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Thread: What is the acceptance level of your wife or SO

  1. #26
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Apr 2019
    Hi Crissy,

    The desire to crossdress hit me late in life. While it's always been there, the desire became so strong I needed to do something. I was completely upfront and came out to my wife BEFORE I started dressing. After 20 years of marriage, I didn't want to do anything that would be construed as deception and lies. At the time she seemed accepting and supportive. She just wants me to be happy. I feel in reality she is more tolerant than accepting. My crossdessing is the elephant in the room. We never talk about my dressing. Nor, does she question me about it. She never says anything when my toes are painted or when there are a bunch of panties in the laundry. Although she does remind me when my nails need trimming but never says anything about the clear nail polish I wear. I feel like I walk on eggshells. When she's had enough, she will makes a rude comment or two about what feeling feminine is about .... and sends me running with my tail between my legs. So on a scale of 1 - 10, I would have to rate my wife's acceptance level around a 2.
    - Robin

    Because life is too short not to.

  2. #27
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Pacific North West
    Mine ll all 0's.

    No wife but many ex-gfs.

    I would love even a 2.

  3. #28
    Member Aloha Jayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Austin, TX
    I came out to my wife in 2013. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being very accepting she was a 1. And it went down from there.
    I just couldn't wear my big girl panties today.

  4. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    I warned my GF 7 months before we were engaged. She coped with underdressing for more than a decade, but as circumstances in life afforded me the opportunity to do more, and to discover I really liked it, I eventually overwhelmed her capacity for patience and tolerance.

  5. #30
    New Member
    Join Date
    May 2019

    I didn't put on that 1st pair of panties until I was in my early 40's. They were hers. I put them on and took a pic. Then I texted it to her.

    She went nuts, but in a good way. We were dating at the time and finding our own way in a FLR or WLM. She proposed to me after dating for 2yrs. We pretty much live a fill time gentle FLR now. She leads and I follow. It works great for us.

    The dressing started with just panties and thigh highs. That was about 4yrs ago. I've got quite the wardrobe now and feel blessed to have such a supportive wife and the income to buy clothes, makeup and shoes. She does my makeup and styles my wigs on the rare occasion I'll bother to put one on. She shaves my legs for me. I shave hers. It's waaay easier if someone else shaves your legs for you.

    I wear panties all the time except travel and doctors visits. I'll wear a dress, silicone inserts, bra and shoes once or twice a week. Usually only in the morning or evening. My wife likes to wake up to the sound of my heels clicking on the hardwood floors, so a lot of mornings I'll just throw on a pair of heels to make coffee and breakfast. Then we need to get on with our day so I toss on some shorts and tennis shoes and go to my office while she works in hers. I can't dress all day because we both have zoom meetings and I can't very well run to the kitchen for a snack while she's on a meeting... nor can I manage a project in a dress and eye shadow while on my own zoom meetings. Also we don't want our neighbors to know, so the blinds must be kept closed anytime I'm dressed. We have a lot of house plants and they need light as well, so it's just not practical to dress daily or all day.

    It's just a kink for both of us. We're not too crazy with it. Just for fun mostly. I'm blessed to have such a supportive wife who has no hangups about it.... and actually enjoys it.

    The cool part is how relaxed it is. I don't have to worry that she will catch me. So there is no burning need to dress in secret or budget time while she is out of the house. I guess that's probably a big part of why I don't have a huge urge to dress constantly. I don't have to worry about what she will say or that she will disapprove. I ALWAYS get a pat on the butt when cooking.
    Last edited by FairytaleScorpio; 07-10-2020 at 08:25 PM.

  6. #31
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  7. #32
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    My wife is a 7 or 8, fairly accepting with limits. Most of her limits are mine too, so no big deal

    I remember a couple years ago, I was fully dressed from the neck down, fake boobs, bra, panties, and dress. She saw me and about lost it over a cheap pearl necklace I bought. Fake boobs were fine, but no to a necklace. After we talked she had to admit it was funny.

    It just goes to show, who knows what their trigger points are.

  8. #33
    Member Michelle_G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    My wife is probably a 6 or 7 when it comes to my panties, workout leggings/ capris, tank tops, camis, skinny jeans and bearpaw boots as well as for removing all body hair. More like she doesn't care either way. I was going to test the waters for pierced ears until everything shut down.
    However, anything like bras, dresses, heels, wigs, makeup, that drops it to 0. No real discussion over it, but I know from comments she has made while seeing cross dressers on tv and in public.

  9. #34
    Member Taylor Dame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Upstate NY
    I wear panties each day, and sleep in women's satin pajamas. My SO has been with me when I purchased dresses and skirts. She knows i dress fully, but doesn't want to ever see me that way. I guess she is around a 2 or 3.
    "When you come to a fork in the road, Take it!" - Yogi Berra
    I guess I did!

