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Thread: Opinion on meeting men?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Karli's Avatar
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    Opinion on meeting men?

    I've been curious about men but also terrified. I live in a very conservative area. I cant dress fully out in public as it would never be accepted from society. But i'm not wanting to be in an unsafe situation and people say to be in public and not somewhere no one knows where you are. So I wanted to ask, has anyone ever met a man out who knew you were dressed but everything was hidden (underdressing) as sort of a first way to step out in public (so that not everyone around you in public knew you were CD) and maybe get a feel for a person? Not sure if anyone has done this or what people think as steps.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hi Karli,

    Actually meeting anyone with the current Covid situation is a bit risky/unsafe to a degree, but with that being said, I also live in the conservative south and have been to I think 9 lgbt bars/clubs in 5 states just in the southeast. Going out dressed in the south is not a problem. The cities of 100,000 and up have lgbt bars you can go to - at least before Covid. If under dressed no one can see that and only you would be aware of that fact. I would not think that would even be a factor when meeting anyone. I have met a LOT of men and women while dressed so it is actually a lot easier than you may be aware. It is only difficult to get the nerve to do it fully or partially dressed, but much easier with each outing.

    Sandi

  3. #3
    Junior Member Brandi17's Avatar
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    That is kinda up to the person as obviously not everyone who cds is attracked to Men. Now if your bi or gay and feel attracted to someone then I would say why not. As long as you keep safety in mind and meet in a public place somewhere with witnesses or maybe even cameras. And don't give out your address to anyone until you know you can trust them.

    I have never met a guy for a date in either boy or girl mode yet, so I don't have much experience in this yet for you unfortunately.
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  4. #4
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Karli, I think this is how it generally works:

    Men attracted to trans women would prefer u look as womanly as possible.
    Underdressing won't do it!

    Men attracted to men probably wouldn't care about your underdressing. They only want to get u out of your clothes ASAP!

    But, I don't think any of that is important at this point for u.
    What IS important is why u want to meet men and where do u think can u do that safely?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    First off, I assume you identify as CD, and not Trans. This already complicated matters immensely, as there’s issues of verbiage. If you tell members of the LGBTQ community that you’re a “crossdresser”, they’ll likely assume that you dress as a sexual fetish. Straight men will likely have a broader concept of crossdresser, but they probably will have no interest in you in “guy mode” or underdressed. Also, a lot of straight guys have an idea of “trans” people being on hormones or having top surgery.

    SO: if you’re interested in meeting a gay man, there’s a good chance that he won’t want to see you dressed, because he likes men. If you’re meeting a straight man, there’s a good chance he won’t want to see you NOT dressed because he likes women.
    There are pansexual people out there, but it’s a limited dating pool.

    Secondly, “ as sort of a first way to step out in public ” NO NO NO! If you’ve never been out in public dressed, the ABSOLUTE LAST thing you want to do is put the extra pressure of a date on top of everything else. You HAVE to be able to be comfortable out in public before you can even THINK about dating. Going out underdressed May help you build up your confidence, but honestly it doesn’t do a whole lot to prepare you for going out in public fully dressed.

    Now if the idea is to get a male friend who knows about your dressing to act as an escort while you’re dressed, this could be fruitful. And honestly it sounds like this is what you need more than a date right now: a friend.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Karli

    Have you considered using a webcam first where he can see you as a woman and you can see him.

    This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other a little better before you actually meet in person (post covid-19)

    I would suggest this to anyone as its better to proceed with caution.


    "Places to go Places to meet" has guidelines for anyone considering meeting up
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Have you ever been with a man?

    I would forget about the public thing.It doesn't sound like you are anywhere ready.

    You should look for a CD that is BI. Develop an online relationship before meeting.

    There are lots of married men that will use you for sex if that's what you are looking for.

  8. #8
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    Hi Karli,

    Although I have no experience at all of this kind of relationship, I have to agree with everything Micki said, all of which made perfect sense to me. The word "escort" in particular had occurred to me even before I read her post. I think what you're looking for is a fantasy.

    What on earth would be the point of having a man escort you out in public while you're only "underdressed"? What could you possibly gain from this in the way of confidence to venture out dressed on your own, since nobody around you would know you were underdressed in the first place?

    Just as relevant, what could be his motive for doing so? What kind of "relationship" could this be? No straight man would want to do this. A gay man possibly; but is that what you want, a gay relationship? A number of CDs have romantic fantasies about attention from a man, sexual or not. But a man interested in you as a CD will want to see you dressed, not just "underdressed." And you can't play out your own role in such a fantasy if you're not dressed yourself.

    The fantasy this makes me think of is that of "secret lovers," and of what's called "duping delight." The thrill of being out among people who have no idea that "we're a couple," especially if we're doing something very naughty we can't afford to let them know about. Like that old song: "Me and Mrs. Jones... we've got a thing going,,," But I can't see that working for you. You're looking to be escorted by a "Mr. Jones" who doesn't exist.

