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Thread: Going to See a Therapist

  1. #1
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    Going to See a Therapist

    Many weeks back I talked about the desire to transition. Many of you suggested seeing a therapist. I talked it over with my significant other, who is now my wife, and she said to go for it. I scheduled an appointment with the therapist.

    Some people said that unless I am feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I am in the wrong body that transitioning is not for me. I don't know. I think about wanting to live as a woman all the time. It dominates my thoughts. It seems to me that I would be so much more comfortable with that life than what I am experiencing now. But I am a very objective person. I will listen to the therapist and follow what she has to say.

    Thankfully, my wife is very supportive and has gone out of her way to let me live in a way that suits me. I hope that I am treating her the same way. Thank you all for your support and advice. I hope that I can eventually figure myself out and bring some peace to my soul.

    Southerngirl

  2. #2
    Member Becoming Brianna's Avatar
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    You are making the correct first step and definitely going about this process the right way. I wish you the best! Remember, any decision you make is great as long as it is the right one for you. Sometimes it takes awhile to sort everything out and find what is really true and right for you. I've been in therapy for over a year and it has helped me tremendously. I have grown more and more into my identity and learned a lot about myself. Take this process as a time to learn and grow whatever direction you decide to go and take things at your pace. Eventually, you will find the truth of who you are and what you need to do.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    That's a great new! Happy for you.
    Many stay in the closet suffering without move and still static just suffering.

    I'd been in therapy for around 4 years now, the first year it was a family therapists with some experience on crossdressers, that's what I was.

    Don't expect answers about your identity because is something you must discover, at least that was my case. I was full of questions that weren't answered but the talk helped me to find them and of course reading other's experiences.

    Soon she wasn't enough knowledgeable to keep helping me and I found a gender specialist, transgender as well ftm. I was in HRT and my needs were different.

    He was fundamental on helping me to save my marriage.

    We were for a while meeting every two months but to live as a woman has other challenges and we meet monthly.

    What therapist do is to help you to build strategies to reach goals and of course they have a resistance waterproof shoulder for the tears.

    I wouldn't stop seeing him because he's a friend now and I always leave better than when I got there.

    Good luck in your journey and please keep us posted.

    Devi
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @devi-sm
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  4. #4
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    You've taken an important step, southerngirl. You've acknowledged that there's "something there" that is worth examining; worth examining with the aid of a knowledgeable professional.

    Let go of all the opinions on whether or not you should transition, whether or not you're really trans, etc. Those are questions for which the only correct answers come from yourself. The trick is gaining the objectivity, the perspective required to do so. That's where the professional guidance comes in. I had no idea how much I was missing about myself and my gender identity until many weeks into therapy. I've heard it described as "peeling an onion, layer by layer". That's a most apt description. The details of the "ah-hah" moment for me are not important, but I will share that I could not have gotten there unaided.

    Best of luck to you.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

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  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Southerngirl,
    Please take care , your therapist is not there to make you follow their ideas he/she can only guide you to making your choice , they are then in a position to support your decision . They will not tell what is right or wrong because often there is no right or wrong , the wellbeing of the patient is their priority .

    The constant thought of living life as a woman could be an inbalance with dysphoria , once you walk that road you may find that balance . I'm much happier , occasionally the grass isn't always greener , somedays it's isn't the utopia you dream of or yearn for . To live everyday has to be sustainable but to me the hard work is so worth it .
    The real me ,no going back.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    ...he/she can only guide you to making your choice...
    Hi Teresa,
    Out of respect for NB folks, can you kindly use "they". We do exist and seeing it, especially on this forum, saddens me a lot.
    Thanks,
    Katya (they/them)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    You've taken an important step, southerngirl. You've acknowledged that there's "something there" that is worth examining; worth examining with the aid of a knowledgeable professional.
    Let go of all the opinions on whether or not you should transition, whether or not you're really trans, etc. Those are questions for which the only correct answers come from yourself. The trick is gaining the objectivity, the perspective required to do so. That's where the professional guidance comes in.
    Aunt Kelly - well said. The answers should come from within. I was about to point out to Southerngirl that it is not about following what the "expert" tells you what to do.
    Last edited by Katya@; 08-12-2020 at 03:00 PM. Reason: typo

  7. #7
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katya@ View Post
    Hi Teresa,
    Out of respect for NB folks, can you kindly use "they". We do exist and seeing it, especially on this forum, saddens me a lot.
    Thanks,
    Katya (they/them)
    .
    I have to point out, Katya, that the OP speaks of the therapist as 'she'. Both you and Teresa need to read with a greater care to comprehend what is being written.

    Southerngirl, I must agree with Teresa when she warns you not to expect the therapist to tell you what she thinks you should do. Her role is to lay out your options. The final choice, and the ultimate decision about what path to take will be yours alone.

    I'm glad your wife is on board; she will be part of your decision-making process. Nonetheless, it will be up to you.

    Best wishes, G

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Gale,
    I stand corrected , I did miss the reference to she in the thread .
    The real me ,no going back.

  9. #9
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    Hi Gale,
    I do not argue that OP referred to their therapist as "she" but it is not the point at all. When gender identity of another person is unknown, saying "he/she" is considered a poor choice of words at best, as it reinforces binary view of gender indenty. Out of all places, this should be understood on this site.

  10. #10
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Katya, the last thing I want is for this thread to degenerate into an argument over pronouns. But you spur me to make the following comment:

    My former flatmate works for an organisation in which there is an employee who identifies as non-binary. They informed management that they wished to be addressed by the pronouns they/them. Management agreed and sent out a memorandum informing all other employees of their request and told all personell to comply. My flatmate struggled to get her head around the concept, but eventually managed to do so.

    So, it is up to the non-binary individual to inform others in their community of the way in which they desire to be addressed. It is not up to the other members of that community to simply be expected to guess the use of the desired pronouns. The responsibility rests with the non-binary person, in the first instance.

    We know that you identify as non-binary and we respect you for it. In the same way, I think it not unreasonable to expect you to respect the fact that the OP referred to the therapist as 'she' and to use that pronoun until advised otherwise.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 08-12-2020 at 10:56 PM. Reason: Removed last comment

  11. #11
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    Gale,
    My comment was to Teresa, and not the OP. You didn't have to comment or add your thoughts on this. It is not your thread, and it's not your section of the forum any more than mine. I made a polite comment. End of story.
    Southerngirl - I am sorry that this exchange took place in your thread. None of it is relevant to your thread. I feel everyone is responsible for their choice of words and everyone deserves to be respected on this forum.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Moderator Note

    We are all aware other genders do exist.

    Please remember the the importance of replying to the original poster and the language they chose to use.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    With respect to Southern Girl , my last word on this is she chose to post in the TS section not the NB section . The other point is some NBs are touchy about not being given the he/she gender reference , how many labels do we need to reel out to address someone , none of us use the labels to deliberately insult others on the forum or I hope they don't .
    The real me ,no going back.

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