The odds are probably pretty high.

[Ericka_d]

I posted a few month's back. About me finally coming out to my hair dresser, and her reaction to it. Which was good. I just thought she would have had questions, and what not. It didn't even phase her.

At my appointment a few days ago. We talked about how she just kinda took it in stride. I asked if she thought some thing was up, and she said no. I then asked how come you didn't have any questions. She said we don't judge, and I took it as that.

She then proceeded to tell me more about her life. Her 13 year old daughter is a lesbian, and my hairdresser. When younger hung out with drag queens a lot. So she has been around the whole gay and trans community for most of her life. That kinda suprised me a bit, but I knew I couldn't leave her after that. No matter what happens.

I just wonder what are the odds. In this tiny little town. With dozens of hair salons. I choose the one. That has probably the most tolerant views. On the trans and gay community. They can't be that great.

[Helen_Highwater]

It just shows you can't judge a book by its cover.

It could be that we think folks will be more judgemental than they actually turn out to be. That it is a smaller number of the population that are antagonistic towards our community.

Whatever the truth is you've found in someone a sympathetic soul and that's got to be a real positive.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Just out of curiosity, does coming out mean as gay or as a crossdresser? Sometimes, I think being gay is easier to accept for the average heterosexual. Also while were at it, what’s the difference between pan and bi?

Have a happy, frilly wonderful day my loves. We are at our best, whatever it is. Absent appreciation of that, life couldn’t be better,
❤️

[Crissy 107]

Robbin, I think coming out could be used for either a gay person or someone from our community. I think the “average heterosexual” believes we are both so it is like a double hit or a double negative.
Ericka, I think the people that work in the hair and nail salons are more open to us so they tend to take it in stride.

[Natalie5004]

Terms again....

Always a real spigot of views.

To me coming out has to be gay. And I tell you being gay is nothing today.

You can tell someone you cross dress. But is it "Coming out?" More like coming clean.

[Jean 103]

Probably better than you think.

When I came out it was like the biggest non event ever. Everyone was like whatever.

It may speak more about my friends than me. I did become closer to some, others are like whatever.

As far as crossdressing they just accept it with no questions.

Yes lots of people know someone in the alphabet community. As it turns out I have friends, that have children that are transgender.

I think that you will find that there is a lot more acceptance than you think.

When it comes down to it, you'll find that most people are interested in who you are as a person, more than how you are dressed.

I disagree, coming out is coming out. The term "in the closet" refers to someone that is hiding who they are, just like a gay person. I have had many gay people come up to me and tell me how brave I am. Some Gay people are still very much afraid of the general public.

[Jodi]

When I told my long time stylist about me, it was ho hum no big deal. He proceeded to tell me that her son was a practicing drag queen and that she had waxed his back more times than she could count

Jodi

[GretchenM]

I think Crissy is right that most heterosexuals tend to associate cross-dressing and being gay as two aspects of the same thing. And that is because they are locked into the traditional gender concept of sex determines gender and because sex can't really be changed (it's genetic) gender can't either. Cross-dressing therefore becomes attached to sex and if you cross-dress you must prefer having sex as a woman which if you are male means you are gay.

But as Jean found, that thinking is not universal by any means. In California where social issues tend be more liberal people are far more accepting and understanding. In other parts of the country and the world such tolerance simply does not exist in many places. Gay, cross-dresser, whatever. If you do not comply with the traditional norm you are tolerated at best with a very few accepting. The point is, geography matters and in general where population is more scattered a more traditional view is more common. In cities people have seen it all and are thus much more accepting to differences. Even in cities though, different neighborhoods can be different in the degree of acceptance.

[Micki_Finn]

Actually pretty good to be honest. There are a lot of hairdressers that are involved in the LGBTQ community, and even if you do live in a small town, she had to go somewhere to learn her craft.

[Star01]

Good point about location GretchenM. I live inntje upper Midwest and it's still conservative outside the cities in the smaller towns. When I participate in threads about going out and about dressed the difference are even more pronounced. I don't think I can relate very well to LA or NYC in regard to dressing in public and I don't think they can comprehend what it's like to have corn fields a quarter mile down the road and the attitudes people here have about us. Perhaps younger people are able to gain acceptance from their peers in small towns but it's more difficult for older adults. I get together with relatives standing around drinking cold ones in the garage and heard their thoughts first hand because they assume everyone is on board with the crude talk. This is still a very uncomfortable area for anyone who varies from the accepted norm.

[docrobbysherry]

Ericka, did u say your hairdresser is 13 years old? Maybe I misunderstood. But, if it's true, is that legal there?

[kimdl93]

I have lived a long time, so its no surprise that my experiences have brought me into contact with a pretty diverse array of lifestyles and identities. No surprise either that a person working in an esthetic profession would encounter greater diversity than, say, a welder.

[sometimes_miss]

FWIW, Back when I dived into seriously researching this (from the late 1990's to the 2000's) what I found was something quite intersting; each category was almost exactly half the previous one. That was many years ago, but so far, it still seems to hold true, as women in the online dating forums are almost completely uninterested in dating a crossdresser. Anyway, odds last time I checked; only 6% of women feel it's okay for men to crossdress, but don't want to work with, or socialize with us. 3% are okay with socializing and/or work with us, but don't want one of us as a mate or in their family or circle of friends. And only about 1.5% were willing to consider us as a potential mate. But when we went to a therapist who specialized in gender issues, she told us that the female partners & married women who had initially thought that they could handle it, eventually could not, and wound up splitting up or getting divorced. That leaves us with just about 0.75%, or about one in 130 women, and then you have to consider all the other compatibility problems.
While I have been repeatedly asked where I got those statistics, I am sorry, but I didn't do research into it to write up a paper, so I didn't keep a list of references or sources; I just read everything that I could find, and that included spending enormous amounts of time in libraries and book stores, as well as on the usenet forums. I was reading to try to figure out my own life, not treat the world.

[Shelly Preston]

Just a small note on probability

A professor once asked how many people on average does it take to find two people with the same birthday

The answer was surprisingly low at only 23 There is a whole lecture which explains it.

So it does not surprise me at all.

I know a small town which has 6 members of our community inside a three mile circle.

[Genifer Teal]

I went to a new doctor to get my finasteride renewed. I don't remember how it came up but on the second time I saw him he told me about his trans daughter. It's amazing how much is that there even though people don't talk about it everyday.

[Ericka_d]

Sorry for being late. A lot of things have came up, and I've been super busy.

I'll try to clear some stuff up a bit more. The hairdresser's 13 year old daughter. Dosn't work at the salon. I mean she could as its a family business, but I don't believe she can do munch. Other then basic house keeping, and taking care of payments. At least according to law.

As for the hairdresser. She told me she's a third generation salon owner. I'm guessing that is how she got her skills. She was born in to it.

I wasn't surprised the hairdresser told me she hung out with drag queens. When she was younger. I know a lot of woman. That enjoy drag shows, and some are friends with them.

No I didn't come out to her as gay. I came out to her as trans in may. She just never got to see me female side. As I was going to her before work. I still have to present as a man at work.

What did shock me. Was when she asked if I ever did drag. I laughed and told her no, its a lot of work, and I really don't like to be in front of people.