I have and do date men. I have personally found it an incredible but also a totally emasculating experience. I now date men exclusively and love being in a relationship with them.
I have and do date men. I have personally found it an incredible but also a totally emasculating experience. I now date men exclusively and love being in a relationship with them.
I am very much in to women, but love meeting a new acquaintance and undress together. Find it to be so sexy. Love sneaking peaks of each other as we stroll around in public.
A couple of things I have learned..
1. When we have no experience and are really restricted and frustrated we fixate on simple ideas that seem like they will relieve the stress- this is the experience of fetishistic dressing, or seeking a quick fetishistic sex experience. I spent years in this state. It is satisfying, briefly, but we do not progress- we soon enough need our fix again. Sexual encounters like this are exceptionally high risk, for STDs, primarily, to the point of being foolhardy. They also create a pool of people who we do not want to see again. That is a weight that is not pleasant, and burdens the enjoyment of the sexual pleasure, if it was pleasing. Observing porn films will help you see the various kinds of experiences that random sex partners will want to have with you.
2. Once you start thinking about how to find a nice man, who also wants to have sex with you in a way that fulfills your desires and his, and doesn't create a hidden complicated, and dangerous sidetrack, you are moving back into real life. The rules are the same for everyone- knowing who you are, expressing that openly, platonic dating, finding sufficiently shared values with prospects, understanding that sex creates all sorts of bonds and expectations and dreams, and managing that well, which usually means serial monogamy. You can build the life you actually want, which is a normal life in which we have friends and activities, and sexuality is enjoyed in a context that doesn't leave damaging tracks in our lives.
3. The real person attached to M or F genitals is a huge reality that enters the picture in sex. If we are really not interested in them, but in our own experience of ourselves, I found that really enjoying the fantasy as realistically as I could was much better than messing around with real people in situations that were not part of my real life. It allowed me to have repeat experiences safely, to see how much and how often, to pretend all sorts of things, and that allows me to grow emotionally in a normal way. Girls masturbate too- as a sensible alternative to getting involved with the wrong people.
Last edited by char GG; 07-18-2020 at 12:22 AM. Reason: See rules, tmi
We are all beautiful...!
I hope you don't mind, but I found this an intriguing statement. Chiefly because it looked to me like a contradiction in terms between positive and negative.Originally Posted by candygurl59
Obviously finding it an "incredible" experience sounds wonderful. At the same time, "totally emasculating," particularly after the word "but," sounds like a drawback, an awful experience to most genetic males.
I may be wrong, but I have a suspicion that latter part was being expressed the wrong way round, negatively rather than positively, Perhaps what it really means was that this was a "totally feminizing" experience: that it felt "deliciously girly" to arouse a man's sex drive, surrender to it, and enjoy satisfying him. Whatever floats anyone's boat.
It's not neessarily what everyone who crossdresses is looking for, but it's certainly true for some. The question is whether anyone "likes" men as friends, as emotional or romantic partners, and all those other things that go to make up a satisfying relationship. I'm happy to hear that relationships with men work for you in that holistic fashion. I just think anyone who considers dating men, like Karli, should ask themselves what aspects of dating men appeal to them. Is it a liking for men as companions, with shared interests and values? Is it friendship as crossdressers, "twin spirits"? Is it emotional, "romantic" interest in being treated as a woman, or being "taken care of" by a man? Is it sexual? These aspects can be separate and independent and not necessarily the same.
Not only that, but members who contemplate seeing men because they make them feel more "feminine" need to consider the guy's feelings.
I'll reverse the situation to illustrate my point. If there was a very male-looking transman who was interested in me I might return the interest if there was mental, emotional and/or physical chemistry between us. But, I would feel devastated if I felt that his interest in me was nothing more than a desire to "feel more masculine". I would feel reduced to a commodity or an object. I would not feel valued for the unique human being that I am. There is nothing worse.
Reine
From the time I was 12, I responded to attention from boys or men, and that was absolutely the thing that kept me dressing and going out. As a teenager, I not only interacted with boys, I went on two separate dates with a guy as Andi, before realizing it couldn't go any further and cutting off all contact with him. Each time he'd meet me at my girlfriend's house and drop me off outside her house. The third time we went out it all hit me how crazy I was being, and also how unfair it was to him. My entire It was the first time I ever felt guilty about how I interacted with guys. If I talked to some guy at an outdoor party it was one thing, but interacting with one guy as Andi meant I had to juggle all of these things I'd made up and also make excuses for too many things. Thinking back, it's frankly amazing I was never exposed and beaten to death. I only went out with that guy because my girlfriend had encouraged me to do it, but she wasn't me, and the risks weren't the same for her.
