Got outed today and confirmed a suspicion about a relative

[Chloe_S]

My wife and I have been talking about my cd'ing lately. We came to an understanding that it's just something that I am going to do and I won't dress around her. I will still keep her informed of what I'm doing only to avoid and hiding and secrecy. We both seem to come a happy situational agreement with this whole thing. She was going to her mother's today and wanted to tell her I wasn't too keen on that idea. Also my wife has always suspected that a particular individual in her life is secretly crossdressing...well she got confirmation of that today and in the process ended up telling her mom that I also crossdress...She thought it was ok. I wasn't clear enough that she wasn't supposed to talk about it. So cat's out of the bag with the mother in law. but she's fine with it and a good secret keeper. The next holiday get together may be weird though. lol

I am glad my wife has someone to talk to about it now though. She really needed someone close to her to discuss it with. But a little peeved that she outed me...oh well. :/

[Crissy 107]

Chloe, I can understand you being upset being outed by your wife to your MIL. Too late now and you can only hope you are correct about her mother being a good secret keeper. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Robertacd]

Honestly I don't understand why we want to be accepted then get upset when someone outs us.

You can't have it both ways.

[AlyssaS]

Once a secret is known to 2 people, it's not really a secret anymore.

[French]

Honestly I don't understand why we want to be accepted then get upset when someone outs us.

You can't have it both ways.

Because we want to control when/where/how it is done. It may not be safe in a myriad of different ways.

[candykowal]

It only confirms she is not embarressed to be married to a feminine person. It really is pretty cool she is comfortable enough to talk about her girly husband...my wife would flip if her Mom knew anything about our marriage. I would remind her, even though she is comfortable, others may not be and could hold it against you both. Best to let you screen who knows and who doesnt. As long as you word it nicely, I think she will be a bit more discreet without feeling bad she might be doing something wrong. BTW, you are a lucky girl to have a supporting wife!

[Robertacd]

Because we want to control when/where/how it is done. It may not be safe in a myriad of different ways.

Yeah, I guess. I remember after coming out to my wife happening to overhear her on the phone to her friend about me. Now I was not going to jump in and stop her, but afterwards I said "You told {her}?" My wife basically said since I have been going public anyway and it's not like her friend has never heard of a TG person before, there's no big deal. You have to prepare yourself for that.

[Teresa]

Chloe,
This is the crux of the problem your wife has to deal with the situation and obviously needs to talk , telling someone is like a huge weight off her shoulders , she can only come to terms with it when she can openly talk about it . You will have to accept the same situation , coming out isn't easy but you can't expect everyone to keep your little secret . The other point is to some people it isn't an issue besides they could also being living with a CDing situation as you discovered .

I reached a point where the net was so wide , it was more of a case of who didn't know , that has to happen if you eventually want to live full time .

[Krisi]

Once a secret is known to 2 people, it's not really a secret anymore.

That's exactly what I was planning on posting. The mother will tell the father or a child, they will tell someone else and pretty soon you'll be known as the "crossdresser down the street".

My "rule" is; Don't tell anyone who doesn't need to know. Remember, you can't unring the bell.

[MonicaPVD]

To paraphrase a popular mob movie, "the only way to keep a secret between three people is to kill the other two."

[kimdl93]

I?m glad you have reached an accommodation with your wife. Stick to the arrangement, of course. Who is to say that her level of tolerance will stay constant, but if you keep your word, it may have a positive influence on her overall level of acceptance.

As to being outed, your wife needed someone in her life to talk with about your cross dressing. Her mother is the logical go-to person. Hopefully, the subject of your cross dressing may become less taboo for all of you.

[Donna St. Marten]

I think it would be safe to assume that all your relatives will know about your crossdresssing by Thanksgiving.

[April Rose]

Once you have told your SO you have brought them into the closet with you. If they feel they need to talk about it , then they are in the same position you were before you told them. It's not really a fair trade.

Long ago I recognized the inequity in this situation. I told my wife she could talk about my gender situation with anyone she wanted. It has worked out for her and hasn't caused me any problems. The friends who know seldom bring it up. Sometimes I wish they would.

[Chloe_S]

I think it would be safe to assume that all your relatives will know about your crossdresssing by Thanksgiving.

There?s more to it, but I trust her.

[TheHiddenMe]

Once you have told your SO you have brought them into the closet with you. If they feel they need to talk about it , then they are in the same position you were before you told them. It's not really a fair trade.

Long ago I recognized the inequity in this situation. I told my wife she could talk about my gender situation with anyone she wanted. It has worked out for her and hasn't caused me any problems. The friends who know seldom bring it up. Sometimes I wish they would.

Wise advise.

I would suggest you rephrase this. "Outing" typically infers disclosure with a negative intent. You wife was just sharing a secret about you with her mom, whom I'm guessing she is close to. So I don't think she "outed" you.

Honestly, I think it's a BIG positive for you that she did it. It means your wife doesn't believe there is a big stigma about you being a CD.

My wife, who is extremely tolerant about lots of things, won't tell her three sisters, who she is very close to, that I'm a CD. She believes people will feel sorry for her that she is married to a CD. Mind you, two of the sisters have been (one currently is) in lengthy same sex relationships, and the third sister's husband hid that he owed significant debts. My SILs like me very much, and I am sure they would be accepting, but she won't tell them.

I believe you are making too much of it--and anyway, at this point, there is nothing you can do about it, other than to trust your wife's judgment.

[alwayshave]

Chloe, I'm sorry that you got outed.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe this will be the best thing that ever happened to u, Chloe!?

Either her relatives will welcome Chloe or your wife will have to stand up for u with them!

[FrannGurl]

Sorry that happened to you, but like doc said, it might be the best thing that ever happened. I do get the feeling that she might have wanted to get it off her chest and share it with her though.

[lingerieLiz]

Years ago my wife outed me to her women friends whom I've always assumed told their husbands. Things did work out and I became a member of the shopping club which allowed for my openly bought fem attire.

[AngelaYVR]

My wife told her best friend. Now all her friends know.