So I went a long while without crossdressing. I?d previously had about three purges in life. Then I got back into it... I bought a wig and makeup and created Chloe. I went further with it than I had ever before. I went outside twice. The second time to see my therapist. It was a BIG step for me! Then...I lost interest. I stopped. I thought the desire had been satisfied. I was smart about it though and boxed up all my clothes, makeup, and wig. The thought of me in a wig and makeup was very unappealing. A bit revolting really.
Well that only lasted about 2-3 months. But I felt I couldnt go back after all the stuff I told my wife about wanting to be done with it and prioritizing her. So Ive mentioned it a few times in the past few days. That I want to do it again but hate the back and forth and dont want to ?want? to do it. She seems to sympathize with me. But shes also told me she likes it when I?m not dressing.
Last night I told her, I just need to accept that there will be times I want to do it and times I don?t. It?ll just be crossdressing and nothing more and its not going to be life changing. (She worries about me becoming trans or gay). She just smiled and said ok. I can?t tell if it?s reluctant or apathetic acceptance. But she seems ok with it.
Im trying so hard to accept myself one way or another. Moving forward Im going in with the idea I may be super into it for a little bit and want a break here and there and both are ok. Wish me luck and lets hope the next part of Chloe?s journey is healthy for my marriage and me.
