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Thread: Caught....it finally happened.

  1. #26
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    In previous posts you have indicated you're in a DADT marriage with a disapproving wife. If she does know of your cross dressing you may want to let your wife know what happened. It would prepare her if your daughter did see you and will talk to her mother. You may get some fallout, but less than if your wife find outs without any warning from you. Twenty minutes away is hardly any distance to retrieve something that had been forgotten. And, you can be fairly sure your wife knows that your using these absences to indulge Molly. As a matter of security we always have the outer storm door locked so anybody calling cannot just walk in with an extra key which both of our kids have for emergencies. Forces someone to rap on the door or use the bell.

  2. #27
    Member Dana3's Avatar
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    It's been my experience, excluding crossdressing that on any occasion I, myself believe I'm fooling someone? The only person I'm fooling is myself.

    Another thing I've learned is that when it comes to GG? 99.99%? When they ask you something? They ALREADY KNOW the answer, and they're only testing you to see how it is they respond and answer.

    The old Russian proverb of ,...........

    "I rather be slapped with the truth, than kissed with a lie!" In my personal opinion very much applies when dealing with people in general, but specifically when it comes to dealing with GG's?

    GG's are VERY intuitive, and tend to be more in tune with their emotions, feelings than GM's.

    Were it me? I would let it ride, let it slide up until to the point where the wife and / or daughter brings it up.

    At that point? UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES lie or be deceptive about it! Own it! Admitt to it, and don't be ashamed of it.

    Don't attempt to explain it away, make apologies for it.

    Just own up to it. Most importantly?

    To thy own self true!

  3. #28
    Junior Member Jacke's Avatar
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    Quote from Gretchen - Don't let them assume it is an affair or something like that. Time to come out, whether she knows or not. Some women tend to ruminate on undesirable things a lot and consider all the possibilities. Others are very direct. We all do that to some extent. She could also assume you are gay.

    This reminded me of something I saw a few years ago. You are right the imagination can run wild when only given limited information.

    His and her diary from the same day...

    Her Diary:

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    His Diary:

    Motorcycle won?t start?can't figure out why.

  4. #29
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Remember...the calm before the storm. Don?t assume her silence is acceptance...never. I totally believe and respect women?s intuition and ESP. I?d bet she knew something was up. I believe the happened for a reason. The cats out. How?s the time and opportunity to lay your cards on the table...ASAP! Continued secrecy will not work...in fact, it might cause an irreparable relationship...as you?ve read in other replies. I wish you the best.

  5. #30
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    With everyone saying that she probably knew already. Maybe your wife sent your daughter home "to see if dad was "OK".

    What is so important that your daughter would come home for that she couldn't pick up in the local drug store?
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 08-26-2020 at 02:59 AM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  6. #31
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Jacke: His Diary:
    Motorcycle won?t start?can't figure out why.
    That was awesome! That schenario is soooo typical. Of course, it can be written, and true, from the view of either person in the relationship, but it happens all the time.
    We humans are so stupid! We create so many messes for ourselves.

  7. #32
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    Suzie,
    Don't be so cynical isn't what humans do best ? Ask the simple question why do I want to wear a dress ? Simple answer because it's going to create a mess !!

  8. #33
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    I have to agree with others, Most young women do not miss things like makeup and clothes etc.

    Its probably time to have "the chat" with your daughter as well as your wife. By your previous "almost caught" posts, why delay the inevitable ? It sounds like you have a loving family and while it may lead to awkward discussions, what do you have to loose ?
    Kelly DeWinter
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  9. #34
    Member Molly Wells's Avatar
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    A quick update...

    My daughter (she is 37) and I had a short conversation on Monday (following Sunday discovery).
    She came home between work assignments and we had just a few minutes alone. She was acting as though there were no concerns so I brought it up. I told her we probably need to have a conversation and she agreed. She immediately stated that she was totally shocked but also thought about it after she left and felt that what I do in my personal/private life is not her concern. She laughed a little saying that she can't unsee what she saw, never expecting to see her dad looking like a woman.
    She assured me that she had not said anything to her mom or anyone else. I told her that this has been a part of me since I was a child and that her mother wanted no part of it and was not accepting of it. I asked her if she would be able to maintain it as a private matter and keep it between the two of us. She assured me that it was between us and would go no further.
    We were short on time to have a long conversation but will talk further later on. She said, "I want you to know that nothing has changed between us, you are my Dad and will always be my dad. I think nothing less of you and love you!"
    I found it interesting that yesterday afternoon when she got off of work she called me to let me know that she was on her way to the beach house to help them load up and leave. They were coming home early due to the storm in the gulf. She didn't say why she decided to call but I feel like it was a least partly so I would be ready.
    She and I have always been close and I trust her to honor her word. As far as my wife, I am sure a day will come when we can have a conversation but it is not today.

    Thanks to the group for the encouragement and support.

    Molly

  10. #35
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    Happy to hear it seems to have worked out well with your daughter. I suspect your daughter called to give you a heads up so you're not caught off guard again. She'll probably do that more often now. My wife, a non-driver, always called when she was out to let me know which bus she was on. Rarely would I be doing anything femme when she called, but I always assumed it was that "heads Up call." Of course I always drove to the bus stop to pick her up. The call was a benefit for both of us.

  11. #36
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    That seems to turn out well. It seems everyone was correct in saying she would have noticed. Great of her to give you a heads up when they were on the way home.

    Early on my wife tolerated my dressing, but didn't want to see it. I asked her to give me a call before she came home and she would. She finally figured the whole thing was silly and I dress around her now, heck we even dress together for "ladies nights" at home.

