So I managed to talk my wife in letting me purchase panties. I am on cloud 9 I have changed my drawer out completely. So now I am one step closer to letting her know my long buried secret. I really am surprised she has not figured it Out by now. So where to go next what is the next step?
Wendy,
What explanation did you give to buy them , does she realise this could be the tip of an iceberg ? Maybe you should check out the ground rules before jumping in the deep end . Your financial situation is none of my business but if money is tight try not to spend more money than she does on clothes , I promised my wife that right from the start . The spin off was I kept the cost down by buying from charity shops , when she discovered I was shopping in our home town she wasn't too happy .
When you read through these threads, you may determine that it's best not to expect your wife guess what is going on with you. Many who have gone that route, find acceptance is an uphill battle due to past secrets.
If I could offer any suggestions, don't play the guessing game. Talk to her and keep communication open.
Last edited by char GG; 07-28-2020 at 07:58 AM.
I think I?m concerned that you seem to have a destination in mind but haven?t shared that with your wife. That doesn?t seem fair to me. Why does she think you want to wear panties? And is that different to why you DO want to wear panties? My wife is very supportive and she knows we are on a journey together but I know it has sometimes been very tough for her. Can you have an honest conversation with you wife about all this?
No one here could possibly answer that question. Only you know the strength of the relationship between you and your wife.
I might suggest you show an appreciation, and I mean every day going forward, demonstrating how much that gesture meant to you and give her something in return. More attention? Be a better listener? Something like that so as you take the next step, you have built up some equity in the relationship that the clothes won't change you. They allow you to be a better version of you.
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Have a long talk with your wife and be honest with her.Originally Posted by Wendy818
So your wife let you buy panties and replace your male underwear, but she hasn't figured out your deep secret? Does your deep secret have nothing to do with gender identity? Anyway everyone is giving you the best advice of honesty and communication.
My personal advice would be to do your best to let your deepest feelings and insecurities out. You want your wife to know that you are not a pervert but a person dealing with complex emotions in a situation that you can't completely control.
The cat?s out of the bag...no going back. Lots of good advice posted. My sense is she already knows, but might be waiting for you to have the ?talk?. You won?t know until you do it. When I told my wife, I would?ve bet the farm she?d dash to the nearest exit. She didn?t. Later, she admitted she sensed my desire to dress. Keep us posted.
You've taken the first step in a long journey.
If you want her along for the ride I would think you'd have to tell her where you're going or at least show her the map.
Communication.
Just a suggestion, you alone can decide the right path.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Perhaps before you blurt out to your wife something that cannot be taken back you need to explore your ultimate goals. My grandmother use to tell me "A spoken word cannot be taken back." If you don't know who you are and where you're going, how do you expect your wife to understand?
Or maybe you are just a pervert like me and others on this site for whom it is a sexual thing and don't identify or want to be a woman and are without complex emotions and are in control.
I never asked for permission and wear panties all day every day. My wife and I are dadt but she has never called me out on things she finds or my shaving all over and that sort of thing. My issue is that I feel a desperate need to shop online because I don't do well shopping in the woman's section out of fear I will be discovered.
Keep us posted on how it goes and how you frame things in the conversation. Any examples and advice are appreciated.
So you asked your wife if you could wear panties for yourself and you think she DOESNT know what’s going on with you?
I'm not sure if you're addressing this to me or the original post. I do my own laundry and am not overly concerned about being discovered.
Wendy. as everyone suggested. make time to have a chat with her. Explain her your feeling and go slow at first otherwise you'll end up on your own.
communication is the key here.
good luck
Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.
Rayleen
As one wh started on this road not so long back ---I gave ita lot of thought ,first off --A little bit of information at a time, by this i mean starting off talking about it when its mentioned in the news Ect.Then judge the reaction &work out how long before the next step &how big it is. In other words --A bit at a time --nobody likes having a ton of rock dropped on them from a great hight.The Chinese have a saying -- "softy,softy, cachee monkey" The hardest part i found was convincing her that i was NOT Gay-- with c/d being under the big unbrella its not that easy.In my case i was/am involved in "man things" but even then it took a lot of reasurance(or at least it felt like it ) so--if She wants to talk about it just as you are going to sleep --dont tell her to get lost --She just might..........
Do wonder --a drawer full of undies--i hope your wife isnt that slow, more like she is waiting for you to make the first move.....
Liz
Wendy, is she liberal minded on other things? How has she reacted to Ru Paul? To PRIDE parades? To news items about trans people? You should have a pretty good idea of her feelings by her reactions. Then, TALK and tell the truth.
I suspect your panties have given her some idea of what might be going on in your mind. Before you begin to talk with her, please do ask yourself what the long buried secret is, and once you are sure about the answer, then be very patient and honest with your wife.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I totally agree. And once you divulge your secret, give her time to process it. Don't get your expectations too high and be prepared for rejection. Also, take it one day at a time as things could change for better or worse.
Transtronaut
You must first find yourself before you can discover your future-
Wendy, Lots of very good sound advice here so far. The only thing I would like to add is that things constantly change and to be aware of that. What is good today may not be next week or it could be exactly opposite and what was terrible is then ok.
Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.
Crissy
What I did was to introduce my wife to my crossdressing very slowly, over a period of several months, maybe a year or more.
You have the panties, wear them every day until that becomes normal. Then, add something else, perhaps a bra. Again let that become normal. Then one day, start stuffing your bra. You could make a comment about a bra being useless without something in it.
Perhaps a blouse or two might be next.
And so on.
Krisi
Me, I just told my wife, she accepted it and we moved on together. It's sad that it doesn't work like that for everyone. For me the best route is to be open and honest, but that doesn't mean you'll find success and happiness. Telling is always a risk.
Wendy,
There is a lot of good sound advice here already, so I will try to add just a little of what I can to the conversation. It would sincerely be a good idea to have a long talk to your wife about this, but first make sure you understand yourself really well before doing so. Also, be sure you can convey to her what your needs and desires are (write them out ahead of time if that helps), and make sure the both of you can come to an agreement on how to proceed overall. You've gotten this far with it up until this point, and that is a good sign. Next, patience and honest communication are the priority based on what I read so far. Good luck
Seriously, you told your wife you wanted to switch to panties and she didn't have a million questions? You might want to have "the talk" with her and be completely upfront with her. Just remember just because she is accepting today doesn't mean she won't throw it in your face tomorrow. Good Luck! Tread Lightly!
- Robin
Because life is too short not to.
It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.
Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!
I would go womend Jean's, yoga pants. shorts some women's shoes, tshirts before a bra. The Jean's etc you can argue are more comfortable. A bra and heels - not so much about comfort.
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