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Thread: Have you treated your crossdressing as an addction?

  1. #1
    Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    Have you treated your crossdressing as an addction?

    I feel like my crossdressing is an addiction, not so different than smoking or beer. Has anyone else felt that way and tried to treat the addiction? If so, what did you do and what were the results?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    It’s unfortunate that you see your dressing as an addiction. But if it’s really something that causes a lot of negative in your life, do what you need to do. You might have trouble finding proper counseling and support. I think most therapists wouldn’t look at it as, or treat it as, an addiction. If you do, you may be looking at nasty “conversion therapy” type stuff. You might be able to find help through sex addiction treatment if it has that sort of component to it for you? I would strongly suggest seeing a counselor or therapist. They can help sort out what this actually is for you so you can get appropriate treatment.

    I know that this is something you’ve struggled with for a long time and I hope you can find some sort of peace.

  3. #3
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    For me personally, crossdressing is something I do. Not something I am. I am more or less a miad who doesn't wear dresses . CDING is more of a fetish thing than a desire to transform or pretend to be something I am not.

    If cding interfered with my family, work etc, than I would treat it as an addiction and stop it. But for now my wife is supportive so not trying to stop it.

    My wife doesn't have to put on makeup, heels, pantyhose, etc to be or feel like a woman. Most CDs here dress up more than most women I know. Nothing wrong with that but it is a choice.

  4. #4
    Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    Ya it?s causing a lot of issues with my wife.

    ? Addiction is a brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences?


    The potential loss of my marriage and family...yet I still wish to do it. Love to do it! Yet cant stop even though the negatives out weigh the good.

    Sad thing is I?m finally coming to terms with it and accepting it...yet my wife is becoming more and more adverse to it.

  5. #5
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    As she is becoming more adverse to your CDing, does she know how much it means to you and why?

  6. #6
    Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    Yes she does.

  7. #7
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Perhaps it might help if you and your wife were to view your crossdressing as a hobby, rather than an addiction, Chloe.
    Hobbies also have the power to ruin romantic relationships - think golf, sailing, model trains etc.
    Also, hobbies are expensive!!!!

    One good thing about changing your perception of the problem is that you will probably save a lot of money on NOT having to see a therapist.
    I can't think of anyone I know who had an obsessive, compulsive hobby such as those listed above, who sought the help of a therapist.

    The downside is that I know couples whose marriages all crashed as a result of these hobbies.
    Mine, in part, because my ex- failed to understand that the Sunday afternoons I spent on the water were essential in helping me cope with the week-long stress of teaching.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Never. I figured out early on that I was LESS happy when I denied myself, and unlike drugs and alcohol, i was happier, no matter how much i "indulged".
    The comparison remains as specious as ever.

  9. #9
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Crossdressing is not known to respond to treatments for addiction. Nor is it treatable as OCD. Call it whatever you want, however, if you think it will help somehow, as most are reluctant to accept any suggestion that it is related to any gender identity disorders, as most people appear to be resistant to accepting that they or their mate isn't the gender that they want them to be.
    Homophobia runs very deep in many, or perhaps most, cultures, and once gender standards are accepted in a person's mind, it's often impossible to change what is acceptable to them.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  10. #10
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    More properly it might be thought of as a compulsion (addiction refers really to the effects of substances whereas the term compulsion is used for mental urges).

    I am similar in that my crossdressing is urge driven; fortunately, I do not have the same relationship complications as yourself and because of the way it was treated (unsuccessfully) in my formative years, I have been able to grow into it more organically.

    There are no easy decisions here though and if you can?t find some sort of compromise, you may have to make some difficult decisions.

  11. #11
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    I guess at times I did. Like back when I was "just a crossdresser" I would get obsessed with one type of clothing or another. I would binge buy anything and everything that fit my current obsession...

    Over time this is the realization I came to. In my mind I know these are the clothes I should be wearing. Since I was not wearing those clothes, I have this need that I am desperately trying to fill with these obsessions...

    Being honest with myself, coming out as TG, and beginning my journey to transition is what cured the addiction and the obsessive buying, binging, hiding, shame, and guilt. Don't get me wrong I still love to shop, but now I only buy things that I will actually wear out in public.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 08-04-2020 at 09:54 PM.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Chloe,
    It can become an addiction or obsession if you can't find a balance , simply because you keep posing the question , " What If !" Your brain could be searching for answers which remain unanswered if you are in a DADT or deeply closeted situation . For some dressing behind closed doors works , for others it unlocks a deeper need , personally I felt I was trapped in solitary confinement , so many questions and no way of finding the right answers . That really is the point to look for outside help with professional couselling because otherwise it can be a downward spiral into a dark place for some .

    I appreciate your concerns over the family it's only natural and shows a responsible attitude , BUT you do have needs which remain hidden which will never go away . At some point you do have to consider yourself , I reached the point in my mid forties where I ceased to function , I struggled to keep my business running . Please consider doing something positive before you reach that point because it takes some strength to pull yourself out of it also by then you may have become more of a burden on the family when it should be the other way round .
    Last edited by Teresa; 08-05-2020 at 01:15 PM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  13. #13
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I have not.
    Krisi

  14. #14
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    Certainly never seen it as an addiction. Its simply just part of who I am and have no choice in the matter.

