Great Talk with Wife...a bit of a surprise

[DanielleDubois]

As you may know I am thankful every day I can talk to my wife about anything Danielle related. However, that doesn't mean I don't have trouble myself bringing up Danielle topics. The last 6 or 7 weeks the stress has been building up with wanting to talk to her about a few Danielle things. Well yesterday my birthday boobs present to myself arrived and she asked what had I bought now. That provided the impetus for me to say I'll tell you later but there are some other things I have wanted to discuss but have had trouble starting the conversation.

I told her probably the biggest stressor for me is still the obsessive compulsive nature of the crossdressing. The planning and anticipation of a Danielle dressup day, the disappointment if a planned day has to be cancelled etc. can be stressful even though the day itself relieves stress and is very enjoyable. I thanked her and told her how important and special it was she let me have a couple of Danielle days when she was home and not going out for her day long lapidary club activities. I told her during a Danielle day it is still a bit strange looking in the mirror when I am getting ready and seeing someone with boobs, long fingernails, painted toes, smooth all over, male parts tucked away, and a wig. I'm looking at me but it's not the me I am 99% of the time. I explained I really don't understand the need to shave all over to look and feel as feminine as possible on Danielle days but it was something I was not going to question any more. Although summer is approaching and to make her happy I will let my leg and arm hair grow back. I'm hoping to keep my chest and pubic area shaved as no one else ever sees those areas. BTW, my wife is not comfortable seeing Danielle as she says it bothers her because I look so much different and behave different which I guess I should actually take as a bit of a backhanded compliment.

I talked about my online shopping and how I used to put items in and out of a shopping cart several times before purchasing them but now I was more comfortable simply buying the items right away. I do have an agreed upon yearly budget which she noted I have already used up. She asked what am I going to do for the rest of the year and I answered I did an inventory and it is official I have more dresses than mens shirts, pants etc. so I think I am good for awhile.

And finally I told her more details about some of you here who I email privately. She was aware I shared photos with some other crossdressers but I had never told her that a much bigger part of our group was how it functioned as a support group where we could talk about our crossdressing issues, the support or lack of support from our spouses, and simply talk about our everyday lives and experiences. She had some questions about where they lived and what they did and it was great not to have to keep all of them a secret from her.

After all of this discussion, this angel of mine turns to me and says " So what was all the important stuff you wanted to talk about?"
I was flabbergasted and said " Well, everything we were just talking about".
She replied " That's it? I thought you had some serious or shocking thing to tell me".

And now you know why I love this woman so much.

BTW, we did laugh a bit about my birthday boobs present to myself. Two sets of breast forms, a smaller pair and a larger pair to accommodate different style dresses. She did find it amusing I could choose how big I wanted Danielle's boobs to be.

[Teresa]

Danielle,
So glad it went OK with your wife . I'm sure you know the score possibly let the dust settle and leave her to think the situation over .

Have you considered finding a social group , it may even out the stress a little and give you a chance to chat to others in reality , I have a feeling neither of you will regret it . Who knows your wife may even ask to join you , in my group we estimate that 25% of wives /partners accompany them . Some make it a long weekend as there's usually a deal going with the hotel we meet in .

[jacques]

hello Danielle.
my "coming out" is so similar to yours. My wife said "Is that all? I thought you we going to tell me something important. It's only clothes!". We are so lucky!
But in there does lurk a problem for the obsessive compulsive crossdresser. It IS a big thing for us. Thank heavens we have this forum as an outlet as well as our accepting partners.
stay healthy,
luv J

[Kay J]

Danielle what a nice relationship you have with your wife my wife would never talk about that kind of stuff with me. That is why this place is so great to me! Thanks for sharing with us!

[DanielleDubois]

Danielle,
So glad it went OK with your wife . I'm sure you know the score possibly let the dust settle and leave her to think the situation over .

Have you considered finding a social group , it may even out the stress a little and give you a chance to chat to others in reality , I have a feeling neither of you will regret it . Who knows your wife may even ask to join you , in my group we estimate that 25% of wives /partners accompany them . Some make it a long weekend as there's usually a deal going with the hotel we meet in .

Thanks for the suggestion, but that is something we have talked about in the past, there is no dust to settle or anything for her to think over. Neither of us has interest in being out in public as Danielle or with Danielle. We have talked openly about my crossdressing for many years and I meant to explain it was a bit of a surprise she has become accepting and supportive enough to consider what I think to be major issues are not really all that serious in the big picture of our total relationship. In fact, she also says she wishes there is more she could be more comfortable with in understanding my Danielle side.

[Teri Ray]

Danielle,
Great to hear that you and your wife are doing well. Your story reminds me ow important it is to always consider your spouse's feeling in regards to this passion. You are very lucky to have such an understanding wife. Best wishes.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Danielle, Thank you for sharing how you and your wife can work things out. I am envious, but still consider myself to be very fortunate just to be in the DADT stage. Where is your next outing going to be, and what size of breast forms are you going to wear? LOL

[Meghan4now]

That a good story. I get it, and it's encouraging to see a wife that can be loving and accommodating even if she doesn't like it. I would be fairly satisfied with this level of acceptance.