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    We have a family lake home that my wife or I sometimes spend a couple days and nights at. It's only a 45 minute drive and I am always careful to not dress until I'm sure the coast is clear for the night. Often times that involves waiting until 8 or 9 pm and I do my best to never leave any evidence. One day about a month ago she left for the lake and I was so desperate after months with not much freedom that I started going around gathering things up and preparing to do my thing earlier than usual. I had not gotten cleaned up and shaved or anything and didn't have anything laying out in plain view but I was working in that direction. Suddenly she walks in out of the blue and says "don't you ever check your phone?" Guilty as charged, I have always been kind of a loner without any friends that I just hang with like younger people do and since I retired I rarely get any calls so a lot of days I'll leave it on the charger. She had given her key to one of the adult kids when their families had stayed there and forgot to check to see if she had a key so she came home for mine. I try to always wait until later when I know she isn't going to drive home in the dark but I was anxious to get started that day and had a brush with getting busted.

    I don't know what your situation is but if you're like me and getting caught isn't worth the risk I'd wait until later in the day and not sleep dressed. Makeup would raise heck with trying to keep pillow cases clean anyways and it can cause skin problems so I remove mine before turning in.

  13. #38
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Molly, Good to hear your daughter is ok with everything and will keep it quiet. Since you are in a DADT marriage, like myself, at least it would not have been as big of a deal if your wife did find out. Still better the way things worked out.
    Crissy

  14. #39
    Junior Member Just Dana's Avatar
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    Molly,

    I'm so glad to hear everything worked out okay. It sounds like your daughter is a gem. Kudos to you and your wife's parenting!

    Dana

  15. #40
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    I’m glad you addressed this with your daughter. As a 37 year old, she displayed the hoped for maturity and admirable open-mindedness. Her subsequent call was an indication that she appreciates the nuances of your relationship with your wife too.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  16. #41
    Exploring the Rabbit Hole TillyCambiare's Avatar
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    Good to hear everything worked out for you. Well done for for bringing it up.
    Not so much a bullet dodge as a bullet catch.

    Tilly

  17. #42
    Senior Member michelleddg's Avatar
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    Hey Molly, all good. Did not realize previously you were out to your wife, so she knows it's a thing. Realize her imagination might be running rampant and think you're into all sorts of things that have never crossed your mind. She lives in fear of the day you'll be announcing your sex change. Please consider discussing with your daughter how to broach the topic with your wife. Strength and best of luck!

    Hugs, Michelle

  18. #43
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Sorry, but reading your thread I had to laugh because your reaction probably totally made things worse. Throwing a blanket over yourself and saying you weren’t decent probably took things from “my dad dresses as a woman” to “my dad dresses as a woman and really enjoys himself”

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Nice kid, you must at least have done something right.

  20. #45
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Honestly? Several had given you the reality sooner you will know it because you keep in the pink fog.

    Men think their wife is idiot and her daughters the same, it's not.

    I don't know why so many guys are so scaried of telling wufe they are crossdressers. Are you seeing other crossdressers and having sex with them? You don't say it somi assumed you don't. Are you bisexual? You don't say so i assumed that you dont.

    I was all that and had the guts to tell my "reality" my truth to my wife because I love her and couldn't keep liying her.

    Long story short, she still loving me, in the process I discovered I'm trans no bisexual and now I'm full time living as I meant to be, keep happily married, living together, no more lies to anybody, included my three sons and their wives and my grandson.

    Just today I received confirmation from the court for the submission on changing name and gender marker in process.

    Most of the time our fears are just our imagination a d we are surrounded for people that loves us and if they don't love us why to keep lying them?

    Life is just one and everybody deserves to li e as real is possible.

    Good luck but I recommend you to go and tell the truth to your wife, you will be surprised for her answes but if you don't tell her and she finds it by herself, start looking for a good attorney and a place to live....
    Instagram @devisanm, Facebook Devi San Martin
    HRT 04302018 Full time 03/2019
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    Legal name and gender marker changed 10/26/2020

  21. #46
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    Among the great errors any of us can make is to extrapolate or project our personal experience onto the lives of others. Its tempting, of course, to think that our experiences with wives, family, neighbors or employers might be representative of what others may experience. I tell my wife and I get outcome A. You tell your wife and get outcome B...and if a 1000 of us tell our wives, we get a wide range of outcomes, none of which individually predicts the next outcome.

    Statistically speaking, the confidence interval for an N of 1 is extremely low, meaning that my personal experience cannot reliably predict your personal experience.

    I wish it did. I?d love to have that predictive power and wield it to help other people achieve better outcomes.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  22. #47
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    Molly, I'm very happy to hear things went well with your daughter. It's an interesting point that by and large the impression I have is that most people's daughters, and sons as well, seem to be tolerant of Dad's crossdressing. It's mainly some wives that have a problem with it. That of course might be because an older generation has more hangups about it. Or it might be because the special relationship between husband and wife, and the expectations that go along with it, make it harder for some wives to accept. Either way, children can be a blessing.

  23. #48
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Molly I am glad to hear that you and your daughter are finding a way to work through this. Best wishes for your relationship with your daughter to continue be a happy one.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  24. #49
    Silver Member Kay J's Avatar
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    Molly i hope you gave your daughter a big hug and never forget what she did for you! Now its time to come out to your wife now not later!

  25. #50
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Well, you didn't dodge the bullet, but it didn't kill you either. Might have been quite a different story if your wife had come home instead of your daughter.

    I hope this brings you and your daughter closer.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

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