  10. #35
    Member Tania's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    I told my wife early on in our marriage. She asked the usual questions. Started out as a 4-5 for many years. With raising a family and such, that was okay. As time progressed, and the kids left the nest, my level elevated. She was probably 6 or 7 at this point. I could dress whenever, but no makeup or padding in front of her. I respect that, no problem. About 7 or 8 years ago, I went to a dressing service, with her knowledge and blessing. That really took things up a notch, and the results started to ramp up. I purchased clothes whenever I wanted, and she would do so for me as well if I asked her.

    About a year ago, I asked what the tolerance level would be to padding and a wig, she did not hesitate to give her approval. Last fall, we took a short trip. She is very considerate, and asks from time to time what me needs are. I finally confessed I had always wanted to get made up, and have nice dinner as girlfriends. She did not hesitate to approve! It was an unforgettable evening that has led to many since. She seems to get pleasure from our girl evenings as well. My avatar is from one of those recent evenings. I finally got the guts to put one up. I would rate her acceptance at 8-9 now.

    It has been a long journey to get to this point. They say “go slow”. Well, it has taken 30 plus years to get to this point, and I look forward to the future. She is wonderful to put up with me and my quirks.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    I'd say about a five. She knows and has known for a long time. My clothes are hanging in our walk in closet. She's bought panties and nightgowns for me as presents. She also knows I go out occasionally but I go out more often than she thinks I do (she has told me "lie to me", so I do).

  12. #37
    Member LIKETODRESS2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Butte montana
    10 I told her before we even started datting . SHe stalls some of my stuff sometimes and I do the same

  13. #38
    Member JennasPanties's Avatar
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    Apr 2020
    New York City
    That is both soo cute and hot at the same time. Good for you two!

  14. #39
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    May 2015
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Crissy, I would have posted earlier but my internet was in and out all of yesterday, I was sorry to read what you said, certainly a very big downturn by your wife, I can only hope that in the future this situation can be turned round, it must be very hard for you.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Told my GF/fianc? before we were married...that was 25 years ago. I wouldn’t put a number on it. It was no big deal to her, but I didn’t dress at the time at all. Just told her about the desire. We didn’t understand it, and with kids didn’t do much about it, and I would never push it until a stressful day 10 years into marriage. I expressed my desire. She jumped in and bought me some things. I would put her support at 100%, but it didn’t do anything for her. But she was happy for me if that makes sense. Since it didn’t thrill her or excite her, I didn’t do much for another 7 years or so. At this time she became a lot more enthused and encouraging...I would even say a 10/11 out of 10, and it was even a rush for her...but honestly I think it’s because she just loved me so much because she figured out that I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her. She appreciated this so much and our mutual respect for each other grew. She already saw the benefits of having a husband that had a bit of style and could help her...who had a bit more sympathy perhaps, patience, and this paid off. Totally a 10. I know how blessed I am. I know many/most don’t have this blessing...but I will also add that I was sooooooo careful, and soooooo slow about the whole thing that she was the one to turn it on. Would that work for everyone...probably not. But it did for me, and I think it’s still the best advice I can give.

    I can share on a couple occasions when she was convinced I was setting up a vacation or evening for some girly time, and I made it all about her. I’m done this time and time again. Make your relationship about your spouse w/out expecting something in return and be rewarded....rewarded with more love and respect for her...and from her to well as some other fun :-)
    Last edited by DTelia; 07-11-2020 at 01:14 AM.

  16. #41
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Southeast WI.
    Over the 43 years major and I mean major roller coaster. From a high of 10 to a low of negative 5.
    Right now it's the worse because it chances on that range on a weekly bases. Not sure if it would have been better never to have felt how good it was when she was at a 10 level. I have to ask if I can dress now. (I hope we see a 44 year)
    Last edited by Connie D50; 07-11-2020 at 06:14 AM.

  17. #42
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Southeast US
    My wife would be another zero tolerance spouse; however, over the years of being caught with one thing or another, it seems to have desensitized her slightly. She gets mad but cools off a lot faster than the early years when for example the first time she caught me with pantyhose on. She definitely does not want to see it, talk about it, or know anything about it. It is just taboo to her. I just have to accept that which is why I have to dress in secrecy or not at all.


  18. #43
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    Feb 2020
    Sac Valley
    Most of you talk about a static thing. I find it varies according to her stress levels. Higher stress is lower numbers. So week/month will range from 2 to 7.

