I feel like my crossdressing is an addiction, not so different than smoking or beer. Has anyone else felt that way and tried to treat the addiction? If so, what did you do and what were the results?
I feel like my crossdressing is an addiction, not so different than smoking or beer. Has anyone else felt that way and tried to treat the addiction? If so, what did you do and what were the results?
It’s unfortunate that you see your dressing as an addiction. But if it’s really something that causes a lot of negative in your life, do what you need to do. You might have trouble finding proper counseling and support. I think most therapists wouldn’t look at it as, or treat it as, an addiction. If you do, you may be looking at nasty “conversion therapy” type stuff. You might be able to find help through sex addiction treatment if it has that sort of component to it for you? I would strongly suggest seeing a counselor or therapist. They can help sort out what this actually is for you so you can get appropriate treatment.
I know that this is something you’ve struggled with for a long time and I hope you can find some sort of peace.
For me personally, crossdressing is something I do. Not something I am. I am more or less a miad who doesn't wear dresses . CDING is more of a fetish thing than a desire to transform or pretend to be something I am not.
If cding interfered with my family, work etc, than I would treat it as an addiction and stop it. But for now my wife is supportive so not trying to stop it.
My wife doesn't have to put on makeup, heels, pantyhose, etc to be or feel like a woman. Most CDs here dress up more than most women I know. Nothing wrong with that but it is a choice.
Ya it?s causing a lot of issues with my wife.
? Addiction is a brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences?
The potential loss of my marriage and family...yet I still wish to do it. Love to do it! Yet cant stop even though the negatives out weigh the good.
Sad thing is I?m finally coming to terms with it and accepting it...yet my wife is becoming more and more adverse to it.
As she is becoming more adverse to your CDing, does she know how much it means to you and why?
Yes she does.
Reine and Dutchess,
I totally get the dopamine theory in the formation of habits, but it doesn't answer the question as to why men would find pleasure in wearing certain clothes. (The sexual association falls very short in my personal experience,) And it doesn't explain why ALL men do or don't get that pleasure and want to return to it. And it doesn't explain why certain clothes are off limit to men and not to women (While the reverse is not true for the most part).
I've seen the responses to the 'women's jeans are cut for women and are not men's clothes' but you also have to look at the fact that you're only 100 years past the time when you could be jailed for wearing ANY pants in certain US jurisdictions. We're only fifty years from a time where, even though it was legal, it was socially unacceptable for a woman to wear pants in many settings. If women were denied or discouraged from the choice to wear pants, would you say that dopamine would be the reason for you wanting to wear them?
I think a reasonable theory would be that once a person has seen that a certain option is viable, there is a certain reluctance to yield to pressures that say that that viable option should not be acceptable. There is nothing about a dress that lacks viability as clothing for a man other than social norms and collective tastes. Once he's seen that viability, it is very hard not to chafe at the drama involved in choosing to wear that dress.
Since I am not in the group that wants to be or appear to be a woman. I cannot speak to those motivations, so I'll leave that to others.
Last edited by Bea_; 08-06-2020 at 03:02 PM.
So Bea why do you cross dress if you don't want to appear as a woman. Is it fetish or fascination. Or just a pleasure that you indulge in occasionally Kind of like having a cigar. I am just curious. For me I find pleasure in it. I enjoy sitting down and doing the transformation and then going out to see how I did. Perhaps for me it is a fetish, I am not sure I know what a fetish is. I have no desire to transition and being dressed all the time would take all the fun out of at least for me. I have accepted that part of me but would still like to know the why answer.
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Sherry Thats a very good. A compulsion at the beginning and then it became more of a desire. To use a bad comparison. When I was younger I enjoyed rock climbing immensely even left a few jobs because they interfered with my climbing. Then I realized I needed to make a living and there were other things in life and better ways to achieve the adrenaline rush, now I think CDing helps with that needed adrenaline rush and not near as dangerous. I try to go for a more well rounded life with some of this and some of that.
Last edited by Sallee; 08-20-2020 at 06:38 PM. Reason: Im a genetic male cross dressWould like to see whats going on and add to with my experences as a crossdresser
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
Perhaps it might help if you and your wife were to view your crossdressing as a hobby, rather than an addiction, Chloe.
Hobbies also have the power to ruin romantic relationships - think golf, sailing, model trains etc.
Also, hobbies are expensive!!!!
One good thing about changing your perception of the problem is that you will probably save a lot of money on NOT having to see a therapist.
I can't think of anyone I know who had an obsessive, compulsive hobby such as those listed above, who sought the help of a therapist.
The downside is that I know couples whose marriages all crashed as a result of these hobbies.
Mine, in part, because my ex- failed to understand that the Sunday afternoons I spent on the water were essential in helping me cope with the week-long stress of teaching.
More properly it might be thought of as a compulsion (addiction refers really to the effects of substances whereas the term compulsion is used for mental urges).
I am similar in that my crossdressing is urge driven; fortunately, I do not have the same relationship complications as yourself and because of the way it was treated (unsuccessfully) in my formative years, I have been able to grow into it more organically.