    I have sadly seen family members die from addiction and can say my crossdressing is nothing like that. X x x

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Although an addiction to crossdressing is arguably possible, one must look at the source of the need to crossdress rather than looking at the act itself. It is usually a part of personality and identity. Of course, if dressing has a strong sexual element that can produce an addiction, however it is not an addiction to dressing but an addiction to the endorphins that stimulating the sexual aspect that is the addiction. Dressing is just a means to trigger the addictive activity - to get your fix of sexual excitement.

    I can't really suggest what you should do Chloe because I don't know all the circumstances or the nature of the interaction between you and your wife. That is what therapists do and I am not a therapist. But if the interactions between you and your wife are as toxic as they appear to be then, for goodness sake, agree as a couple to go to a therapist, preferably a couples or family therapist, to work out your differences. It can make a huge difference in your life.

    When I went to a gender therapist, my wife went to another one so she could understand what was happening with her husband. It helped, but I am still under DADT restrictions 8 years later AND that is OK because now we understand the FEELINGS we each have that form the foundation of not only our love but our more objective aspects in each of our lives. We have now been married 51 years and are quite happy, but we each have boundaries we observe and those boundaries are not imposed but rather negotiated and agreed to. I can still be the partially female-like person that crossdresses and my wife understands gender expression is a need of my IDENTITY and is not some hobby or compulsion or addiction. It is who I am and she respects that, but I also respect her views and desires. It works really well. But both sides must bend a little to create agreeable boundaries between our individual selves and our married selves. As Robert Frost said in a poem, "Good fences make good neighbors." Boundaries are really important in relationships.

  16. #16
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Is it possible to get some agreed to boundaries that are acceptable with you and your wife. Would you be content wearing just panties, panties and cami's, stockings,or pantyhose under your trousers? Would having an occasional day to yourself to get dressed help? Teresa talked about balance, can you find a way to get some balance and self controls into your life to give you some of what you desire.
    I can't say whether CD'ing is an addiction, compulsion, deep rooted desire, or what, but there are ways to have something, and not have it rule your life. The question is, can you find a happy middle ground!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  17. #17
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Good question. For me, it?s more a compulsive behavior pattern that?s wired in. In theory, one can quit an addiction i.e AA, but I cannot quit. In the early years, I tried, but the stress and anxiety told me this was more than an addiction. I happily threw in the towel long ago. Yes, I am fortunate to have a very supportive wife. Her support didn?t happen over night. Many hours were spent talking, listening, reading, etc. To this day, I still don?t understand it, so we accept it and move on. You only go around once.

  18. #18
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I have never treated it as an addiction and never thought of it as such.
    This has never been any different to me than being right handed. I had no choice in either. Yes, I could change and become left handed and I could change and not crossdress, but why would I deny myself and who I am?

    I most certainly understand your situation. My wife at first, and for many years, was not accepting. I stole time from US to explore Me and that was not the thing to do. Eventually I told her that We had a problem that needed resolution. I told her all my feelings and that explained that this is not what I do but part of my being. I can't suppress part of myself and be happy. If we couldn't resolve this together then I would have to do it apart from her. She was willing to learn and explore this for US. If it became too much for her then that would be the end. Fortunately for us she came to understand this part of me and fully accept it. Since that point we are happier and closer than we ever were.
    It was a chance I needed to take to be happy.

    Maybe that's a step you aren't willing to take. You alone can decide what you must do for your happiness.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  19. #19
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    This is a question I felt I had to answer a few years ago.

    I found that NO, it is not just something I do, it is something I am.

    It is why I came out and live as I do.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    I don't think of it as a addiction but as a lovely past time. I'm happy to do.
    Angie

  21. #21
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    Quite a few years ago when I first came out to my wife it didnt go well. We were have some other problems in out relationship and loved each other and started counseling together and on an individual based. The counseling is still ongoing but more like once a month thing. The sessions we had "didnt cure me", they didnt get my wife to say " Sidney, go put on a nice outfit and go out tonight". What our counselors did do is help me accept who I am and get rid of the guilt I was feeling. What counseling did for my wife was help her to understand me and my feelings and what I am is what I'm going to be. And she also understands that I am the same person she married 30 years ago. It didnt make her fall in love with my dressing but it made her understand me and she now sees the positive effects in has on me and our relationship. Right now my wife and I are having coffee on our patio. I am wearing panties, bra, camisole, light pink t with a floral pattern, very tight fitting Jean's and black flats with no socks. I also wear no makeup or wig. We live in a very nice upscale apartment community. Our patio in facing a large grass and wooded area. Several neighbors have walked by and stopped to chat. Our patio is seperated from walkway by a three foot high hedge. Our neighbors dont mind the way I'm dresses nor does my wife. So in my opinion counseling does work IF both parties love each other. I and my wife are happy.

  22. #22
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    There are times the pink fog is so intense that, yes, I regard it as an addiction.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    It can feel like an addiction, but I have to side with sometimes_miss and other posters saying it can be fixed like an addiction. To kick it you are trading off your happiness for the contentment of others. I wish you the best.

  24. #24
    A Woman Inside KarenSusan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloe_S View Post
    I feel like my crossdressing is an addiction, not so different than smoking or beer. Has anyone else felt that way and tried to treat the addiction? If so, what did you do and what were the results?
    Absolutely I feel it's an addiction, Chloe. Trouble is I haven't told anyone about it because I am too ashamed this affliction.


    Karen Sue

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    No I don't see it as an addiction. I see it as a broadening of my life and I am totally comfortable in dresses or skirts.

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