Affirmation

[CynthiaD]

Covid-19 has been a nightmare, there's no question about that. I miss being around other people a lot. However I've been essentially 24/7 for the last six months and that has been a true revelation. I would often just grab whatever came to hand when changing to female clothing. Now I take the time to lay everything out beforehand and make sure everything is color-coordinated and that it fits my mood for the day. I wear jewelry every day and coordinate it with my outfit. I wear at least a little makeup every day and my feminine appearance has never been better (in my opinion anyway).

Most importantly, any lingering doubts about my gender identity have disappeared. I've often said on this forum "I'm a woman ... " But a lot of times I'd think to myself "Is that really true? Or am I just saying that?" It's really true. I present as female because am female, and I always have been. No doubts whatsoever. I've been crossdressing a long time. The thrill of wearing female clothing disappeared many years ago. But it is so wonderfully affirming to look in the mirror and see a woman looking back at me. And it's affirming to know in my heart that the woman looking back at me is the real me.

I know that this period has been painful for many of you in terms of crossdressing. My heart goes out to all of you who are in this position. However, for those of you who have managed to salvage something good out of this mess, I'd enjoy hearing about it.

Much love to all of you.
Cindy

[docrobbysherry]

U sound very happy, Cynthia!

It takes some of us a long time to figure this out. I was dressing in a vacuum for 10 years. Thinking I wanted to become a female.

After that, I found this site. Which was very helpful! However, then I was looking for the "woman inside me" for another 3 years.

I no longer want to be female. And, there is no female inside me. I finally realized I've always been a CD!

[Kandi Robbins]

Affirmation is wonderful! A story well told. There is that day, that moment, that time when it finally clicks. Something makes that happen and for you it has been the plague. Great that you were able to make the best of it. Congratulations ma'am!

[alwayshave]

Cynthia, sounds you have found a great equilibrium between your dressing and your life. Enjoy.

[Helen_Highwater]

Cynthia,

Before all this darkness descended upon us although in the closet our respective routines, hers and mine, meant that on the majority of days I would have the house to myself for between 2-5 hours. This gave me the opportunity to dress, do my femme washing, to move freely around the house. To be me.

Now I'm seldom alone and if I am then it's for 15 minutes while the SO nips over the local shops. However, where there's a desire there's a way. My SO likes to settle down in the evening and watch TV and if there happens to be one of her favorite dramas on I know that for the hour or so it's on she's not moving off the settee unless to answer the call of nature. A film best part of 2 hours. So with her downstairs I shower and put on something femme and lately that's included bra and forms. Once I also put on a pair of heels it's at that moment I know this is the real me. I feel utterly in my comfort zone. It's me in my natural state.

Now I know there will be those who ask "Are you mad?". "In the closet and dressed with your SO in the house. You want to get caught right?" Yes it's a gamble but what we do is for many a gamble and in my case the odds are heavily in my favor and I do have a get into a pair of joggers and a fleece top quick cover-up escape route.

To have gone 6 months without any regular time dressed would have been a real torment. Sat in our upstairs office (I used to work from home) dressed perhaps reading about the trials, tribulations, adventures of the good folks here on this forum while in a skirt, top and heels is my pressure release valve. So I'll continue calculating the odds and keeping hopefully on the good side on lady luck.