There are no easy decisions here though and if you can?t find some sort of compromise, you may have to make some difficult decisions.
Chloe,Originally Posted by Chloe_S
My gut reaction to reading this was your SO fears the future. It appears to me that she has visions of you going full time, transitioning, of her losing the person she married.
Never say never but if you're certain in your own mind that either of the above isn't on the cards then perhaps your task is to communicate that to her. To reassure her that the relationship isn't in danger and that male you will always be there. The trick will be in creating a balance.
Your initial question did make me stop and think about my own behavior but came to the conclusion that I'm neither addicted or obsessed by dressing. I'm not addicted because I can stop, sometimes events dictate that and I don't have urges to dress at any cost. My life gets adjusted to such time as I can return and upon that return I become the person that i am. Obsessed, again I feel I'm in control. I don't have to have new items all the time, I don't cut out other parts of my life to accommodate extra dressing time.
My first articles of female clothing were worn many years before puberty, long before sex reared it's ugly head and while I did go through the thrill phase that as with many others died away as maturity took over and I got to better understand myself.
As you to come to terms with yourself there will be an element of pink fog, a desire to do more, go further. You will with time come to terms with that and a more stable approach.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
Addiction = something that interferes or disrupts what would be parts of your life that you find valuable.
So at the beginning I felt the compulsion to dress, along with a lack of self acceptance, which led to dishonesty with my partner and myself. That was what could be coined an addiction.
Flipping it on its head, accepting it as a valuable part of who I am (through some therapy and self-forgiveness) means that I can see it as part of me that makes me amazing.
So - at one point, yes. Now - no!
Never. I figured out early on that I was LESS happy when I denied myself, and unlike drugs and alcohol, i was happier, no matter how much i "indulged".
The comparison remains as specious as ever.
Crossdressing is not known to respond to treatments for addiction. Nor is it treatable as OCD. Call it whatever you want, however, if you think it will help somehow, as most are reluctant to accept any suggestion that it is related to any gender identity disorders, as most people appear to be resistant to accepting that they or their mate isn't the gender that they want them to be.
Homophobia runs very deep in many, or perhaps most, cultures, and once gender standards are accepted in a person's mind, it's often impossible to change what is acceptable to them.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Reine and Dutchess,
Another couple of questions come to mind...
I would guess that women get some pleasure and positive feedback from the clothes/style choices that they choose, even if a current style makes choices from the men's side of the aisle (work boots, Converse Basketball shoes, boyfriend shirts/jeans, etc...). Many items that were "men's/boy's" when I was young are either girl's or unisex styles now. Shorts that I could wear freely as a man in the 70's are "women's" shorts now because men have moved to knee length shorts almost universally. One certain daytime TV personality has made it clear that men "should never wear shorts that above their knees". I can only imagine the outcry if a male TV host said anything similar to women.Would your dopamine explanation fit this reality?
Men, in general have not objected to women adapting/adopting these styles but the reverse is not true. Even though you both have been fairly generous to the forum in your diplomacy, your opinion is that, men who would adapt in the direction of women's apparel are subject to addiction, but women who adapt men's styles are just expressing a freedom to choose. The net you cast is very broad and, in my opinion, does not nearly encompass any forgone truth in this particular case. If women faced the rejection and very real prospect of losing relationships, children, etc. over the same choices, would you be as quick to make such an easy and definitive explanation for yourselves?
Last edited by Bea_; 08-06-2020 at 01:58 PM.
Yes, Chloe, sort of. Maybe more like a compulsion? When I found cd.com about 12 years ago, I become obsessed with dressing! When I wasn't doing it, I was thinking about it! It interfered with my work and I couldn't function properly.
So, how did I "cure" this obsession? I decided to give in to it! NOT how u'd treat an addiction! Whenever, I thot of dressing? I did it! Under dressing. In my car or a storage room at work during the day. As soon as I got home from work. Or, in the middle of the nite if thots of it were keeping me awake.
Finally, after 3 months of this? I lost all desire to dress! Of course, it returned 3 months later. But, with the understanding that I can and will dress whenever I need/want to? Thot's of it no longer consume me like before. That was 12 years ago. Since then dressing 2 to 4 times a month seems to satisfy my CD urges!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 08-06-2020 at 12:47 PM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I'd have to agree here. I've experienced this myself almost identically. Although I've only been CDing for about 3 months. The obsession was very powerful at first. Couldn't sleep etc... Although it didn't impact my work, life and I'll never come out of the closet with my SO. I just don't foresee a time when it will consume me enough to want to do it anymore than I do now. Some will disagree with that.Yes, Chloe, sort of. Maybe more like a compulsion? When I found cd.com about 12 years ago, I become obsessed with dressing! When I wasn't doing it, I was thinking about it! It interfered with my work and I couldn't function properly.
So, how did I "cure" this obsession? I decided to give in to it! NOT how u'd treat an addiction! Whenever, I thot of dressing? I did it! Under dressing. In my car or a storage room at work during the day. As soon as I got home from work. Or, in the middle of the nite if thots of it were keeping me awake.