My first sexual relationship was with a much, much older man who didn't know I wasn't what I appeared to be the first couple of times he saw me (while he was working on his car in his garage in the middle of the night). The fact that he kind of pushed me into a relationship even after he did discover it, and the fact that he was very masculine and very straight, and was attracted by my femininity (and, you know, my youth) completely changed the way I thought about sexuality. The relationship was obviously not HEALTHY, but it taught me a lot about a lot of things.
The older I've gotten, the more careful I've been to be limited in my interactions. I still respond to attention, and don't think I'd exist as Danni without it, but it's easier for me to walk away or walk past it than when I was younger. I've had several casual sexual relationships with men, almost all of whom were either married or had serious girlfriends, but I've also had some frightening experiences over the years, and as much as I love attention, I truly don't love the risk, and I can totally see how some men would lose it if they think they're being fooled or played with.
- D
"Dirty little secret" is an apt description most often....
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
To ME "meeting men" that is Just "too close" or "too suggestive" of Homosexuality (no offense intended towards GAY people) I think most of us true CDs might have had a bit of a struggle with that in in the confusing early years, either "wondering" about our selves or having others speculate about us. IMHO, a "healthy" CD knows that Cross dressing has NOTHING to do with sexuality. We do it for different reasons than many Gay people as we do not identify with the opposite sex. otherwise we WOULD classify ourselves as Gay or Transsexual, and NOT simply be "Crossdressers"
It is very important to "Clear thinking" to have strict definitions to the words we use as we THINK in WORDS. Ambiguous words lead to ambiguous thinking.
So a true and healthy CD is always heterosexual? No shades of gray like being bisexual or bicurious? A homosexual CD isn't a true CD?
If we're gonna be clear about it let's use set theory. Set 1 is men that wear women's clothes. Set 2 is men that are heterosexual. Set 3 is men that are homosexual, bisexual or pansexual.
Set 1 and Set 2 can intersect. Set 1 and 3 can intersect. Set 2 and 3 can't intersect in this set description.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
Am I not a healthy CD if I think my crossdressing has something to do with my sexuality, or sexual behaviour?
For me, it's always been tied into my sexuality. From the first time I realized I could pass as an attractive girl when I was about twelve trying on my sister's blue and white one-piece bathing suit, one of the main things that kept me dressing and pushing my female identity further and further was how men (and teenage boys when I was younger) responded to me when I was dressed.
This is why I have trouble relating to a lot of crossdressers, I think. Obviously I have some gender-related issues, and a very strong feminine self, but I've never considered myself transsexual, and despite having had men offer to help me with the costs of transitioning, I'm comfortable with who I am now.
But I am still definitely a crossdresser.
-D
One thing that I have learned from this group is that the spectrum of sexuality exhibited by crossdressers is very broad. Another thing I have learned is that heterosexual crossdressers who are in a committed relationship are terrified of anything that even remotely smells like homosexual behavior because they have been telling their loved ones (and themselves) that turning men on by looking hot is not part of the deal. That's cool. I get it. To each her own.
Including, of course, a large number of straight males without the slightest proclivity toward homosexual behavior.
"and themselves"??? I see no cause to insinuate that these folks are necessarily lying.
For that matter, here's another objectionable accusation that somebody posted elsewhere:
...a substantial portion of [crossdressers] refuse to acknowledge that there's something more going on. Homophobia and/or transphobia positively drips from some of those posts asserting something like "...I am 100% straight male. I just like to wear a garter belt and stockings now and then."
There is nothing remotely "homophobic" or "transphobic" about a simple statement like that. This accusation is positively paranoid: imagining "homophobia" and "transphobia" without a shred of evidence.
These issues are related. The point, rather, is that the ignorant public (which includes many wives and girlfriends) are prone to equate crossdressing automatically with homosexuality--or in the second case, with transsexuality. Straight male crossdressers need to counter these misconceptions by making it clear where they belong on that spectrum. So it doesn't surprise me if some straight male crossdressers do indeed avoid iike the plague any hint of homosexual behavior, for fear of arousing baseless suspicions that might sabotage their primary relationship.
Last edited by Marianne S; 07-20-2020 at 03:05 PM.
Marianne, Very good points made on that post. While we as a group are all over the place with our sexuality there are many plain vanilla straight members mixed in. The big question from wives, at least some of them, is the are you gay or bi? My wife comes from a very blue collar family that is at least a little homophobic, ok I am trying to be nice here, and I know that question is still in the back of her head.
Just to clarify, I am in no way saying all blue collar families are homophobic.
Last edited by Crissy 107; 07-20-2020 at 06:40 AM.
