always thought that as soon as I was getting regular sex after getting married, that this would all go away. The first inkling that it was not going away was when the desires continued. It didn't help having her lingerie near by and us both working differing shifts. Second inkling was when I started to buy my own items. Third inkling was buying again to replace what had been purged, I purged several times over the years. After coming out to my wife, I figured that this just wasn't going to go away. She actually encouraged me not to purge anymore, as it was being wasteful.

    3. When and how we become comfortable with ourselves as a crossdresser, dismissing any needless guilt or shame.

    Joining this site has helped me to move into acceptance of myself. I realized that beating myself up over something that I couldn't seem to change about myself was counter productive. I needed to change the things you could, accept the things I couldn't change, and have the wisdom to know what the difference between the two were. Having an accepting wife was huge also.

    4. What we've done (or are doing) in consequence of all that.

    I have found my equilibrium, and with the odd exception, I keep within it. I wear lingerie, and panties all the time which has helped bring the urges into line. I wear hosiery and skirts as often as I want around the house, which also helps when things get "foggy". I find that the urges are usually satisfied with my daily clothing choices.
    Last edited by Gillian Gigs; 07-08-2020 at 11:02 AM. Reason: grammer
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  6. #31
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    I must have started dressing in mom clothes around 12 or so, and had a very similar story to yours in my late teens (buying my own stuff when I could afford to and sneak it into the house). I knew no later than my early 20s that this urge was not going away, it was part of who I was. I figured that out after purging clothing, assuring myself I'd never do that again and "why?", then within weeks the longing to dress and have my clothes would start right back up again. Over and over. Until it clicked, this is not going away. The sahme and guilt and feeling like I was weird took a lot longer to settle down and go away though.
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  7. #32
    Always been a GIRL. Michelle1955's Avatar
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    1st Panties at 5 or 6 .
    Knew I was a girl in my head.
    Had issues in my teens, very bad understanding puberty as a boy.

    Answer#2: Freshman in college (1974) purchased foam breast forms, panties, all in one body corset, bra from Sears phone order and picked up at the pickup counter. I’m sure the SA lady had good gossip that afternoon.

    Still have the female inside my head, but learned to manage the fog.
    I always have at least panties / slim shorts on at a minimum everyday all day.

    I been married 41 years and yes my wife’s accepts with limits

  8. #33
    Struggler with CDing Pixie_94's Avatar
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    1. I was ten, it was with some panties, the softest thing I wore at that moment and the beginning of this curse.

    2. I think around 2016 or 2017, after looking for a "cure" or "remedy" in many websites and asking people if there was such thing.

    3. Not yet, I actually feel even worse about it. I feel like I have to get rid of all this if I ever want a relationship or to get married. I simply don't want any trouble or considering something too drastic.

    4. I still don't know what to do, I simply feel awful at some times.

    Thank you very much for taking my thread into account!

  9. #34
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Pixie, you don't have to completely stop dressing to have a relationship. My wife and I have been together for 45 years. You will find others on here who have managed to stay married for a very long time. I live within a few miles of another couple who have been married as long, and one partner is a fully transitioned woman. They are still happily married , with grandchildren. There are others in my real life circle as well.

    What you will have to do is be very careful and sensitive in choosing a partner. You will need to have the courage and strength to reveal yourself when the time is right. You will need to get out of your own head enough to really gain a sense of who she is before you will know if she can accept this curveball to the relationship.

    But most of all, you need to learn to love yourself. If you can do that, you can take the risk.

    At a certain point in my young life I recognized that I was odd, that I was a loner, and that I was probably going to be single for the rest of my life, so It was up to me to be happy in and of myself. My relationship happened a few months after I had accepted that.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  10. #35
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I think I was 39 when the crossdressing desire came back strong, after not having dressed for well over a decade. Further studying into it, revealed that most crossdressers are never able to stop it forever, and those that try, often wind up with other psychological problems showing up due to consciously or subconsciously suppressing the desire to dress.

    Unfortunately, I was studying in order to figure out myself, not as a professional documenting research, so I didn't take notes or keep a list of all the materials that I read.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    1) at about twelve years old I stumbled across some boxes of my late step mother's clothes in the attic. Slips, garters, stockings, that sort of thing. I tapped into that until we lost our father and ended up living with grandparents.

    2) relatively recent that a light bulb went off and I realized that I had been trying to suppress my odd habit thinking it was some kind of fetish.

    3) my coming to grips with my dressing and accepting myself was hampered by twenty five years in a religion that considered it a shunning offense. I left the religion twenty years ago and the fog rolled in out of nowhere much to my surprise. The past twenty years has consisted of getting up.to and standing looking over the edge and getting scared of what might happen. I pulled back and purged a couple of times until I finally gave up and realized this is permanent.

    4) my wife hasn't been accepting so I have been keeping a low profile around her. The desire to dress wavers between manageable and overwhelming and I'm working through it with a therapist. My circumstances have put me in a difficult situation that I am working through. The pandemic has thrown me a curve that is making it impossible to shop or dress very often and it has been a challenge but I'm making progress and have a plan.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    I knew it wasn't going away when I put on that first item.
    Angie

  13. #38
    Member Charlotte Haynes's Avatar
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    When I stopped getting sexually aroused by dressing (mid-twenties) left it alone for a while, and realised I still badly needed to do it. A bit confusing. After about 15 years of that I started researching online and joining sites, and realised that lots of us follow a pattern. That confirmed that it's unlikely to leave me.

  14. #39
    Member DianaPrince's Avatar
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    When I blurted out to my wife that I wanted my own panties.