[Kandi Robbins]

It's an evolutionary process as you know. Once you break the "news", it has to sink in and only over time does your spouse realize you are the you that you have always been. Peel the onion back one layer at a time and you get to where you are. I love that you referred to your wife as an angel, that has been how I have referred to my wife for years here and on my blog. Great post!!

[Kitty Sue]

Good for your wife and you .Sound positive.

[Stephanie Julianna]

You are very lucky but you already know that.

[Frannie7]

Thanks for writing this, Danielle. Although my wife and I are nowhere near this stage, I find your story comforting and inspiring.

[LingerieLuvr]

I talked about my online shopping and how I used to put items in and out of a shopping cart several times before purchasing them but now I was more comfortable simply buying the items right away. I do have an agreed upon yearly budget which she noted I have already used up. She asked what am I going to do for the rest of the year and I answered I did an inventory and it is official I have more dresses than mens shirts, pants etc. so I think I am good for awhile.

If I may suggest, if there's articles of clothing you perhaps want to get rid of, and to help bring the budget back down, look at sites like Poshmark or LetGo, etc. I've sold dozens of items on Poshmark and had the proceeds transferred to my bank account, or sometimes, I turn around and buy something I had saved for later. Anyway, not promoting any specific site, but just a thought, especially when it's sometimes difficult to find sizes that work for many CDs, especially shoes. I wear a size 12-12.5, and it's not a size you comes across every day, even in new shoes.

[Crissy 107]

Danielle, I loved your post and the acceptance you have is something I can only wish for, lucky you!

[SidneytheScorpio]

Wow. What a wonderfully inspiring post! Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

[rian]

A little support from our wives is a blessing because it give us courage to expose the feminine part of ourselves , even though reluctancy is the name of the game from our wives yet accepting us as ladies is a big step to finalize our integration to full women at the end ,,,I think your wife like mine are scared to fully support due to non understanding the final turn over might be .....but let us move up the ladder step by step

[River GG]

Danielle I loved your post. This one, like so many other ones, really helps me to understand and feel more comfortable with what's happening in my house. If you've read my posts/replies to other threads you'll know that I'm very new hear and I first logged in at a point in our relationship where the feminine side of my DH was bursting at the seams and I was struggling to take the next step. And in just a few days it's shocking how many steps we have taken. Just being able to see the possibilities, read from his/her point of view and the wives too... It's hard to explain exactly how this community has helped.

I want to be like your wife. The shift in my head very recently has been from feeling like I *had* to be like your wife to feeling like that is honestly a personal goal and I *want* to be. As Rian said - let us move up the ladder step by step. Your appreciation for your wife warms my heart.

[Star01]

Speaking as someone who can't dress in front of my wife, can't talk with her about it and can't shop online I would say you have a great situation there. Everything I do in regard to my dressing has to be stealth and in secret with not much discrete storage space.

Give your wife a big hug and tell her that we all love her for the way she treats you.

[DanielleDubois]

I truly appreciate all the such positive comments about my post. To say I am grateful every day for my wife’s acceptance is a huge understatement as I know how difficult it has be for her to support my Danielle side.

I can also empathize with other members here whose spouses are not as accepting as in 45 years of marriage I have experienced the whole gamut of support. First, Danielle was a total secret, everything hidden, stuff delivered to a P.O. Box etc. Of course one day some Danielle stuff was discovered and after a short discussion it became a strong DADT for many years. Then one day after she returned from a business trip I confessed I had shaved all over since I knew she would notice eventually. Surprisingly she asked if I had any photos to show her. And can you believe it I’m a crossdresser who has photos so I was able to oblige. After that things were more relaxed for several years and I could have a dress up day even when she was home. I could present as Danielle in front of her and model new outfits. However, one day, in a pink fog ( I have related this story before) I made the huge mistake of revealing under a dressing gown a naked Danielle with glued on breastforms and what I considered a very realistic looking tuck. Well that was a step too far for her to see her husband standing in front of her looking to have a female body. I became quite depressed and even told her I would throw out all my Danielle stuff since it upset her so much. Over several months and several serious conversations we came to the conclusion it was not a realistic solution and Danielle was always going to be part of me.

Since then it has been easier for us to talk about Danielle related topics, from serious to frivolous. Danielle stuff is delivered to our house, no more secret purchases, and Danielle's stuff is half of my side of the closet although it is in garment bags and storage bins to prevent friends and family from accidentally seeing it. My wife decided a couple of years ago she finds it too uncomfortable to see Danielle, fully or partly dressed, in person or photos but I can happily live with that compromise.

Thanks again for listening to my ramblings,
Danielle