Crissy
Thanks, Crissy! Yes, you're right. Nobody is denying that homophobia exists, and its existence is something that straight male crossdressers have to contend with. If they're anxious to distance themselves from suspicions of homosexuality, that doesn't make them "homophobic" themselves.
Incidentally I've noticed from several stories I've heard--and this is not about crossdressing--that a number of women are quick to jump to the conclusion that if a man doesn't seem as eager for sex as he "ought" to be--or fails to "perform"--then "he must be gay!" This is ridiculous, as if there were not many other explanations. There can be emotional problems in the relationship that discourage intimacy. The man may be tired, stressed, or in poor health. "Erectile dysfunction" is common, especially in middle age. Some men have a low sex drive anyway. Others lack self confidence, with a notorious impact on you-know-what. And yes, the guy could be having an affair, though there are other reasons for objecting to that! But overall, it seems some women are so quick to jump to the "gay" explanation that I can't be surprised if some men are nervous enough to avoid being suspected of it, even when they don't crossdress!
Another point occurred to me. Namely, many people want to distinguish themselves, whether as individuals or as groups, from others who are different from themselves in some way. This need not imply any hostility toward those who are different. People just don't want to be "lumped in" with the rest, that's all, and want to be understood for who they are themselves. It's a natural human urge.
Suppose for instance a medical topic were being discussed, and I said "I am not a doctor, but..."--then proceeded to elaborate on what I knew--or what I thought I knew!--about the topic. Nobody would imagine I said that because I "hated doctors" and that's why I didn't want anyone to think I was a doctor. There are other reasons for identifying ourselves and our position.
People's need to distinguish themselves is especially apparent in that lengthy and ever-growing alphabetical sea serpent that in some versions reads "LBGTQICAPGNGFNBAK..." and all the rest of it. So many people are saying "Yes, well, I'm not quite like those others, regardless of whatever we have in common. So I need a separate category for people like myself":
"I'm not 'straight,' but I'm not 'gay' either. I'm Bisexual."
"I'm not 'transsexual.' I'm halfway in between. We're not the same."
"I'm not 'transsexual' either. Now that I've transitioned, I'm just a Woman."
"Unlike those others, I don't know where I stand, genderwise. Call me Questioning instead."
"Unlike those others, I refuse even to recognize the concept of gender!"
"Part of me is masculine, and part feminine, like many others. But my culture is not theirs, and in my culture we call the same thing by a different name: "Two-Spirit."
And so on, and so on. Somebody even coined a word we never needed before: "cisgender," to label the people they're not like!
At least that "somebody" knew their Latin! "Cis" is a prefix we seldom see, except in terms like "Cisalpine Gaul." But all this goes to demonstrate that natural human urge to assume an "identity," to distinguish oneself from others who are "different" in some way. Like Jim Croce singing that fine old song "I've Got a Name."
This is all very well, and I don't see anyone criticizing them for that. The only thing that bugs me is that straight male crossdressers seem to be singled out by some people as an exception, challenged or "picked on" simply for asserting their identity and clarifying their nature, the same as everybody else is doing. That doesn't seem fair to me.
We, of the right-handed, AMAB cis- heterosexual contingent of men who absolutely swear that we wear panty hose and g-strings with the sole intention of expressing the diversity of our aesthetic sensitivities, disagree with your comments, Miss Monica.
Hi Karli,
I've been goimng out in public dressed for many years, my style and appearance has improved a lot (I think).
If you really want to meet men, it won't be very difficult to do so.
I've seen pretty ugly crossdressers who manage to have guys with them.
I'm not gay myself and not interested in men, except for interesting conversations.
However, the truth is, there are unbelievable many men out there who like 'transwomen' and corssdressers. It seems rather easy to find men for sex if you want that. It would have been easy for me to meet guys and even to live a 24/7 life as a woman if that would be what I want.
My agenda is to enjoy my time as Doreen out in this world on a regular basis, that's enough for me.
I very much appreciate to chat with women who are accepting.
My suggestion for you is to think about what you really want.
You need to be prepared for a large part of the truth in this CD - men constellation, those men who are highly interested in a CD are usually only interested in sex. I believe, for them, the picture of a CD in mostly a fetish. You might find yourself being objectified.
My new flickr account has pictures to look at:
https://www.flickr.com/people/bmw325it/
This is my opinion. I have never really accepted that if you dress then that makes you attracted to men and I think that it
can be used as an excuse to express your gay or bi feelings that you already have even when not dressed. x
Preach! This is true. Every man I have ever met who is into CDs either sees us as a fetish or is an unfulfilled CD himself. Every single one.
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