    Yes, I'd just go looking for "friends" instead to support you.

  9. #9
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    Karli,
    I'm not sure what you're asking here , I'm going to agree with Marianne if it's all to do with fantasy .

    Otherwise I could read it as you going out with a man just for protection or an escort to deal with any problems if they discover you are underdressed . The only way I see that happening is with a good accepting male friend but I honestly don't see the point .

    To me underdressing was a stepping stone to actually coming out , like taking a drive or your first walk . I had some fun times revealing that I was underdressed with the public , that helped with finally dressing full time , I was building my confidence up gradually . The other point is forget about where you live , society on the whole is pretty good at accepting , OK we all know of no go areas , I can think of places I wouldn't visit in drab let alone as Teresa .

  10. #10
    Reality Check
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    If you're a gay man who wants to meet other gay men, you might get better advice on a "gay" website.

    I think meeting up with any stranger for sex is pretty risky, especially with the Covid virus going around, but of course, that's your choice to make.
    Krisi

  11. #11
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    First of all, do what you want but be safe.

    But when my wife and I had our talks, this was her biggest fear. There are lots men who dress looking for men on dating sites. And many more erotic stories on line about men who dress seeking other men.

    If it's just fantasy, you should probably just read the erotic literature on line. Send me pm and I will give you site. It has all sorts of erotic literature

  12. #12
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Karli, your question seems to be a bit confusing as to exactly what you are asking. But, I think Micki and Maryanne provided answers that are right on and very good. Perhaps you are looking for a friend with whom you can share this side of you with in a comfortable way. Many of us do need that kind of friendly support and it is not easy to find, especially in an area where such people are very closeted because of the local attitudes of the muggles regarding gender shifting and variance and its expression (usually dressing or underdressing) that follows this behavior type and its needs. Join a support group for transgender and other gender variant people and you may make a new friend with whom you can share this with in an active way. Even in quite conservative communities there usually is some kind of group, even though it may be hard to find in some places. But as we have become significantly more "acceptable" in most places, such groups form more easily.

    BUT, in the pandemic such groups may not currently be active. Meeting new people right now is not the best choice from a health standpoint. Do you really want to risk your life just to connect with someone that you can interact with in ways that satisfy your current needs? Personally, I don't think it is worth it. I suspect in 6 months or so we will have vaccines available that will allow us to return to more normal activities, but it will always be risky for quite some time even after the vaccines arrive but before we know how effective they are. Vaccines are rarely 100% effective. But they reduce the chances of contracting the disease a lot. Even a flu vaccine that is 55% effective is better than nothing at all.

  13. #13
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    I am going to read between the lines a bit, because you did not make your situation or intentions clear. I am assuming that you seldom privately fully dress and make yourself up as a female. Furthermore, you probably have never ventured outside the house en femme. Hence, my advice is first, slow down and get things in good order. If your female side is telling you that you as a female would like to have some relationship with a man, that is wonderful and I fully understand. To do this successfully on a pleasant male-female basis you first need to be fully dressed as a female and feel unusually comfortable while dressed as a female. You need to learn all of the techniques required to make yourself look like an attractive female. When you reach this stage, the public will not notice you, unless you are very attractive, and it is unlikely that a friend will recognize you even if they see you. Then go out into the public quite a bit until you look forward in doing so every time with delight and joy. If your feelings for being female grow during this time, as I would expect, then consider opening up to an intimate male-female relationship. Be careful and meet in public places until you are comfortable, but enjoy one of the most exciting experiences that you will ever have.

  14. #14
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Karli,

    In looking back over your posts, it seems you have asked the same question in the past. Which probably means you haven't acted on any of the previous comments.

    Lots of advise can be given, however, just make sure to stay safe.

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    Honestly I don't understand what this has to do with crossdressing. Your sexual preference is not determined by the clothes you wear.

    This also serves to amplify the myth that the main reason crossdressers dress like women is to attract men. But you will find that the vast majority of people who inentify as MtoF CD are straight men, and will seemingly go out of their way to tell you so. Check out the "Are we LGBTQ" thread for instance.

    Then there's people like me who inentify as MtoF Transgender and are on the path to transition, yet I am not atracted to men in any way.

  16. #16
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    Meeting a man who was safe and who I could at first be friends with has always been a dream of mine. Someone to talk to and progress to more would be nice. Maybe someone you know could introduce you to someone. I know how it feels to want something so out of reach. Good luck and stay safe.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Both Micki,#5 and Jacqueline #13 make very valid points.

    So sorry for being blunt but reading the replies it has to be said that the general consensus is your idea is a non starter.

    It seems to me that as Jacqueline says, you need to make your mind up as to what form your proposed relationship with a man will take and far more importantly sorting out your presentation.

    Sorry again for saying this but being under dressed such that no-one can tell means the man you're looking for must have X-ray vision in order to be aware of that fact. It doesn't add up.

