I?ve been lurking around crossdressers.com for a while now and have been a more active participant in recent months and one issue which keeps coming up is that of secrecy. I kept my crossdressing secret for many years because I was deeply ashamed of it. I was brought up as, and remain, a practicing Christian and thought it was sinful. Dressing was a highly sexual thing I was on a cycle where tensions would build up. I would secretly dress in a skirt, get relief, and immediately be filled with shame and thought I would never do it again. I didn?t tell my wife because when I got married I thought that would ?cure? me . Obviously that didn?t happen.
My wife knew something was wrong and eventually we talked about it. She was shocked but she loved me and knew I loved her. We watched the film ?Just like a woman? and that helped her and me understand what was going on in me. That was (I suppose) about 25 years ago, since then we have continued to grow together. Crossdressing is, to her, just part of who I am and she not only accepts it but supports me and helps me just as she does in every aspect of life and I do with her. Often, when I?m stressed she will suggest I go and ?put on something more comfortable? (her code for dressing). I?ve also become aware of a lot of theology around being trans and accepted this is part of me, not something to repent of but something to be embraced.
I think what I?m saying is that secrecy stultifies things. That going through the pain and risk of sharing with the most important person in your life helps you to grow and sets you free. That, at least, is my experience. Only you can know if it is the right thing to do in your circumstances but for me it was.