Finally, after 3 months of this? I lost all desire to dress! Of course, it returned 3 months later. But, with the understanding that I can and will dress whenever I need/want to? Thot's of it no longer consume me like before. That was 12 years ago. Since then dressing 2 to 4 times a month seems to satisfy my CD urges!
The addiction part to me would be if you were missing work, maxing out credit cards for shopping and buying copious amounts of CD products. But, if this really is truly a is if who you are, like having a sexual orientation, I would not consider this an addiction. Keep in mind, I'm not sure I qualify to give any advice. I've clearly got my own issues. LoL. Good luck to you!
According to the Therapist I'm seeing right now, my Crossdressing falls in line with the clinical definition of 'Compulsion.' After discussing the subject on more than one occasion, and with me trying with everything I could possibly think of to say it's an addiction, and I just need "treatment to cure myself", I finally came to the realization, with her help, that this is not some sort of disease. Like it or not, this is me. Teal bra and panty (at the moment) and all. Now, all I have to do is accept it.
Since my therapy/counseling sessions are covering a whole bevy of different topics, and some of them being so tightly intertwined with the others, I don't see a resolution to my issues coming any time soon. So, in answer to the original question, I thought it might be an addiction. Unfortunately, that's not to be.
I have never thought of it as an addiction. It is an outward expression of my inner femininity. It is simply who I am. I'm addicted to old cars but my dressing is simply an important part of the whole that has always been me.
I guess at times I did. Like back when I was "just a crossdresser" I would get obsessed with one type of clothing or another. I would binge buy anything and everything that fit my current obsession...
Over time this is the realization I came to. In my mind I know these are the clothes I should be wearing. Since I was not wearing those clothes, I have this need that I am desperately trying to fill with these obsessions...
Being honest with myself, coming out as TG, and beginning my journey to transition is what cured the addiction and the obsessive buying, binging, hiding, shame, and guilt. Don't get me wrong I still love to shop, but now I only buy things that I will actually wear out in public.
Last edited by Robertacd; 08-04-2020 at 09:54 PM.
Chloe,
It can become an addiction or obsession if you can't find a balance , simply because you keep posing the question , " What If !" Your brain could be searching for answers which remain unanswered if you are in a DADT or deeply closeted situation . For some dressing behind closed doors works , for others it unlocks a deeper need , personally I felt I was trapped in solitary confinement , so many questions and no way of finding the right answers . That really is the point to look for outside help with professional couselling because otherwise it can be a downward spiral into a dark place for some .
I appreciate your concerns over the family it's only natural and shows a responsible attitude , BUT you do have needs which remain hidden which will never go away . At some point you do have to consider yourself , I reached the point in my mid forties where I ceased to function , I struggled to keep my business running . Please consider doing something positive before you reach that point because it takes some strength to pull yourself out of it also by then you may have become more of a burden on the family when it should be the other way round .
Last edited by Teresa; 08-05-2020 at 01:15 PM.
I have not.
Krisi
Certainly never seen it as an addiction. Its simply just part of who I am and have no choice in the matter.
I have sadly seen family members die from addiction and can say my crossdressing is nothing like that. X x x
Although an addiction to crossdressing is arguably possible, one must look at the source of the need to crossdress rather than looking at the act itself. It is usually a part of personality and identity. Of course, if dressing has a strong sexual element that can produce an addiction, however it is not an addiction to dressing but an addiction to the endorphins that stimulating the sexual aspect that is the addiction. Dressing is just a means to trigger the addictive activity - to get your fix of sexual excitement.
I can't really suggest what you should do Chloe because I don't know all the circumstances or the nature of the interaction between you and your wife. That is what therapists do and I am not a therapist. But if the interactions between you and your wife are as toxic as they appear to be then, for goodness sake, agree as a couple to go to a therapist, preferably a couples or family therapist, to work out your differences. It can make a huge difference in your life.
When I went to a gender therapist, my wife went to another one so she could understand what was happening with her husband. It helped, but I am still under DADT restrictions 8 years later AND that is OK because now we understand the FEELINGS we each have that form the foundation of not only our love but our more objective aspects in each of our lives. We have now been married 51 years and are quite happy, but we each have boundaries we observe and those boundaries are not imposed but rather negotiated and agreed to. I can still be the partially female-like person that crossdresses and my wife understands gender expression is a need of my IDENTITY and is not some hobby or compulsion or addiction. It is who I am and she respects that, but I also respect her views and desires. It works really well. But both sides must bend a little to create agreeable boundaries between our individual selves and our married selves. As Robert Frost said in a poem, "Good fences make good neighbors." Boundaries are really important in relationships.
Is it possible to get some agreed to boundaries that are acceptable with you and your wife. Would you be content wearing just panties, panties and cami's, stockings,or pantyhose under your trousers? Would having an occasional day to yourself to get dressed help? Teresa talked about balance, can you find a way to get some balance and self controls into your life to give you some of what you desire.
I can't say whether CD'ing is an addiction, compulsion, deep rooted desire, or what, but there are ways to have something, and not have it rule your life. The question is, can you find a happy middle ground!
I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!
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