Hi all,
I recently thought about crossdressing and the emotional reason behind it and I have a theory. It's maybe offending to some of you but It's just my opinion and I would love to start a conversation about it.
Little background. I started cd-ing in my late 20s as part of a stress relieving mechanism in the hardest couple of years of my life. My cd-ing was about get in touche with my feminine side in a life situation where I had to be a responsible father and husband (too responsible i guess). I don't have gender dysphoria and I don't want to transition (not that I know of anyway), so I can't speak on TG persons behalf but maybe what I'm about to say is reflecting their situation on some level too. I don't know...
So right now my dark period is pretty much behind me, I'm a happy person but my cd-ing stuck with me. It became a hobby kind of thing because I thaught I needed it to get in touch with my feminine side once in a while. But what does feimine side mean? And what does get in touch mean?
When I dress I still feel calm and balanced and I thaught it was because I became whole. But what if the stress relieving effect is just about getting rid of the stress which comes from not cd-ing (a self-resolving problem). So because the main reason which triggered the cding in the first place is gone, the cding stuck as a habbit (or addiction?) and by not doing it, I get stressed which is relieved by cding...Maybe if I would stop CDing, the problem would go away? Of course not, it's not that simple...
The reason it's not that simple is because CDing doesn't come out of nowhere. There is a bigger women in me than in an avarage man, which didn't revealed itself because it was nurtured enough and because of the social labels it never accured to me to be any less of a man, but the dark period triggered this extreme counter effect (I had to be too much of a man so once in a while I had to be a woman). So even though my dark period is over, the feminin side revieled itself for good, teherefore the CDing became a "feminine side nurturing mechanism". But I can't help the feeling that it's just a symbole of feminine. It's not real, it's just a social concept (see kilt for example).
So my theory is that at the end of the day if I CD, I just pretend to get in touch with my feminine side, because my feminity is not about dressing, it's about how I live my every day life as a human being. I have a strong feeling that if I could find out what really is missing form my life what is about my feminine side, my CDing urge would vanish. For example if I came to the realization that I want to be more at home with my child, or cuddle more with my wife, or have a job less stressful...etc.
So to sum up. I think the CDing is only the pill we take to cure our headache while the real cause of the headache is still there. We simply don't live the life we want to, something is missing, we don't know what it is, and this is the way we balance it out...
I know it's a contradicting thaught which doesn't come up in this forum (at least not that I've noticed), so I would love to here your thoughts about it.
Tomi