  19. #44
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Maryland, USA
    Sir Donna, I do think at least for myself the acceptance level of my wife does fluctuate but unfortunately stays down near the low end. Recently we were at Ulta Beauty together and I told her I was looking for a summer nail polish and she was nice enough to pick one out with me. That certainly bumps her number up but later I asked if she would like me to get her an appointment for a pedicure at my salon she just said no, very curtly. I asked if she was going to get some color on her toes this summer and another no, not right now.
    One thing for sure, change does happen but unfortunately does not move or stay in the right direction very long.

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member jenna116's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    lower right part of US
    My wife is probably a 7 on that scale. We met and married later in life (late 40's for me) and I told her about Jenn while we were dating and several months before I proposed. We both went into the marriage with eyes open and willing to accept the other, warts and all. We've now been married for over 20 years and its wonderful. I'm now retired and we've moved to FL for our golden years.

    As far as my dressing goes, she is willing to help pick out stuff to buy and we sometimes share tops/leggings. But its clear that she still would prefer not to see me dressed. We are normally very touchy/feely, always giving each other a hug/squeeze/kiss. When I'm dressed though, all that stops. I always give her a heads up before getting dressed, and usually stay that way throughout the day. But those occasions are perhaps twice a month. During those days we mostly carry on normally with the exception of the physical closeness. She offers suggestions as to what clothes go with what and probably wishes I was a bit more conservative in my clothing choices. Nonetheless, I've got a closet (and several draws) full of girlly things with her full knowledge.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  21. #46
    Silver Member Kay J's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Southern Wisconsin
    Been married for 48 years i told her about 6years ago. She was very shock when i told her she didn't know what to say. She then ask me why did i have to tell her that i said would you rather walk in on me some day she said good point.She said she dose not to see me or tell her any thing. I said ok but i dress using everything but makeup. Well she now lets me wear panties full time but nothing skimpy. I also can wear legging and girls jeans and shorts. I can dress with her knowing it but don't want to see it she will text me about a half hour before she come home. Can dress before she gets up also. So i would say about a #4 for me!

  22. #47
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    After reading all these responses, I?m beginning to feel that being divorced is probably for the best in my case. I do not live full time as a woman, but I would term myself as non-binary and prefer presenting as female privately and publicly. My ex tried to accept this but could not, and I tried to reject this part of myself, in hopes of reconciliation. That didn?t happen and today, at this late stage in life, I don?t think I would be willing to allow another person place limits on my choice of when and how I present myself. By the same token, I would not seek to force another person to accept my choices.

    I know many women who are supportive of me as transgender, but in all but a couple of cases, these are friends, not intimately involved.

  23. #48
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Hi Crissy,

    Back in 2012 when I came out she had no idea what to think. But it got better and maybe achieved a 2 or 3 with a command to not let her see me. Now, I really don't know because we have only seen each other a few times in the last 2 1/2 years. She lives in Albuquerque where she cares for our oldest daughter who is severely disabled in terms of personality disorders. (Strangely, her younger sister is a therapist. But they never communicate.) I live in Denver. So, I am pretty free to do as I please within limits and I stay in those limits which means not going out to places where I might see people she knows or, rather, they might see me. If is really pretty screwed up as relationships like this often are. She is a very traditional person in many ways, especially with regard to gender variance. I am as open as can be and almost completely non-traditional. I avoid the gender binary like the plague because it is the cause of so much gender discrimination in this world. Women are every bit equal to men. So we chug on. 51st anniversary back in March. Thing is, I still love her very much in spite of her different and rather rigid traditional standards. Where will it lead? Unpredictable. One day at a time. Live your life, but honor the promises.

  24. #49
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Depends what you mean by "acceptance"...My wife has known for years about my crossdressing but she doesn't want to participate or see me or interact with me dressed. That having been said, she acknowledges that it's a 'thing' for me and understands that it is a part of my personality and knows that I'm going to dress sometimes when she's not around. She has no desire for us to be 'girlfriends', but She doesn't get all upset about my dressing,she jokes about it occasionally and doesn't particularly want her/our friends to know about it. So is that "acceptance"?

  25. #50
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Interesting thread this one. I would only guess my wife's level of acceptance. I believe that she would prefer that I did not have this desire. That being said my wife has been wonderful in doing her best to understand and be supportive. I believe that my finally being open and honest with my desire, which for many years I was not, helped her become more supportive. Looking back on my progression of hiding, sneaking and believing she was un aware to getting caught and living for several years with DADT to finally having the "big talk"; I now understand how difficult is was for my wife to be supportive of something she really had no information to be supportive of. Today we have open honest discussions over my dressing. We shop together, do each others nails and share fashion sense (not that we agree on fashion all the time). I find that we now deal with my desire much better and I understand and meet the boundaries we have agreed to. My wife really is wonderful and to finally guess her level of acceptance I would say 8. Final answer. Thanks for listening.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

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