Second thoughts maybe, on HRT

[mbmeen12]

You can also microdose, take less than a typical dose prescribed for transitioning, leave your t higher, etc.

I think that is great advice and continue seeking/talking to medical /counseling. Crawl, walk and if when ready, run...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Denise

Your honesty and transparent sharing is something that I think makes you very courageous. It's a good thing to be open to reversing course. It's your life.

Your comments and thoughts scream!!!! out to me that you should be taking a step back. I'm responding directly to your openness..
Use that openness for your own good. Isn't it obvious to you?? Step back and think about your comments and what they mean

Im not sayin you are this or that... Im saying that post mostly about your crossdressing experience and sexuality. Everything you talk about can be true with our without HRT.

I have tons of experience to share and almost universally if you come at your gender dysphoria through the lens of your sexuality and thinking about the future of your sex life, at best it doesnt really mean anything, it will be what it will be... how can you possibly know in advance...i can answer that, you cant... you are pondering the imponderable....i have seen it so many times... your sexual feelings will change or they wont...your libido will change or it wont... it has NOTHING TO DO with being a woman and how you live

and at worst, its literally deadly.. unreasonable expectations, lovers abandoning us, potential lovers being disgusted when they find out or potential lovers just in it to hide their shame and don't remotely think of us as women... it can be a horrible disappointment...
you just need to know that relationships and sexuality challenges many of us but its in the doing. If you are very concerned about it, then I will tell you straight out. Stop HRT right now.

I have seen many MANY successful transwomen have good relationships and enjoyable sex lives...some were completely surprised by how they felt as they transitioned...it is common for transpeople to get together
I have seen even more gender NB or committed crossdressers have a good sex life and a high quality of life by experiencing their feminine parts or their "female side" outside of transition. Some express the idea to me of transition but leave it there
In a way its almost a part of their sexuality. "wanting" is different than "needing"

Try to view it that you are heading to a good place... YOUR place. Its all there for you if you can figure out who you really are...

So many times I've seen black or white thinking cause problems... It's not a zero sum game... you are trying to make your whole life better.... i urge you to look at your strengths, take advantage of your honesty and experiment with different therapy approaches and different approaches to both HRT and what HRT means to you. Do not trap yourself by trying to justify past actions and don't trap yourself by trying to predict the unpredictable...

[DeniseNJ]

Wow I just read some intense comments. Sometimes my mouth gets me in trouble and my transparency about me and how I feel is apparant. I've always been like this I speak my mind but sometimes my mind leads me in the wrong direction. I want to thank everybody who responded to this thread for taking the time and helped open my eyes a little. I just want to feel what it's like to be loved I miss that.

[Nadine Spirit]

There is no guarantee of feeling loved, regardless of transition. Sure you can go with the hope that you will have a better chance if you appear cis, but it is still not a guarantee. As well that just brings up a boat-load of other questions. Would you tell them? When would you tell them? Would you attempt to stop doing anything outside of typical for your assigned at birth gender?

As well, do you just want to feel loved or do you want to be loved? The difference? Feeling loved - the person acts like they love you but they don't really know you, they simply know a version of you that you showed them because you were afraid to show them all of you. Would you feel loved then? Or would you still feel lonely because inside you know that in order to be loved you need to hide parts of yourself?

I dunno the answer to these questions for you. I know the answers for me. And I know that any connections made now, as the real me are so much more rich that I wouldn't trade them at all for any false relationships I may have had in the past.

Also, I knew at the end of Day 1 of HRT that I was NEVER going to go back NO MATTER WHAT. But hey, that's just me.

[mechamoose]

You CAN have it both ways, I know I have for years. I was male who liked being pretty and preferred female clothing... not as a fetish but as daily identity. I integrated it as I am non-binary and have considered myself "both".

However, it would put HRT up there with major things like a hip replacement or vascular surgery.. if you need it, you don't want to do it DIY. You get one shot at doing it right and you would be foolish to try and do it on your own.

You need to have spent time with a therapist so you can have talked through the ramifications of your choices, so you can be sure.

You need an endocrinologist so you can *know* exactly how your body is responding.

I have concerns for my changes, but only that I don't fully know what will happen at the other end of this process. The journey is one I'm ready for, but that doesn't mean that my experience will be all butterflies and rainbows. I'm not becoming a new or even a different person. I'm still me. You will still be you.

and if the answer is right today, it will still be right tomorrow. See some professionals to talk about what you want and expect.

[DeniseNJ]

Well I want to thank all that took time to respond. Yes it's been almost I month since I stopped. Do I still have the urge to cross dress YES Do I still feel I have the brain as a cis woman. Yes we think on the same lines. There is a part of me which feels that I should have continued on HRT Then a part of me that just wants to experience a good life and enjoy just being alive. I will always be a care giver and I enjoy being there for others and being appreciated (WHO Doesn't) How I wish I was brave enough to transition fully BUT right now I need to figure things out in life. Thank you all . Denise will keep all of you in my Heart.

[kimdl93]

Denise, I really think you have made a reasonable choice by deferring HRT. Live your life in any way that permits you to express whatever version of your gender identity you find satisfying.