    Even then I didn’t know what it would lead to.

  15. #40
    New Member Jessica2020's Avatar
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    For me, the exact moment it sank in this was never going away was when I was reading some medical articles about cross-dressing and GID a month or so ago, when it plainly said, "if the urge persists past puberty, it is likely to be permanent." I sat there with my mouth open slightly, thinking it over. And yes, actually, this really was true for me. It hit me right there and then this always has been a part of my life and now it always will be.

    My earliest recollection of these desires was when I was 4-5 years old. I used to always want to try dressing up but even then I knew that wasn't going to happen. I first tried on women's clothing when I was 12 by borrowing some of my older sister's clothes as she went away to college. I kept it as secretive as I could, knowing no one in my family would have accepted it at that time either.

    In my adult life, it was a constant cycle of buying some clothing, then finding an excuse several weeks to months later to get rid of it. Once I had gotten married, I honestly always worked against myself to make it almost impossible for me go back to dressing up. Well, as it turns out, that was a long standing mistake of course, but an easy one for me to make.

    So I kind of knew this part of me was always there, just accepting it took way too many years.

  16. #41
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Jessica2020, What you found out a month or so ago reading medical articles is something every one of us has found out along the way. I tried very hard to suppress this part of me but to no avail. There is absolutely no reason to try that but to just accept it and try to be happier.
    Crissy

  17. #42
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I believe I was about 9 or 10 when I started wearing my sisters pantyhose. We shared room for many years and she was a slob which made it easy to slip on stuff when she would go to school before me.
    I thought when I got married it would all end, but 2 weeks back from our honeymoon I put on a pair of her pantyhose and that's when I knew this was serious. That morning I sat there for about an hour with her pantyhose on and was deciding what to do. My biggest concern was leading this life, all I thought about was being like a fugitive the rest of my life with fear of getting caught. I decided that night to roll the dice and take a chance and tell her and live with the outcome. She came home from work the same night and I sat her down and told her everything from the first time I put on my sisters pantyhose to that same morning I put on hers. I couldn't believe she was pretty good about it and she wanted to make sure I wasn't gay and I didn't want to be a women and asked me if I would be happy in the closet. I told her I would respect her wishes and she told me she wanted to see where this was going. The funny part was she didn't want me to wear her things because I would stretch them and we went out that night and she bought me a few pairs of pantyhose and a bra.
    It felt so good when I confessed to her, it was like I took a building off my shoulders. After about a month of her observing me she asked me why I felt so much guilt and why I kept apologizing to her. She told me she didn't understand why I felt that way because I wasn't hurting anybody and seeing how much I enjoyed it why I just didn't enjoy it. That's when the guilt left me and now 30 plus years later my wife still loves that I trusted her with my secret and she is still the only one who knows.
    I believe my wife was my therapist and I can't put in to words how much she does for me to make sure I'm happy with anything I do. It could have went either way but thank God she was OK with it.
    Great thread thanks.

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maria 60 View Post
    I believe I was about 9 or 10 when I started wearing my sisters pantyhose. We shared room for many years and she was a slob which made it easy to slip on stuff when she would go to school before me.-------------------------------------
    I believe my wife was my therapist and I can't put in to words how much she does for me to make sure I'm happy with anything I do. It could have went either way but thank God she was OK with it.
    Great thread thanks.
    This is great! I wish there was a way to thumbs up or heart post. Congrats Maria!
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 07-11-2020 at 09:13 AM. Reason: There is no reason to quote the whole of the previous post

  19. #44
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    When did you know the urge was permanent?

    1.When and how we first take pleasure in putting on female clothes.
    Like most everyone, early childhood. about 9 years old.

    2. When and how we first realize this urge is not going to go away.
    around 2004

    3. When and how we become comfortable with ourselves as a crossdresser, dismissing any needless guilt or shame.
    about 2009

    4. What we've done (or are doing) in consequence of all that.
    Joined here and also a CD group in Atlanta GA, Went to meetings, go out in public (even in my own town)
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  20. #45
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    Just quit a few times and quit again , again , again just might see a pattern here eventually

  21. #46
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    I'm a Drag queen now. I was Cd still am. I'm TG and very proud of who I am as well.

    When it became permanent? Even I can't answer that, we don't wake one day and make a choice, we are the beautiful people that we are and that is how we wake!
    Stace
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"

  22. #47
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
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    I can't point to a specific time/place/activity. I'm in my 70's now and have recognized for many, many years (well over 40) that it was a part of me that wouldn't change.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  23. #48
    Member VivianNewkirk's Avatar
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    I didn't start seriously crossdressing until later in life, in my 50s. I started with a set of lace panties that I would wear all day under boy clothes. Things escalated quickly from there! At first it was for kinky sexual arousal (as my pansexuality awakened) but soon I was dressing just because I liked to. One day I was just taking all the pleasure in getting dolled up, doing my makeup and hair and generally being as girly as possible. I now consider myself gender-fluid and am trying to hone all aspects of my femininity.

  24. #49
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    I guess when I disgarded the CD label and accepted the real fact that I was TG.

  25. #50
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Started dressing in mothers clothes very young maybe 8 or 9. Always hated my desire and for most of my adult life I felt ashamed and guilty. Not sure what finally got me to accept that this desire is truly part of who I am and I was not going to dismiss it. I guess that I finally accepted my dressing after a lot of soul searching to conclude that my desire did not make me a bad person. Open with my wife and I am so much happier that I have accepted myself for my desire. Now I just enjoy the opportunities I get to dress. This site really helped me a great deal.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

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