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Thread: Is it Wrong

  1. #1
    New Member Wendy818's Avatar
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    Is it Wrong

    So I managed to talk my wife in letting me purchase panties. I am on cloud 9 I have changed my drawer out completely. So now I am one step closer to letting her know my long buried secret. I really am surprised she has not figured it Out by now. So where to go next what is the next step?

  2. #2
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    Wendy,
    What explanation did you give to buy them , does she realise this could be the tip of an iceberg ? Maybe you should check out the ground rules before jumping in the deep end . Your financial situation is none of my business but if money is tight try not to spend more money than she does on clothes , I promised my wife that right from the start . The spin off was I kept the cost down by buying from charity shops , when she discovered I was shopping in our home town she wasn't too happy .

  3. #3
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    When you read through these threads, you may determine that it's best not to expect your wife guess what is going on with you. Many who have gone that route, find acceptance is an uphill battle due to past secrets.

    If I could offer any suggestions, don't play the guessing game. Talk to her and keep communication open.
    Last edited by char GG; 07-28-2020 at 07:58 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    No one here could possibly answer that question. Only you know the strength of the relationship between you and your wife.

    I might suggest you show an appreciation, and I mean every day going forward, demonstrating how much that gesture meant to you and give her something in return. More attention? Be a better listener? Something like that so as you take the next step, you have built up some equity in the relationship that the clothes won't change you. They allow you to be a better version of you.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!

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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wendy818 View Post
    So where to go next what is the next step?
    Have a long talk with your wife and be honest with her.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member sarah_hillcrest's Avatar
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    So your wife let you buy panties and replace your male underwear, but she hasn't figured out your deep secret? Does your deep secret have nothing to do with gender identity? Anyway everyone is giving you the best advice of honesty and communication.

    My personal advice would be to do your best to let your deepest feelings and insecurities out. You want your wife to know that you are not a pervert but a person dealing with complex emotions in a situation that you can't completely control.

  7. #7
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    The cat?s out of the bag...no going back. Lots of good advice posted. My sense is she already knows, but might be waiting for you to have the ?talk?. You won?t know until you do it. When I told my wife, I would?ve bet the farm she?d dash to the nearest exit. She didn?t. Later, she admitted she sensed my desire to dress. Keep us posted.

  8. #8
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    You've taken the first step in a long journey.
    If you want her along for the ride I would think you'd have to tell her where you're going or at least show her the map.

    Communication.

    Just a suggestion, you alone can decide the right path.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  9. #9
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    Perhaps before you blurt out to your wife something that cannot be taken back you need to explore your ultimate goals. My grandmother use to tell me "A spoken word cannot be taken back." If you don't know who you are and where you're going, how do you expect your wife to understand?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah_hillcrest View Post
    You want your wife to know that you are not a pervert but a person dealing with complex emotions in a situation that you can't completely control.
    Or maybe you are just a pervert like me and others on this site for whom it is a sexual thing and don't identify or want to be a woman and are without complex emotions and are in control.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    I never asked for permission and wear panties all day every day. My wife and I are dadt but she has never called me out on things she finds or my shaving all over and that sort of thing. My issue is that I feel a desperate need to shop online because I don't do well shopping in the woman's section out of fear I will be discovered.

    Keep us posted on how it goes and how you frame things in the conversation. Any examples and advice are appreciated.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    So you asked your wife if you could wear panties for yourself and you think she DOESNT know what’s going on with you?

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Wendy. as everyone suggested. make time to have a chat with her. Explain her your feeling and go slow at first otherwise you'll end up on your own.

    communication is the key here.

    good luck
    Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.

    Rayleen

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    So you asked your wife if you could wear panties for yourself and you think she DOESNT know what?s going on with you?
    I'm not sure if you're addressing this to me or the original post. I do my own laundry and am not overly concerned about being discovered.

  15. #15
    Member Liz Jones's Avatar
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    As one wh started on this road not so long back ---I gave ita lot of thought ,first off --A little bit of information at a time, by this i mean starting off talking about it when its mentioned in the news Ect.Then judge the reaction &work out how long before the next step &how big it is. In other words --A bit at a time --nobody likes having a ton of rock dropped on them from a great hight.The Chinese have a saying -- "softy,softy, cachee monkey" The hardest part i found was convincing her that i was NOT Gay-- with c/d being under the big unbrella its not that easy.In my case i was/am involved in "man things" but even then it took a lot of reasurance(or at least it felt like it ) so--if She wants to talk about it just as you are going to sleep --dont tell her to get lost --She just might..........
    Do wonder --a drawer full of undies--i hope your wife isnt that slow, more like she is waiting for you to make the first move.....
    Liz

  16. #16
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    Wendy, is she liberal minded on other things? How has she reacted to Ru Paul? To PRIDE parades? To news items about trans people? You should have a pretty good idea of her feelings by her reactions. Then, TALK and tell the truth.

