Telling my wife?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brandi, Sounds like you are between a Rock and a Hard place, Please keep us advised. >Orchid .oOOo.

[Jessicajane]

Brandi,
There is a reality that you need to understand, the biggest issue we all face when in your stage or position is that our partners tend to be more hurt by the secrecy the deception the lack of being honest.....neither i or any one else can advise you what to do as we don.t know the people or characters involved but I can at least comment on general experience I have had and have seen.
honesty is always the fairest policy but doesn't guarantee a happy ending
don't think that your feelings will go away and the chances that a limited dress up agreement will work is remote... once you open the door it is incredibly hard to go back
you need to take stock of life and get a perspective....I totally understand your feelings but it can destroy a person if they don't gain control...i am speaking from very real experience here...and i recognize so much of what you have written ...
things can work out don't get me wrong but just accept the odds are not in your favor so think very very carefully about what you want and what you actually need in your life..
I wish you all the best x

[Stephanie47]

Generally, I am not into psychoanalyzing situations BUT I can really understand your wife when it comes to feeling neglected. Women are NOT stupid. If you're going to ignore your wife, intentionally or unintentionally, the outcome is the same. Why doesn't he put his hands all over me? Why is not he not intimate anymore? Perhaps some of your issues is anticipation of total rejection by her. You said she and her family are 110% anti trans. You tell her you're a cross dresser or more, then what is the outcome? All hell breaks lose? She has to make a choice between you or her family. Is she a total bigot? Rejects you? Perhaps, subconsciously, you're setting up a divorce situation she may initiate?

I suppose it is easy to hide all your femme purchases. But, the "manscaping," how are you explaining that? Maybe, it is time to lay it all out. Get it over with. Then you and your wife can have it out with the usual "deceit, why did you not tell me, the typical coming out rants and raves. Or, if she wants to choose her bigotry over you, then get it over with. Both of you will get over it. Want to live with a person who hates your guts? For the rest of your life?

[Brandi Christine]

I did tell her Saturday morning, it was a roller coaster, some crying on both sides, some hugs. Things went from good to bad to good so far, she has concerns that I will want to move further and further into being a woman, which is understandable, and does not want anything to do with my female side, also understandable. Not sure where my thoughts are, I love her and if doing this on work trips is my life then it will have to do...

I'm just glad it is now in the open between us and we'll see where it goes...

[Miel GG]

Bravo ! Keep talking together and answering to all the questions she will ask honestly. She will struggle with the secrecy and with the CDing, so be kind and patient. Since the Talk 10 months ago, my hubby and I never stopped talking, we are trying to find a good compromise.

It was helpful for myself to join the FAB, maybe it could be useful for your wife too ?

Best wishes to you both

[Cassiek]

Now that you have had the talk keep being honest with her. Show her you are still the man that she cares about and hopefully loves. Try to balance your needs with hers. Hopefully it all works out for you guys. Don?t push it on her and maybe she will find that having a man that can provide for her and protect her can share softer and sweet times as well.