    Perhaps the thing you need to do is clarify just what form your sexuality takes. Straight, Bi, Gay; only once that is decided can you find ways to progress. As others have said, the vast majority of Gay men are drawn to Gay men. There are some who have CD'ing partners but stealth under dressing isn't going to draw much attention. There are straight men who enjoy the social company of CD'ers but again unless they know you CD their boat won't float.

    If you do decide to go out UD then beforehand go in drab and check the venue out. Know what the place and the clientele are like. Above all else staying safe is the most important thing and walking into a bar and giving off the wrong signals to the wrong guy can get very ugly very quick.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  18. #18
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    The points that Robertacd made are absolutely correct. It is also my experience that the majority of crossdressers on this site only want to present as female and have no interests to either be closer to a male or want to be intimate with one. The true situation is that all of the people on the planet fall on different locations on the rainbow. At one end are the rigid heterosexual people. As one moves across the rainbow one finds very occasional crossdressers, further on are those who really feel female and want to look their best and feel good about passing in public, then further on there are crossdressers who feel that being female comes with feelings for enjoying all the benefits of a woman including intimate relationships with men. Then there are the crossdressers who surgically make the transition to become a woman.

    I feel that we are too bound in our thinking about attaching labels to people. All of us are good and different people at different stages of our development; and that is ,in my mind, just the way it should be. Just enjoy being where we are, until we want to change and move on.

  19. #19
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    has anyone ever met a man out who knew you were dressed but everything was hidden (underdressing) as sort of a first way to step out in public (so that not everyone around you in public knew you were CD) and maybe get a feel for a person?
    I haven't, but there's someone I've been chatting with (on another site) (that has seen my en fem photos) that wouldn't mind meeting in public as two guys - to get to know each other before doing anything more.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shelly Preston View Post
    Karli

    Have you considered using a webcam first where he can see you as a woman and you can see him.

    This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other a little better before you actually meet in person (post covid-19)

    I would suggest this to anyone as its better to proceed with caution.


    "Places to go Places to meet" has guidelines for anyone considering meeting up
    Camming C2C on a chat site is the way I got started with cybersex with men and other CDs mostly. Did that for years before ever meeting anyone in person. It's actually a good way to learn the (gay or kink) lingo and discover what one really wants sexually. Lots of married or lonely guys looking for something on the side etc. It's very much physical distancing which is safe right?

    Later on I started going out dressed but not with the intention of dating anyone. But that's another story...
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by char GG View Post
    Hi Karli,In looking back over your posts, it seems you have asked the same question in the past. Which probably means you haven't acted on any of the previous comments. Lots of advise can be given, however, just make sure to stay safe.
    I did the same thing as char yesterday. I thought about making a comment, but I had other things to do. If you have not acted on either an impulse or a plan I have to make a conjecture this may be an unfulfilled fantasy. Many times acting out a fantasy is a let down. Perhaps the idea of having a relationship with a man as you present as a woman is your way of trying to deny you're actually interested in interacting with a man as a man??? I'm sure a great percentage of cross dressing men have fantasies or dreams of interacting with a man in bed. And, the same on the flip side or there would not be so much porn of that nature on the internet.

  21. #21
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    Lots of good points and advice, Karli. If you have a man in mind, you've chatted and possibly shared photos and are now ready to meet in public for the first time, being underdressed is fine, even letting him know that you are. When you feel that you have developed a reasonably good feminine presentation, then meet with him at a public place away from your home area. Just be safe!

  22. #22
    Member Charlotte Haynes's Avatar
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    I have done what you have described. A man from another site, who lived locally, and dressed a little himself asked me if we could meet for a chat. He was a bit low. I'd never met him but agreed to go for a walk with him. He suggested that we both underdress. There had been no flirting or anything prior to that. Anyway, I complied. I met him, he wasn't very chatty at all. He flashed me his panties, and that was genuinely the first indication I got that he wanted more than a chat. I am quite naive in situations like this. Anyway, it gave me ideas. A week later he contacted me again and I got brave and invited him to mine. I got fully dressed, he seemed very impressed, and we ended up having sex. This wasn't on the cards just a week before, but that walk with him and us being underdressed was a stepping stone to the rest.

  23. #23
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    If you haven't built up the courage to go out dressed in public, you can meet guys online who are interested in CDs and arrange to meet at a private location. My advice, as someone with plenty of experience in this area, is that you work on building up your confidence to the point where you can go out dressed before you venture into the wild world of encounters. There are a lot of variables in that world and your fantasy can quickly turn to crap in real time.

  24. #24
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    [QUOTE]has anyone ever met a man out who knew you were dressed but everything was hidden (underdressing)?
    No but had a boyfriend/admirer...and only met when dressed.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  25. #25
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    +whoa, I'm a Drag queen babe, and I don['t want to slow things down in that area, but be very slow with you thinking babe!

    Be careful xxStace
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    Well I just dance the way I feel
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