  17. #17
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    I suspect your panties have given her some idea of what might be going on in your mind. Before you begin to talk with her, please do ask yourself what the long buried secret is, and once you are sure about the answer, then be very patient and honest with your wife.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member Fran Moore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I suspect your panties have given her some idea of what might be going on in your mind. Before you begin to talk with her, please do ask yourself what the long buried secret is, and once you are sure about the answer, then be very patient and honest with your wife.
    I totally agree. And once you divulge your secret, give her time to process it. Don't get your expectations too high and be prepared for rejection. Also, take it one day at a time as things could change for better or worse.
    Transtronaut


    You must first find yourself before you can discover your future-

  19. #19
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Wendy, Lots of very good sound advice here so far. The only thing I would like to add is that things constantly change and to be aware of that. What is good today may not be next week or it could be exactly opposite and what was terrible is then ok.
    Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.
    Crissy

  20. #20
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    What I did was to introduce my wife to my crossdressing very slowly, over a period of several months, maybe a year or more.

    You have the panties, wear them every day until that becomes normal. Then, add something else, perhaps a bra. Again let that become normal. Then one day, start stuffing your bra. You could make a comment about a bra being useless without something in it.

    Perhaps a blouse or two might be next.

    And so on.
    Krisi

  21. #21
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    Me, I just told my wife, she accepted it and we moved on together. It's sad that it doesn't work like that for everyone. For me the best route is to be open and honest, but that doesn't mean you'll find success and happiness. Telling is always a risk.

  22. #22
    New Member Jessica2020's Avatar
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    Wendy,

    There is a lot of good sound advice here already, so I will try to add just a little of what I can to the conversation. It would sincerely be a good idea to have a long talk to your wife about this, but first make sure you understand yourself really well before doing so. Also, be sure you can convey to her what your needs and desires are (write them out ahead of time if that helps), and make sure the both of you can come to an agreement on how to proceed overall. You've gotten this far with it up until this point, and that is a good sign. Next, patience and honest communication are the priority based on what I read so far. Good luck

  23. #23
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Seriously, you told your wife you wanted to switch to panties and she didn't have a million questions? You might want to have "the talk" with her and be completely upfront with her. Just remember just because she is accepting today doesn't mean she won't throw it in your face tomorrow. Good Luck! Tread Lightly!
    - Robin


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  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    What I did was to introduce my wife to my crossdressing very slowly, over a period of several months, maybe a year or more.

    You have the panties, wear them every day until that becomes normal. Then, add something else, perhaps a bra. Again let that become normal. Then one day, start stuffing your bra. You could make a comment about a bra being useless without something in it.

    Perhaps a blouse or two might be next.

    And so on.
    I would go womend Jean's, yoga pants. shorts some women's shoes, tshirts before a bra. The Jean's etc you can argue are more comfortable. A bra and heels - not so much about comfort.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie Birmingham View Post
    I would go womend Jean's, yoga pants. shorts some women's shoes, tshirts before a bra. The Jean's etc you can argue are more comfortable. A bra and heels - not so much about comfort.
    If Wendy chooses to go that route of gradual escalation, I certainly agree. I see a bra as the ultimate jump into femininity. More so even than a skirt or dress. There are, after all, "men in dresses" who still don't wear a bra. A dress or skirt is a matter of style, but by and large, men just don't "need" a bra the way women do.

    However, I do agree with those here who think Wendy should be candid with her wife and have "the talk" first. Otherwise on seeing the escalation from panties to women's jeans to blouses or whatever, a wife is bound to worry about where this is all going to end up!

    I'm afraid the process of escalation reminds me of a shoddy story in some tabloid newspaper way back in the "bad old days"of the 1960s or thereabouts. It was told from the viewpoint of a wife whose husband I think was "trans." While people at the time might remember Christine Jorgensen a decade or two earlier, it was still considered a rare phenomenon. With typical cheap sensationalism, the reader was invited to share the wife's shrieking horror as she "saw her husband gradually changing into a woman before her eyes." The incident that stuck in my mind was where the husband brought home two skirts he'd bought, one as a gift for his wife. She asked "why two skirts?" and he replied that the other one was for himself--as if she ought automatically to understand and sympathize. Although the gift was a nice gesture on his part, she promptly went into hysterics. Krisi is lucky if the "gradualist" approach, absent an explanation, worked for her. I suspect it's better avoided with most wives.

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